I thought I'd give you a little insight into how things have been for me in the last year. A year ago I had a small fill, taking my total band fill up to about 7.7ml. This gave me a really nice level of restriction and for the first time in a while, I felt that my band could really help me to control my eating. However, the thorn in this theory was my binge-eating, primarily chocolate focused. At that time I was eating at least six or seven bars of chocolate per day, often eight bars, plus some other cakes and trifles. I estimate that I was consuming 1500-2000 calories per day through chocolate, ON TOP of a normal diet of about the same. It doesn't need a mathematician to work out that I was consuming nearly twice the calories that I actually needed. No wonder I was steadily gaining weight. I tried all kinds of things to cut down on the chocolate but nothing worked.
I have always subscribed to the view that a diet should be sustainable, otherwise it won't work. By the same token, I have always believed that since 'normal' people can eat a little chocolate, so should I be able to. And so my efforts over the years have been to cut down on chocolate consumption, rather than to cut it out all together. But I finally saw sense on May 25th this year, when I took the decision to completely cut out chocolate from my diet. Since that time I have very, very slowly begun to take back control over my diet and begun to lose weight again.
I thought I'd quote an anonymous comment on an earlier post (from 2010): "I too am a chocoholic and I have successfully lost weight in the past only to pile it back on (I was 5.5st lighter 2 years ago). I have come to the conclusion that I cannot eat any chocolate - total abstinence is the only way forward (I have managed to give up chocolate for years in the past and I always become complacent: "a little won't hurt....." - the trouble is I cannot eat just a "little". - Well there's at least a little comfort in knowing I'm not the only one!!
A year ago, I weighed 17 stone and 4 lbs, and now I'm exactly a stone less. So it's taken me six months to lose a stone, but maybe this is another lesson that I have learned from the last four years of being a bandit - patience, patience, patience - you can never have too much! Don't rush things, it's a marathon not a sprint. It is better to take six years to lose all the weight I want to, and to keep it off by developing good habits, than to lose it all in a year and put much of it back on again (which is effectively what happened to me).
Next time, more about the acid problem over the last year.... Bet you can't wait!!
Showing posts with label Chocolate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chocolate. Show all posts
Friday, October 5, 2012
Friday, April 16, 2010
Sparkling insight
One of the comments on a post a few days ago, generously contributed by Sparkler, demonstrated incredible insight into some aspects of my predicament. I'm going to address them one by one and see where it takes me:
This is a really tough time in the journey...all the newness has worn off, you're nearly there so you're probably pretty comfortable with your weight right now, so the urgency has dropped.
That is SOoooo right. Truth is, if I didn't lose another pound - I'd be a little disappointed but I wouldn't be devastated, because the worst of the weight has gone. I started at 20 stone, I now weigh about 12 and a half. I'd like to be ten and a half - but I'm thin enough that I can walk, jog, swim - and all with relative comfort. I can buy 'normal' clothes in 'normal' shops for the first time in my adult life and so the urgency has gone. Spot on Sparkler. But when I sit down and really think about it - I don't want to settle for this - it is less than I wanted when I started out and I want better. I am not looking for perfection but I do want to be in control of my eating and my weight. No, I wouldn't be devastated if I didn't lose another pound, but I don't think I would look upon my band experience as a complete success either.
Everything about the band is so familiar which means it doesn't take much thinking about.
Yes, you're right again. But this is the problem. I often THINK it doesn't need thinking about because it's so familiar - but actually it does. For example, I thought I'd 'cracked' the think about not drinking after eating - I thought it had become second nature. But in the last few months I have got back into bad habits again. Also, I have had more slime and regurgitation events in the last few months than I've ever had. This is not because my band is too tight - it's because sometimes I just forget it is there and get back to old eating habits (eating too much, too quick, the wrong type of food, eating while distracted etc). I probably need to get out my old 'band manual' and re-read it again from start to finish and keep on reminding myself that I have a little friend inside me - and it's going to be there for life....
I'd be interested to hear what your restriction is like now on an average day. Do you still eat the same small portion sizes or are you able to eat more at a sitting? Do you still have certain foods that are a no-go area? What's it like once it all becomes routine, mundane and everyday?
When I make good food choices I have excellent 'sweet spot' restriction. My meals are small and they fill me up. I can't guzzle a drink down fast like I used to but have to take it in smaller mouthfuls and slowly. I'm much more restricted in the morning and can't really eat much till mid-morning. IF (and it's a big IF) I don't eat chocolate and other 'bad' foods, I exist very happily on about 1200 calories a day and don't feel physically hungry at all. There's no sign of my band getting looser. There are very fews that are a no-go area - mainly chips (French fries), very fatty foods like battered fish (chip-shop style), and the skins of cherry tomatoes and grapes! I avoid white bread but can easily eat whoolemeal bread (though not in large quantity). Many of the things that I used to perceive as big problems or difficulties - just aren't! I can eat out but do so very cautiously. So far I have avoided having any embarrassing incidents while eating out and would like it to remain that way!
Good luck with getting that focus back to fight off that last stubborn stone and a half. Actually having a break from the strict regime probably won't do you any harm as once you get back to your walking and cut out the lovely but lethal chocolate you'll be like a new dieter who has a really rewarding first three weeks or so. A post-Easter resolution perhaps?
You may be right about having a break from the strict regime but I think I need to get back to it soon. Now that work has eased off I am finding time to get back to some exercise - walking, stepping and swimming mainly. I think you are right - I will wait until I am firmly back in the UK after my trip and then set a date to kick-start my band-life.
Many thanks for your insight and encouragement!
This is a really tough time in the journey...all the newness has worn off, you're nearly there so you're probably pretty comfortable with your weight right now, so the urgency has dropped.
That is SOoooo right. Truth is, if I didn't lose another pound - I'd be a little disappointed but I wouldn't be devastated, because the worst of the weight has gone. I started at 20 stone, I now weigh about 12 and a half. I'd like to be ten and a half - but I'm thin enough that I can walk, jog, swim - and all with relative comfort. I can buy 'normal' clothes in 'normal' shops for the first time in my adult life and so the urgency has gone. Spot on Sparkler. But when I sit down and really think about it - I don't want to settle for this - it is less than I wanted when I started out and I want better. I am not looking for perfection but I do want to be in control of my eating and my weight. No, I wouldn't be devastated if I didn't lose another pound, but I don't think I would look upon my band experience as a complete success either.
Everything about the band is so familiar which means it doesn't take much thinking about.
Yes, you're right again. But this is the problem. I often THINK it doesn't need thinking about because it's so familiar - but actually it does. For example, I thought I'd 'cracked' the think about not drinking after eating - I thought it had become second nature. But in the last few months I have got back into bad habits again. Also, I have had more slime and regurgitation events in the last few months than I've ever had. This is not because my band is too tight - it's because sometimes I just forget it is there and get back to old eating habits (eating too much, too quick, the wrong type of food, eating while distracted etc). I probably need to get out my old 'band manual' and re-read it again from start to finish and keep on reminding myself that I have a little friend inside me - and it's going to be there for life....
I'd be interested to hear what your restriction is like now on an average day. Do you still eat the same small portion sizes or are you able to eat more at a sitting? Do you still have certain foods that are a no-go area? What's it like once it all becomes routine, mundane and everyday?
When I make good food choices I have excellent 'sweet spot' restriction. My meals are small and they fill me up. I can't guzzle a drink down fast like I used to but have to take it in smaller mouthfuls and slowly. I'm much more restricted in the morning and can't really eat much till mid-morning. IF (and it's a big IF) I don't eat chocolate and other 'bad' foods, I exist very happily on about 1200 calories a day and don't feel physically hungry at all. There's no sign of my band getting looser. There are very fews that are a no-go area - mainly chips (French fries), very fatty foods like battered fish (chip-shop style), and the skins of cherry tomatoes and grapes! I avoid white bread but can easily eat whoolemeal bread (though not in large quantity). Many of the things that I used to perceive as big problems or difficulties - just aren't! I can eat out but do so very cautiously. So far I have avoided having any embarrassing incidents while eating out and would like it to remain that way!
Good luck with getting that focus back to fight off that last stubborn stone and a half. Actually having a break from the strict regime probably won't do you any harm as once you get back to your walking and cut out the lovely but lethal chocolate you'll be like a new dieter who has a really rewarding first three weeks or so. A post-Easter resolution perhaps?
You may be right about having a break from the strict regime but I think I need to get back to it soon. Now that work has eased off I am finding time to get back to some exercise - walking, stepping and swimming mainly. I think you are right - I will wait until I am firmly back in the UK after my trip and then set a date to kick-start my band-life.
Many thanks for your insight and encouragement!
Monday, April 5, 2010
A few light snacks......
Here's what I went out and bought this afternoon to meet my 'needs' - a small buttons Easter egg (yes, there are still a few left in the shops), a box of Weight Watchers (ironic, I know) carrot cake slices, a packet of cashew nuts, a chocolate muffin mousse, two kitkats (I ate one of them on the way home), two Freddo bars, a plain chocolate bar (apparently they're less addictive...?), some maltesers, a Dairy Milk bar, three strawberry trifles and a bag of mini chocolate eggs. I expect much of this will have been consumed by this time tomorrow - on top of my normal 'meals'. Of course, my meals are generally quite 'healthy' and I experience a good level of restriction when I eat them. But this lot - no chance - no restriction whatever.I looked up 'how do I stop emotional eating' on the web today and came across an organisation called Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous - they're U.S-based and styled on A.A. (Alcoholics Anonymous). Unbelievably, there's a group operating in Liverpool so once I am back from my travels (I am away in Washington D.C. from Thursday for a week), I may give them a call and see if they can help.
I used to call my bingeing 'comfort eating' but I've given it a lot of thought and I know I don't just do it for 'comfort' - it's also when I'm lonely, stressed, fearful, bored, anxious, lacking courage, self esteem or confidence, and just about any other negative emotion you can think of. It's clearly a serious problem for me and one that threatens to jeopardise my band success so far. I have to get it sorted.
As I say, I'm off overseas for a week in a few days and my eating habits will be at the mercy of travel arrangements, hotels, conference organisers and the like - so I'll make do with what I get and when I get it. But once I return I have to tackle this problem head-on or I'll be back where I started. I'm thinking I may make an appointment with the hynotherapist I cancelled a few weeks ago - anyone got any experience of hynotherapy? Does it work? Can I be hypnotised to hate chocolate for the rest of my life? Will it help me gain* control of what food goes into my mouth?
*I was going to write 're-gain' - but I'm not sure I ever had any control to start with! I wonder why..... what happened in my childhood that made me this way? If I get control of eating, will I start to crave something else - will I become an alcoholic or smoker instead? .......or perhaps a sex-maniac - now that would be something!!!!!!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Back to bandland
Hello everybody - it's been a while! As I sit here wondering what to type, I look back on the past few months and ask myself what has happened? Why have I deserted my blog? It's not just the blog, I have also rarely visited the UKGastricBand forum in the last couple of months - which previously I had visited several times a day. I also kept a food diary - yes, that book in the kitchen that hasn't been touched for a couple of months now. I religiously weighed myself every morning - and now it's once or twice a week - if I dare. If I look through my cupboards in the kitchen, I notice some old favourites have crept back in - bottles of Diet Coke, and the dreaded chocolate. And yes, I know it's Easter, and we can all be forgiven a little luxuriating in the brown stuff at this time of year - but I've hardly stopped eating the stuff for weeks now.
So I ask again - what's going on? I think it's a combination of things - there's no straightforward answer. Here's a few stabs at what is going wrong:
1. The 'light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel' blues. Looking at the UKGB forum, it's clear that this doesn't only apply to me. As we get closer to our goal weight - that elusive target that for the first time actually appears reachable - it somehow remains just out of our grasp. I've lost nearly eight stone and have a relatively paltry one-and-a-half left to go - yet it's the hardest few pounds of the lot. I've made all of the major changes to portion sizes, exercise, bad habits (though some have crept back in) - so every ounce now needs a monumental effort to lose. The result is, frustration begins to set in - and in my case - that leads to stress - which is relieved through eating. Back to the vicious circle.
2. Workaholicism (is that a new word I've invented?!). I know I can't blame everything on work - but this really has been the hardest extended period at work I've ever experienced. Since late August 2009 until the beginning of March this year - it has just been bedlam. I've literally done nothing but work, work, and work. Exercise has all but disappeared from my life, as has any social life, family life and relaxation. Don't get me wrong - I still manage to watch the goggle box from time to time - but it's not so much relaxation as complete collapse! On the bright side, work has definitely got better in the last three or four weeks and should remain so until the real pressure begins all over again in September (!). But I'm making the most of it and have already begun getting back on the exercise treadmill (not literally).
3. Chocaholicism (another new word). Mmm, yes, not sure how to lick this one (another awful pun!). I am clearly addicted to chocolate. Apparently it's not possible to be physiologically addicted to chocolate in the way that you can be addicted to drugs, caffeine, nicotine etc. But it IS possible to be emotionally addicted to chocolate - and I am. I actually booked an appointment with a hypnotherapist some weeks back, but then bottled out at the last minute and cancelled it! Having re-thought this - I'm going to have another go in the next few weeks definitely - what's the worst it can do? And it might actually help.
4. No longer a newbie. Sometimes I look on the UKGB forum and see the same old questions being posed by newbies - the questions I posed myself when I first started out on this journey. I answer questions occasionally but I'm not really sure what I can offer anymore. It's the same with this blog. I've probably said all of the really important things and I sometimes think can I really add anything useful anymore? However, one thing that strikes me, is that there is relatively little written on the web by long term bandits. I'd love to know what it's like to be bandit three or five or ten years on. It's also clear to me that the struggles I'm going through now are not the same as those I experienced earlier in my journey. That probably makes it worthwhile continuing to write. However, I'm aware that new bandits, or people thinking about getting banded, don't necessarily want to read about longer term bandits who are struggling and facing all sorts of problems. I'd hate to put anyone off - because whatever struggles I am facing now - I would not change one step of my band journey. If I time-travelled back to the start of my journey, knowing what I know now - I couldn't change a thing. It's been the best thing I ever did in my life.
So, there are several reasons why I will begin to write again - because I now have more time back to myself, because I still think it may help longer term bandits (and help newbies to better informed about the ups and downs of banding), and because I need to give myself some therapy. What's that last point I hear you ask? Well, I know that many of you have enjoyed reading my blog because you've told me so - and that's great. But it's also therapy for me. It's when I'm writing, or thinking about what to write, that I often make important breakthroughs in my own thinking, planning and behaviour analysis. Even as I write this, it has been brought home to me that I have drifted away from some of the cornerstones of my weight loss success so far - my food diary, daily blogging, daily trips to UKGB forum, and generally immersing myself in day-to-day thoughts, facts, ideas about weight loss, exercise, environmental control, habits, portion sizes, calorie counting and the rest. It's as though I've forgotten all of this - it has been put to one side for more important things to take its place. But what is more important than feeling good about oneself, being healthy and fit, looking good, having a respectable level of self esteem, and being able to wear great clothes?!
So, there are lots of reasons why I've been silent for a while but probably as many reasons why I need to get back on the case and start to get serious about my band, my eating, my exercise, and above all - sharing again. Thank you for staying with me.
Oh, and I'm seriously thinking about 'coming out' - watch this space.
So I ask again - what's going on? I think it's a combination of things - there's no straightforward answer. Here's a few stabs at what is going wrong:
1. The 'light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel' blues. Looking at the UKGB forum, it's clear that this doesn't only apply to me. As we get closer to our goal weight - that elusive target that for the first time actually appears reachable - it somehow remains just out of our grasp. I've lost nearly eight stone and have a relatively paltry one-and-a-half left to go - yet it's the hardest few pounds of the lot. I've made all of the major changes to portion sizes, exercise, bad habits (though some have crept back in) - so every ounce now needs a monumental effort to lose. The result is, frustration begins to set in - and in my case - that leads to stress - which is relieved through eating. Back to the vicious circle.
2. Workaholicism (is that a new word I've invented?!). I know I can't blame everything on work - but this really has been the hardest extended period at work I've ever experienced. Since late August 2009 until the beginning of March this year - it has just been bedlam. I've literally done nothing but work, work, and work. Exercise has all but disappeared from my life, as has any social life, family life and relaxation. Don't get me wrong - I still manage to watch the goggle box from time to time - but it's not so much relaxation as complete collapse! On the bright side, work has definitely got better in the last three or four weeks and should remain so until the real pressure begins all over again in September (!). But I'm making the most of it and have already begun getting back on the exercise treadmill (not literally).
3. Chocaholicism (another new word). Mmm, yes, not sure how to lick this one (another awful pun!). I am clearly addicted to chocolate. Apparently it's not possible to be physiologically addicted to chocolate in the way that you can be addicted to drugs, caffeine, nicotine etc. But it IS possible to be emotionally addicted to chocolate - and I am. I actually booked an appointment with a hypnotherapist some weeks back, but then bottled out at the last minute and cancelled it! Having re-thought this - I'm going to have another go in the next few weeks definitely - what's the worst it can do? And it might actually help.
4. No longer a newbie. Sometimes I look on the UKGB forum and see the same old questions being posed by newbies - the questions I posed myself when I first started out on this journey. I answer questions occasionally but I'm not really sure what I can offer anymore. It's the same with this blog. I've probably said all of the really important things and I sometimes think can I really add anything useful anymore? However, one thing that strikes me, is that there is relatively little written on the web by long term bandits. I'd love to know what it's like to be bandit three or five or ten years on. It's also clear to me that the struggles I'm going through now are not the same as those I experienced earlier in my journey. That probably makes it worthwhile continuing to write. However, I'm aware that new bandits, or people thinking about getting banded, don't necessarily want to read about longer term bandits who are struggling and facing all sorts of problems. I'd hate to put anyone off - because whatever struggles I am facing now - I would not change one step of my band journey. If I time-travelled back to the start of my journey, knowing what I know now - I couldn't change a thing. It's been the best thing I ever did in my life.
So, there are several reasons why I will begin to write again - because I now have more time back to myself, because I still think it may help longer term bandits (and help newbies to better informed about the ups and downs of banding), and because I need to give myself some therapy. What's that last point I hear you ask? Well, I know that many of you have enjoyed reading my blog because you've told me so - and that's great. But it's also therapy for me. It's when I'm writing, or thinking about what to write, that I often make important breakthroughs in my own thinking, planning and behaviour analysis. Even as I write this, it has been brought home to me that I have drifted away from some of the cornerstones of my weight loss success so far - my food diary, daily blogging, daily trips to UKGB forum, and generally immersing myself in day-to-day thoughts, facts, ideas about weight loss, exercise, environmental control, habits, portion sizes, calorie counting and the rest. It's as though I've forgotten all of this - it has been put to one side for more important things to take its place. But what is more important than feeling good about oneself, being healthy and fit, looking good, having a respectable level of self esteem, and being able to wear great clothes?!
So, there are lots of reasons why I've been silent for a while but probably as many reasons why I need to get back on the case and start to get serious about my band, my eating, my exercise, and above all - sharing again. Thank you for staying with me.
Oh, and I'm seriously thinking about 'coming out' - watch this space.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Ups and downs
Hello people! This has been the longest I've ever left it between posts - I'm writing a Masters thesis so working every waking hour. It'll be done in a week so I can get back to blogging more often. Anyway, what have I been up to? Well in terms of physical activity - absolutely nothing. I've been sitting on my backside most of the time and not got my heart pumping for ages. My eating habits have been all over the place. Some days I've managed to put away 3000 calories or more, and other days I've got by on a third of that! One recent development which is helping things is that I've given up chocolate for Lent! Lent only began this Wednesday so I've gone without the brown stuff for just four days so far - another 36 to go....
Another new development is that in the past month, on days when I've over-eaten, I have had bad acid reflux at night. I've had to lay propped up on pillows and I've been taking Zantac pills to help. Of course when I eat more sensibly the acid disappears - so it's my body's natural warning to do just that. Makes sense really!
Today, somewhat out of the blue, I had one slime episode, and another slimy regurgitation episode. The first was triggered by nothing more than drinking some cold Ribena a little too fast, and the second was triggered by eating half a small yoghurt after my lunch.....?! Anyway, since then I've been eating somewhat cautiously the rest of the day.
Something else happened today which I found surprising. I was talking to a complete stranger at work. She'd obviously seen a head and shoulders photograph of me on the staff noticeboard and commented that I'd lost a lot of weight. I find this surprising because:
1. It was very observant on her part
2. I wasn't aware that it was so obvious - just from a head and shoulders shot
3. She asked how I'd lost the weight and I immediately blurted out 'I've got a gastric band!' - to a complete stranger! Oh well, I'm obviously getting a lot more relaxed about it!
I'll be back posting again soon. All the best.
Another new development is that in the past month, on days when I've over-eaten, I have had bad acid reflux at night. I've had to lay propped up on pillows and I've been taking Zantac pills to help. Of course when I eat more sensibly the acid disappears - so it's my body's natural warning to do just that. Makes sense really!
Today, somewhat out of the blue, I had one slime episode, and another slimy regurgitation episode. The first was triggered by nothing more than drinking some cold Ribena a little too fast, and the second was triggered by eating half a small yoghurt after my lunch.....?! Anyway, since then I've been eating somewhat cautiously the rest of the day.
Something else happened today which I found surprising. I was talking to a complete stranger at work. She'd obviously seen a head and shoulders photograph of me on the staff noticeboard and commented that I'd lost a lot of weight. I find this surprising because:
1. It was very observant on her part
2. I wasn't aware that it was so obvious - just from a head and shoulders shot
3. She asked how I'd lost the weight and I immediately blurted out 'I've got a gastric band!' - to a complete stranger! Oh well, I'm obviously getting a lot more relaxed about it!
I'll be back posting again soon. All the best.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Working with my band
Here is the essence of what I replied to an anonymous comment - you may find it useful:
Stretching your pouch: If you eat very slowly, which is what we are advised to do, then food will gradually pass from the upper pouch into the lower, main stomach. However, if you eat too quickly, or eat too much in one go, there is a small danger of stretching the pouch. This is usually temporary but if serious this can lead to band slippage. However, long before you get to the point of stretching your pouch it is likely that you would experience pain (often referred to by bandits as 'iron fist') behind the breastbone - this is your body's way of warning you that you should slow down when eating!
Anti-hunger pills: The whole point of the band is that by retaining food in the upper pouch, you 'trick' your brain into thinking that you are full, and so don't feel hungry. Therefore, if you work with the band, you shouldn't feel hungry and there should be no need to use additional drugs or supplements to reduce hunger. Personally, I would never use Reducteel or anything similar - I have paid a lot of money to have gastric band surgery and am determined to work with it.
The band and liquids: The band does not restrict liquids at all and we are always encouraged to drink plenty - therefore you should never experience thirst with the band - you can drink as much as you want (however, try to drink calorie-free drinks).
Dealing with hunger: I can honestly say that I have rarely experienced real hunger in my entire life. However, the biggest difficulty that many obese people experience is not real hunger, but what we often refer to as 'head hunger'. In other words - emotional hunger. This is something that the band cannot deal with. As a result of my emotional craving for food, yes, I have eaten loads on occasions, including binge-eating of chocolate. However, most of the foods we eat when over-eating and binging are foods that slip through the band easily anyway (e.g. chocolate, cakes, biscuits, crisps, fast food etc). Therefore, these foods generally don't increase the risk of pouch stretching - but of course they increase all sorts of other health risks.
Advice for new bandits: I think the important thing for a newly-banded person is to find out as much as you can about the band and how it is supposed to work - ideally from medically-trained people. The band will only do 30% of the work in weight loss - we have to work with the band to achieve the other 70% of effort necessary. This is far from easy and requires a considerable effort and commitment on our part. I've fallen flat on my face many times in my band journey because of my own weakness and lack of self-control, but at the same time I know that my band is my friend and if I work with it, it is a friend indeed.
As with all of the things I post on this blog, this is all just my opinion, based on my own research and most importantly, my experience. We all have very different bodies, needs, personalities and histories, so my experience may not be the same as yours! Always try to get support and advice from your band provider, dietician or bariatric nurse.
Stretching your pouch: If you eat very slowly, which is what we are advised to do, then food will gradually pass from the upper pouch into the lower, main stomach. However, if you eat too quickly, or eat too much in one go, there is a small danger of stretching the pouch. This is usually temporary but if serious this can lead to band slippage. However, long before you get to the point of stretching your pouch it is likely that you would experience pain (often referred to by bandits as 'iron fist') behind the breastbone - this is your body's way of warning you that you should slow down when eating!
Anti-hunger pills: The whole point of the band is that by retaining food in the upper pouch, you 'trick' your brain into thinking that you are full, and so don't feel hungry. Therefore, if you work with the band, you shouldn't feel hungry and there should be no need to use additional drugs or supplements to reduce hunger. Personally, I would never use Reducteel or anything similar - I have paid a lot of money to have gastric band surgery and am determined to work with it.
The band and liquids: The band does not restrict liquids at all and we are always encouraged to drink plenty - therefore you should never experience thirst with the band - you can drink as much as you want (however, try to drink calorie-free drinks).
Dealing with hunger: I can honestly say that I have rarely experienced real hunger in my entire life. However, the biggest difficulty that many obese people experience is not real hunger, but what we often refer to as 'head hunger'. In other words - emotional hunger. This is something that the band cannot deal with. As a result of my emotional craving for food, yes, I have eaten loads on occasions, including binge-eating of chocolate. However, most of the foods we eat when over-eating and binging are foods that slip through the band easily anyway (e.g. chocolate, cakes, biscuits, crisps, fast food etc). Therefore, these foods generally don't increase the risk of pouch stretching - but of course they increase all sorts of other health risks.
Advice for new bandits: I think the important thing for a newly-banded person is to find out as much as you can about the band and how it is supposed to work - ideally from medically-trained people. The band will only do 30% of the work in weight loss - we have to work with the band to achieve the other 70% of effort necessary. This is far from easy and requires a considerable effort and commitment on our part. I've fallen flat on my face many times in my band journey because of my own weakness and lack of self-control, but at the same time I know that my band is my friend and if I work with it, it is a friend indeed.
As with all of the things I post on this blog, this is all just my opinion, based on my own research and most importantly, my experience. We all have very different bodies, needs, personalities and histories, so my experience may not be the same as yours! Always try to get support and advice from your band provider, dietician or bariatric nurse.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Pre-band fears part 3: Being called a cheat!
I suppose it was the 'outing' of Fern Britton that did it - she was 'found out' with the gastric band and called a cheat in the British media. I suppose that in the early days of the band I didn't know enough about how it would work so I think a part of me believed that there was an element of cheating involved. Of course now I know different. I know from experience that if I want to, I can eat pretty much anything. I can eat all of the unhealthy foods that I used to be able to eat. I can eat chocolate in volume and binge on the stuff almost as easily as I used to. I know that other famous celebrities gave had their band removed because they gained weight eating loads of chocolate! I know from months of hard work that band success means careful calorie counting, rigorous maintenance of a food diary, tonnes of exercise and constantly making good, nutritional food choices. It means sticking to a whole heap of rules, like chewing everything to death, eating slowly, not getting distracted while eating, using small utensils, eating off a side plate, practising environmental control and balancing proteins, carbs and veggies. It also requires sticking to the hardest rule of all, which is not to drink for at least one hour after eating!!
Because I was uncertain about how the band was going to work, I was careful early on not to tell anyone except my husband, that I had a band. Over time, and as I've learned more about what is involved in making the band work for me, I've become more relaxed about telling people. I guess I feel more confident that I am not a cheat! I feel I can explain to people properly how the band works and I can justify my reasons for having one. Some would say why do I need to justify anything to anybody - but that's just the way I am!
About six weeks after getting banded I told my immediate family. Since then, I've told several close colleagues and friends. Even just today, I told my office mate (as he was stuffing his face with a muffin!). Whereas many months ago I couldn't really see myself telling anybody, now I firmly believe that I will probably eventually tell everybody! I think that basically I'm just a coward, and am scared of telling people in case it doesn't work. That's why I expect I will eventually 'out' to everyone only once I reach my target!! I said I was a coward!
So, as far as people calling me a cheat is concerned - I no longer have that fear. At the end of the day, it's my body, my money and my health. As is plainly clear for anyone who knows me to see, the band has done wonders for me and it clearly does work. If having something that only does 30% of the work is being a cheat - then I confess to being one. But I jest. I am not a cheat, I don't feel a cheat, and anyone who thinks I am one is plain and simple WRONG! There.
Because I was uncertain about how the band was going to work, I was careful early on not to tell anyone except my husband, that I had a band. Over time, and as I've learned more about what is involved in making the band work for me, I've become more relaxed about telling people. I guess I feel more confident that I am not a cheat! I feel I can explain to people properly how the band works and I can justify my reasons for having one. Some would say why do I need to justify anything to anybody - but that's just the way I am!
About six weeks after getting banded I told my immediate family. Since then, I've told several close colleagues and friends. Even just today, I told my office mate (as he was stuffing his face with a muffin!). Whereas many months ago I couldn't really see myself telling anybody, now I firmly believe that I will probably eventually tell everybody! I think that basically I'm just a coward, and am scared of telling people in case it doesn't work. That's why I expect I will eventually 'out' to everyone only once I reach my target!! I said I was a coward!
So, as far as people calling me a cheat is concerned - I no longer have that fear. At the end of the day, it's my body, my money and my health. As is plainly clear for anyone who knows me to see, the band has done wonders for me and it clearly does work. If having something that only does 30% of the work is being a cheat - then I confess to being one. But I jest. I am not a cheat, I don't feel a cheat, and anyone who thinks I am one is plain and simple WRONG! There.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Having a better day - why?
I've had quite a good couple of days. On Sunday I set aside time to do some stepping, light weights training and stretching. I felt so much better afterwards and it gave me a mental lift. Yesterday was a very long, hard day at work but I somehow managed to largely stick to healthy eating. Today has been a bit more relaxed and I've eaten quite healthily today. I ate raspberries, Greek yoghurt and chopped banana for breakfast. It was midday before I was able to eat it and it was slow going. But it left me feeling quite full. For late lunch I ate a cheese sandwich with a tin of Weight Watchers mushroom soup. I got peckish early evening (nothing new there then!) and had a small cereal bar. Then this evening I ate a piece of fresh trout fillet, stuffed pasta and mixed veg (butternut squash, courgette and spinach). I bought the trout Monday, thinking it was salmon! Still, it tasted delish and was lower in fat than the salmon!
I guess today has been better for three reasons:
1. I worked at home so (a) wasn't tempted by the chocolate vending machine at work and (b) was able to take much more control over the timing of meals.
2. I was feeling a bit more positive after a weekend that included some exercise.
3. I started the day a bit later (10am instead of 5.30am) and so ate my evening meal later. I am writing this at 10.30pm, about to go to bed and feeling nicely full!
So can I carry any of this forward to give me continued success? Well I certainly can't work at home every day (chance would be a fine thing!). I could try to make sure I don't have any loose change so I can't use the vending machine. I could also eat my breakfast later in the day (I don't usually feel hungry in the morning anyway) - or split breakfast and have some a bit later. But I honestly think the thing most likely to work for me us making time to do some exercise, walk, go to the gym, swim etc. Because whenever I do physical activity I get a psychological boost and feel so much better physically. I am building up a renewed resolve to put exercise higher up my priority list.
Keep your fingers crossed for me please!
I guess today has been better for three reasons:
1. I worked at home so (a) wasn't tempted by the chocolate vending machine at work and (b) was able to take much more control over the timing of meals.
2. I was feeling a bit more positive after a weekend that included some exercise.
3. I started the day a bit later (10am instead of 5.30am) and so ate my evening meal later. I am writing this at 10.30pm, about to go to bed and feeling nicely full!
So can I carry any of this forward to give me continued success? Well I certainly can't work at home every day (chance would be a fine thing!). I could try to make sure I don't have any loose change so I can't use the vending machine. I could also eat my breakfast later in the day (I don't usually feel hungry in the morning anyway) - or split breakfast and have some a bit later. But I honestly think the thing most likely to work for me us making time to do some exercise, walk, go to the gym, swim etc. Because whenever I do physical activity I get a psychological boost and feel so much better physically. I am building up a renewed resolve to put exercise higher up my priority list.
Keep your fingers crossed for me please!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Reward or punishment?
At the Healthier Weight support group last weekend, there was a long term bandit there who had some real gems to share with the rest of us. We had got into a discussion where several of us, me included, were sharing our experiences of resisting (or not!), chocolate and other goodies. Lots of people were saying how the distraction techniques that are often recommended don't work for us. Anyway, this lady was suggesting that many of us have, perhaps as children, been brought up to think of chocolate as a treat or reward. Therefore, when we feel a bit down, we are inclined to give ourselves a lift by turning to chocolate. She said that actually we need to change our mind set. To think back to the 'fat days', to the humiliation that we suffered as obese people, the awful practicalities of buying clothes, sitting in an airplane seat, huffing and puffing just getting up a flight of stairs etc. Then , capture all if those bad feelings and associate them with chocolate. Start to see chocolate as one of the root causes of all of that pain. Instead of thinking about it as a reward, begin to think of it as a punishment. She talked about a technique where you pinch together your thumb and finger whenever you think of those negative feelings and then do the same thing whenever you see or desire chocolate. This is similar to many of the behavioural techniques advocated by Paul McKenna.
Another tip from this very wise lady was to 'think thin'. In other words, try to imagine that you are thin when eating - and often this helps curb our excessive food cravings. I'm not sure about thinking thin, but I do find that thinking fit often works for me. When I'm doing well with my exercise regime, I feel good about myself - emotionally stronger and with better self esteem. I find, at these times, that I only crave good quality, healthy food - so it's a self-perpetuating thing.
Despite still working very long hours and being under a lot of pressure at work, I am trying very hard to find time to do some exercise. I know that if I succeed, even if a lot less often than a few months ago, it will have all sorts of positive knock-on effects. Also, in the light of the 'reward or punishment' technique described above, I'm going to read Paul McKenna's book again (I Can Make You Thin) and try put some of his techniques. I need to crack my chocaholic tendencies otherwise I will struggle with my weight for the rest of my life. That said, I'm talking about 'struggling' to lose the last 25lbs - not the kind if struggle I used to have - just day to day life for a 20-stoner - so it's not all bad! Not at all.
Another tip from this very wise lady was to 'think thin'. In other words, try to imagine that you are thin when eating - and often this helps curb our excessive food cravings. I'm not sure about thinking thin, but I do find that thinking fit often works for me. When I'm doing well with my exercise regime, I feel good about myself - emotionally stronger and with better self esteem. I find, at these times, that I only crave good quality, healthy food - so it's a self-perpetuating thing.
Despite still working very long hours and being under a lot of pressure at work, I am trying very hard to find time to do some exercise. I know that if I succeed, even if a lot less often than a few months ago, it will have all sorts of positive knock-on effects. Also, in the light of the 'reward or punishment' technique described above, I'm going to read Paul McKenna's book again (I Can Make You Thin) and try put some of his techniques. I need to crack my chocaholic tendencies otherwise I will struggle with my weight for the rest of my life. That said, I'm talking about 'struggling' to lose the last 25lbs - not the kind if struggle I used to have - just day to day life for a 20-stoner - so it's not all bad! Not at all.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Why I've not gained weight
I recently responded to a post on the UKGastricBand forum to someone who was asking how to get the self control needed to overcome the desire to eat chocolate and other unhealthy things. I've copied some of my response below. Some of these things I have said on here before, but thinking about it helped me put into perspective exactly why I hadn't gained weight during some of the bad times I've experienced in recent months.
"I am a self-confessed emotional eater and complete chocaholic and yet I've lost nearly 8 stone (if I can do it - anyone can!!!). When things in life are going well, my desire to eat chocolate and other bad stuff just goes - and if anything, I crave good, nutritious, healthy foods. During these times I lose weight. However, when life is difficult, as it has been for me over the past 2-3 months (work pressures), I utterly crave chocolate. Over the past 2-3 months I have regularly (i.e. every 2-3 days) binged on chocolate. By that, I mean, I've gone out and bought 6-7 bars of chocolate and eaten my way through all of them in an evening. On top of that I've eaten cheese sandwiches (cheese comes second to chocolate in my head), muffins, iced buns and all sorts of other rubbish.
HOWEVER (this is the good bit) - during these times I have NOT GAINED any weight! This is because:
"I am a self-confessed emotional eater and complete chocaholic and yet I've lost nearly 8 stone (if I can do it - anyone can!!!). When things in life are going well, my desire to eat chocolate and other bad stuff just goes - and if anything, I crave good, nutritious, healthy foods. During these times I lose weight. However, when life is difficult, as it has been for me over the past 2-3 months (work pressures), I utterly crave chocolate. Over the past 2-3 months I have regularly (i.e. every 2-3 days) binged on chocolate. By that, I mean, I've gone out and bought 6-7 bars of chocolate and eaten my way through all of them in an evening. On top of that I've eaten cheese sandwiches (cheese comes second to chocolate in my head), muffins, iced buns and all sorts of other rubbish.
HOWEVER (this is the good bit) - during these times I have NOT GAINED any weight! This is because:
- My metabolism has speeded up because I've lost weight so my body uses calories more effectively,
- I do more exercise (though nothing like as much as I do when life is going well),
- The portion sizes of my main meals is much smaller than it ever used to be - because of the band,
- In between the bad days I have relatively good days where I have a negative calorie balance (i.e. I use more than I put in).
So, if you still find you can't keep off the chocolate (and incidentally, I never keep any in the house), it's not all doom and gloom - stick to good eating habits as much as you can and this should mean that at least you won't gain any more weight. On good days, and at good times in your life, you should be able to lose with the band - and keep it off during the bad times".
Sunday, November 15, 2009
ONE YEAR TODAY!
It's my bandiversary today! One year ago I was recovering in hospital after my early morning surgery. In fact, at this precise time, I was sitting in the chair watching TV and trying to take my mind off the discomfort and general fuzziness that was my head. Reading back over my blog post the day after surgery, I am reminded that on the evening of my surgery I watched the X Factor before getting a nurse to help me back into bed for the night. Well nothing new there a year on then, because I'll be glued to it again this evening!So how has the last year been? Well, on the plus side, I am 110 pounds lighter than I was a year ago, I am MUCH fitter and healthier, and can now fit into size 16 clothes. I still have 25 pounds to lose and a couple more clothes sizes to drop, but even if I don't lose another pound, I would still consider my band journey to be a success. On the minus side, it hasn't been easy. There have been some low points as well as highs and it has been a complete pain the bum having to keep a daily food diary! That said, it will be the last habit I break becuase it has been enormously valuable and I wouldn't have achieved what I have had I not kept it religously. I've had a long route to finding my sweet spot, including seven fills and two de-fills. I've spent 48 days of the last year on fluids and a further 48 on mush!
This blog was started on day one of my pre-op diet, on 10th Novemeber 2008. Since that time there have been more than 6,000 visits to the site and about 350 posts. I have communicated with hundreds of fellow bandits through the blog and through the UKGastricBand forum (and other similar sites) and feel I have made some firm friends, albeit virtually, for life. In fact I will be meeting up with a group of bandits in Manchester next weekend - we've never met before but have all shared the ups and downs of band-life on a regular basis and Im sooo looking forward to it.
My daily life isn't hugely different from what it was. I don't eat breakfast before I leave for work any more - I eat it later in the morning. I also don't eat in the staff canteen any more. I don't eat 'on the go' any more - my daily eating is carefully planned out, prepared in advance, weighed, measured and written down! The contents of the food cupboards in our house are different - there's no chocolate, very rarely any cheese in the fridge (except Rosemary Conley's low fat cheese sometimes), and no biscuits or cakes. I still eat out occasionally, but I'm always the last person to finish now. I can still eat anything. I very rarely take the lift at work and can now take the stairs up to my fourth floor office two at a time. I do a bit of jogging, visit the gym, swim and do lots of walking. I get much less sweaty than I used to!
My wardrobe is completely different. There is now nothing left in my wardrobe that I wore before getting banded. There are relatively few clothes in there because I don't want to buy too many before I reach my final target weight. What has surprised me is the fact that most of my shoes are now too big and my wedding ring now fits!
Looking back to the days before I had surgery, I know that I had a number of concerns - not least of which was 'would the band work?'. But there were other things too, like, would I still be able to eat out? I had visions that I would never again be able to go out for a meal with my family. Anyway, to celebrate my 'coming of age' today, I have decided to start a short series of posts (starting later this week) where I will explore some of these pre-op qualms and look at how they have panned out, how I have dealt with them, was I right to be anxious about x, y and z, or were they empty fears?
If you have any pre-op fears that you'd like me to focus on, please leave a comment and I'll do my best!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Some reassurance
As far as my healthy eating goes, I've had a fairly wretched few weeks. Just in the last week I've had about three or four fairly serious chocolate binges. HOWEVER, for any new or inexperienced bandits out there I can offer you some great reassurance. Despite my poor eating habits of late, largely down to work-related stress, I haven't gained an ounce!! I haven't even been doing much exercise at all but gave managed to keep my weight stable. I think it's partly because the band has controlled my portion sizes (apart from the chocolate!), and partly because I suspect my metabolism has speeded up with the muscle I've added over the last few months.
This is all very reassuring to me because it suggests that the long term outcome if my band will be favourable even if I'm not as 'good' as I should be. It has also really emphasised to me just how effective my band us when I make good food choices. I'm glad things are stable at the moment because my bandiversary is coming up in two days.....!
This is all very reassuring to me because it suggests that the long term outcome if my band will be favourable even if I'm not as 'good' as I should be. It has also really emphasised to me just how effective my band us when I make good food choices. I'm glad things are stable at the moment because my bandiversary is coming up in two days.....!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
A funny ol' day
Yeah, it's been a funny old day. I've gradually developed a splitting headache and have variously been starving and stuffed. I've also had a slime episode and binged on chocolate! I discovered that it 'that time of month' which probably explains the headache, odd cravings and weird stomach feelings. I put the slime episode down to the fact that I was working at my computer while eating my lunch - a recipe for getting distracted and eating too much or too fast - or both.
Anyway, I'm home now, and feeling rather full after munching my way through several Kitkats on the way home. It wasn't helped by the fact that there was some sort of special offer on, and when I went to pay for my one Kitkat and bag of Maltesers, the guy behind the counter gave me another free Kitkat! I almost gave it away to a complete stranger as I left the garage forecourt - but I simply couldn't do it - so I ate it instead.
I think I'll just put today down to an odd one and not worry too much about it.
Anyway, I'm home now, and feeling rather full after munching my way through several Kitkats on the way home. It wasn't helped by the fact that there was some sort of special offer on, and when I went to pay for my one Kitkat and bag of Maltesers, the guy behind the counter gave me another free Kitkat! I almost gave it away to a complete stranger as I left the garage forecourt - but I simply couldn't do it - so I ate it instead.
I think I'll just put today down to an odd one and not worry too much about it.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Finding a twin and turning a corner
At last - I have found another bandit who is exactly the same as me!!!!! A lady posted on the UKGastricBand forum all about her typical eating and drinking during the day, and some stuff about her philosophy on the band and restriction - her experiences of PB'ing, regurgitating, iron fist and all that - and she's SOooooo similar to me - it's scary!!
Like me, she has hardly ever done all the nasty stuff like vomiting and regurgitating food. She doesn't get any pain. She can eat anything but in smaller portions and with a great deal of chewing. She also drinks a lot so she's fully hydrated. She has moderate restriction but finds it harder to eat in the morning until after she's had some drinks. Like me, she can eat chocolate and biscuits for England. The foods that she eats during the day are very similar to me - Oatso Simple for breakfast, or a small banana and Muller Light yoghurt. She has crispbreads and protein and salad for lunch and very similar evening meals too! She also loves Alpen Light cereal bars and doesn't hesitate to take a healthy snack if it's needed.
It brought tears to my eyes as I was reading her post because I am sure I've never encountered another bandit who shares so much in common with me. For months I've read stories and had face-to-face discussions with bandits who get loads of pain / iron fist, vomit / regurgitate and can only eat three peas before feeling full (!) and I've never had any of that - so I've always felt as though I just must be a bit weird!!!
But probably the best thing about her post was what she said about her philosphy on restriction and getting fills. She said: "On a bad day I eat chocolate/biscuits/cakes/sweets/lattes but no matter how tight my band I'd still manage them so why have it that tight and suffer even when I'm being good?". Wow - she is so right. For ages now, as you know if you're a regular reader, I've to'ed and fro'ed about whether I needed another fill. But the truth is this: On a good day when I make good, healthy food choices, my restriction is perfect. I can eat anything I like but in small portions and with a lot of chewing. On a bad day, when I make poor food choices and scoff chocolate, cakes, biscuits and such, the band has no effect. It doesn't stop me eating that stuff - I knew it wouldn't and I know it never will - no matter how tight my band is. So what would be the point in making myself suffer with over-tight restriction when I'm being good, to gain no advantage whatsoever when I'm not being good?!
Mentally at least, I feel as though I may have turned an important corner.
Like me, she has hardly ever done all the nasty stuff like vomiting and regurgitating food. She doesn't get any pain. She can eat anything but in smaller portions and with a great deal of chewing. She also drinks a lot so she's fully hydrated. She has moderate restriction but finds it harder to eat in the morning until after she's had some drinks. Like me, she can eat chocolate and biscuits for England. The foods that she eats during the day are very similar to me - Oatso Simple for breakfast, or a small banana and Muller Light yoghurt. She has crispbreads and protein and salad for lunch and very similar evening meals too! She also loves Alpen Light cereal bars and doesn't hesitate to take a healthy snack if it's needed.
It brought tears to my eyes as I was reading her post because I am sure I've never encountered another bandit who shares so much in common with me. For months I've read stories and had face-to-face discussions with bandits who get loads of pain / iron fist, vomit / regurgitate and can only eat three peas before feeling full (!) and I've never had any of that - so I've always felt as though I just must be a bit weird!!!
But probably the best thing about her post was what she said about her philosphy on restriction and getting fills. She said: "On a bad day I eat chocolate/biscuits/cakes/sweets/lattes but no matter how tight my band I'd still manage them so why have it that tight and suffer even when I'm being good?". Wow - she is so right. For ages now, as you know if you're a regular reader, I've to'ed and fro'ed about whether I needed another fill. But the truth is this: On a good day when I make good, healthy food choices, my restriction is perfect. I can eat anything I like but in small portions and with a lot of chewing. On a bad day, when I make poor food choices and scoff chocolate, cakes, biscuits and such, the band has no effect. It doesn't stop me eating that stuff - I knew it wouldn't and I know it never will - no matter how tight my band is. So what would be the point in making myself suffer with over-tight restriction when I'm being good, to gain no advantage whatsoever when I'm not being good?!
Mentally at least, I feel as though I may have turned an important corner.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
SO much to remember!
I used to think banding was simple - it restricts your stomach, you can't eat as much, you feel full sooner and for longer. Oh if only it were that straight forward! Here are a few of the 'rules' I have to remind myself of daily:
- Eat three small meals per day
- Chew everything to death and eat small pieces
- Don't drink after eating
- Use small utensils and a side plate for meals
- Practice environmental control
- Keep reminding your husband to hide the baguette and biscuits
- Take a bagful of food with you to work every day (breakfast cereal, milk, orange juice, Actimel, lunch, healthy snacks)
- Write everything down - food, calories, drinks, exercise, steps.....
- Make sure plenty of your meal is made up of protein to keep you feeling full for longer (it takes away the hunger)
- Don't overcook the vegetables - the crunchier the better
- Beware when eating fruit with skins or peels - eat extra slowly and not in front of everyone (hiccups can be violent)
- Take healthy snacks to work - better than eating chocolate
- Keep reminding your husband to add healthy things to the shopping list (fruit, yoghurt, cottage cheese) - and to remove things that are too tempting (biscuits and baguettes)
- Drink, drink, and drink some more
- If you think you're hungry, have a drink first - then eat if you still feel hungry after half an hour
- Is it real hunger or just head hunger?
- If you start thinking about chocolate, do something to distract yourself.... (MUCH easier said than done)
- Keep reminding your husband not to bring you a cup of tea immediately after you've eaten
- Worry about whether you've got the right level of restriction at least every five minutes......
- Remember to cook a double portion of dinner so you can take half of it to work for lunch the next day
- Cook meals that are nutritionally balanced
- Take your daily multivitamin, and calcium tablets, oh, and lactulose occasionally......
- Stop buying huge amounts of fod on the weekly shop - it will end up going mouldy
- Get excited about strong restriction in the morning - and then get disapointed when it wears off in the aftrnoon
- Find time to walk
- Find time to go to the gym
- ...or do anything else physical
- Keep reminding your husband to put most of the bread in the freezer - I can't eat so much these days so it will go off if left in the bread bin
- Refrain from getting annoyed when every other person you see asks you, in a loud voice, how much you weigh....
Oh I could go on! There are so many lessons to learn in living with the band but it's just impossible to keep them all in your head at the same time. So as fast as I remember one lesson, I forget the rest. Today, I went to work with what I thought was a lovely lunch (leftovers from last night - but nice, nonetheless). However, whereas last night I put quite a lot of low fat melted cheese on it - today I didn't. The result was a very bland meal with absolutely no fat in it, unappetising and completely lacking in protein. End result? One hungry lady mid-afternoon - looking for snacks and 'nice' things to eat.....
When will I ever learn?!!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Plodding on
Work is still a nightmare. I'm still working silly hours and it's still having an adverse effect on my eating and exercise. I know from past experience that when I don't exercise I don't feel fit - I feel fat - and that makes me feel low - so I eat to make myself feel better......... Oh dear, it sounds bloomin' silly even as I write it - but that's how my head is!
I bought a book to help me overcome emotional eating but I haven't found time to get past page one! I've browsed on the web looking for ideas and all I get are distraction techniques. This is the idea that when you feel like grabbing a bar of chocolate - for emotional reasons - do something to distract ourself. Activities include taking a hot bubble bath or going for a walk.
Well that's fine - but I haven't got time to go for a walk and a quik shower at 5.30am is about all I can manage - no way is there time to have a long soak!!! I tried putting some chocolate in the bread bin so I could have small amounts of it when I needed - that's beter than going out and buying six bars and scoffing the lot in my book. But I haven't been as restrained as I thought I might be.
I just read on the UKGastricBand forum about a lady who's got really good restriction at last - and I can still eat a lot more than her. Tonight, I'm thinking I should phone in the morning and book myself another fill. If you read my blog regularly though, you'l know that I may change my mind again tomorrow!! I really think I might go for it this time though - and settle for much tighter restriction than I have at present. It's got to be better than trying desperately to cling onto an ounce of willpower, hasn't it?
I bought a book to help me overcome emotional eating but I haven't found time to get past page one! I've browsed on the web looking for ideas and all I get are distraction techniques. This is the idea that when you feel like grabbing a bar of chocolate - for emotional reasons - do something to distract ourself. Activities include taking a hot bubble bath or going for a walk.
Well that's fine - but I haven't got time to go for a walk and a quik shower at 5.30am is about all I can manage - no way is there time to have a long soak!!! I tried putting some chocolate in the bread bin so I could have small amounts of it when I needed - that's beter than going out and buying six bars and scoffing the lot in my book. But I haven't been as restrained as I thought I might be.
I just read on the UKGastricBand forum about a lady who's got really good restriction at last - and I can still eat a lot more than her. Tonight, I'm thinking I should phone in the morning and book myself another fill. If you read my blog regularly though, you'l know that I may change my mind again tomorrow!! I really think I might go for it this time though - and settle for much tighter restriction than I have at present. It's got to be better than trying desperately to cling onto an ounce of willpower, hasn't it?
Sunday, October 4, 2009
A new chocolate experiment
After a few weeks of on and off chocolate bingeing, I've decided to take a chance and try a new experiment! But first, you have to understand my usual mental attitude to chocolate - particularly when I'm feeling stressed with work or something.The first thing is that we never keep chocolate in the house. I'm fortunate that my other half doesn't particularly like the stuff - he'll eat it occasionally if it's offered to him while we're out on a walk or something, but I don't think I've ever known him actually choose to buy any himself! At a time like now when I get stressed, I find myself craving chocolate. I guess it's totally about comfort or some other emotional need, and the urge is extremely powerful. I do my best to resist but eventually give in - and that's when the problems begin.
The thing is, when I give in, this usually involves me putting on my coat and shoes, getting into the car and driving to the late night Co-op for some 'supplies'. I can hear myself even now, giving the usual euphemism to my husband - "I'm just popping out to the shop".... On the way there, I'll repeat to myself (in my head) over and over - I'm just going to get one or two bars of chocolate - that's all I need. But by the time I get there, it's been such a mammoth effort leaving the house in the dark, getting cold and driving etc that I start to think about running out - what if I eat a couple of bars and then I need more - I'll have to come out again? So I end up buying several bars of chocolate - typically about 6 or 7. Kit Kats, Dairy Milk, Maltesers - that kind of thing. And I also buy other things that catch my eye - like those lovely trifles ('one won't hurt - it'll boost my calcium intake'), or iced buns ('I deserve it'), or a small bag of cashew nuts ('well, the protein does you good....') - and all the excuses come out. Before I know it, I'm trudging home with a bag full of goodies. And what astounds me, even now, is that somehow, I still manage to get through most of this in the same evening. I daren't keep any of it, in fact, because then I know that I will be letting myself in for another binge day tomorrow - whereas in my twisted logic, if I eat it all today, I can start afresh tomorrow!! On a couple of occasions, I've actually thrown unopened bars of chocolate and other stuff in the bin - rather than keep it in the house for tomorrow!!
So, now to my new experiment. Yesterday I bought a five-pack of individual Dairy Milk bars and put them on the shelf in the kitchen. I moved them into the bread bin today because I was fed up with staring at them every time I went to make myself a cup of tea! Anyway, this is the plan: If I know I have some chocolate in the house that is under my control, I won't feel pressured or panicked into going out and buying loads of the stuff. I plan to 'treat' myself to a small quantity every evening. The bars are slightly smaller than the normal singles - they're 205 calores for the whole bar so I could easily consume half a bar each night without that putting too much of a dent in my calorie intake. My dietician (who is skinny as a rake) says he eats chocolate every day - so it shouldn't be wrong, in principle, for me to do the same. Don't get me wrong, this is not about me eating chocolate for the sake of it - after all, I've gone for months at a time since I got my band, without any at all. It's more about trying to find a way of dealing with these - these - well, they're a kind of panic-attack really - when I get all panicky and go out and buy loads as if I'm gong to die if I don't get some or run out. I know it sounds darft - it sounds completely ill0gical as I sit here typing it - but it's what happens and I can't control it by distracting myself or any of the other techniques people often suggest. So if I can do do something to remove the source of panic - then it just might work.
The thing is, when I give in, this usually involves me putting on my coat and shoes, getting into the car and driving to the late night Co-op for some 'supplies'. I can hear myself even now, giving the usual euphemism to my husband - "I'm just popping out to the shop".... On the way there, I'll repeat to myself (in my head) over and over - I'm just going to get one or two bars of chocolate - that's all I need. But by the time I get there, it's been such a mammoth effort leaving the house in the dark, getting cold and driving etc that I start to think about running out - what if I eat a couple of bars and then I need more - I'll have to come out again? So I end up buying several bars of chocolate - typically about 6 or 7. Kit Kats, Dairy Milk, Maltesers - that kind of thing. And I also buy other things that catch my eye - like those lovely trifles ('one won't hurt - it'll boost my calcium intake'), or iced buns ('I deserve it'), or a small bag of cashew nuts ('well, the protein does you good....') - and all the excuses come out. Before I know it, I'm trudging home with a bag full of goodies. And what astounds me, even now, is that somehow, I still manage to get through most of this in the same evening. I daren't keep any of it, in fact, because then I know that I will be letting myself in for another binge day tomorrow - whereas in my twisted logic, if I eat it all today, I can start afresh tomorrow!! On a couple of occasions, I've actually thrown unopened bars of chocolate and other stuff in the bin - rather than keep it in the house for tomorrow!!
So, now to my new experiment. Yesterday I bought a five-pack of individual Dairy Milk bars and put them on the shelf in the kitchen. I moved them into the bread bin today because I was fed up with staring at them every time I went to make myself a cup of tea! Anyway, this is the plan: If I know I have some chocolate in the house that is under my control, I won't feel pressured or panicked into going out and buying loads of the stuff. I plan to 'treat' myself to a small quantity every evening. The bars are slightly smaller than the normal singles - they're 205 calores for the whole bar so I could easily consume half a bar each night without that putting too much of a dent in my calorie intake. My dietician (who is skinny as a rake) says he eats chocolate every day - so it shouldn't be wrong, in principle, for me to do the same. Don't get me wrong, this is not about me eating chocolate for the sake of it - after all, I've gone for months at a time since I got my band, without any at all. It's more about trying to find a way of dealing with these - these - well, they're a kind of panic-attack really - when I get all panicky and go out and buy loads as if I'm gong to die if I don't get some or run out. I know it sounds darft - it sounds completely ill0gical as I sit here typing it - but it's what happens and I can't control it by distracting myself or any of the other techniques people often suggest. So if I can do do something to remove the source of panic - then it just might work.
So far the chocolate has been sitting in my kitchen for two days. I ate half a bar last night and I'm planning to do the same this evening. I'll let you know how it goes......
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Emotional eating
My roller coaster journey continues apace! Things are still really tough at work and I'm struggling on a daily basis to stick to healthy eating. As soon as I begin to struggle emotionally, I seem entirely incapable of resisting chocolate and other psychologically uplifting foods. What's worse is that I don't just get one bar of chocolate - I get two or three or more. Today I bought seven and so far I've chomped my way through five :-(
I'm mulling over a couple of things at present. First, was I right to gave a band rather than a bypass? People say the band is less suited to emotional and binge eaters but I wasn't aware of that at the time I made the decision. That said, the long term prospects for weight loss are better for bands than bypasses according to research on long term success rates. Second, do I need another fill or do I just need to get my head right? Sometimes I get quite good restriction but it disappears when I eat the wrong foods. On the other hand, I can still eat far more than many people.
I've a seriously hard week coming up and am not at all sure how I'm going to get through it without gaining half a stone. Watch this space!
I'm mulling over a couple of things at present. First, was I right to gave a band rather than a bypass? People say the band is less suited to emotional and binge eaters but I wasn't aware of that at the time I made the decision. That said, the long term prospects for weight loss are better for bands than bypasses according to research on long term success rates. Second, do I need another fill or do I just need to get my head right? Sometimes I get quite good restriction but it disappears when I eat the wrong foods. On the other hand, I can still eat far more than many people.
I've a seriously hard week coming up and am not at all sure how I'm going to get through it without gaining half a stone. Watch this space!
Friday, September 25, 2009
Been a good girl so far
I've had a much better day so far today. I started out with an early morning visit to the gym. Once at work I had to hit the ground running and didn't gave time for anything more for breakfast other than a banana. Still, that and some drinks kept me going till lunchtime. I'm lucky in having a Sainsbury's close to where I work and so popped along there in search of some healthy food. They do some good healthy choices foods for lunch including a good range of low fat sandwiches, salads and pasta dishes. I opted for a low fat cheese salad sandwich and a low fat Greek yoghurt with crunchy bits and fresh fruit. I ate a Nutrigrain on the way home and have just finished my dinner. I had potatoes, mixed veg (broccoli, mushrooms and green beans) and a spicy vegetable bake.
I may have a yoghurt before going to bed but all in all unfeeling relatively saintly! Having said that, I have found it quite tough today. I've faced some very serious temptation from a half eaten packet of cashew nuts in the kitchen cupboard, from the chocolate vending machine at work and from my husband offering to go and buy a takeaway when I got home from work! Sometimes things are there to make our lives difficult! If I manage to 'keep a lid on it' until I go to bed I'll be very pleased with myself. Who knows, I may even start to losesome weight again?
I may have a yoghurt before going to bed but all in all unfeeling relatively saintly! Having said that, I have found it quite tough today. I've faced some very serious temptation from a half eaten packet of cashew nuts in the kitchen cupboard, from the chocolate vending machine at work and from my husband offering to go and buy a takeaway when I got home from work! Sometimes things are there to make our lives difficult! If I manage to 'keep a lid on it' until I go to bed I'll be very pleased with myself. Who knows, I may even start to losesome weight again?
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Breakfast at three.....
Just like yesterday, today was another mad day at work. So mad, in fact, that it was three in the afternoon before I got my breakfast!! And I started work at 7am having left the comfort of my bed at 5.30am. So it's not surprising that my eating continues to yoyo. I ate a Weight Watcher's ocean pie at 3pm and followed this up with a banana and a Muller Light yoghurt. At 6pm I went for a coffee with an equally overworked colleague and managed to stuff down a muffin. I was genuinely hungry at that point. Then on the way home at 8pm I ate a Kitkat! I'm sitting in my easy chair at home now, wondering whether I should eat anything else before going to bed. Although I'm not that hungry any more, my old head is telling me that I haven't had any 'proper' evening meal - and that I should eat something. I think I might compromise and have a piece of toast....
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