Mr Tortoise gets a PB!

I was looking at my tickerfactory.com banner this morning and it occurred to me that I had selected the right icon - a tortoise - as the slide bar! I recall when I first got banded and discovered lots of fellow bandits had their own ticker factory banner. I remember thinking that some people didn't appear to have made that much progress over a period of time. And four years on, I am one of those people! I've lost 55lbs in four years and still had about 80-something pounds to go. But that got me thinking about my target - is 10 stone and 5 lbs really realistic for me anymore?

Other than when I briefly passed by that weight as a growing teenager, I've only been that weight once in my life. I was aged 23 and was running 40 miles per week! I went through a two year phase of being addicted to running, entering competitions, and achieving personal best after personal best. [as an aside, I was going to put PB instead of personal best, but nowadays that means something different to us bandits!!!]. At the time I was eating loads, but burning it all off, of course. Then I got injured and the running had to stop - but unfortunately the eating didn't.

So anyway, I've concluded that 145lbs is wishful thinking to the point of silliness. I'm 5ft 8ins and have a large frame (bone structure, I mean) - so it just isn't going to happen. So, I've changed my target weight to 12 stone. I've been there once or twice before and have been quite happy with my look and feel. If I ever get there again, I can think then about whether a lower target is realistic.

But for now, I've amended my target on the ticker, and Mr Tortoise has just had a surge of energy and belted along the race track - and he's now almost a the half way point! Cheered me up anyway!

Back to bandland

Hello everybody - it's been a while! As I sit here wondering what to type, I look back on the past few months and ask myself what has happened? Why have I deserted my blog? It's not just the blog, I have also rarely visited the UKGastricBand forum in the last couple of months - which previously I had visited several times a day. I also kept a food diary - yes, that book in the kitchen that hasn't been touched for a couple of months now. I religiously weighed myself every morning - and now it's once or twice a week - if I dare. If I look through my cupboards in the kitchen, I notice some old favourites have crept back in - bottles of Diet Coke, and the dreaded chocolate. And yes, I know it's Easter, and we can all be forgiven a little luxuriating in the brown stuff at this time of year - but I've hardly stopped eating the stuff for weeks now.

So I ask again - what's going on? I think it's a combination of things - there's no straightforward answer. Here's a few stabs at what is going wrong:

1. The 'light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel' blues. Looking at the UKGB forum, it's clear that this doesn't only apply to me. As we get closer to our goal weight - that elusive target that for the first time actually appears reachable - it somehow remains just out of our grasp. I've lost nearly eight stone and have a relatively paltry one-and-a-half left to go - yet it's the hardest few pounds of the lot. I've made all of the major changes to portion sizes, exercise, bad habits (though some have crept back in) - so every ounce now needs a monumental effort to lose. The result is, frustration begins to set in - and in my case - that leads to stress - which is relieved through eating. Back to the vicious circle.

2. Workaholicism (is that a new word I've invented?!). I know I can't blame everything on work - but this really has been the hardest extended period at work I've ever experienced. Since late August 2009 until the beginning of March this year - it has just been bedlam. I've literally done nothing but work, work, and work. Exercise has all but disappeared from my life, as has any social life, family life and relaxation. Don't get me wrong - I still manage to watch the goggle box from time to time - but it's not so much relaxation as complete collapse! On the bright side, work has definitely got better in the last three or four weeks and should remain so until the real pressure begins all over again in September (!). But I'm making the most of it and have already begun getting back on the exercise treadmill (not literally).

3. Chocaholicism (another new word). Mmm, yes, not sure how to lick this one (another awful pun!). I am clearly addicted to chocolate. Apparently it's not possible to be physiologically addicted to chocolate in the way that you can be addicted to drugs, caffeine, nicotine etc. But it IS possible to be emotionally addicted to chocolate - and I am. I actually booked an appointment with a hypnotherapist some weeks back, but then bottled out at the last minute and cancelled it! Having re-thought this - I'm going to have another go in the next few weeks definitely - what's the worst it can do? And it might actually help.

4. No longer a newbie. Sometimes I look on the UKGB forum and see the same old questions being posed by newbies - the questions I posed myself when I first started out on this journey. I answer questions occasionally but I'm not really sure what I can offer anymore. It's the same with this blog. I've probably said all of the really important things and I sometimes think can I really add anything useful anymore? However, one thing that strikes me, is that there is relatively little written on the web by long term bandits. I'd love to know what it's like to be bandit three or five or ten years on. It's also clear to me that the struggles I'm going through now are not the same as those I experienced earlier in my journey. That probably makes it worthwhile continuing to write. However, I'm aware that new bandits, or people thinking about getting banded, don't necessarily want to read about longer term bandits who are struggling and facing all sorts of problems. I'd hate to put anyone off - because whatever struggles I am facing now - I would not change one step of my band journey. If I time-travelled back to the start of my journey, knowing what I know now - I couldn't change a thing. It's been the best thing I ever did in my life.

So, there are several reasons why I will begin to write again - because I now have more time back to myself, because I still think it may help longer term bandits (and help newbies to better informed about the ups and downs of banding), and because I need to give myself some therapy. What's that last point I hear you ask? Well, I know that many of you have enjoyed reading my blog because you've told me so - and that's great. But it's also therapy for me. It's when I'm writing, or thinking about what to write, that I often make important breakthroughs in my own thinking, planning and behaviour analysis. Even as I write this, it has been brought home to me that I have drifted away from some of the cornerstones of my weight loss success so far - my food diary, daily blogging, daily trips to UKGB forum, and generally immersing myself in day-to-day thoughts, facts, ideas about weight loss, exercise, environmental control, habits, portion sizes, calorie counting and the rest. It's as though I've forgotten all of this - it has been put to one side for more important things to take its place. But what is more important than feeling good about oneself, being healthy and fit, looking good, having a respectable level of self esteem, and being able to wear great clothes?!

So, there are lots of reasons why I've been silent for a while but probably as many reasons why I need to get back on the case and start to get serious about my band, my eating, my exercise, and above all - sharing again. Thank you for staying with me.

Oh, and I'm seriously thinking about 'coming out' - watch this space.

Fat Man Slim

This evening I watched a documentary on Sky Three called Fat Man Slim. It was about an obese, 40 year old successful businessman who decided to change his life. He weighed 26.5 stone and vowed to lose 6 stone in 12 months. He also gave up work for a year so that he and his wife could focus on weight loss, health and fitness. In the event, he lost that amount in the first six months. He did it with his wife by eating non-processed goods, lots of fruit and veg, and doing lots of exercise. 

After achieving his one year target in six months he set a new target to lose another 20kg in the last six months. With two months to go he had just 5kg to go, so he changed it to 10kg because that would have added up to a total of ten stone for the year! He achieved his ten stone goal after one year. Amazing. This is a guy with bucketloads of determination. To continue losing weight at this rate he was going to the gym twice a day, five times a week, and eating three small meals a day. 

It was fascinating to see him go through the same clothes stages that I did - first they wouldn't fit, then they would, they they were too big! 

At the end of his journey his whole face appeared so much thinner and he looked younger and basically fab. Seeing a whole year condensed into an hour offered a fascinating insight into the way that the body can change, given the right treatment. The man, known as 'Squeeze' (!) said that over the year he passed through five emotional phases:
 
Shame
Guilt
Anger
Acceptance
Recovery process

He talked about the inner battle he has had with himself - not just in the past year but always - and not just about weight but with most things. He talked about how he has learnt how to manage this 'inner battle'. The layers of emotional baggage, fat, and constant over-compensation (e.g. for his weight, lack of fitness and self-worth) - they are all gone now. All that's left is him. On the one hand this is great because he's now just himself, but it's also a little scary.  

There was a fascinating meeting with his doctor at about the four month point. The doctor asked him how he was, what he thought of himself having lost so much weight? His response? "I loathe myself less". The doctor was a little taken aback and obviously had no real understanding of the self-loathing and low self-esteem issues faced by many obese people. The doctor afterwards said to the camera that it was surprising that despite all of his successes in life - work, home, marriage - he doesn't have a very high opinion of himself. I can relate to this totally. 
 
Squeeze said that it's not until you admit you have a problem and commit yourself to changing things, that you start to seriously think about how you see yourself. Maybe you're not so aware of self-loathing before, or perhaps you just bury it. He talked about how he was always seen as the fat fool, disguising inner struggles with humour and bravado: "Bravado is a wonderful tool for divorcing yourself from your situation and I used it in spades". 

And finally, some advice for weight losers who start to get over-confident: "Whenever I started feeling cocky I would stand in front of a full length mirror and jump up and down stark-b*****k naked. Believe me - that's motivation!"  

The 214 Challenge for 2010!!

As I hinted at yesterday, I have been thinking for a while that I'd like to take up a serious physical challenge in 2010. As well as helping with my physical fitness it might also contribute to my ongoing weight loss and give me a sense of real achievement. Just as climbers of Everest respond when asked why they do it - "because it's there", I suppose I want to do something - "because I can". Now. Before, I couldn't. Now I can - so I'm going to!!

I have always wanted to do something really serious like climb Kilimanjaro. I'm further convinced of this by the November efforts of the UK Children in Need celebrities who did it for charity. However, I don't think I would be fit enough in time so that will have to wait for 2011! So, by way of preparation for perhaps an even bigger challenge next year, I have given a great deal of thought over the past few weeks, to what challenge I might take on in 2010. There were two general activities in the running - walking (hiking) or swimming. After being inspired by Robson Green's recent exploits on ITV, I thought about going for some 'wild' swimming adventure. I've done some outdoor swimming in the past when I entered a triathlon in my early twenties. However, that kind of thing would take some very serious training - and time - which I don't have in abundance. So I decided to focus my thinking efforts more on hiking.

In the UK there are a number of long distance footpaths. Many years ago I made serious plans to do the Pennine Way. This is about 320 miles and takes about 19-20 days following the spine of hills and low mountains that passes from the Peak District National Park in the south (central England) to the edge of the Scottish border in the north. However, I gave up on this at the time because I simply cannot take three weeks off work! But in my searching, I came across the 214 Lakeland Challenge - and this is more exciting.

The 214 Lakeland Challenge (also referred to as the Wainwright Challange) involves climbing to the peak of the 214 summits in the English Lake District described by Alfred Wainwright (pictured) in his famous seven volume pictorial guides. The summits vary from about 500 to 1000m and traverse all regions of the Lake District. The challenge is to complete all of these climbs - in one year. Well, since I love the Lake District, it's within a couple of hours drive from here, and the challenge can be completed over a period of time not requiring a huge amount of time off work, this is what I've decided to do! Think of all the steps and burned calories!!!

I've already bought the seven-volume Wainwright guides together with another guide that groups the walks into sensible units that can be completed over 36 separate trips. We already have the 1:25,000 OS Explorer maps that I will need. All I need now, are a couple of fleece jumpers because I no longer own any that fit! Oh, and the courage to actually begin! I think that I will 'officially' begin tomorrow - January 1st and my aim will be to complete by December 31st 2010. Who knows - I may even time my final ascent for December 31st and have a mountain celebration of New Year's Eve!

Wish me luck - I may need it!

Seasons greetings

Hello again! Happy Christmas! We've just returned from a Christmas week spent on holiday in Tenerife. We booked it all at the last minute and were lucky to get anything. But in the event, we had a fantastic time. We only just managed to get out of Manchester airport a week ago because it was snowing heavily at the time. The day before there had been awful delays because of the weather, but we were very lucky and only had an hours delay. Arriving in Tenerife we were faced with 20-25 degrees C most of the time. The last couple of days have been even hotter. We stayed in a lovely apartment at Puerta de la Cruz on the north coast. Although we had full self catering facilities we ate out every evening.

Probably the fact that we only found (or even looked for!) the beach on the last morning says something about the kind of people we are! However, we hired a car for the week and got around and saw lots of the island. Every day we went for a decent walk - I clocked up at least 15,000 steps per day and 25,000 on one day. I'm defintely feeling fitter already. The island is dominated by the volcano, Mount Teide, which stands at an incredible 3717m. We didn't get up to the top (you can get from 2200 to near the top by cable car) because high winds prevented the cable car from running. However, we did lots of high level walks with absolutely stunning views of modern and ancient lava flows, volcanic cones and deep chasms.

Needless to say, I did not count my calories while on holiday, but did my best to keep my appetite under control. I ate relatively small amounts for breakfast and lunch but tended to eat more in the afternoon and evening. Every afternoon, for instance, we bought an ice cream as 'reward' for walking in the heat. Eating out every evening, I tried to choose small meals. I always chose two courses (usually a starter and main course). However, a couple of times I ate so little of my main course I asked for a 'doggy bag' to take the rest away with me. By the end of the week I had switched to two starters. However, on the last evening my first starter was so big (a tuna and bean salad) that I took that away in a doggy bag and ate it for lunch on the way home yesterday!!

So all in all, a really fabulous Christmas. I'm not sure I want to do this every year because it's nice to spend time with family and enjoy the traditional atmosphere, sights and sounds of Christmas. But it was nice to do do something different, restful and get back to exercising! I'm now thinking about truly getting back to some proper, regular exercise. I also have it in mind that I'm going to take on a major physical challenge in 2010 - but more of that tomorrow....

Having a better day - why?

I've had quite a good couple of days. On Sunday I set aside time to do some stepping, light weights training and stretching. I felt so much better afterwards and it gave me a mental lift. Yesterday was a very long, hard day at work but I somehow managed to largely stick to healthy eating. Today has been a bit more relaxed and I've eaten quite healthily today. I ate raspberries, Greek yoghurt and chopped banana for breakfast. It was midday before I was able to eat it and it was slow going. But it left me feeling quite full. For late lunch I ate a cheese sandwich with a tin of Weight Watchers mushroom soup. I got peckish early evening (nothing new there then!) and had a small cereal bar. Then this evening I ate a piece of fresh trout fillet, stuffed pasta and mixed veg (butternut squash, courgette and spinach). I bought the trout Monday, thinking it was salmon! Still, it tasted delish and was lower in fat than the salmon!

I guess today has been better for three reasons:

1. I worked at home so (a) wasn't tempted by the chocolate vending machine at work and (b) was able to take much more control over the timing of meals.
2. I was feeling a bit more positive after a weekend that included some exercise.
3. I started the day a bit later (10am instead of 5.30am) and so ate my evening meal later. I am writing this at 10.30pm, about to go to bed and feeling nicely full!

So can I carry any of this forward to give me continued success? Well I certainly can't work at home every day (chance would be a fine thing!). I could try to make sure I don't have any loose change so I can't use the vending machine. I could also eat my breakfast later in the day (I don't usually feel hungry in the morning anyway) - or split breakfast and have some a bit later. But I honestly think the thing most likely to work for me us making time to do some exercise, walk, go to the gym, swim etc. Because whenever I do physical activity I get a psychological boost and feel so much better physically. I am building up a renewed resolve to put exercise higher up my priority list.

Keep your fingers crossed for me please!

ONE YEAR TODAY!

It's my bandiversary today! One year ago I was recovering in hospital after my early morning surgery. In fact, at this precise time, I was sitting in the chair watching TV and trying to take my mind off the discomfort and general fuzziness that was my head. Reading back over my blog post the day after surgery, I am reminded that on the evening of my surgery I watched the X Factor before getting a nurse to help me back into bed for the night. Well nothing new there a year on then, because I'll be glued to it again this evening!

So how has the last year been? Well, on the plus side, I am 110 pounds lighter than I was a year ago, I am MUCH fitter and healthier, and can now fit into size 16 clothes. I still have 25 pounds to lose and a couple more clothes sizes to drop, but even if I don't lose another pound, I would still consider my band journey to be a success. On the minus side, it hasn't been easy. There have been some low points as well as highs and it has been a complete pain the bum having to keep a daily food diary! That said, it will be the last habit I break becuase it has been enormously valuable and I wouldn't have achieved what I have had I not kept it religously. I've had a long route to finding my sweet spot, including seven fills and two de-fills. I've spent 48 days of the last year on fluids and a further 48 on mush!

This blog was started on day one of my pre-op diet, on 10th Novemeber 2008. Since that time there have been more than 6,000 visits to the site and about 350 posts. I have communicated with hundreds of fellow bandits through the blog and through the UKGastricBand forum (and other similar sites) and feel I have made some firm friends, albeit virtually, for life. In fact I will be meeting up with a group of bandits in Manchester next weekend - we've never met before but have all shared the ups and downs of band-life on a regular basis and Im sooo looking forward to it.

My daily life isn't hugely different from what it was. I don't eat breakfast before I leave for work any more - I eat it later in the morning. I also don't eat in the staff canteen any more. I don't eat 'on the go' any more - my daily eating is carefully planned out, prepared in advance, weighed, measured and written down! The contents of the food cupboards in our house are different - there's no chocolate, very rarely any cheese in the fridge (except Rosemary Conley's low fat cheese sometimes), and no biscuits or cakes. I still eat out occasionally, but I'm always the last person to finish now. I can still eat anything. I very rarely take the lift at work and can now take the stairs up to my fourth floor office two at a time. I do a bit of jogging, visit the gym, swim and do lots of walking. I get much less sweaty than I used to!

My wardrobe is completely different. There is now nothing left in my wardrobe that I wore before getting banded. There are relatively few clothes in there because I don't want to buy too many before I reach my final target weight. What has surprised me is the fact that most of my shoes are now too big and my wedding ring now fits!

Looking back to the days before I had surgery, I know that I had a number of concerns - not least of which was 'would the band work?'. But there were other things too, like, would I still be able to eat out? I had visions that I would never again be able to go out for a meal with my family. Anyway, to celebrate my 'coming of age' today, I have decided to start a short series of posts (starting later this week) where I will explore some of these pre-op qualms and look at how they have panned out, how I have dealt with them, was I right to be anxious about x, y and z, or were they empty fears?

If you have any pre-op fears that you'd like me to focus on, please leave a comment and I'll do my best!

Back to the gym

I kept my resolve today (just) and trudged off to the gym after work. I did about half an hour of aerobic activity on the treadmill including some gentle jogging, and spent another half hour doing some light weights for upper and lower toning and strength. I asked my dietician at the last support group meeting, how soon should one begin doing weight training? I asked this because he had previously said people losing weight should do calorie burning activity initially and not lift weights - this us to avoid building up muscle too early on (it can counteract weight loss and may turn fat bulk into muscle bulk). Anyway, he reckoned that we should move onto some light weights work once we have lost about 75% of our excess weight. I'm a little past that point now (closer to 80%) so the time us definitely right for this kind of workout.

I didn't overdo it though because it's been a few weeks since I last went. Even so, I am expecting to be aching in the morning!

Gym update

I reported last week that I had joined my local gym. I've been back twice so far and have really enjoyed it! I went this morning before work which really is a first for me. I must admit I never saw myself as a gym-aholic but I can see how it just kinda 'gets to you'. I'm still getting the hang of all the equipment - not so much how to use it - but what kind of exercise it gives you and what muscle groups it builds. My routine, if you can call it that after just three visits (!), goes something like this:

• Ten minutes walking flat on the treadmill and gradually building up the speed to 6.2kph - just as a warm-up really.


• Twenty minutes doing the 'hills' programme at level 20 (the highest) on the treadmill. Attempting to do this at the same walking speed as the first activity is really hard and gets the hamstrings working. I can just about keep up 6kph for the first 10-12 minutes but then have to slow it a little to about 5.7kph. This one really gets the sweat pouring!


• Then I either work on my upper body strength and tummy muscles, or my upper body strength and leg muscles. You'll have gathered from this that my upper body needs the most work! I'm particularly focussing on my triceps (the ones at the back of your arms) in the vain hope that this might reduce (or at least, firm up) my bingo wings. I'm working on my tummy muscles for a similar reason!

This all takes about an hour. If I have more time to spare I spend more time on aerobic activity and use the cross trainer or cycle. I haven't really had a proper go with the rowing machines yet but give it time and I'm sure I will. I also experiment with a wider range of the leg-strengthening kit that I haven't used yet.

Once I'm done I spend a few minutes on one of the mats just stretching - especially my leg muscles. I've always found that if I don't stretch after exercise they just tend to cease up later in the day. As always, I'm keeping a careful check on calories burned and this morning, I reckon I burned about 500 calories. That's roughly equivalent to walking about 8,000 steps - so that's one walk I won't have to do this evening!

Something else I've been doing is using some small free weights at home. They're like a small, metal dumbell with a 1kg weight on each end. I've had them for many years but they've spent most of that time gathering dust. Well not anymore. They now take pride of place in front of the TV in our living room! That's so I don't forget - whenever I sit down to watch TV I'm now reminded to do some light weight-lifting! I have established a routine of doing six exercises - all focussing on my upper body strength, and especially my triceps, and I've been doing them daily. It's been less than a week so far so I can't see any difference - but I have noticed some of the exercises are starting to get just a little easier!

Gym induction

On Monday this week I took the plunge and went down to my local gym to find out what they had to offer! I got loads of infomation about classes, their fitness suite etc and booked an 'induction' for the gym on Tuesday. Tuesday came and I kitted myself out in some very baggy leggings - fortunately they had a waist tie that I used to tighten them up (at least they wouldn't fall down!). I also put on a T-shirt that was probably big enough for two of us! On my feet I wore the running shoes that I purchsed, at great expense, some TWENTY years ago!! I couldn't help noticing that they fit me better than they have done for years because my feet have shrunk!

I was slightly fearful that the gym would be full of slinky, thin people wearing the latest fashions and glowing, rather than sweating. But I was in for a surprise because when I arrived there were a wide range of people - all ages, shapes and sizes, including a number of people who looked a lot less fit than me. I was shown around all of the equipment, some of which looked like it would suit better in a torture chamber! I was then let loose to have a try myself.

I spent a good hour and a half (it went by very quickly) experimenting on the treadmill, cross trainer, cycle, rowing machine and loads of different weight machines. I must confess that I really quite enjoyed the experience. I never felt out of place as I feared I might -I was just there, doing my bit, trying to get a bit fitter - just like everyone else, I suppose.

When I left, I decided to buy a one month 'pay-as-you-go' membership. At £28, compared with £5.50 for a one-off visit, it works out very good value as long as you visit at least once per week. The price includes use of the swimming pool and day-time classes. I am thinking that I really would like to make a visit to the gym a permanent fixture in my weekly routine. My main goal is to get some strength and toning to my muscles - especially in my arms (which are very weak). At the same time, I can also get some more intensive aerobic exercise - this may get more important over the winter months when poor weather may make it less inviting to go for a walk when I get home from work.

I'm planning to go again soon - I'll let you know how I get on.

I did it!!

A short while ago I posted about my desire to run again - and today I did it! Back from our energetic holiday - walking in Chamonix, I was today, feeling full of energy. I didn't think much about it, I just found myself getting into my jogging bottoms and doing a bit of contortionism to get into my new sports bra! I checked that my nearly 20 year old running shoes still fit (honestly!) and sneaked out if the front door. I didn't want my husband to see or guess what I was going to do because I didn't want to face the embarrassment if it all went pear-shaped!

I walked for the first ten minutes to get warmed up, and also this had the advantage of taking me to a secluded path in the wooded edge of the local sports field. I tentatively began to jog along and the first thing I noticed was how much my bum was jiggling up and down!!! I trotted slowly along the path and then ventured out onto open ground and went round the edge of the sport sfield. I was lucky that rain had threatened a few minutes before so there was no-one about!

I ran for a whopping 12 minutes (!) before resuming a walking pace for the return journey home. On my arrival home, with a red face covered in sweat, my other half asked if I'd been running - so much for keeping it a secret! Anyway, I seem to have survived. I felt a very slight niggle from my knees that probably reflects years of carrying the equivalent of several sacks of potatoes. Otherwise no problems. A couple of hours after returning I can feel a little tightness in my hamstrings. Given that I have just returned from a holiday where we walked a minimum of 20,000 steps a day, with no real leg muscle aching at all, this just goes to show how effective running is as a form of exercise.

My medium term aim is to be able to go for a three-mile run once or twice a week. That's a little way off yet, but I've begun the journey. Thank you to those people who encouraged me to do this. I can't honestly say I felt the exhilaration that I used to when running - I was too anxious about bring seen and injuring myself for that. But give it time and I just might re-live that experience again.

Going on the run?

Once upon a time, there was a slim woman who was very fit, ran 5 to 10 miles a day, did triathlons and trained twice a day. Then one day, she woke up and twenty years had passed by. Now, she was fat and totally unfit and could just about manage to walk, never mind run! But that was before she was kissed by a prince and got a gastric band. Eight months later, she found she wasn't so fat anymore, she could walk quite fast - and her head was telling her she might be able to run again. But deep in her heart, she doubted whether she would be able to because of all the damage that her obese years had done to her knees and hips. So, she had to find the magic wizard and ask him if she could run again......

........the story hasn't ended yet because I haven't found the magic wizard! I don't know if I will be able to run again or indeed whether this story has a happy ending or not. But, in case you missed it, my mind is eager, I think even desperate for my body to run again - and I just don't know if I can. "Well why not just try!", I hear you cry, yes, I guess I should. The thing is though, last time I ran, I looked like a runner and I was twenty-something. Now, I just look like a middle-aged, overweight fuddy duddy trying to re-live her youth! Maybe I am! Basically I am very self conscious about my body and the thought of anyone seeing me struggling to jog along the street fills me with fear!

I think I will plot and plan ahead and try to get in my first attempt under cover of darkness!

Our foray up Beinn Ghobhlach

On Friday last week we climbed the local peak of Beinn Ghobhlach. At its highest point, standing at 635m (total ascent 780m), it is not the highest mountain in these parts, but it is one of the most spectacular. The walk began with a relatively flat section along a loch-side path. On reaching a stream gully, however, we then had to strike directly uphill for a cool 300m (ascent). This bit was hard work but I couldn't help feeling much of the time as though I were floating on air - I felt so, so, well, fit!

At the top of this first steep section we reached a beautiful viewpoint overlooking two mountain lakes - a great spot for a short break. Soon after we set off up the second steep hike up to the main col at about 600m. This was basically a hard flog, straight up a steep mountain slope. I managed it with relative ease and reached the col feeling elated. I knew that never, in the past twenty years, would I have been able to manage such a climb with such strength (or perhaps even at all). I knew that had I even attempted it in the past there would have been a great deal more pain, sweat and misery. I think I realised at the col, as we sat down to eat some lunch, that I truly have turned a corner. My body is not, and never will be again, as it once was - that is the old me - and never to be re-visited.

A short further climb of about 35m got us up to the summit of Beinn Ghobhlach. The views from the top were absolutely stunning and well worth the hard work. After savouring the view and taking loads of photographs, we set off around the circular lip of the cirque, reaching a further three mini-summits along the way.

The climb down was very steep most of the way and involved some tricky scrambling through deep heather and bracken with hidden sandstone boulders beneath. Again, I couldn't help but reflect on the fact that my 'old' body - especially my knees - would have found this extremely painful. I just know that I would have really suffered had I attempted this descent in any of the past few years. In practice, although I'd be lying to say I wasn't a little tired by the time we got back to the car, I was actually in really good state. I could definitely have managed another tough walk the next day (except for the fact that our holiday had come to an end).

So all in all, this walk was something of a pivotal moment for me, revealing, in a fairly decisive way, my new, massively increased levels of fitness. Even as I sit here writing this I feel full of beans (not literally!) - as though I want to jump out of my chair and go for a run!!! You just never know! Amazing - I am starting to love my band.

If you are interested in seeking out this highland gem any time, click on the link above - this will take you to the Walk Highlands web site with detailed descriptions of this, and many other fabulous walks.

Money for weight loss?

We watched the tail-end of a TV programme this evening about the award of financial incentives to people to lose weight. The programme featured two teams of people set against each other in a competition to see which could lose the greatest total amount of weight. The red team were told that for every 1% of their individual excess weight loss, that member would be given £10. The blue team did not receive any financial reward and were not told that the red team were getting the cash incentive. Both teams were given full support through a six week programme of weight loss and exercise and fitness training.

At the end of the six weeks, the red team had lost the greatest amount of total weight and all the team members received their individual cash rewards. One lady received £70 for losing 7% of her excess weight! The blue team were then told about the cash incentive for the red team and they were a little 'miffed' to say the least. Some of them said that they would have tried harder had they been getting money!

However, one year later, every member of the red team had re-gained all or most of their excess weight, and every member of the blue team had kept off the weight they had lost. For some experts, this is seen as evidence that the financial reward for weight loss scheme currently being piloted by the NHS, is doomed to failure. The outcome of this mini-experiment is interpreted as showing that the people who lost weight without any financial reward did so because they were truly motivated and committed to losing weight. The other group, conversely, were motivated by the incentive - and once that was gone - so was the motivation to lose weight.

Personally, I think the NHS is barking up the wrong tree in providing payments to people for weight loss. Granted, they do have the built-in safeguard that no money exchanges hands until participants have kept off the lost weight for at least 6 months. However, the whole philosophy of this initiative encourages people to tackle weight loss - motivated by money. I find it difficult to see how this can be succesful in the long run. On another point, I was a little concerned that the exercise programme had overweight people going from no exercise at all, to running a 10km race in just six weeks. In a previous life (!) I used to be a road-runner and I know only too well the damage that can be caused to knee and ankle ligaments when (a) running with too much weight, and (b) training too hard over too short a period. For overweight people, slowly does it is the watchword - both for exercise and weight loss!

Ice cream treat for a dark walk

On Bank Holiday Monday this week I decided to go for a decent walk - somewhere. After taking an absolute age to make a decision as to where I would go, I headed off for toward the eastern Pennines (east of Manchester). I ended up walking along a stretch of the Pennine Way, a 300-mile trail that goes from the Peak District in the south to near Hexham in the north east of England. Funnily enough, I've always cherished a quiet ambition to walk the whole of the Pennine Way - it takes about 21 days and local folklore is that if you can manage the first three days - you'll get to the end! This is because the first three days takes you over the highest and remotest moors of the so-called Dark Peak. It's so-called because it's composed of the dark-coloured local Coal Measures Gritstone and gives rise to enormous plateaux of deep, dark peat. The appearance of this upland moorland country is bleak and somehow threatening - but nevertheless impressive and spectacular. I would still love to walk the whole trail someday - I'd just have to find three weeks off work......

Well anyway, on Monday, I found myself walking along a section of the Pennine Way that would normally be met on about day three if you were doing the whole walk. I took in the peak of Black Hill (an ominous name, eh?), standing at 580m in the midst of a broad, windswept, dark plateau (see photo). The path began as a pleasant amble across open grassland but quickly ascended up to, and along, an exposed gritstone edge overlooking a stream valley, Crowden Brook. This was quite pleasant until the rain started to fall more heavily. Later, the route opened out onto the plateau top where the wind mercilessly ripped through my supposed windproof clothing. I met a man at the summit who was looking for a group of girls doing the Duke of Edinburgh award scheme - but at that point I hadn't seen them.

After a hastily eaten 'lunch' (at about 2.30pm!) of cold sardines and some salad (!) I bid a hasty retreat down to the more sheltered route back along the stream valley. The rain was falling hard now and the wind just as vigorous so there was no realistic possibility of being able to sit down anywhere to eat. Consequently, I only ate half my lunch. This is not unusual when I am out on a walk - I tend to get much more thirsty than hungry and I often don't eat my lunch until I get back to the car! I still haven't really managed to design an ideal 'walking lunch' though. I posted a couple of months ago about some dismal failures of lunches taken out onto the mountains with me - I still don't seem to be able to get it right. I suppose I am looking for a lunch that satisfies all the restrictions and requirements of being a bandit, while at the same time providing plenty of energy for high energy-output activity. I guess I'll keep experimenting......

I met the 'missing' group of girls on the way back and had a little conversation with them - they looked as though they needed a bit of encouragement - they were wet through, carring heavy ruksaks and looking very tired! As was I after a couple more hours of walking! I returned to the car at about 6pm, after 5 hours of solid walking. I was rather damp but not seriously wet. I was quite tired - I think walking in wind and rain is more tiring than walking in fine weather. I ate the remainder of my lunch in the car before setting off back to the warmth and dryness of home. I'd walked about 14km, ascended about 500m and clocked up 22,000 steps on my pedometer - burning about 1800 calories!!!

That evening I decided to treat myself - we went to the cinema to see "State of Play" and I ate a huge ice cream sundae! Before going to bed I did my usual calculations to see how many calories I'd burned, how many I'd eaten and the totally calorie deficit etc for the day. Even with the ice cream, I had a total calorie deficit for the day of 1900 - more than half a pound!!! Perhaps if I'd known that I could have had two ice creams.....

.....only joking!!

The photograph (from http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/616922 ) is copyrighted but also licensed for further reuse (under the Creative Commons Licence). Copyright owned by George Tod.

Whooohoooo!!

More about the trip to Scotland. I do this trip every year. There is one day when myself and my colleagues walk up a steep valley in the Highlands. The total ascent is only about 300m but it's quite steep and takes a considerable effort. I've done this walk on the last three occasions that we've done this trip. I have absolutely hated it. The thought of doing this walk has filled me with dread for months beforehand and has been the central subject of nightmares - really. I've dreaded it so much because it's been exhausting. My colleagues are so much fitter than me and so I have always trailed miles behind them, slowing them down and slowing down the whole visit. While they have light-footedly flown up the mountain and arrived at the top fresh-faced and ready for more, I have arrived totally out of breath, sweat pouring down my face, red-faced (though purple is probably more like it) and it's just been such an awful experience. I haven't even been able to look at the features we were supposed to be looking at because I have been so fixated on simply putting one foot in front of the other. For the last three years I have been totally embarrassed about my physical condition and the sheer effort that I have needed to get up this dammed hill.

But not any more!! This time it was different. Weighing five and a half stones less and feeling so much fitter, I had actually been looking forward to this climb. For the first time, I regarded it as a challenge to be met head-on. I really was excited at the prospect of testing myself - to see how my fitness levels had improved over the past few months. I was not to be disappointed.....

In the past I have always taken up my obvious position at the back of the party (of about 20 people). I've started last and finished last - miles behind everyone else. This year, feeling positive, I decided to position myself about half way through the group and just see how I got on......... I got to the top with only four people in front of me!!! FANTASTIC!!! That was how I felt! I arrived at the top feeling as though I could have gone on a lot further. I felt fresh. There was harly a bead of sweat on me. There was a spring in my step. I was even able to stop along the route at 'difficult' spots and assist others along the path!! I was one of the first people down too. Amazing.

Back in the vehicles afterwards, making our way back to base, I commented to a trusted colleague on my increased level of fitness and said how great I felt. I couldn't resist but let out a huge"WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!" - I was just so excited!!

I know there are lots of reasons for wanting to lose weight - improved health, appearance, practicalities (e.g. clothes etc). But for me, my lack of fitness has always been a key driver. I know I still have a long way to go - this was after all, just a 300m climb, not exactly Everest eh?! BUT, it's a great start, it has improved my self-confidence no end and for the first time since I started this weight loss-band venture, I truly feel that I have made some real, lasting progress.

So, in case you missed it the first time round, WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!