Sparkling insight

One of the comments on a post a few days ago, generously contributed by Sparkler, demonstrated incredible insight into some aspects of my predicament. I'm going to address them one by one and see where it takes me:

This is a really tough time in the journey...all the newness has worn off, you're nearly there so you're probably pretty comfortable with your weight right now, so the urgency has dropped.

That is SOoooo right. Truth is, if I didn't lose another pound - I'd be a little disappointed but I wouldn't be devastated, because the worst of the weight has gone. I started at 20 stone, I now weigh about 12 and a half. I'd like to be ten and a half - but I'm thin enough that I can walk, jog, swim - and all with relative comfort. I can buy 'normal' clothes in 'normal' shops for the first time in my adult life and so the urgency has gone. Spot on Sparkler. But when I sit down and really think about it - I don't want to settle for this - it is less than I wanted when I started out and I want better. I am not looking for perfection but I do want to be in control of my eating and my weight. No, I wouldn't be devastated if I didn't lose another pound, but I don't think I would look upon my band experience as a complete success either.

Everything about the band is so familiar which means it doesn't take much thinking about.

Yes, you're right again. But this is the problem. I often THINK it doesn't need thinking about because it's so familiar - but actually it does. For example, I thought I'd 'cracked' the think about not drinking after eating - I thought it had become second nature. But in the last few months I have got back into bad habits again. Also, I have had more slime and regurgitation events in the last few months than I've ever had. This is not because my band is too tight - it's because sometimes I just forget it is there and get back to old eating habits (eating too much, too quick, the wrong type of food, eating while distracted etc). I probably need to get out my old 'band manual' and re-read it again from start to finish and keep on reminding myself that I have a little friend inside me - and it's going to be there for life....

I'd be interested to hear what your restriction is like now on an average day. Do you still eat the same small portion sizes or are you able to eat more at a sitting? Do you still have certain foods that are a no-go area? What's it like once it all becomes routine, mundane and everyday?

When I make good food choices I have excellent 'sweet spot' restriction. My meals are small and they fill me up. I can't guzzle a drink down fast like I used to but have to take it in smaller mouthfuls and slowly. I'm much more restricted in the morning and can't really eat much till mid-morning. IF (and it's a big IF) I don't eat chocolate and other 'bad' foods, I exist very happily on about 1200 calories a day and don't feel physically hungry at all. There's no sign of my band getting looser. There are very fews that are a no-go area - mainly chips (French fries), very fatty foods like battered fish (chip-shop style), and the skins of cherry tomatoes and grapes! I avoid white bread but can easily eat whoolemeal bread (though not in large quantity). Many of the things that I used to perceive as big problems or difficulties - just aren't! I can eat out but do so very cautiously. So far I have avoided having any embarrassing incidents while eating out and would like it to remain that way!

Good luck with getting that focus back to fight off that last stubborn stone and a half. Actually having a break from the strict regime probably won't do you any harm as once you get back to your walking and cut out the lovely but lethal chocolate you'll be like a new dieter who has a really rewarding first three weeks or so. A post-Easter resolution perhaps?

You may be right about having a break from the strict regime but I think I need to get back to it soon. Now that work has eased off I am finding time to get back to some exercise - walking, stepping and swimming mainly. I think you are right - I will wait until I am firmly back in the UK after my trip and then set a date to kick-start my band-life.

Many thanks for your insight and encouragement!

Fat Man Slim

This evening I watched a documentary on Sky Three called Fat Man Slim. It was about an obese, 40 year old successful businessman who decided to change his life. He weighed 26.5 stone and vowed to lose 6 stone in 12 months. He also gave up work for a year so that he and his wife could focus on weight loss, health and fitness. In the event, he lost that amount in the first six months. He did it with his wife by eating non-processed goods, lots of fruit and veg, and doing lots of exercise. 

After achieving his one year target in six months he set a new target to lose another 20kg in the last six months. With two months to go he had just 5kg to go, so he changed it to 10kg because that would have added up to a total of ten stone for the year! He achieved his ten stone goal after one year. Amazing. This is a guy with bucketloads of determination. To continue losing weight at this rate he was going to the gym twice a day, five times a week, and eating three small meals a day. 

It was fascinating to see him go through the same clothes stages that I did - first they wouldn't fit, then they would, they they were too big! 

At the end of his journey his whole face appeared so much thinner and he looked younger and basically fab. Seeing a whole year condensed into an hour offered a fascinating insight into the way that the body can change, given the right treatment. The man, known as 'Squeeze' (!) said that over the year he passed through five emotional phases:
 
Shame
Guilt
Anger
Acceptance
Recovery process

He talked about the inner battle he has had with himself - not just in the past year but always - and not just about weight but with most things. He talked about how he has learnt how to manage this 'inner battle'. The layers of emotional baggage, fat, and constant over-compensation (e.g. for his weight, lack of fitness and self-worth) - they are all gone now. All that's left is him. On the one hand this is great because he's now just himself, but it's also a little scary.  

There was a fascinating meeting with his doctor at about the four month point. The doctor asked him how he was, what he thought of himself having lost so much weight? His response? "I loathe myself less". The doctor was a little taken aback and obviously had no real understanding of the self-loathing and low self-esteem issues faced by many obese people. The doctor afterwards said to the camera that it was surprising that despite all of his successes in life - work, home, marriage - he doesn't have a very high opinion of himself. I can relate to this totally. 
 
Squeeze said that it's not until you admit you have a problem and commit yourself to changing things, that you start to seriously think about how you see yourself. Maybe you're not so aware of self-loathing before, or perhaps you just bury it. He talked about how he was always seen as the fat fool, disguising inner struggles with humour and bravado: "Bravado is a wonderful tool for divorcing yourself from your situation and I used it in spades". 

And finally, some advice for weight losers who start to get over-confident: "Whenever I started feeling cocky I would stand in front of a full length mirror and jump up and down stark-b*****k naked. Believe me - that's motivation!"  

Predisposed to gluttony

There was an interesting item on the One Show on BBC this evening. They are taking a look at the seven deadly sins - one each day - and it was gluttony's turn today. First the question was asked, why are we so gluttonous? Is this something we are predisposed to from an evolutionary point of view? Well, apparently yes. In ancient times food was relatively scarce, particularly in the winter months. Therefore we would eat what we could find and hunt in the summer months of relative plenty and gain weight. This extra fat would have seen us through the relatively lean days of the winter. The difficulty for modern (western) people is that food is never in shortage and therefore we simply gain weight and become obese.

The programme makers then asked if there was anything we can do to overcome this - so they performed a simple experiment. They got four people to fast for 24 hours. They were then allowed to eat as much as they wanted. Blood samples were taken during the fasting, during the eating and afterwards. They tested two groups of hormones, those that relate to hunger (ghelin) and several others that indicate satiety - or fullness. They found that, as expected, the ghelin was very high before eating - because they were hungry from their 24h fast. Ghelin levels then fell during eating and again afterwards. However, it took 30 minutes for this hormone to fall. At the same time, the levels of satiety hormones increased during and after eating - but again there was a delay of about 30 minutes before any change took place.

The problem with delay this was illustrated superbly by one of the participants, who, in less than 30 minutes, ate a substantial meal of steak, chips and peas, and no less than FIVE desserts!! This totalled more than 3,000 calories - far higher than the recommended total daily intake for a man of his height and weight! Adrian Chiles, one of the programme presenters joked that he usually tried to eat his food as quickly as possible so that he could eat it all before that 'full' feeling had time to kick in!!

So, the moral of this tale, is EAT SLOWLY! This is what our band providers tell us all the time and here is the reason why. So, message to self: Eat slowly, eat with small utensils to facilitate this, put the knife and fork down between mouthfuls, chew everything a lot to slow it down even further and finally, don't get distracted while eating because this tends to make us eat even faster!

Seasons greetings

Hello again! Happy Christmas! We've just returned from a Christmas week spent on holiday in Tenerife. We booked it all at the last minute and were lucky to get anything. But in the event, we had a fantastic time. We only just managed to get out of Manchester airport a week ago because it was snowing heavily at the time. The day before there had been awful delays because of the weather, but we were very lucky and only had an hours delay. Arriving in Tenerife we were faced with 20-25 degrees C most of the time. The last couple of days have been even hotter. We stayed in a lovely apartment at Puerta de la Cruz on the north coast. Although we had full self catering facilities we ate out every evening.

Probably the fact that we only found (or even looked for!) the beach on the last morning says something about the kind of people we are! However, we hired a car for the week and got around and saw lots of the island. Every day we went for a decent walk - I clocked up at least 15,000 steps per day and 25,000 on one day. I'm defintely feeling fitter already. The island is dominated by the volcano, Mount Teide, which stands at an incredible 3717m. We didn't get up to the top (you can get from 2200 to near the top by cable car) because high winds prevented the cable car from running. However, we did lots of high level walks with absolutely stunning views of modern and ancient lava flows, volcanic cones and deep chasms.

Needless to say, I did not count my calories while on holiday, but did my best to keep my appetite under control. I ate relatively small amounts for breakfast and lunch but tended to eat more in the afternoon and evening. Every afternoon, for instance, we bought an ice cream as 'reward' for walking in the heat. Eating out every evening, I tried to choose small meals. I always chose two courses (usually a starter and main course). However, a couple of times I ate so little of my main course I asked for a 'doggy bag' to take the rest away with me. By the end of the week I had switched to two starters. However, on the last evening my first starter was so big (a tuna and bean salad) that I took that away in a doggy bag and ate it for lunch on the way home yesterday!!

So all in all, a really fabulous Christmas. I'm not sure I want to do this every year because it's nice to spend time with family and enjoy the traditional atmosphere, sights and sounds of Christmas. But it was nice to do do something different, restful and get back to exercising! I'm now thinking about truly getting back to some proper, regular exercise. I also have it in mind that I'm going to take on a major physical challenge in 2010 - but more of that tomorrow....

Pre-band fears part 4: Eating cold food

Before I got banded, I read stories about bandits eating meals and taking an age over it. The thing that struck me, was the number of bandits who said that they commonly ended up eating cold food because it took so long to eat a meal that it got cold. Now, I've always hated eating cold food. A meal, for me, has to be served up piping hot to be truly enjoyable. The only times I have sent food back in a restaurant is when it hasn't been hot enough. So you can imagine, I was rather perturbed at the possibility of never again eating a hot meal.

So has my fear been realised? Well there's no doubt that my food does frequently end up cold by the time I've finished it. When I've eaten out with other people I have always finshed ages after everyone else. At home, my husband has usually finished his meal before I'm even one quarter of the way through mine! So, is this eating of cold food the problem that I envisaged it would be? Well the first thing to say is that my provider recommends that if you haven't finished a meal after 30 minutes, you should stop eating and throw any remains away. In theory at least, therefore, a meal will only get as cold as it can get after 30 minutes. The second thing to note is that a half eaten, 'gone-cold' meal can always be heated up in the microwave if necessary. But I have to say that my initial fears have been completely unfounded for another, unexpected reason:

The fact is, now, I eat much more slowly than I used to. This means that I taste and savour the tastes and textures of every mouthful. In turn, this means that I enjoy my food much more than I used to - whether it is hot or cold! Whether or not my food is hot cold is no longer the 'big issue' it used to be. Now, I think much more about the way that I eat, what I at, how much eat and the wonderful tastes if my food. This pre-band fear has turned out to be a non-entity!

Pre-band fears part 1: Eating out

I promised a couple of weeks ago that I was going to post a few articles exploring some of the concerns I had before I got banded - and how those things have panned out. Funny, when I look back at those concerns, none of them were about the surgery itself, any medical issues or worries about complications etc. Here's some of the things that occupied my anxious thoughts at the time:

1. Eating out
2. Being sick
3. People calling me a cheat
4. Eating cold food
5. Not being able to eat enough when I need extra energy (like when on a long hike)

I might think of some more as I work through them. So, here's for the first one - eating out:

A couple of days before surgery I went through a 'cold feet' phase of asking myself was I really doing the right thing? I'd somehow got it into my head that never again, would I be able to eat out. I'd never be able to go out for a meal with my family again and I probably wouldn't even be able to join colleagues eating lunch in the staff canteen! I'm not sure exactly where I got these ideas from, perhaps from the consultant I saw who said I wouldn't be able to eat a 3-course meal again and I'd have to order a starter instead of a main course.

So what has the reality been? Well the first thing to say to any would-be bandits out there, is DON'T PANIC! You WILL be able to eat out! I don't eat out on a regular basis but have eaten out with friends and family groups on a number of occasions since being banded. I guess when I eat out I don't attempt to stick to all of the usual rules, but neither do I completely 'blow it' by stuffing myself silly. A happy medium then, is what I aim for. Typically, I would have a small starter (usually soup but no bread) to begin with. Soup goes down nice and easy so doesn't make me feel full. Then I usually choose a starter for my main course. I did try a main meal a couple of times but they were just too big. I felt bad at leaving so much food and attempted to eat more than was comfortable. So, a starter as a main course suits me fine. A typical starter would be Thai fish cakes, tuna salad, salmon. I tend to avoid 'mixed' food like curry, bolognaise etc because they have lots of unknown fats in the sauces. In the past, I ALWAYS had dessert. Nowadays, my brain wants dessert but my stomach doesn't! I also like to have a sweet taste in my mouth at the end of a meal. So, my solution has been to order a dessert to share with my husband. He's quite a fast eater and I'm so slow, so that he ends up eating 75% of it - which is fine!

So that's what I eat. Now what about the eating process itself? Well, I was never a particularly fast eater before, but now you can bet your last dollar that I will be the last to finish every course! This has been slightly embarrassing at times because people who don't know about my band obviously wonder why on earth I'm such a slow eater. However, I just pass it off with a comment like 'sorry I'm a slow eater' or 'sorry - I've been talking too much'. I also have to be doubly careful not to eat or swallow too big mouthfuls in case I end up getting hiccups, slime or worse. I don't suffer too much with any of these but am more likely to if distracted. Therefore, when I eat out I am particularly careful to focus on the eating process and avoid any mishaps.

I've seen a number of info-bites from bariatric surgeons and associates commenting on eating and drinking while eating out. Most have said that bandits should not try to stick rigidly to separating eating and drinking while out. In fact I again, try to go for a happy medium. On the one hand, it's usually impractical to avoid drinking when you're put for a meal. I generally try to swig down as much fluid as I can before the meal begins, and limit my intake afterwards. On the other hand, however, I have to be careful that drinking after I've eaten doesn't bring on an attack of the slime. If there's food sitting my pouch and I have a drink, one of two things can happen. Either the fluid washes the food through (no problem there then), or it gets blocked, turns the food into liquid mush which only has one way out - UP!! DefinItely to be avoided.

So is it possible to eat out when you have a band? Absolutely yes. However, if you have good restriction you won't be able to eat a normal three meals. You'll also have to eat slowly and be careful not to get distracted. In the weeks coming up to Christmas I have several celebratory meals coming up. I'm looking forward to them every bit as much as I would have before being banded. Looking back to my pre-band fears I realise they were largely unfounded. While what and how I eat are slightly different to what they once were, I can still go out and fully enjoy the company of family and friends. I guess that's it really - the emphasis is more on enjoyment and company and less on food. That's the band for you!

Having a better day - why?

I've had quite a good couple of days. On Sunday I set aside time to do some stepping, light weights training and stretching. I felt so much better afterwards and it gave me a mental lift. Yesterday was a very long, hard day at work but I somehow managed to largely stick to healthy eating. Today has been a bit more relaxed and I've eaten quite healthily today. I ate raspberries, Greek yoghurt and chopped banana for breakfast. It was midday before I was able to eat it and it was slow going. But it left me feeling quite full. For late lunch I ate a cheese sandwich with a tin of Weight Watchers mushroom soup. I got peckish early evening (nothing new there then!) and had a small cereal bar. Then this evening I ate a piece of fresh trout fillet, stuffed pasta and mixed veg (butternut squash, courgette and spinach). I bought the trout Monday, thinking it was salmon! Still, it tasted delish and was lower in fat than the salmon!

I guess today has been better for three reasons:

1. I worked at home so (a) wasn't tempted by the chocolate vending machine at work and (b) was able to take much more control over the timing of meals.
2. I was feeling a bit more positive after a weekend that included some exercise.
3. I started the day a bit later (10am instead of 5.30am) and so ate my evening meal later. I am writing this at 10.30pm, about to go to bed and feeling nicely full!

So can I carry any of this forward to give me continued success? Well I certainly can't work at home every day (chance would be a fine thing!). I could try to make sure I don't have any loose change so I can't use the vending machine. I could also eat my breakfast later in the day (I don't usually feel hungry in the morning anyway) - or split breakfast and have some a bit later. But I honestly think the thing most likely to work for me us making time to do some exercise, walk, go to the gym, swim etc. Because whenever I do physical activity I get a psychological boost and feel so much better physically. I am building up a renewed resolve to put exercise higher up my priority list.

Keep your fingers crossed for me please!

New breakfast plans

I went shopping this evening after work and stocked up on lots of healthy food. I'm going to try a different strategy for breakfast. During the week I normally take mixed All Bran and muesli to work with me. I don't particularly enjoy this breakfast but I suppose I think it's good for me. However, I've thought for a while that I need to have more protein early in the day. Anyway, my new experiment is to have fresh berries, low fat Greek style yoghurt and muesli. I'm going to take the ingredients to work (we have a kitchen with fridge etc) so that they're always available every day whenever I want them. Day one is tomorrow - watch this space.

Why I've not gained weight

I recently responded to a post on the UKGastricBand forum to someone who was asking how to get the self control needed to overcome the desire to eat chocolate and other unhealthy things. I've copied some of my response below. Some of these things I have said on here before, but thinking about it helped me put into perspective exactly why I hadn't gained weight during some of the bad times I've experienced in recent months.

"I am a self-confessed emotional eater and complete chocaholic and yet I've lost nearly 8 stone (if I can do it - anyone can!!!). When things in life are going well, my desire to eat chocolate and other bad stuff just goes - and if anything, I crave good, nutritious, healthy foods. During these times I lose weight. However, when life is difficult, as it has been for me over the past 2-3 months (work pressures), I utterly crave chocolate. Over the past 2-3 months I have regularly (i.e. every 2-3 days) binged on chocolate. By that, I mean, I've gone out and bought 6-7 bars of chocolate and eaten my way through all of them in an evening. On top of that I've eaten cheese sandwiches (cheese comes second to chocolate in my head), muffins, iced buns and all sorts of other rubbish.

HOWEVER (this is the good bit) - during these times I have NOT GAINED any weight! This is because:

1. My metabolism has speeded up because I've lost weight so my body uses calories more effectively,
2. I do more exercise (though nothing like as much as I do when life is going well),
3. The portion sizes of my main meals is much smaller than it ever used to be - because of the band,
4. In between the bad days I have relatively good days where I have a negative calorie balance (i.e. I use more than I put in).

So, if you still find you can't keep off the chocolate (and incidentally, I never keep any in the house), it's not all doom and gloom - stick to good eating habits as much as you can and this should mean that at least you won't gain any more weight. On good days, and at good times in your life, you should be able to lose with the band - and keep it off during the bad times".

ONE YEAR TODAY!

It's my bandiversary today! One year ago I was recovering in hospital after my early morning surgery. In fact, at this precise time, I was sitting in the chair watching TV and trying to take my mind off the discomfort and general fuzziness that was my head. Reading back over my blog post the day after surgery, I am reminded that on the evening of my surgery I watched the X Factor before getting a nurse to help me back into bed for the night. Well nothing new there a year on then, because I'll be glued to it again this evening!

So how has the last year been? Well, on the plus side, I am 110 pounds lighter than I was a year ago, I am MUCH fitter and healthier, and can now fit into size 16 clothes. I still have 25 pounds to lose and a couple more clothes sizes to drop, but even if I don't lose another pound, I would still consider my band journey to be a success. On the minus side, it hasn't been easy. There have been some low points as well as highs and it has been a complete pain the bum having to keep a daily food diary! That said, it will be the last habit I break becuase it has been enormously valuable and I wouldn't have achieved what I have had I not kept it religously. I've had a long route to finding my sweet spot, including seven fills and two de-fills. I've spent 48 days of the last year on fluids and a further 48 on mush!

This blog was started on day one of my pre-op diet, on 10th Novemeber 2008. Since that time there have been more than 6,000 visits to the site and about 350 posts. I have communicated with hundreds of fellow bandits through the blog and through the UKGastricBand forum (and other similar sites) and feel I have made some firm friends, albeit virtually, for life. In fact I will be meeting up with a group of bandits in Manchester next weekend - we've never met before but have all shared the ups and downs of band-life on a regular basis and Im sooo looking forward to it.

My daily life isn't hugely different from what it was. I don't eat breakfast before I leave for work any more - I eat it later in the morning. I also don't eat in the staff canteen any more. I don't eat 'on the go' any more - my daily eating is carefully planned out, prepared in advance, weighed, measured and written down! The contents of the food cupboards in our house are different - there's no chocolate, very rarely any cheese in the fridge (except Rosemary Conley's low fat cheese sometimes), and no biscuits or cakes. I still eat out occasionally, but I'm always the last person to finish now. I can still eat anything. I very rarely take the lift at work and can now take the stairs up to my fourth floor office two at a time. I do a bit of jogging, visit the gym, swim and do lots of walking. I get much less sweaty than I used to!

My wardrobe is completely different. There is now nothing left in my wardrobe that I wore before getting banded. There are relatively few clothes in there because I don't want to buy too many before I reach my final target weight. What has surprised me is the fact that most of my shoes are now too big and my wedding ring now fits!

Looking back to the days before I had surgery, I know that I had a number of concerns - not least of which was 'would the band work?'. But there were other things too, like, would I still be able to eat out? I had visions that I would never again be able to go out for a meal with my family. Anyway, to celebrate my 'coming of age' today, I have decided to start a short series of posts (starting later this week) where I will explore some of these pre-op qualms and look at how they have panned out, how I have dealt with them, was I right to be anxious about x, y and z, or were they empty fears?

If you have any pre-op fears that you'd like me to focus on, please leave a comment and I'll do my best!

Recipe: Olive tofu and pasta

Here's a favourite vegetarian 'recipe' of mine:

Olive tofu (available from The Eighth Day in Manchester and other specialist vegetarian shops), with spinach, mushroom-stuffed pasta and mixed shitake and chestnut mushrooms. I lightly boil the pasta and the rest is steamed in the microwave with plenty of black pepper and a splash of light soy. The edginess of the olives tastes wonderful against the subtle tastes of mushrooms and spinach. Mmmmm! The whole meal is about 350 calories and takes only 15 minutes to prepare. The meal is well balanced - you should end up with a side plate with 25% carbs (the pasta), 25% protein (tofu), and 50% veggies.

What I ate today

Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast: All Bran and muesli mixed, half a glass of orange juice and an Actimel drink.

Lunch: Half a piece of salmon, a slice of wholemeal bread with a thick layer of Philadelphia Extra Light, and some steamed mushrooms and red onion.

Afternoon snacks: Small pear and Alpen Light cereal bar.

Dinner: Other half a piece of salmon, mushroom-stuffed pasta, green beans and sprouts.

Dessert: Muller Light yoghurt.

Total calories for the day 1090.

I still eat all my meals off a small (7-inch) sideplate and use a cake fork. I usually eat in front of the TV but don't allow myself to get distracted. I chew everything really well and take small mouthfuls.

Snacking works for me

I've tried eating three meals per day but I find that smaller meals with healthy snacks in between works better for me. Today, for example, here's what I've eaten:

Breakfast: Mixed All Bran and Alpen muesli, half a glass of orange juice and Actimel drink.
Lunch: Low fat cheese and baked beans on one slice of wholemeal toast.
Snacks: Pear, low fat Alpen Light cereal bar, ricecake with Philadelphia cream cheese (extra light)
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice, mushrooms and green beans.
Snack: Sliced mango. I might have a small, low fat yoghurt before I go to bed.

I often get hungry between lunch and evening meal, so having some healthy snacks mid to late afternoon works well for me. Most dieticians advise against 'snacking' but I think this is to stop people eating biscuits, crisps and other high sugar, high fat foods.

Three courses

We've been out for a meal with friends this evening and I ate three courses! Then I read about someone for whom a two-slice sandwich lasts them all day - and I'm back to wondering again if I have enough restriction! I ate a small piece of quiche with salad for starter, salmon and veg for main and a pannacotta with blackberries for dessert (a bit like cheesecake with no biscuit base!). On the plus side, I had a lovely evening out and enjoyed some wonderful food. I didn't eat nearly as much as I would have done in the past and I am stuffed. We are going for a decent walk tomorrow so hopefully I can burn off some of the extra calories!

Mushrooms are a girl's best friend....

I've started keeping a list of meals that really fill me up. I don't know what it is but I have an awful memory and no imagination whatsoever. If I don't write ideas down I completely forget the following week and get stuck for what to eat. My list is only about three meals long at the moment but I have noticed a recurring theme. Every time my meal includes mushrooms (which is quite often because I love 'em), that meal gets added to the list! They're quite solid and chewy and fibrou, very low fat and low calorie (a whole box of them is only about 20 calories). That makes them very filling and excellent for staying in my pouch. I make sure I get flavoursome mushroms such as shitaki or chestnut, and for added flavour I always pour on loads of coarse ground black pepper and a light splash of soy sauce.

We're going out for a meal this evening - for the first of two times this week (going out on Friday with friends too). I'm hoping to be reasonably sensible in my food choices but we'll see..... at the moment I'm feeling a little as though all the hard work I've been doing lately means that I 'deserve' something nice!!! Perhaps I can restrain myself enough to have just a starter and then share a dessert? Watch this space!

Finding a twin and turning a corner

At last - I have found another bandit who is exactly the same as me!!!!! A lady posted on the UKGastricBand forum all about her typical eating and drinking during the day, and some stuff about her philosophy on the band and restriction - her experiences of PB'ing, regurgitating, iron fist and all that - and she's SOooooo similar to me - it's scary!!

Like me, she has hardly ever done all the nasty stuff like vomiting and regurgitating food. She doesn't get any pain. She can eat anything but in smaller portions and with a great deal of chewing. She also drinks a lot so she's fully hydrated. She has moderate restriction but finds it harder to eat in the morning until after she's had some drinks. Like me, she can eat chocolate and biscuits for England. The foods that she eats during the day are very similar to me - Oatso Simple for breakfast, or a small banana and Muller Light yoghurt. She has crispbreads and protein and salad for lunch and very similar evening meals too! She also loves Alpen Light cereal bars and doesn't hesitate to take a healthy snack if it's needed.

It brought tears to my eyes as I was reading her post because I am sure I've never encountered another bandit who shares so much in common with me. For months I've read stories and had face-to-face discussions with bandits who get loads of pain / iron fist, vomit / regurgitate and can only eat three peas before feeling full (!) and I've never had any of that - so I've always felt as though I just must be a bit weird!!!

But probably the best thing about her post was what she said about her philosphy on restriction and getting fills. She said: "On a bad day I eat chocolate/biscuits/cakes/sweets/lattes but no matter how tight my band I'd still manage them so why have it that tight and suffer even when I'm being good?". Wow - she is so right. For ages now, as you know if you're a regular reader, I've to'ed and fro'ed about whether I needed another fill. But the truth is this: On a good day when I make good, healthy food choices, my restriction is perfect. I can eat anything I like but in small portions and with a lot of chewing. On a bad day, when I make poor food choices and scoff chocolate, cakes, biscuits and such, the band has no effect. It doesn't stop me eating that stuff - I knew it wouldn't and I know it never will - no matter how tight my band is. So what would be the point in making myself suffer with over-tight restriction when I'm being good, to gain no advantage whatsoever when I'm not being good?!

Mentally at least, I feel as though I may have turned an important corner.

Tuna salad nicoise

I found a small gap in my busy schedule (about 50 minutes!) and went out for lunch with some colleagues today. We ate at a restaurant bar opposite my workplace - somewhere we've eaten many times before. They are notoriously slow at service so we pre-ordered our meals. This was a great relief to me because I literally only had 50 minutes to spare. I thought that if they were at all late in serving I wouldn't have time to eat mine! I ordered tuna salad nicoise, which is basically a seared tuna steak with mixed salad including green beans and half a boiled egg. It also comes with a few olives. It wasn't a large portion, but enough to keep me fully occupied for 45 miniutes solid. I finished eating at least 20 minutes after everybody else, but hey, I truly enjoyed my meal and tasted every morsel!! I had to - it needed really well chewing. I had to stop a few times to allow food to go down, but apart from one hiccup (I seem to be prone to hiccupping), there was never any real danger of me embarrassing myself! By the end of it I was somewhere between pleasantly satisfied and full (numbers 6 and 7 on Paul McKenna's Hunger Scale). An hour later, in a meeting, I drank two cups of coffee and tea and followed them up with a couple of biscuits. I don't know about anybody else, but I always feel a craving to have something sweet after eating a savoury meal?

Anyway, it's nearly home time now (shall I go to the gym??) and I'm doing my best to ensure that today is successful - in terms of how much I eat. So far so good - but evening is often my downfall. I did really well yesterday and feel as though I am beginning to get back on track. I also lost 0.4 of a pound this morning - which might not sound much but it's the first hint of me losing anything (apart from my head) for at least six weeks - so I'm very happy with it!!

SO much to remember!

I used to think banding was simple - it restricts your stomach, you can't eat as much, you feel full sooner and for longer. Oh if only it were that straight forward! Here are a few of the 'rules' I have to remind myself of daily:

1. Eat three small meals per day
2. Chew everything to death and eat small pieces
3. Don't drink after eating
4. Use small utensils and a side plate for meals
5. Practice environmental control
6. Keep reminding your husband to hide the baguette and biscuits
7. Take a bagful of food with you to work every day (breakfast cereal, milk, orange juice, Actimel, lunch, healthy snacks)
8. Write everything down - food, calories, drinks, exercise, steps.....
9. Make sure plenty of your meal is made up of protein to keep you feeling full for longer (it takes away the hunger)
10. Don't overcook the vegetables - the crunchier the better
11. Beware when eating fruit with skins or peels - eat extra slowly and not in front of everyone (hiccups can be violent)
12. Take healthy snacks to work - better than eating chocolate
13. Keep reminding your husband to add healthy things to the shopping list (fruit, yoghurt, cottage cheese) - and to remove things that are too tempting (biscuits and baguettes)
14. Drink, drink, and drink some more
15. If you think you're hungry, have a drink first - then eat if you still feel hungry after half an hour
16. Is it real hunger or just head hunger?
17. If you start thinking about chocolate, do something to distract yourself.... (MUCH easier said than done)
18. Keep reminding your husband not to bring you a cup of tea immediately after you've eaten
19. Worry about whether you've got the right level of restriction at least every five minutes......
20. Remember to cook a double portion of dinner so you can take half of it to work for lunch the next day
21. Cook meals that are nutritionally balanced
22. Take your daily multivitamin, and calcium tablets, oh, and lactulose occasionally......
23. Stop buying huge amounts of fod on the weekly shop - it will end up going mouldy
24. Get excited about strong restriction in the morning - and then get disapointed when it wears off in the aftrnoon
25. Find time to walk
26. Find time to go to the gym
27. ...or do anything else physical
28. Keep reminding your husband to put most of the bread in the freezer - I can't eat so much these days so it will go off if left in the bread bin
29. Refrain from getting annoyed when every other person you see asks you, in a loud voice, how much you weigh....

Oh I could go on! There are so many lessons to learn in living with the band but it's just impossible to keep them all in your head at the same time. So as fast as I remember one lesson, I forget the rest. Today, I went to work with what I thought was a lovely lunch (leftovers from last night - but nice, nonetheless). However, whereas last night I put quite a lot of low fat melted cheese on it - today I didn't. The result was a very bland meal with absolutely no fat in it, unappetising and completely lacking in protein. End result? One hungry lady mid-afternoon - looking for snacks and 'nice' things to eat.....

When will I ever learn?!!

Breakfast choices

For ages now, I've been having cereal for breakfast. Mostly I have All Bran or a mixture of All Bran and fruit-rich muesli, and sometimes I have Oatso Simple porridge. However, on and off over the past few weeks, I've been having bread in some form. Sometimes a piece of toast, sometimes plain wholemeal bread with marmalade on. I must confess that I actually prefer the bread or toast to cereal. However, I suppose I think I should have cereal at least some of the time because (a) it means I get more milk, and therefore, more calcium, and (b) because the All Bran helps my digestion! On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that bread makes me feel fuller for longer - after all, cereal is very runny and probably goes straight through my band.

It just makes me think - it's been over 10 months since being banded and yet I'm still discovering what appear to be the basics of working with the band! I'm still trying out different things for lunch and evening meal and I've started compiling a list of meals that fill me up. Maybe I'm just a slow learner?!

Whoa what a week!

I'm back! I haven't actually been anywhere, just working 14 hours a day for the past couple of weeks. There's no immediate end in sight, but having worked most of Saturday I'm giving myself the evening off. So, hello again. I hope you've all had a good week. Mine hasn't been brilliant. Working such long hours my carefully thought-out eating and fitness plans gave gone awry. Typically, I've eaten breakfast at my usual time but not got lunch until late in the day. One day I ate breakfast at 7.30am and then didn't eat again until 4.30pm! To be honest, I wasn't even hungry then, because I'd been too busy to think about hunger and was running on pure adrenalin.

However, things have been much worse in the evenings. It's as though all the constraints of the day just go out the window and I just go bonkers! I've been bingeing on chocolate and all sorts of sweet things about every other day. It's played havoc with my digestive system and also with my head. It's made me really down - though I'm sure I'm down partly because of the stress of this period at work. Today has been better, so far. Rather oddly, I was stuffed after one piece of toast this morning, and then again after half a small tin of beans on toast at lunch. In fact, after lunch, I experienced mild 'iron fist' (pain around the band area - behind the breastbone) for the first time! This evening I'm sitting here stuffed again - this time from salmon, potatoes and veg. Oh well, I guess I just need to make the most of it!

Some days I've got loads of exercise from running around at work. But other days I've just sat at my computer all day and got very little exercise. The upshot of my relatively poor eating and exercising this last week is that I'm a pound or two up on what I was. I'm not fretting about that too much - I know I can give myself a bit of slack because of my work situation at present.

I bought a book called 'Breaking Free From Emotional Eating' by Geneen Roth. I haven't had time to read much yet (!) but am expecting great things from it. I'll report back on this as I learn new things.