.....continuing from yesterday..... The salmon meal arrived and I just sat there and laughed at it - it was HUGE! The salmon was at least twice the size of anything I had eaten in the last six months and was accompanied by five very large new potatoes and half a large plateful of salad doused in mayonnaise! Well, even I knew that I wasn't going to be able to do this meal justice, but my 'fat' brain told me that I couldn't possibly waste the salmon - so I somehow stuffed it all in! I also managed one small potato - and that was my lot - I had already eaten goats cheese beforehand, don't forget!
What was interesting about Friday, was that I had much greater restriction in the morning. This eased off a little around lunch time, and then by evening, the band was relatively loose. Had I been faced with goat's cheese, salmon and potatoes in the morning I would probably have only managed one tenth of what I did manage to eat. I am aware that many bandits experience much more restriction in the morning but although I have felt hints of this previously, this is the first time I have noticed such a marked difference.
Saturday started off interestingly because I was to experience breakfast 'out'. Even before I was banded I was in the habit of not eating breakfast until relatively late - an hour or two after I get to work, and at weekends I usually lie-in and eat breakfast relatively late too. So this was going to be a test - getting up, showered, dressed, and then eating breakfast straightaway at 8am.... I started off with yoghurt rather than risk crunchy cereal. It was going down fine but it took me so long to eat - I was really just dipping the spoon in and licking it - so it took ages. I struggled a little to swallow the orange juice. This is a bit odd - finding more difficulty swallowing liquids than yoghurt or soft solids - I experienced this after an earlier fill but I have never sorted out the reason for it.
The host arrived with my breakfast long before I had finished the yoghurt and seemed surprised (I'm sure she must have thought I was just a gas-bag who had been talking rather than eating!!). I had previously selected scrambled egg and potato scone for my cooked breakfast because I thought these would go down easiest. Again - they went down OK - but really, really slowly. My other half had eaten all his massive, traditional Scottish cooked breakfast, followed up with loads of jam and toast and had three cups of tea before I had even eaten one fifth of mine!! It's ironic because he doesn't really enjoy eating out - he hates waiting......!
Lunch time was not dissimilar to the day before - I bought a cheese salad roll and ate it in three separate mini-lunches! ...And very slowly but without any real difficulty.
For evening meal, I decided that I wanted a treat - well we were away on a celebration weekend weren't we?! I decided I would have a main course followed by dessert. My plan of action included ordering an OAP size main course so that I would still have room for the dessert! Well either they forgot, or pensioners eat large meals in Scotland, because the main meal was quite large. It was pasta with spinach, goat's cheese and pine nuts. It was billed on the menu as a "light, healthy option" and it was lovely. I ate most of the cheese, pine nuts and spinach but left about a third of the pasta. I was stuffed! Too stuffed for dessert - it even made me feel sick to think about eating anything else!
So, despite feeling a little despondent a couple of days before, I was now getting cautiously optimistic that this fill was going to 'the one'..... continued tomorrow
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Back on solids - or am I? Part one
I officially went back onto solids after my fifth fill at lunchtime on Wednesday 13th May. I had been quite 'good' on this occasion and stuck to fluids and mush for the requisite three days each. On Wednesday I decided to stay safe and ate some 'soft' solids - if you see what I mean. I ate a pasta salad with prawns, followed by some slices of ripe mango. Later in the evening I ate more pasta (a bit harder this time) with leeks, mushrooms, cottage cheese and tuna. That all went down fine, so the next day, Thursday, I decided to 'test' my band restriction with some quite 'firm' solid foods at lunch time. A trip to Sainsbury was again in the offing, and I selected a tuna bean salad. This consisted of a mixture of broad beans and soya beans, both of which were quite firm, plus some raw green beans and tuna. OK, I admit I had to eat a little more slowly than the day before, but it all went down at such a pace that any bystander would just think I was a slightly slow eater.
After this I confess to being a little disappointed and beginning to get dispondent about my band. It seemed to me then, that I had got through the fluid and mush stages only to find that solids were going down just as easily as they ever did!? When was I ever going to get to that stage that so many other bandits seem to be at - where they can only eat a tiny piece of x, y or z before feeling stuffed? Well, that was last Thursday - things have moved on a bit since then......
On Friday, my other half and me went off to Moffat in Scotland for the weekend to celebrate his 'special' birthday. Anxious to ensure I wasn't going to get hungry on the journey (the ol' fat gene is still there y'know!), I made myself a hearty breakfast of one egg, scrambled, one piece of toast lightly smeared with low fat margarine and half a small tin of baked beans. The egg and beans went down fine but I could only manage a couple of bites of the toast - which to be honest, with the beans on top, had turned into a soggy orange mush! So, I ate what I could and resigned the rest to the bin. Then at lunch time, taken at a motorway service station, I bought a cheese salad sandwich - nothing like being an optimist eh? To be fair, it went down OK - eventually - it took about an hour and a half to eat one sandwich!!! I can recall times in the past where about one and a half minutes would have sufficed!
That evening we ate out in a restaurant. I had already decided beforehand that I was going to have a soup for starter - I thought that ought to go down without touching the sides. I was going to follow that up with a small main course or a starter. In the event, the only soup available was for carnivores only so I opted for a melted goats cheese starter instead. I really enjoyed that - and it went down fine. The only problem was, by the time I had finished eating this tiny piece of melted cheese (well, at least it was melted when I started - by the time I finished it was completely solid again!) - I was stuffed!! I still had salmon and potatoes to come......... read on tomorrow............
After this I confess to being a little disappointed and beginning to get dispondent about my band. It seemed to me then, that I had got through the fluid and mush stages only to find that solids were going down just as easily as they ever did!? When was I ever going to get to that stage that so many other bandits seem to be at - where they can only eat a tiny piece of x, y or z before feeling stuffed? Well, that was last Thursday - things have moved on a bit since then......
On Friday, my other half and me went off to Moffat in Scotland for the weekend to celebrate his 'special' birthday. Anxious to ensure I wasn't going to get hungry on the journey (the ol' fat gene is still there y'know!), I made myself a hearty breakfast of one egg, scrambled, one piece of toast lightly smeared with low fat margarine and half a small tin of baked beans. The egg and beans went down fine but I could only manage a couple of bites of the toast - which to be honest, with the beans on top, had turned into a soggy orange mush! So, I ate what I could and resigned the rest to the bin. Then at lunch time, taken at a motorway service station, I bought a cheese salad sandwich - nothing like being an optimist eh? To be fair, it went down OK - eventually - it took about an hour and a half to eat one sandwich!!! I can recall times in the past where about one and a half minutes would have sufficed!
That evening we ate out in a restaurant. I had already decided beforehand that I was going to have a soup for starter - I thought that ought to go down without touching the sides. I was going to follow that up with a small main course or a starter. In the event, the only soup available was for carnivores only so I opted for a melted goats cheese starter instead. I really enjoyed that - and it went down fine. The only problem was, by the time I had finished eating this tiny piece of melted cheese (well, at least it was melted when I started - by the time I finished it was completely solid again!) - I was stuffed!! I still had salmon and potatoes to come......... read on tomorrow............
Saturday, May 16, 2009
New bra!
Inspired by a post on the UKGastricBand forum, I am reminded that I purchased two new bras last weekend. My old bras have been steadily getting bigger and bigger (well actually, I have been getting smaller and smaller - but you know what I mean) but since they are so expensive and such a faff to buy, I have been holding on as long as I could before replacing them. A couple of weeks ago I went to the first session of a pilates course. When I laid down on the floor to do one of the exercises I wondered where my boobs had disappeared to - in fact they were hanging down my sides!! That's how much support my bra was (or wasn't) providing! Ha ha!
Anyway, I decided enough was enough and marched myself off to Marks and Spencer to get measured up. My old bras were size 44E. My new size? Wait for it....... 38DD!! I couldn't believe it - in fact I asked the lady if she was sure she had done it right! No wonder my boobs have been hanging all over the shop in my old bras - even the lady in M+S commented that my bra wasn't giving me any support at all. Obviously when you are a young girl growing up, you pass through all the sizes before getting to your adult size - my adult size was always 38!! I cannot believe that my chest measurement is now basically as small as it ever was as an adult!
Armed with a pocket full of money (to any blokes reading this - bras really are expensive!!) I set about selecting a couple of new 'uns. Sitting here typing this now, with one of them on of course, I have to say it really feels comfortable and is giving me heaps of support. I also seem to have more 'shape' to my upper body than previously, with bits poking in and out in the right places if you see what I mean! M+S have a special deal on at the moment offering 25% of all bras - apparently this is meant to be some sort of recompense for their now discarded policy of charging more for bigger sizes - they have apologised about that!! See: http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2009/may/08/marks-and-spencer-bras-facebook
So ladies, don't delay, get yourselves down to M+S (I'm not on a commission, honest!) and get some support!
Anyway, I decided enough was enough and marched myself off to Marks and Spencer to get measured up. My old bras were size 44E. My new size? Wait for it....... 38DD!! I couldn't believe it - in fact I asked the lady if she was sure she had done it right! No wonder my boobs have been hanging all over the shop in my old bras - even the lady in M+S commented that my bra wasn't giving me any support at all. Obviously when you are a young girl growing up, you pass through all the sizes before getting to your adult size - my adult size was always 38!! I cannot believe that my chest measurement is now basically as small as it ever was as an adult!
Armed with a pocket full of money (to any blokes reading this - bras really are expensive!!) I set about selecting a couple of new 'uns. Sitting here typing this now, with one of them on of course, I have to say it really feels comfortable and is giving me heaps of support. I also seem to have more 'shape' to my upper body than previously, with bits poking in and out in the right places if you see what I mean! M+S have a special deal on at the moment offering 25% of all bras - apparently this is meant to be some sort of recompense for their now discarded policy of charging more for bigger sizes - they have apologised about that!! See: http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2009/may/08/marks-and-spencer-bras-facebook
So ladies, don't delay, get yourselves down to M+S (I'm not on a commission, honest!) and get some support!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Avoiding the pub - and other temptations
On the UKGastricBand forum the other day I responded to a lady who was struggling with chocolate. Being an expert in this area (eating it, not avoiding it!), I offered her some tips on how to avoid chocolate - ways that I have used myself to help. Mostly it's about environmental control - simply avoiding buying chocolate or avoiding vending machines and corner shops and the like. Anyway, it got me thinking about my visits to the pub on swimming night.....
Basically, I belong to an adult's swimming club and we meet for an hour's swim every Tuesday evening. We are a very sociable group and have some sort of social event every couple of months or so - usually a meal out or something. We also go straight to the pub after swimming on Tuesdays. We don't normally stay very long because swimming doesn't finish till 10pm and most of us have to get up for work in the morning. However, we stay long enough to have a drink or two. I've been swimming all my life, and one thing is certain, swimming always makes me feel very hungry - starving in fact. So, pub visits usually mean crisps or peanuts. I got to thinking that if I have a calorie-filled drink and a packet of nuts - I've probably put back most, or all, of the calories I've burned by swimming!
So, I have decided to leaf out of my own book and exert some environmental control. In future when I go swimming, I am going to be anti-social and not go to the pub afterwards. If I am hungry when I get home, I will at least have the option to have a more healthy snack such as yoghurt or something. This will also have the added benefit of me getting to bed a bit earlier - so I'll be less tired when I get up for work the next morning!
Basically, I belong to an adult's swimming club and we meet for an hour's swim every Tuesday evening. We are a very sociable group and have some sort of social event every couple of months or so - usually a meal out or something. We also go straight to the pub after swimming on Tuesdays. We don't normally stay very long because swimming doesn't finish till 10pm and most of us have to get up for work in the morning. However, we stay long enough to have a drink or two. I've been swimming all my life, and one thing is certain, swimming always makes me feel very hungry - starving in fact. So, pub visits usually mean crisps or peanuts. I got to thinking that if I have a calorie-filled drink and a packet of nuts - I've probably put back most, or all, of the calories I've burned by swimming!
So, I have decided to leaf out of my own book and exert some environmental control. In future when I go swimming, I am going to be anti-social and not go to the pub afterwards. If I am hungry when I get home, I will at least have the option to have a more healthy snack such as yoghurt or something. This will also have the added benefit of me getting to bed a bit earlier - so I'll be less tired when I get up for work the next morning!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Fun ways to burn calories....
Good news people! Calorie-burning activities don't have to be limited to dull, repetitive exercise such as walking, jogging, swimming etc - you can also burn calories during SEX!! I've been curious about this ever since I found a web site that listed calories burned during a really wide range of activities. It included activities such as car maintenance and painting and decorating alongside running, walking and other more conventional exercise activities, but didn't include sex. I was a little hesitant to go searching on the Internet for information in case my search took me to web sites that I didn't want to see - if you see what I mean! But tonight I took the plunge - and it seems that lots of other people have also been curious about the question "How many calories burned during sex?". I found several web sites with information, some rather dubious......, but this one:http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/cbc
....lists sexual intercourse among one of many other activities. It has a facility whereby you can insert your weight in pounds, and then type in the number of minutes the activity took place over. You then click on 'calculate' and it tells you how many calories you've burned. A 20-minute sexual encounter for someone my weight burns 125 calories - more than half a KitKat!!!!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I'm SOoooo happy - I'm overweight!
I just updated my weight loss ticker and realised that I have passed an important milestone - my BMI has gone below 30 (just). That means I am no longer classified as OBESE - now I'm just OVERWEIGHT!!
Wow! Does this mean I am on my way to becoming a 'normal' member of society at last?!!
What I really want to know, is how do I celebrate? In the past I would be off down the shop for a bag of chocolate goodies..... I suppose I could celebrate with a Muller Light or a green salad????!!
Wow! Does this mean I am on my way to becoming a 'normal' member of society at last?!!
What I really want to know, is how do I celebrate? In the past I would be off down the shop for a bag of chocolate goodies..... I suppose I could celebrate with a Muller Light or a green salad????!!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
A mixed bag of food today
I have eaten something of a mixed bag today. The day started off at about 7am with tea and orange juice (50 calories). By 9am (while at work) I managed half a packet of Oatso Simple with milk (110). I probably could have eaten more then but had a relatively early lunch instead. I ate my lunch at 12.15 - this consisted of vegetarian cottage pie and some frozen mixed veg (cooked up last night) (220). I followed lunch up at about 2.30 with a Weight Watcher's yoghurt (50). By 3.30pm I was hungry again and thought I'd have a low fat creamed rice - but discovered I didn't have any left at work. So I held on until I got home about 5pm and then ate some cold potatoes (80) that were left over from last night's dinner (I still keep over-estimating portion sizes when I'm cooking!)!! Within an hour I was eating again - this time a Weight Watcher's ocean pie (175). I have to eat relatively early on Tuesday's because I go swimming at 9pm, but I was hungry enough to eat anyway. I didn't eat all of the ocean pie - because I had another microwave moment and caused a mini-explosion! The result was that there was only about 80% of it left for me to eat - oh, and I was hungry enough soon after to eat that low fat creamed rice (125) I'd hankered for earlier in the day!! So at 6.45pm I am finally sat here completely fed and watered until I go swimming. Since swimming ALWAYS makes me very hungry I expect to eat something when I get home - perhaps another yoghurt (50) or a couple of rice cakes (70) or something.
So a bit of a weird day all in all. I have eaten quite a lot of carbohydrates and dairy but relatively little fruit, veg and protein. Although, from the description above, it may appear that I have done nothing all day except eat, I have still only consumed about 800 calories in total. Can I learn any lessons from today's experience? A couple of things perhaps:
1. Eat more in the morning so I start the day off well and don't spend all day just going from one hunger moment to another. Breakfast was well under 200 calories and it's supposed to be the main meal of the day. Ideally I should eat more like 300 calories for breakfast. I know that I have a psychological barrier to this - it's like an in-built fear to using up my calorie allowance early in the day and not being able/allowed to eat later on. Silly really, I know, but it's that fat gene in me again.
2. Eat more protein. Protein, as well as being essential for healthy bones and teeth etc, is also more filling than othr food types and so keeps hunger at bay.
I am certain that I have 'learned' these lessons before but I think I just keep forgetting them!!!
So a bit of a weird day all in all. I have eaten quite a lot of carbohydrates and dairy but relatively little fruit, veg and protein. Although, from the description above, it may appear that I have done nothing all day except eat, I have still only consumed about 800 calories in total. Can I learn any lessons from today's experience? A couple of things perhaps:
1. Eat more in the morning so I start the day off well and don't spend all day just going from one hunger moment to another. Breakfast was well under 200 calories and it's supposed to be the main meal of the day. Ideally I should eat more like 300 calories for breakfast. I know that I have a psychological barrier to this - it's like an in-built fear to using up my calorie allowance early in the day and not being able/allowed to eat later on. Silly really, I know, but it's that fat gene in me again.
2. Eat more protein. Protein, as well as being essential for healthy bones and teeth etc, is also more filling than othr food types and so keeps hunger at bay.
I am certain that I have 'learned' these lessons before but I think I just keep forgetting them!!!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Feeling tired
I have been feeling incredibly tired and lethargic for the past few days. I am not entirely certain that this lethargy stems from the day I had a fill - but it seems most likely. That said, I'm not sure I can explain it. I have been eating a little less than prior to the fill - mainly because I've been on fluids and mush rather than because of any new-found restriction - but not enough less to leave me feeling so exhausted each day. Today I was walking up a gentle hill along the street in Liverpool and almost had to stop on the way up for a rest!! Now, considering I've recently climbed up the second highest mountain in the English Lake District, having difficulty getting up a street in a city is a bit bizarre!!
Not only is my body feeling tired - as though I've been on a long walk (which I haven't), but I am also feeling really sleepy. I never have been one for getting up early in the morning and always enjoy a Saturday morning lie-in. But at the moment I am really struggling to get out of bed in the morning and twice I have completely ignored my alarm clock - and slept right through it!! Even as I type this, I could quite easily rest my head on my arms and go to sleep for a few hours..... in fact...... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Whoah!!! Wake up girl!
Anyway, I have decided that in the short run (i.e. for today only), I am going to eat what I want, when I want. I am going to listen to my body and if it says "I'm hungry", or "I need fooooooood" - I'm going to listen to it and feed it. I have no idea if this will make any difference to my energy levels but anything's worth a try (and it will be nice trying!!!). I'll let you know how I get on.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Not only is my body feeling tired - as though I've been on a long walk (which I haven't), but I am also feeling really sleepy. I never have been one for getting up early in the morning and always enjoy a Saturday morning lie-in. But at the moment I am really struggling to get out of bed in the morning and twice I have completely ignored my alarm clock - and slept right through it!! Even as I type this, I could quite easily rest my head on my arms and go to sleep for a few hours..... in fact...... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Whoah!!! Wake up girl!
Anyway, I have decided that in the short run (i.e. for today only), I am going to eat what I want, when I want. I am going to listen to my body and if it says "I'm hungry", or "I need fooooooood" - I'm going to listen to it and feed it. I have no idea if this will make any difference to my energy levels but anything's worth a try (and it will be nice trying!!!). I'll let you know how I get on.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Early post-fill update
Well, so far I have gone from fluids-only onto mush - and I know it's far too early to give any definitive post-fill status, but I thought it might be useful to describe some of my eating experiences since my fill on Thursday. I stuck fairly rigidly to fluids on Thursday evening, Friday and during the day on Saturday. This time, I was too lazy to make my own homemade soup as I have done on previous occasions, and so ate Weight Watcher's mushroom soup (with the mushroom bits sieved out!) and Weight-To-Go parsnip soup. I had a couple of soups each day plus strawberry shake. To make the latter more interesting and filling, I blended in banana, milk and apple to make a really nutritious drink. I've also been drinking lots of black tea, low sugar Ribena and water. However, on Friday and Saturday, I found it impossible to consume what I consider to be enough calories per day (i.e. about 850 as a minimum, but ideally 1000). So I did what I have done previously while on the fluid phase, and sucked some chocolate!! I consider this my reward for surviving on soup only and it does no harm - it boosts my calorie intake to a more acceptable level and hey, chocolate does have some nutrition in it!!
I've had a little extra gurgling in my throat when I swallow drinks - particularly in the morning. However, it's nothing like as bad as it was on the occasion when my fill was too tight, and I think it's a common experience for most people during the first few days after a fill. I have not had any vomiting or slime, though I had a hint of slime coming on, on the first day after a I drank some shake. What I have noticed is that it defintely takes me longer to consume anything in the morning. On Friday it took me about an hour to drink a cup of tea and a glass of orange juice!! However, this has reduced on Saturday and Sunday mornings. I find it helps if I have something warm or hot first (like tea, soup or low fat creamed rice), and then have cold drinks like orange juice and/or shake. Having said that, this moning my breakfast drinks went down at near-normal rate (with tea first, then orange, then creamed rice).
On Saturday evening I moved back onto mush and had mashed potato, scrambled egg and some baked beans for dinner. This all went down very well with no problems. I did my usual and ate it quite slowly, taking about 30 minutes. I also chew everything well before swallowing and eat off a 7-inch side plate. After eating this I felt pretty full and did not want or need an evening yoghurt.
Today (Sunday), I had low fat creamed rice for breakfast and orange juice. For lunch I had a Weight-To-Go smoked haddock and potato meal which was lovely. I made certain that I chewed the fish well and had no problems getting it down. I was really quite full afterwards and didn't start to feel peckish again for several hours.
So, in a nutshell, I still don't really know whether I have good restriction yet because I am still eating soft, slider foods. However, I am relieved that I am not too tight and in need of an aspiration - particularly since I now have more fluid in my band than I had previously when I did need an aspiration! The signs are good for restriction but I'm not getting too excited yet. I cannot wait until I get back onto proper solid foods to see whether I am anywhere near my 'sweet spot' at last!!
I've had a little extra gurgling in my throat when I swallow drinks - particularly in the morning. However, it's nothing like as bad as it was on the occasion when my fill was too tight, and I think it's a common experience for most people during the first few days after a fill. I have not had any vomiting or slime, though I had a hint of slime coming on, on the first day after a I drank some shake. What I have noticed is that it defintely takes me longer to consume anything in the morning. On Friday it took me about an hour to drink a cup of tea and a glass of orange juice!! However, this has reduced on Saturday and Sunday mornings. I find it helps if I have something warm or hot first (like tea, soup or low fat creamed rice), and then have cold drinks like orange juice and/or shake. Having said that, this moning my breakfast drinks went down at near-normal rate (with tea first, then orange, then creamed rice).
On Saturday evening I moved back onto mush and had mashed potato, scrambled egg and some baked beans for dinner. This all went down very well with no problems. I did my usual and ate it quite slowly, taking about 30 minutes. I also chew everything well before swallowing and eat off a 7-inch side plate. After eating this I felt pretty full and did not want or need an evening yoghurt.
Today (Sunday), I had low fat creamed rice for breakfast and orange juice. For lunch I had a Weight-To-Go smoked haddock and potato meal which was lovely. I made certain that I chewed the fish well and had no problems getting it down. I was really quite full afterwards and didn't start to feel peckish again for several hours.
So, in a nutshell, I still don't really know whether I have good restriction yet because I am still eating soft, slider foods. However, I am relieved that I am not too tight and in need of an aspiration - particularly since I now have more fluid in my band than I had previously when I did need an aspiration! The signs are good for restriction but I'm not getting too excited yet. I cannot wait until I get back onto proper solid foods to see whether I am anywhere near my 'sweet spot' at last!!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Like buses, milestones come in threes....
I have got three weight-related milestones coming up in the very near future - in fact I passed one of them this morning!Milestone 1: Getting below 200 pounds for the first time in decades - I achieved this one today as I am now at 197lbs (14 stone 1lb).
Milestone 2: Getting below 14 stone - I have two pounds to go before I am into the 13's.
Milestone 3: Getting below a BMI of 30, which takes me from being 'obese' to 'overweight'!!
Of the three, the one I am most looking forward to achieving is the last. It will be a truly massive day for me when I can (and probably will) shout from the rooftops that "I am no longer OBESE!!!".
Friday, May 8, 2009
Sixth band adjustment
Yesterday I travelled to Birmingham to get my sixth band adjustment - and fifth fill (my fourth adjustment was an aspiration). The history of my band adjustments so far is:
Fill 19th January - 5ml
Fill 15th February - 1.5ml
Fill 26th February - 1ml
De-fill 4th March - 0.5ml
Fill 22nd March - 0.3ml
Fill 7th May - 0.4ml
So I now have a total fill in 10ml band of 7.7ml.
Obviously I am now on fluids for three days and then mush for three days so it will be a while before I know how much difference this latest fill makes. However, what I am confident about is that when I drank water afterwards - it went down fine! This fill has taken me to 0.2ml MORE than I had when I had to have the aspiration - I wasn't able to drink water easily on that occasion. This demonstrates that the band really does have a mind of its own! I asked the nurse whether the weight loss I have achieved in the interim could cause the band to get looser - but she said no. It's possible that the solution in the band moves around somewhat and this could explain why 7.5ml two months ago was too much - but now it isn't (well, probably!!).
So far I've just had some soups and drinks so I will report back again on this in a few days to let you know of progress.
Fill 19th January - 5ml
Fill 15th February - 1.5ml
Fill 26th February - 1ml
De-fill 4th March - 0.5ml
Fill 22nd March - 0.3ml
Fill 7th May - 0.4ml
So I now have a total fill in 10ml band of 7.7ml.
Obviously I am now on fluids for three days and then mush for three days so it will be a while before I know how much difference this latest fill makes. However, what I am confident about is that when I drank water afterwards - it went down fine! This fill has taken me to 0.2ml MORE than I had when I had to have the aspiration - I wasn't able to drink water easily on that occasion. This demonstrates that the band really does have a mind of its own! I asked the nurse whether the weight loss I have achieved in the interim could cause the band to get looser - but she said no. It's possible that the solution in the band moves around somewhat and this could explain why 7.5ml two months ago was too much - but now it isn't (well, probably!!).
So far I've just had some soups and drinks so I will report back again on this in a few days to let you know of progress.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Fix my fat head
A couple of nights ago I watched an ITV documentary called "Fix My Fat Head", about a 35 year old woman who is overweight. She weighs 21 stone and the documentary was about her attempts to find a solution to the psychological reasons for over-eating. She tried a support group, hypnotherapy, psychological therapy, and simply trying to discuss childhood issues with her parents. I've picked out a few things that I found particularly interesting:
1. When she was encouraged to talk to her mother about childhood issues, she used the phrase "love on a plate". She was referring to the way that her parents used food provision as a way of showing love. This really hit home with me and made me think of my own family. It was (and still is) a family tradition to show love through the provision of food - over-provision represents the strength of love. I guess that the reverse may also be true – not finishing food shows a lack of love. I certainly recall my parents always encouraging me to clean my plate and eat all my dinner. I expect that my mother took it as a personal rejection of her if I ever left food on my plate. I hadn't even realised this until last night. My parents always had the same hang-up about money. If someone asked them for one pound they would give two – in order that no-one would think of them as mean! Hannah, the lady in the programme, found it difficult to talk to her mother about this issue because she got so defensive about things. I never spoke to my mother about this but expect that she would have been very defensive too.
2. There was a suggestion in the programme that Hannah may have been a lonely child - and that she had used food as her companion. I have a sister and two brothers so my initial reaction to this was that I would not have been lonely and therefore this would not have applied to me. However, ever heard the expression "lonely in a crowd"....?
3. Hannah had a lodger who did all her shopping and cooking (chance would be a fine thing!!!). This was a bit of a problem because it meant she had little control over what food was served up. When she was trying to eat more heathily, he would sit eating unhealthy and attractive foods right in front of her. He talked about denying her certain foods as being "tough love"- i.e. denial for her own good. Hannah found this concept difficult and said what pleasure would she have in life if she cannot eat what she wanted!
4. I got the distinct impression that Hannah was not really willing to persevere with different methods. She was looking for an instant solution and in my opinion, would really struggle with a band! For example, she tried hypnotherapy just twice - and immediately expected things to change and was disppointed that they hadn't. She also seemed unwilling to analyse the reasons for her over-eating and I got the feeling that she was putting on a brave face a lot of the time. She herself accpeted that she uses food as an emotional crutch a lot of the time rather than dealing with her issues. The therapist suggested that she should try using her friends as a crutch more often!
5. I think part of the root of Hannah's problem is that she is unwilling to actually put into practice what she clearly knows about healthy eating and exercise. She only eats pasties, chips and all sorts of unhealthy food. She doesn't or won't eat healthy vegetables and food. Further examples of her apparent unwillingness to adapt and change could be seen in some of the things she said about food. I was shocked twhen she said she had never tasted fish.........?! She had also never eaten “raw” cheese (i.e. not melted!). She simply explaind away her reluctance to try new things by saying "making me eat aubergine isn't going to make me thinner"!
6. I was interested to note that the therapist lady set Hannah a challenge – only to eat when she's hungry – and not to eat when she has emotional needs. She also told her to eat much more slowly and chew evberything really well. Sounds familiar.....!
All in all, a very interesting programme. It didn't produce any watertight psychological solutions to over-eating but did shed light on some of the reasons for emotional eating. It's also made me think a little more about the root of my own obesity - though I have never been very good at self analysis. What makes me wonder about my childhood, is that none of my siblings turned out fat - they are all normal, healthy weights. So why me????
1. When she was encouraged to talk to her mother about childhood issues, she used the phrase "love on a plate". She was referring to the way that her parents used food provision as a way of showing love. This really hit home with me and made me think of my own family. It was (and still is) a family tradition to show love through the provision of food - over-provision represents the strength of love. I guess that the reverse may also be true – not finishing food shows a lack of love. I certainly recall my parents always encouraging me to clean my plate and eat all my dinner. I expect that my mother took it as a personal rejection of her if I ever left food on my plate. I hadn't even realised this until last night. My parents always had the same hang-up about money. If someone asked them for one pound they would give two – in order that no-one would think of them as mean! Hannah, the lady in the programme, found it difficult to talk to her mother about this issue because she got so defensive about things. I never spoke to my mother about this but expect that she would have been very defensive too.
2. There was a suggestion in the programme that Hannah may have been a lonely child - and that she had used food as her companion. I have a sister and two brothers so my initial reaction to this was that I would not have been lonely and therefore this would not have applied to me. However, ever heard the expression "lonely in a crowd"....?
3. Hannah had a lodger who did all her shopping and cooking (chance would be a fine thing!!!). This was a bit of a problem because it meant she had little control over what food was served up. When she was trying to eat more heathily, he would sit eating unhealthy and attractive foods right in front of her. He talked about denying her certain foods as being "tough love"- i.e. denial for her own good. Hannah found this concept difficult and said what pleasure would she have in life if she cannot eat what she wanted!
4. I got the distinct impression that Hannah was not really willing to persevere with different methods. She was looking for an instant solution and in my opinion, would really struggle with a band! For example, she tried hypnotherapy just twice - and immediately expected things to change and was disppointed that they hadn't. She also seemed unwilling to analyse the reasons for her over-eating and I got the feeling that she was putting on a brave face a lot of the time. She herself accpeted that she uses food as an emotional crutch a lot of the time rather than dealing with her issues. The therapist suggested that she should try using her friends as a crutch more often!
5. I think part of the root of Hannah's problem is that she is unwilling to actually put into practice what she clearly knows about healthy eating and exercise. She only eats pasties, chips and all sorts of unhealthy food. She doesn't or won't eat healthy vegetables and food. Further examples of her apparent unwillingness to adapt and change could be seen in some of the things she said about food. I was shocked twhen she said she had never tasted fish.........?! She had also never eaten “raw” cheese (i.e. not melted!). She simply explaind away her reluctance to try new things by saying "making me eat aubergine isn't going to make me thinner"!
6. I was interested to note that the therapist lady set Hannah a challenge – only to eat when she's hungry – and not to eat when she has emotional needs. She also told her to eat much more slowly and chew evberything really well. Sounds familiar.....!
All in all, a very interesting programme. It didn't produce any watertight psychological solutions to over-eating but did shed light on some of the reasons for emotional eating. It's also made me think a little more about the root of my own obesity - though I have never been very good at self analysis. What makes me wonder about my childhood, is that none of my siblings turned out fat - they are all normal, healthy weights. So why me????
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Ice cream treat for a dark walk
On Bank Holiday Monday this week I decided to go for a decent walk - somewhere. After taking an absolute age to make a decision as to where I would go, I headed off for toward the eastern Pennines (east of Manchester). I ended up walking along a stretch of the Pennine Way, a 300-mile trail that goes from the Peak District in the south to near Hexham in the north east of England. Funnily enough, I've always cherished a quiet ambition to walk the whole of the Pennine Way - it takes about 21 days and local folklore is that if you can manage the first three days - you'll get to the end! This is because the first three days takes you over the highest and remotest moors of the so-called Dark Peak. It's so-called because it's composed of the dark-coloured local Coal Measures Gritstone and gives rise to enormous plateaux of deep, dark peat. The appearance of this upland moorland country is bleak and somehow threatening - but nevertheless impressive and spectacular. I would still love to walk the whole trail someday - I'd just have to find three weeks off work......Well anyway, on Monday, I found myself walking along a section of the Pennine Way that would normally be met on about day three if you were doing the whole walk. I took in the peak of Black Hill (an ominous name, eh?), standing at 580m in the midst of a broad, windswept, dark plateau (see photo). The path began as a pleasant amble across open grassland but quickly ascended up to, and along, an exposed gritstone edge overlooking a stream valley, Crowden Brook. This was quite pleasant until the rain started to fall more heavily. Later, the route opened out onto the plateau top where the wind mercilessly ripped through my supposed windproof clothing. I met a man at the summit who was looking for a group of girls doing the Duke of Edinburgh award scheme - but at that point I hadn't seen them.
After a hastily eaten 'lunch' (at about 2.30pm!) of cold sardines and some salad (!) I bid a hasty retreat down to the more sheltered route back along the stream valley. The rain was falling hard now and the wind just as vigorous so there was no realistic possibility of being able to sit down anywhere to eat. Consequently, I only ate half my lunch. This is not unusual when I am out on a walk - I tend to get much more thirsty than hungry and I often don't eat my lunch until I get back to the car! I still haven't really managed to design an ideal 'walking lunch' though. I posted a couple of months ago about some dismal failures of lunches taken out onto the mountains with me - I still don't seem to be able to get it right. I suppose I am looking for a lunch that satisfies all the restrictions and requirements of being a bandit, while at the same time providing plenty of energy for high energy-output activity. I guess I'll keep experimenting......
I met the 'missing' group of girls on the way back and had a little conversation with them - they looked as though they needed a bit of encouragement - they were wet through, carring heavy ruksaks and looking very tired! As was I after a couple more hours of walking! I returned to the car at about 6pm, after 5 hours of solid walking. I was rather damp but not seriously wet. I was quite tired - I think walking in wind and rain is more tiring than walking in fine weather. I ate the remainder of my lunch in the car before setting off back to the warmth and dryness of home. I'd walked about 14km, ascended about 500m and clocked up 22,000 steps on my pedometer - burning about 1800 calories!!!
That evening I decided to treat myself - we went to the cinema to see "State of Play" and I ate a huge ice cream sundae! Before going to bed I did my usual calculations to see how many calories I'd burned, how many I'd eaten and the totally calorie deficit etc for the day. Even with the ice cream, I had a total calorie deficit for the day of 1900 - more than half a pound!!! Perhaps if I'd known that I could have had two ice creams.....
.....only joking!!
The photograph (from http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/616922 ) is copyrighted but also licensed for further reuse (under the Creative Commons Licence). Copyright owned by George Tod.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Whooohoooo!!
More about the trip to Scotland. I do this trip every year. There is one day when myself and my colleagues walk up a steep valley in the Highlands. The total ascent is only about 300m but it's quite steep and takes a considerable effort. I've done this walk on the last three occasions that we've done this trip. I have absolutely hated it. The thought of doing this walk has filled me with dread for months beforehand and has been the central subject of nightmares - really. I've dreaded it so much because it's been exhausting. My colleagues are so much fitter than me and so I have always trailed miles behind them, slowing them down and slowing down the whole visit. While they have light-footedly flown up the mountain and arrived at the top fresh-faced and ready for more, I have arrived totally out of breath, sweat pouring down my face, red-faced (though purple is probably more like it) and it's just been such an awful experience. I haven't even been able to look at the features we were supposed to be looking at because I have been so fixated on simply putting one foot in front of the other. For the last three years I have been totally embarrassed about my physical condition and the sheer effort that I have needed to get up this dammed hill.
But not any more!! This time it was different. Weighing five and a half stones less and feeling so much fitter, I had actually been looking forward to this climb. For the first time, I regarded it as a challenge to be met head-on. I really was excited at the prospect of testing myself - to see how my fitness levels had improved over the past few months. I was not to be disappointed.....
In the past I have always taken up my obvious position at the back of the party (of about 20 people). I've started last and finished last - miles behind everyone else. This year, feeling positive, I decided to position myself about half way through the group and just see how I got on......... I got to the top with only four people in front of me!!! FANTASTIC!!! That was how I felt! I arrived at the top feeling as though I could have gone on a lot further. I felt fresh. There was harly a bead of sweat on me. There was a spring in my step. I was even able to stop along the route at 'difficult' spots and assist others along the path!! I was one of the first people down too. Amazing.
Back in the vehicles afterwards, making our way back to base, I commented to a trusted colleague on my increased level of fitness and said how great I felt. I couldn't resist but let out a huge"WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!" - I was just so excited!!
I know there are lots of reasons for wanting to lose weight - improved health, appearance, practicalities (e.g. clothes etc). But for me, my lack of fitness has always been a key driver. I know I still have a long way to go - this was after all, just a 300m climb, not exactly Everest eh?! BUT, it's a great start, it has improved my self-confidence no end and for the first time since I started this weight loss-band venture, I truly feel that I have made some real, lasting progress.
So, in case you missed it the first time round, WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
But not any more!! This time it was different. Weighing five and a half stones less and feeling so much fitter, I had actually been looking forward to this climb. For the first time, I regarded it as a challenge to be met head-on. I really was excited at the prospect of testing myself - to see how my fitness levels had improved over the past few months. I was not to be disappointed.....
In the past I have always taken up my obvious position at the back of the party (of about 20 people). I've started last and finished last - miles behind everyone else. This year, feeling positive, I decided to position myself about half way through the group and just see how I got on......... I got to the top with only four people in front of me!!! FANTASTIC!!! That was how I felt! I arrived at the top feeling as though I could have gone on a lot further. I felt fresh. There was harly a bead of sweat on me. There was a spring in my step. I was even able to stop along the route at 'difficult' spots and assist others along the path!! I was one of the first people down too. Amazing.
Back in the vehicles afterwards, making our way back to base, I commented to a trusted colleague on my increased level of fitness and said how great I felt. I couldn't resist but let out a huge"WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!" - I was just so excited!!
I know there are lots of reasons for wanting to lose weight - improved health, appearance, practicalities (e.g. clothes etc). But for me, my lack of fitness has always been a key driver. I know I still have a long way to go - this was after all, just a 300m climb, not exactly Everest eh?! BUT, it's a great start, it has improved my self-confidence no end and for the first time since I started this weight loss-band venture, I truly feel that I have made some real, lasting progress.
So, in case you missed it the first time round, WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Burning calories in the Highlands
I am back from my jolly jaunt in the Scottish Highlands and have returned feeling very fit and energetic! Although this was a work-related trip I have managed to fit in LOADS of walking over the past week, spent in the Highlands of Scotland. Most days I managed at least 15,000 steps - and this over rough, hilly ground, and often uphill. I must have burned loads of calories. However, I haven't lost any weight this week because I have been putting in just as many calories as I have burned!!
A typical breakfast consisted of a small bowl of muesli followed by two slices of bread and marmalade. Typically, lunch was a cheese and pickle sandwich (or two, on some days), plus a small chocolate bar (like a Penguin) and a piece of fruit. I often supplemented this with an Alpen Light cereal bar too. Evening meals consisted of three, yes you read that correctly, THREE courses! First there was soup. This is obviously a slider food so it slipped down nicely, leaving plenty of room for my main meal! The main meals were slightly on the small side by 'normal' people's standards but were very large compared to what I have been eating for the last few months. Consequently, I was pretty full after each eveing meal. I didn't finish it every night but passed out leftovers to my more hungry male colleagues! I ate dessert every night too - also consisting of slider foods such as apple pie and a spoonful of custard. On top of all that (as if that wasn't enough), most evenings I also had a pint or two of calorie-laden orange juice and lemonade or shandy - well you've got to be sociable haven't you?!
On the plus side though, when I got home I weighed myself on my new super-duper body impedance bathroom scales (see a post to come later this week) and it seems that my body fat percentage and visceral fat have fallen over the past week. In other words, I have put on a significant amount of muscle. Certainly, the way my legs are starting to feel hard if I tense them up, and the goat-like way I managed some of the steeper climbs, seems to suggest I have developed more muscle.
For now, it's away with the luxury of three course meals and back to some serious, healthy eating. I am only about five pounds away from the magic BMI boundary of 30 that will take me from 'Obese' to 'Overweight' - so I really must get back to some serious business.
A typical breakfast consisted of a small bowl of muesli followed by two slices of bread and marmalade. Typically, lunch was a cheese and pickle sandwich (or two, on some days), plus a small chocolate bar (like a Penguin) and a piece of fruit. I often supplemented this with an Alpen Light cereal bar too. Evening meals consisted of three, yes you read that correctly, THREE courses! First there was soup. This is obviously a slider food so it slipped down nicely, leaving plenty of room for my main meal! The main meals were slightly on the small side by 'normal' people's standards but were very large compared to what I have been eating for the last few months. Consequently, I was pretty full after each eveing meal. I didn't finish it every night but passed out leftovers to my more hungry male colleagues! I ate dessert every night too - also consisting of slider foods such as apple pie and a spoonful of custard. On top of all that (as if that wasn't enough), most evenings I also had a pint or two of calorie-laden orange juice and lemonade or shandy - well you've got to be sociable haven't you?!
On the plus side though, when I got home I weighed myself on my new super-duper body impedance bathroom scales (see a post to come later this week) and it seems that my body fat percentage and visceral fat have fallen over the past week. In other words, I have put on a significant amount of muscle. Certainly, the way my legs are starting to feel hard if I tense them up, and the goat-like way I managed some of the steeper climbs, seems to suggest I have developed more muscle.
For now, it's away with the luxury of three course meals and back to some serious, healthy eating. I am only about five pounds away from the magic BMI boundary of 30 that will take me from 'Obese' to 'Overweight' - so I really must get back to some serious business.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
A couple of grand!
While I have been away the total number of visitors to this blog has passed 2000! MANY thanks to all the readers - whether you are a regular visitor or whether you just popped in as a 'one-off'. I hope you find the blog interesting, useful, helpful and entertaining. If ever there is anything you would like to see more of, or less of, or if you've any thoughts about what and when I should post - please feel free to post a comment and tell me!!
Good luck with weight loss - however you are doing it!
Good luck with weight loss - however you are doing it!
Monday, April 27, 2009
I am going away for a week
I will be off on work-related business to Scotland this morning and I will be back on Saturday. There is a Internet-connected computer at the centre I will be staying at, but it's usually in constant use, so I don't know if I will be able to post on the blog until next Saturday evening. The other thing is, the pc is in a public bar - and I don't want to risk there being people looking over my shoulder while I'm writing!!!!
So, in the event that I don't get to post again before Saturday, I wish you all a good week and will be back in touch again soon.
Theresa
So, in the event that I don't get to post again before Saturday, I wish you all a good week and will be back in touch again soon.
Theresa
Sunday, April 26, 2009
More on meal ideas
I was looking through the list of meal ideas (see yesterday's post) and observed that most of the meals people suggested are smaller than mine!! Take a typical lunch, for example - I commonly have crispbreads (two), Philadelphia or cottage cheese AND tuna, AND a decent sized portion of mixed salad. Now compare that with some of the other lunches suggested - half a jacket potato, the chicken fillet (only) out of a McD, two yoghurts, Slimfast shake and yoghurt, a small bowl of soup..... The same is true for evening meals - mine seem to be bigger than other people's. Having said that, on a 'good' day, despite my relatively large meals, I am able to keep the calorie count down to about 1000/day. This is partly because I choose my food carefully and include things that are low in calories. I also exclude high calorie items such as butter (I only ever use Flora Light and even that is rare), oil, cheese, milk etc. I also have the advantage that I gave up using sugar and milk in my tea and coffee years ago - I have them both black so there are no extra calories there. I noted that one person allowed about 20 calories a day just for tea and coffee. I'm also a fish-eating vegetarian so don't have to worry about eating meat - and fish is generally lower in calories than meat.
Nevertheless, I am intruiged by the fact that my meals seem to be bigger in size than other people's. I can only assume that this is confirmation of the fact that I need another fill. Since my last one, about six weeks ago, I have noticed a definite trend: Immediately after that fill I was hungry a lot and struggled, but after a couple of weeks I was experiencing real restriction for the very first time. That lasted 'on and off' for about two weeks, and then the last two weeks I have just been struggling all the time with hunger - even only a short time after eating a meal.
I did think that I would try some of the meals suggested, but I think I am going to have to wait until after my fill as I know with many of them, I'd just be ravenous within minutes. I just take my hat off to the people who are eating these meals and doing really well with their band. I hope to join you soon!!!
Nevertheless, I am intruiged by the fact that my meals seem to be bigger in size than other people's. I can only assume that this is confirmation of the fact that I need another fill. Since my last one, about six weeks ago, I have noticed a definite trend: Immediately after that fill I was hungry a lot and struggled, but after a couple of weeks I was experiencing real restriction for the very first time. That lasted 'on and off' for about two weeks, and then the last two weeks I have just been struggling all the time with hunger - even only a short time after eating a meal.
I did think that I would try some of the meals suggested, but I think I am going to have to wait until after my fill as I know with many of them, I'd just be ravenous within minutes. I just take my hat off to the people who are eating these meals and doing really well with their band. I hope to join you soon!!!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Meal ideas
A few days ago I posted a thread on the UKGastricBand.co.uk forum asking people to say what they had eaten that day. I asked the question because I find to so difficult to come up with ideas as to what to eat - I have no imagination. I end up eating the same things day in and day out and was seeking ideas. So, here's a compilation of the meal ideas that came back (calories, where stated, in brackets).
Breakfast
Cup of tea and a small bowl of Shreddies Fruitful
Readybrek (109)
1 boiled egg (85)
Coffee and a handful of Yoghurt-coated raisins
Few spoons of cottage cheese
Muller light yoghurt
1 slice of nutty/seedy bread with butter
Farleys rusks
Special K
2 cups of tea
All-Bran with dried berries and soya milk, glass of orange juice (240)
1 cup of tea and 1 cup of coffee
1 Special K bar (90)
Mid morning
1 banana (80)
1 cappuccino with a biscuit
Lunch
3 crackerbreads with Flora Light with tuna and salad cream
Sainsbury's prawn and pasta salad, and fruit salad (chopped melon, strawberries etc) (420)
½ a jacket potato with cheese and bacon
The McDonald's chicken filet out of a 99p chicken burger
About 1/3 of a chicken Caesar salad (350)
Salmon with two new potatoes, spinach and tomatoes
2 Muller Light yoghurts (the new ones)
¾ of a small steak pie
Tablespoon each of beetroot, cucumber, tomato, sweetcorn, couscous, chick peas, celery and nuts in mayo, and a chopped boiled egg
Slimfast shake and and yoghurt (212 + 200)
Moroccan couscous with feta cheese and 1 cherry tomato
Small bowl of home made broccoli soup
Dinner
4 slices of ham and 3 cheese slices
Mash potatoes and mince with vegetables
Small bowl of homemade chicken curry with loads of chopped up veg in it, and no rice
Beetroot, cucumber, tomato, 2 slices of pan fried (no oil) halloumi cheese, 2 crispbreads with low-fat sun-ripened tomato cottage cheese (from Tesco or Asda)
Baked potato (210)
Chilli and rice
1 sausage and a fist-size spoon of mash potato
Breaded mozzarella and a bit of mash
Baby new potatoes, mixed veg (broccoli, cauliflower and butternut squash) and boil-in-the-bag cod in parsley sauce (250)
2 bowls of liver casserole with tatties, carrots and onions in it
One piece of BBQ pork and some beetroot
Butternut squash soup with peanut butter in it
Supper / dessert
Low fat yoghurt, two rice cakes with Philadelphia cheese (170)
Yoghurt
Jelly (80)
Ryvita
½ pint of skim milk sugar free instant whip
Few Cadbury's Snaps
Packet of Wotsits
1 WW toffee sundae
2 custard creams and a cup of tea
Breakfast
Cup of tea and a small bowl of Shreddies Fruitful
Readybrek (109)
1 boiled egg (85)
Coffee and a handful of Yoghurt-coated raisins
Few spoons of cottage cheese
Muller light yoghurt
1 slice of nutty/seedy bread with butter
Farleys rusks
Special K
2 cups of tea
All-Bran with dried berries and soya milk, glass of orange juice (240)
1 cup of tea and 1 cup of coffee
1 Special K bar (90)
Mid morning
1 banana (80)
1 cappuccino with a biscuit
Lunch
3 crackerbreads with Flora Light with tuna and salad cream
Sainsbury's prawn and pasta salad, and fruit salad (chopped melon, strawberries etc) (420)
½ a jacket potato with cheese and bacon
The McDonald's chicken filet out of a 99p chicken burger
About 1/3 of a chicken Caesar salad (350)
Salmon with two new potatoes, spinach and tomatoes
2 Muller Light yoghurts (the new ones)
¾ of a small steak pie
Tablespoon each of beetroot, cucumber, tomato, sweetcorn, couscous, chick peas, celery and nuts in mayo, and a chopped boiled egg
Slimfast shake and and yoghurt (212 + 200)
Moroccan couscous with feta cheese and 1 cherry tomato
Small bowl of home made broccoli soup
Dinner
4 slices of ham and 3 cheese slices
Mash potatoes and mince with vegetables
Small bowl of homemade chicken curry with loads of chopped up veg in it, and no rice
Beetroot, cucumber, tomato, 2 slices of pan fried (no oil) halloumi cheese, 2 crispbreads with low-fat sun-ripened tomato cottage cheese (from Tesco or Asda)
Baked potato (210)
Chilli and rice
1 sausage and a fist-size spoon of mash potato
Breaded mozzarella and a bit of mash
Baby new potatoes, mixed veg (broccoli, cauliflower and butternut squash) and boil-in-the-bag cod in parsley sauce (250)
2 bowls of liver casserole with tatties, carrots and onions in it
One piece of BBQ pork and some beetroot
Butternut squash soup with peanut butter in it
Supper / dessert
Low fat yoghurt, two rice cakes with Philadelphia cheese (170)
Yoghurt
Jelly (80)
Ryvita
½ pint of skim milk sugar free instant whip
Few Cadbury's Snaps
Packet of Wotsits
1 WW toffee sundae
2 custard creams and a cup of tea
Friday, April 24, 2009
Struggling with healthy eating
Over the past three days I have been really struggling to eat healthy food. Partly, this is because despite eating good food at breakfast and lunch, I keep getting hungry. Once I'm hungry - that's it - I seem to succumb immediately to poor food choices. I've eaten a fair bit of chocolate and peanuts, and today ate a prawn mushroom curry take-away. I am so glad that I have another fill booked on 7th May - I cannot wait. It amuses me now that only a week or two ago I was debating whether I needed that fill or not. Now I know, absolutely 100%, that I need that fill - more than anything. I am certain now, that although I have glimpsed restriction from time to time (and when I have done so, it has been great), I do not have anything like the right amount of restriction yet - I have not reached my 'sweet spot'.
On Monday next week I am going away, to Scotland, for a weeks work. I will be staying in an outdoor centre where all of my meals will be provided for me. I have stayed at this centre several times before and the food quality and volume is very variable. Some days they serve up a large volume of basic food and other days the portion sizes would even leave most bandits going hungry! So, I have no real idea how I am going to fare at all next week. As far as possible I will just have to grin and bear it and do the best I an under the circumstances. I will be getting out and about quite a bit and getting plenty of exercise, so even if the food's not great, I will at least be burning off lots of calories.
Once I return, on Saturday 2nd May, I will only have five days to wait before heading off to Birmingham for my fifth fill. I really cannot wait. As I said, I have had glimpses of real restriction from time to time over the last few weeks and I just wish I felt like that all the time! On those occasions, I couldn't eat all of my meals and felt really satisfied in between meals. I only ate about 900 calories on those days and was losing weight at a good rate. Since then my weight loss has more or less come to a halt and it's very frustrating.
Here's hoping for some better success in May!
On Monday next week I am going away, to Scotland, for a weeks work. I will be staying in an outdoor centre where all of my meals will be provided for me. I have stayed at this centre several times before and the food quality and volume is very variable. Some days they serve up a large volume of basic food and other days the portion sizes would even leave most bandits going hungry! So, I have no real idea how I am going to fare at all next week. As far as possible I will just have to grin and bear it and do the best I an under the circumstances. I will be getting out and about quite a bit and getting plenty of exercise, so even if the food's not great, I will at least be burning off lots of calories.
Once I return, on Saturday 2nd May, I will only have five days to wait before heading off to Birmingham for my fifth fill. I really cannot wait. As I said, I have had glimpses of real restriction from time to time over the last few weeks and I just wish I felt like that all the time! On those occasions, I couldn't eat all of my meals and felt really satisfied in between meals. I only ate about 900 calories on those days and was losing weight at a good rate. Since then my weight loss has more or less come to a halt and it's very frustrating.
Here's hoping for some better success in May!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Playing hide n' seek with a baguette
You may recall that I posted a few days ago about environmental control. After a support group meeting where we discussed this, I raised the topic with my other half when I got home. In particular, I raised the topic of the fresh, white, crusty baguettes that frequently he buys from Tesco. I cannot resist them! They are so lovely, and every time he buys one I simply have to eat a large chunk of it.......
Anyway, today I got home from work feeling hungry and automatically looked in the bread bin - hopeful that I might find a chunk of baguette to munch on. Alas, there was nothing to be found, so I did what I should always do when I feel hungry, I poured myself a glass of water! A little later I looked in the fridge searching for inspiration on what to cook for dinner tonight. I couldn't help noticing a Tesco bag in the bottom of the fridge that wasn't there yesterday. It turned out to be some new sausages and pork steaks. I asked him "have you been to Tesco?". He said that he had. "How come you didn't buy any baguette then?", I asked. I spotted a flicker of a smile cross his face and immediately knew that he had, in fact, bought a baguette. "You've hidden it?" I questioned, and he confirmed that that was indeed the case!
Well, he's a quicker learner than I anticipated!! All this hide n' seek business makes me feel a bit like a naughty child having their sweets hidden from them, but it did actually work - I didn't attempt to search for the hidden loaf and the thought of baguette for snack was fairly quickly erased from my mind.
Having said that, the thing is more than two foot long - where on earth has he hidden it......?
Anyway, today I got home from work feeling hungry and automatically looked in the bread bin - hopeful that I might find a chunk of baguette to munch on. Alas, there was nothing to be found, so I did what I should always do when I feel hungry, I poured myself a glass of water! A little later I looked in the fridge searching for inspiration on what to cook for dinner tonight. I couldn't help noticing a Tesco bag in the bottom of the fridge that wasn't there yesterday. It turned out to be some new sausages and pork steaks. I asked him "have you been to Tesco?". He said that he had. "How come you didn't buy any baguette then?", I asked. I spotted a flicker of a smile cross his face and immediately knew that he had, in fact, bought a baguette. "You've hidden it?" I questioned, and he confirmed that that was indeed the case!
Well, he's a quicker learner than I anticipated!! All this hide n' seek business makes me feel a bit like a naughty child having their sweets hidden from them, but it did actually work - I didn't attempt to search for the hidden loaf and the thought of baguette for snack was fairly quickly erased from my mind.
Having said that, the thing is more than two foot long - where on earth has he hidden it......?
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Channel 4: The Hospital
As you may have seen, last night there was a channel four documentary that purported to be about how the rising demand for gastric banding is creating financial difficulties for the NHS. The preview of the programme indicated that the rising demand for gastric banding by teenagers was of particular concern. In practice, only one of the three people that the programme focussed on was a teenager - and she was 19!
There is a lot I could say about the programme,mainly negative, but I will only summarise here. It was largely crass, shallow, supposedly 'entertaining' nonsense. It explained very little to the general populace what gastric banding is really all about and perpetuated the myth that it is a 'quick fix' and an 'easy option'. The attitude of the surgeon at the centre of the programme, Mr Paul Super, was appalling, rude, arrogant and downright unprofessional at times. In one scene, he plucks at the fatty tissue of an anaesthetised patient and makes jokes, to which the theatre team holler with laughter. It was insensitive, bullying and just horrible.
The programme portrayed gastric band patients as stupid, lazy, irresponsible and entirely at fault for their condition. Nothing was said about restriction, band adjustments, aftercare or the months of to-ing and fro-ing while trying to get restriction levels right. It also said very little about the healthy eating and exercise that band patients are expected to live by post-surgery.
In short, the programme was extremely disappointing. I am not entirely surprised at channel four for this, but was appalled that a top surgeon should choose to behave so. I am not alone in this. The UKgastricBand.co.uk forum has been alive today with three separate active threads, filled with irate messages of banded people, at best disappointed, and at worst, depressed and cancelling appointments. Rather than attempt to reproduce that anger and frustration here, I urge you to read these threads yourself (see at the bottom of this message) and make up your own mind. I have added a new poll asking you, if you watched the programme, what did you think of it? Please vote!
Here are the links to the three threads:
1. Feeling very depressed after tonight's channel four documentary http://www.ukgastricband.co.uk/index.php?name=PNphpBB2&file=viewtopic&t=2317
2. Channel four 21st April 9pm http://www.ukgastricband.co.uk/index.php?name=PNphpBB2&file=viewtopic&t=2311
3. Mr Paul Super (not) and channel four: http://www.ukgastricband.co.uk/index.php?name=PNphpBB2&file=viewtopic&t=2324 - this one was started by me!
There is a lot I could say about the programme,mainly negative, but I will only summarise here. It was largely crass, shallow, supposedly 'entertaining' nonsense. It explained very little to the general populace what gastric banding is really all about and perpetuated the myth that it is a 'quick fix' and an 'easy option'. The attitude of the surgeon at the centre of the programme, Mr Paul Super, was appalling, rude, arrogant and downright unprofessional at times. In one scene, he plucks at the fatty tissue of an anaesthetised patient and makes jokes, to which the theatre team holler with laughter. It was insensitive, bullying and just horrible.
The programme portrayed gastric band patients as stupid, lazy, irresponsible and entirely at fault for their condition. Nothing was said about restriction, band adjustments, aftercare or the months of to-ing and fro-ing while trying to get restriction levels right. It also said very little about the healthy eating and exercise that band patients are expected to live by post-surgery.
In short, the programme was extremely disappointing. I am not entirely surprised at channel four for this, but was appalled that a top surgeon should choose to behave so. I am not alone in this. The UKgastricBand.co.uk forum has been alive today with three separate active threads, filled with irate messages of banded people, at best disappointed, and at worst, depressed and cancelling appointments. Rather than attempt to reproduce that anger and frustration here, I urge you to read these threads yourself (see at the bottom of this message) and make up your own mind. I have added a new poll asking you, if you watched the programme, what did you think of it? Please vote!
Here are the links to the three threads:
1. Feeling very depressed after tonight's channel four documentary http://www.ukgastricband.co.uk/index.php?name=PNphpBB2&file=viewtopic&t=2317
2. Channel four 21st April 9pm http://www.ukgastricband.co.uk/index.php?name=PNphpBB2&file=viewtopic&t=2311
3. Mr Paul Super (not) and channel four: http://www.ukgastricband.co.uk/index.php?name=PNphpBB2&file=viewtopic&t=2324 - this one was started by me!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Fatties cause global warming
...or at least that's how The Sun put it! A study has been conducted by researchers at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine. It suggests that 'obese populations' contribute more to global warming than non-obese populations. The argument is that this is because obese people consume more food, and the production of that food generates more carbon dixoide. In addition, obese people are more likely to use a car, emitting further carbon into atmosphere, than non-obese people - who are more likely to walk.
Now, I haven't seen the details of this research, only the reports in The Sun and The Guardian, but the study wasn't conducted - as you might think - by investigating what obese people eat or how they live their lives, it was based on a theoretical model of such. In fact, the model claims to represent 1 billion non-obese people and 1 billion obese people. While I suspect that some of the broader principles hinted at in these media reports hold some truth, I am also a little concerned at the validity of the model. Why? Because most obese people in the world live in developed, westernised nations. These countries, like the UK and the USA, have a very different lifestyle and standard of living than less developed countries where most non-obese people live. The problem with this is that westernised nations may actually 'use' more food, not only because they are eating more, but also because we waste much more. For example, look at how many restaurants we have, and supermarkets, that throw away huge quantities of 'waste' food on a daily basis. And to what extent do we use our cars more because we are obese (and lazy, by implication), or is it simply that car usage fits in more with typical western lifestyles - with the stresses and strains of modern living, getting the kids to school on time so two parents can go to work, and do the Tesco shopping on the way home?
The point I am making, is that although there may be some grain of truth in what the researchers say, I would argue that a significant proportion of food and car usage are not directly down to obesity, but instead, because of the indirect effects of our modern, westernised lifestyles.
Now, I haven't seen the details of this research, only the reports in The Sun and The Guardian, but the study wasn't conducted - as you might think - by investigating what obese people eat or how they live their lives, it was based on a theoretical model of such. In fact, the model claims to represent 1 billion non-obese people and 1 billion obese people. While I suspect that some of the broader principles hinted at in these media reports hold some truth, I am also a little concerned at the validity of the model. Why? Because most obese people in the world live in developed, westernised nations. These countries, like the UK and the USA, have a very different lifestyle and standard of living than less developed countries where most non-obese people live. The problem with this is that westernised nations may actually 'use' more food, not only because they are eating more, but also because we waste much more. For example, look at how many restaurants we have, and supermarkets, that throw away huge quantities of 'waste' food on a daily basis. And to what extent do we use our cars more because we are obese (and lazy, by implication), or is it simply that car usage fits in more with typical western lifestyles - with the stresses and strains of modern living, getting the kids to school on time so two parents can go to work, and do the Tesco shopping on the way home?
The point I am making, is that although there may be some grain of truth in what the researchers say, I would argue that a significant proportion of food and car usage are not directly down to obesity, but instead, because of the indirect effects of our modern, westernised lifestyles.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Food, food, everywhere!!
As I sit here wondering what to write in my blog today, the TV is on and I cannot avoid seeing what's on. I'm watching 'The Devil Wears Prada' -about a young woman who becomes an assistant to a fashion magazine editor (played by Meryl Streep). One thing that's completely missing from this film, is food. All the people who work for this editor are a size zero (whatever that is) and none of them ever eat! They are all skin and bone and their goal in life is simply to look good (or to conform with the acceopted vision of what is looking 'good').
Then the ads come on and there's Jamie Oliver advertising for Sainsbury and making a delicious-looking couscous, red onion and cherry tomato dish - delicious enough to make my mouth water! On the other channel is Hell's Kitchen - a bunch of celebrities cooking up weird and wonderful courdon bleu dishes. I glance at the TV Guide and see that tomorrow, there will be a programme on called 'The Hospital', and it's about the proliferation of gastric band surgery among teenagers. It seems that wherever I look, someone is talking about food, or avoiding food, or dieting, or cooking it, or eating it!! Food, food everywhere - and not a drop to eat!!
Then the ads come on and there's Jamie Oliver advertising for Sainsbury and making a delicious-looking couscous, red onion and cherry tomato dish - delicious enough to make my mouth water! On the other channel is Hell's Kitchen - a bunch of celebrities cooking up weird and wonderful courdon bleu dishes. I glance at the TV Guide and see that tomorrow, there will be a programme on called 'The Hospital', and it's about the proliferation of gastric band surgery among teenagers. It seems that wherever I look, someone is talking about food, or avoiding food, or dieting, or cooking it, or eating it!! Food, food everywhere - and not a drop to eat!!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Burning calories sat on my bum.....
I reckon I burned 1500 calories today - and all while I was sat on my posterior! How did I perform this miracle? Motorcycling!! I ride a Honda NT Deauville 700 and today, went on a long and beautiful ride from home to Criccieth on the far west coast of North Wales. I went with a group of biker friends and the total ride-time was about six hours. It was a glorious day, the sun shone and there was just a light breeze. Riding over the moors of central North Wales was nothing but spectacular. There were lots of other people out and about but we managed to find some quiet twisty roads. Riding through Betws-y-Coed, on the other hand, was akin to having disturbed an ants nest - there were thousands of people there!
Anyway, I got home about 5.30 pm this evening having started out at 8.54 am this morning. I was, not to put too fine a point on it, absolutely knackered! I thought that despite being very tired, I ought to 'stir my stumps' and try and get out for a short walk - since I hadn't had any 'proper' exercise today - I had been sat on my bum all day. And then I got to thinking, if I have got no exercise all day, how come I am so tired? My muscles were aching all over, my back, arms and legs felt as though they had had a good workout. So, I returned to my favourite 'calories burned for different activities' website (http://www.nutristrategy.com/activitylist4.htm)....
I was surprised to discover that apparently 'passive' activities such as carpentry, plumbing, cooking and car maintenance all burn between 250 and 350 calories per hour. Even fishing burns more than 200 calories an hour! I decided that I ought to put an estimate on calories burned per hour while motorcycling. While riding the twisty roads, I reckon average calorie burn per hour is probably at the upper end of this range, but easier riding on a motorway, for instance, would be at the lower end. In the end, I decided that 250 per hour would be a reasonable, but conservative estimate on calorie burn for the kind of motorcycling I have been doing today. Having ridden solidly for six hours, this equates to a whopping 1500 calories burned all day! This seems about right, as my body feels as though it has done a long hike or a marathon swim.
This is quite a revelation to me and solves a practical problem. I had been a little concerned about getting back on my bike on a regular basis, since weekend ride-outs mean less time for walking and other 'more active' exercise. But now I don't need to worry, ride-outs mean calories burned - sat on my backside!!!!
Anyway, I got home about 5.30 pm this evening having started out at 8.54 am this morning. I was, not to put too fine a point on it, absolutely knackered! I thought that despite being very tired, I ought to 'stir my stumps' and try and get out for a short walk - since I hadn't had any 'proper' exercise today - I had been sat on my bum all day. And then I got to thinking, if I have got no exercise all day, how come I am so tired? My muscles were aching all over, my back, arms and legs felt as though they had had a good workout. So, I returned to my favourite 'calories burned for different activities' website (http://www.nutristrategy.com/activitylist4.htm)....
I was surprised to discover that apparently 'passive' activities such as carpentry, plumbing, cooking and car maintenance all burn between 250 and 350 calories per hour. Even fishing burns more than 200 calories an hour! I decided that I ought to put an estimate on calories burned per hour while motorcycling. While riding the twisty roads, I reckon average calorie burn per hour is probably at the upper end of this range, but easier riding on a motorway, for instance, would be at the lower end. In the end, I decided that 250 per hour would be a reasonable, but conservative estimate on calorie burn for the kind of motorcycling I have been doing today. Having ridden solidly for six hours, this equates to a whopping 1500 calories burned all day! This seems about right, as my body feels as though it has done a long hike or a marathon swim.
This is quite a revelation to me and solves a practical problem. I had been a little concerned about getting back on my bike on a regular basis, since weekend ride-outs mean less time for walking and other 'more active' exercise. But now I don't need to worry, ride-outs mean calories burned - sat on my backside!!!!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Environmental control
I went to another support group meeting at Healthier Weight today and the topic was environmental control. No, this is nothing to do with global warming (!), it's about controlling your personal eating and food environment. There has been a lot of research published looking at people's eating habits and food consumption in relation to the eating environment, particularly food packaging, the nature of eating utensils, supermarket 'offers', stockpiling and the visibility and accessibility of food. This research shows, in a nutshell, that if food is there (wherever 'there' is), and it is visible, you are MUCH more likely to eat it - than if it is not there and/or is invisible.
For example, one study showed that people are most likely to eat the portion size provided - if a small portion is provided, they'll eat it, but if the portion is large - they'll eat that too. People are also more likely to eat a larger portion when large plates and food utensils are used. Supermarkets also influence our eating habits - for instance, if something is on special offer and we buy loads of it, the resulting stockpile in our kitchen is more likely to be eaten (especially if it is visible). One study that was particularly interesting concerned the visibility and accessibility of food. Consider a jar of attractive sweets and chocolates: If the jar is close at hand and transparent (so you could see what was in it), the contents are more likely to be consumed than if the jar was opaque and further away. So, in terms of what this all means for us bandits, we need to make the food in our homes invisible and inaccessible.
There may also be occasions when we can remove ourselves from a source of tempting food. For example, avoid eating out too often and avoid celebrations in the early days of banding. I have had a particular problem with the staff canteen at work - it tempts me with all sorts of unhealthy foods and large portions. So, I have simply avoided going there since being banded, except on a couple of occasions when I took my own lunch to eat. Another weakness of mine is eating late in the evening. I have known for some time that there is a simple solution to this - go to bed!! However, I am not always 'good' enough to go to bed, particularly if I am in the middle of watching something on the box - but none of us are perfect!
Thinking about my own home situation, I consider myself lucky to have a husband who is not particularly interested in sweets and chocolate. He does have a weakness for cream crackers and digestive biscuits - but neither are a temptation to me. The only thing that does tempt me are the freshly cooked, white, French bread baguettes that he frequently brings home from Tesco. It's not so easy to 'hide' these away, partly because of their size and partly because they smell so nice! One lady suggested that I adopt her strategy which is to eat a little of the 'banned' food in question but no more than a little. That way, I will feel as though I have had a treat, but not so much that it would do any harm. I'll try this and see how it goes. Funnily enough, when I got home, hubby had been to Tesco and returned with a wholemeal loaf (he won't normally eat brown bread). Apparently Tesco had sold out of his favourite baguettes! I used this as an excuse to raise the topic with him about environmental control and I think he's agreed to get wholemeal bread occasionally instead of the baguetttes!!
For example, one study showed that people are most likely to eat the portion size provided - if a small portion is provided, they'll eat it, but if the portion is large - they'll eat that too. People are also more likely to eat a larger portion when large plates and food utensils are used. Supermarkets also influence our eating habits - for instance, if something is on special offer and we buy loads of it, the resulting stockpile in our kitchen is more likely to be eaten (especially if it is visible). One study that was particularly interesting concerned the visibility and accessibility of food. Consider a jar of attractive sweets and chocolates: If the jar is close at hand and transparent (so you could see what was in it), the contents are more likely to be consumed than if the jar was opaque and further away. So, in terms of what this all means for us bandits, we need to make the food in our homes invisible and inaccessible.
There may also be occasions when we can remove ourselves from a source of tempting food. For example, avoid eating out too often and avoid celebrations in the early days of banding. I have had a particular problem with the staff canteen at work - it tempts me with all sorts of unhealthy foods and large portions. So, I have simply avoided going there since being banded, except on a couple of occasions when I took my own lunch to eat. Another weakness of mine is eating late in the evening. I have known for some time that there is a simple solution to this - go to bed!! However, I am not always 'good' enough to go to bed, particularly if I am in the middle of watching something on the box - but none of us are perfect!
Thinking about my own home situation, I consider myself lucky to have a husband who is not particularly interested in sweets and chocolate. He does have a weakness for cream crackers and digestive biscuits - but neither are a temptation to me. The only thing that does tempt me are the freshly cooked, white, French bread baguettes that he frequently brings home from Tesco. It's not so easy to 'hide' these away, partly because of their size and partly because they smell so nice! One lady suggested that I adopt her strategy which is to eat a little of the 'banned' food in question but no more than a little. That way, I will feel as though I have had a treat, but not so much that it would do any harm. I'll try this and see how it goes. Funnily enough, when I got home, hubby had been to Tesco and returned with a wholemeal loaf (he won't normally eat brown bread). Apparently Tesco had sold out of his favourite baguettes! I used this as an excuse to raise the topic with him about environmental control and I think he's agreed to get wholemeal bread occasionally instead of the baguetttes!!
My new friends: Ben and Jerry....
We went to the cinema tonight and saw Marley and Me. Not a bad film, if a bit predictable, but OK if you like dogs! I ate my lunch at about 1.30pm and by 5pm was hungry again. So I ate what I thought of as a light snack - scrambled egg and mushrooms. In practice, this 'light snack' really filled me up so I didn't have any dinner. Determined to right this wrong (!), I decided to treat myself at the cinema. I selected a two scoop Ben and Jerry's ice cream - Berry Berry and Chocolate Fudge Brownie flavours. And it was lovely! I don't feel any guilt at this apparent indiscretion because I had only eaten about 600 calories all day otherwise - so I don't think I have threatened by weight loss progress.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Booked my next fill
After several weeks of prevaricating, I have finally decided to get another fill. It's booked - I'll be acting the pin cushion again on Thursday 7th March at the Birmingham clinic of Healthier Weight. I could have got it done sooner but on 27th April I am going away, to Scotland, for a week on work-related business. I didn't want to get a fill just beforehand as I would have had to somehow manage fluids and mush while away with colleagues. Not only would that have been difficult from a practical perspective, but would also have been rather interesting, shall we say, to try and explain!! So, why another fill? I haven't said too much on here about progress since the last fill because it's so been so variable on a day to day basis. I haven't really sorted out in my mind out whether the last fill 'worked' or not! If I can generalise about my experiences at all, here are the generalisations I would make:
1. Most mornings I have to eat my breakfast carefully and pay particular attention to eating slowly. If I don't, I get lots of burping and gurgling and mild indigestion. I also find that hot drinks go down easier in the morning than cold drinks. I usually drink my tea first and drink the cold orange juice after - otherwise the orange seems to 'stick' somewhat (i.e. it goes down slowly).
2. If any time I completely forget to eat slowly and take small mouthfuls, I get 'slime' (I have previously referred to this as 'saliva-pouring' - but most bandits call it The Slime - sounds like a horror movie!!). I had this quite spectacularly after wolfing a Danish pastry down a week or so ago (probably a good reminder that I shouldn't have been eating such food anyway!) and it was rather unpleasant. I also wolfed some berries down at breakfast yesterday morning and had to sit and wait for five minutes while my oesphagus sorted itself out! I've only had slime twice since my last fill.
3. Occasionally, probably once or twice a week, I get what feels like really good restriction. After eating a meal the size of a 7-inch side plate I feel really full and cannot eat any more - and don't want to eat any more. I feel as though the band should be producing this level of restriction all the time.
4. Most of the time, especially at lunch and evening meals, I can quite easily eat a full side plate of food. I have noticed I can eat slightly larger mouthfuls than I was a couple of months ago and am chewing less than I probably should. But most of the time, that's fine and I suffer no ill-effects. After meals, I can eat a fromage frais or yoghurt and sometimes some fruit too. After lunch, in particular, I often feel hungry again within a couple of hours.
I realise that if now, occasionally (see 3. above), I get good restriction, then having another fill could mean that occasionally I am very tight - or even too tight. In the early days of being a bandit I used to get my knickers in a proverbial twist about this - being too tight, I mean. I used to worry that I wouldn't be able to eat enough or consume enough calories to supply the energy I need to lead a normal life (!). However, I am now experienced enough to know that there are ways around this. For a start, if I was occasionally too tight to eat solids, I could always have a protein shake instead. I have previously made some lovely protein drinks by adding milk, bananas, apples and all sorts to the strawberry powders I get from my provider. Alternately, I could adopt the philosphy of my surgeon - if you're not hungry, don't eat!! Obviously I wouldn't want to be like this all the time. However, if another fill gives me good restriction most of the time and too much restriction occasionally, then I would be very happy with this.
Somebody posted on the UKGstricBand forum that at a fill, their doctor had asked them if they wanted to be comfortable, tight or very tight. I think that most of the time I would describe my current situation as too comfortable, and occasionally as moderately tight. I don't want to be very tight, and never have wanted to be. But too comfortable means I have to put in a lot more effort and willpower than I'd like. After all, if I'd had willpower aplenty I wouldn't have bothered with the band in the first place!
1. Most mornings I have to eat my breakfast carefully and pay particular attention to eating slowly. If I don't, I get lots of burping and gurgling and mild indigestion. I also find that hot drinks go down easier in the morning than cold drinks. I usually drink my tea first and drink the cold orange juice after - otherwise the orange seems to 'stick' somewhat (i.e. it goes down slowly).
2. If any time I completely forget to eat slowly and take small mouthfuls, I get 'slime' (I have previously referred to this as 'saliva-pouring' - but most bandits call it The Slime - sounds like a horror movie!!). I had this quite spectacularly after wolfing a Danish pastry down a week or so ago (probably a good reminder that I shouldn't have been eating such food anyway!) and it was rather unpleasant. I also wolfed some berries down at breakfast yesterday morning and had to sit and wait for five minutes while my oesphagus sorted itself out! I've only had slime twice since my last fill.
3. Occasionally, probably once or twice a week, I get what feels like really good restriction. After eating a meal the size of a 7-inch side plate I feel really full and cannot eat any more - and don't want to eat any more. I feel as though the band should be producing this level of restriction all the time.
4. Most of the time, especially at lunch and evening meals, I can quite easily eat a full side plate of food. I have noticed I can eat slightly larger mouthfuls than I was a couple of months ago and am chewing less than I probably should. But most of the time, that's fine and I suffer no ill-effects. After meals, I can eat a fromage frais or yoghurt and sometimes some fruit too. After lunch, in particular, I often feel hungry again within a couple of hours.
I realise that if now, occasionally (see 3. above), I get good restriction, then having another fill could mean that occasionally I am very tight - or even too tight. In the early days of being a bandit I used to get my knickers in a proverbial twist about this - being too tight, I mean. I used to worry that I wouldn't be able to eat enough or consume enough calories to supply the energy I need to lead a normal life (!). However, I am now experienced enough to know that there are ways around this. For a start, if I was occasionally too tight to eat solids, I could always have a protein shake instead. I have previously made some lovely protein drinks by adding milk, bananas, apples and all sorts to the strawberry powders I get from my provider. Alternately, I could adopt the philosphy of my surgeon - if you're not hungry, don't eat!! Obviously I wouldn't want to be like this all the time. However, if another fill gives me good restriction most of the time and too much restriction occasionally, then I would be very happy with this.
Somebody posted on the UKGstricBand forum that at a fill, their doctor had asked them if they wanted to be comfortable, tight or very tight. I think that most of the time I would describe my current situation as too comfortable, and occasionally as moderately tight. I don't want to be very tight, and never have wanted to be. But too comfortable means I have to put in a lot more effort and willpower than I'd like. After all, if I'd had willpower aplenty I wouldn't have bothered with the band in the first place!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Summits up.....
I went for a walk today - and got home in celebratory mood. The reason? Because my walk was actually a rugged hike up Helvellyn in the English Lake District. For those who are not familiar with this part of the world. Helvellyn is the second highest mountain in England, standing at 950m. The reason for my celebratory mood was because the last time I managed to ascend a mountain of these proportions was about six years ago. Since then, because of my obesity, I have only managed to climb up about 3-400m maximum. More than this has been beyond me. Even climbing up a small hill has previously left me totally breathless, usually with a blinding headache - presumably the effects of lack of oxygen!! Worse than this has been the embarrasment and humiliation I have felt when walking with others. It's just so unbearably awful to be walking with people who are so much fitter than you - you just feel so rubbish, so fat, so slow and such a hindrance.But today was different. I'm not saying it wasn't an effort, but relatively, I sailed up the mountain - and down again. I did the total walk in a very respectable time and frequently overtook others walking along the same route. This is evidence, not only of the fact that my lighter body requires less effort to move it along, but also of my increasing fitness. I was a little worried about how my knees would behave on the way down - since years of excess weight have weakened them. However, I did not need to be anxious - they were fine and gave me no pain. This is a particularly encouraging sign because it suggests that the damage I have done to them over the 'fat years' may not be permanent. I'm not ready to run a marathon yet (!) but it looks as though there is nothihg stopping me from continuing to work at my fitness levels. Who knows, this time next year I may be tackling bigger mountains! I've always wanted, for example, to have a go at Ben Nevis - the highest mountain in Britain, standing at about 1380m. I have also been inspired by a recent walk that some celebrities did for charity - don't laugh - Mt. Kilimanjaro. Who knows......?!!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Updating labels
I have spent a little time today updating the labels attached to previous posts. I only started using them a couple of months ago so all my early posts are still label-less! However, periodically I go on a label frenzy and edit old post to add labels. I've still a lot more to do but am making steady progress. It means that the list of labels on the right hand side of the main screen can be used to search to find past posts on a wide range of topics. Rather than use a million labels - that would make the exercise a bit pointless - I have used more general labels to indicate a range of topics. So, for example, where I have discussed food, drink, what I ate etc on a particular day, I have attached the label 'Meals' or 'Food'. Or as another example, I have used the label 'Pain' whenever I have spoken about pain, discomfort, skin soreness, aching and the like.
I hope this helps readers navigate around the blog. If you have any suggestions as to how I might improve this site please let me know via a comment. All the best, Theresa.
I hope this helps readers navigate around the blog. If you have any suggestions as to how I might improve this site please let me know via a comment. All the best, Theresa.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Offa's Dyke walk
I went for a holiday weekend walk today along a section of the Offa's Dyke trail in north Wales. It was a beautiful day with very warm sunshine and there were loads of people out and about and lots of families out walking. The route followed a well-made path and was generally along a ridge top. There were also some long sections of uphill walking and some steep downhill stretches. There were beautiful views to be had in all directions and it was really enjoyable. I think what made it even more enjoyable for me was that I felt really fit! I stepped out and kept up a pretty fast pace all the way, including on the uphill sections. I actually surprised myself at how fit and healthy I felt. I kept thinking back to pre-surgery times and how a walk like today's would have been really tough - and there's no way on earth I could have kept up the pace I did today.
Back at home now and rested, fed and watered (!), I am conscious that although I have no particular aches in my legs or other muscles, my body as a whole feels, well, sort of empty! A bit drained of energy, I suppose, I guess this is because I am consuming generally less calories. I have attempted to calculate how many calories I have burned today. I went back to the web site I posted about in March (click on the link above to return to my original post) that lists a wide range of activities and their calorie-burning equivalents per hour. This gives a rate of about 520 calories an hour for uphill walking and/or hiking. I did the sums and basically, if you multiply normal steps (i.e. as recorded on a pedometer) by 1.44, you get the equivalent steps if your walking was 'hiking' or uphill. You can then use the equivalent steps figure to determine calories burned - for someone weighing about 200 pounds, one step burns 0.06 calories.
So today, I have walked about 12,500 steps hiking, equivalent to 18,000 normal steps. Multiplying this by 0.06 gives total calories burned of 1080. I will have eaten about 1200 calories by the end of the day, which means that my total effective calorie intake is only 1200-1080 = 120!! Since my basal metabolic rate is about 1650, this means that I have achieved a calorie savings today of about 1530 (1650 - 120) - i.e. nearly half a pound!!! Well, the walk was lovely, but that figure makes it even more enjoyable!
Back at home now and rested, fed and watered (!), I am conscious that although I have no particular aches in my legs or other muscles, my body as a whole feels, well, sort of empty! A bit drained of energy, I suppose, I guess this is because I am consuming generally less calories. I have attempted to calculate how many calories I have burned today. I went back to the web site I posted about in March (click on the link above to return to my original post) that lists a wide range of activities and their calorie-burning equivalents per hour. This gives a rate of about 520 calories an hour for uphill walking and/or hiking. I did the sums and basically, if you multiply normal steps (i.e. as recorded on a pedometer) by 1.44, you get the equivalent steps if your walking was 'hiking' or uphill. You can then use the equivalent steps figure to determine calories burned - for someone weighing about 200 pounds, one step burns 0.06 calories.
So today, I have walked about 12,500 steps hiking, equivalent to 18,000 normal steps. Multiplying this by 0.06 gives total calories burned of 1080. I will have eaten about 1200 calories by the end of the day, which means that my total effective calorie intake is only 1200-1080 = 120!! Since my basal metabolic rate is about 1650, this means that I have achieved a calorie savings today of about 1530 (1650 - 120) - i.e. nearly half a pound!!! Well, the walk was lovely, but that figure makes it even more enjoyable!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Breakfast disaster
I thought I'd try a slight variation on my breakfast this morning - and it was an unmitigated disaster!!! I thought that if I used yoghurt on my All-Bran instead of milk, it would be more filling, less of a slider food, and stop me from feeling hungry so soon after. So, I put the All-Bran in the bowl, topped it with a low fat yoghurt, and then added some fresh, chopped strawberries on top instead of my usual dried berries. Well, it looked nice......
Unfortunately, ever since I was forced to eat thick, stodgy porridge on a 4-week camping trip to Iceland once, my body has rejected stodgy foods. It does this by heaving and retching - so it's a warning sign that's unmistakable! Well, I got about three spoonfuls of my 'nice' breakfast down and then my body started telling me that it didn't like it..... I started heaving and before long I couldn't even face eating a strawberry! So, I ended up putting it all in the bin. I suppose the 'up' side to this was that I ate very little for breakfast and didn't feel hungry for some hours after - I suppose that means I inadvertently achieved what I set out to achieve when I started this new breakfast thing!
Later in the morning I happened to be in Marks and Spencer and bought myself one of their lovely fresh fruit snacks, mmmm! Ah well, you live and learn. Tomorrow morning? It's All-Bran with MILK and dried berries - as per usual!!
Unfortunately, ever since I was forced to eat thick, stodgy porridge on a 4-week camping trip to Iceland once, my body has rejected stodgy foods. It does this by heaving and retching - so it's a warning sign that's unmistakable! Well, I got about three spoonfuls of my 'nice' breakfast down and then my body started telling me that it didn't like it..... I started heaving and before long I couldn't even face eating a strawberry! So, I ended up putting it all in the bin. I suppose the 'up' side to this was that I ate very little for breakfast and didn't feel hungry for some hours after - I suppose that means I inadvertently achieved what I set out to achieve when I started this new breakfast thing!
Later in the morning I happened to be in Marks and Spencer and bought myself one of their lovely fresh fruit snacks, mmmm! Ah well, you live and learn. Tomorrow morning? It's All-Bran with MILK and dried berries - as per usual!!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Post-fill restriction update
I can't figure this band out. Since my last fill its behaviour has been variable and unpredictable. Most of the time I feel as though I have some, but limited, restriction. I eat modest portions of food but am looking for food before my next meal time. However, a few times recently I have experienced more definite restriction. A few days ago, for example, I was really full after eating each of my three meals and couldn't manage any additional snacks. This happened two days running. Then yesterday and today, I have been hungry and looking for food all day, but experienced unusual fullness in the evening. Take this evening, for instance, I sat down to eat a very normal meal. It was potato, a vegetable bake and some veggies - all fitting easily on a small side plate and with a total calorie count of about 270. I only got as far as eating about one quarter of it before feeling very full. I hadn't eaten anything before it for at least 5.5 hours. I managed just a little more but have put the rest aside (perhaps to eat for lunch tomorrow?).
I have heard of lots of people who have more restriction in the morning, but only a few who had more in the evening. I remember hearing about one lady who was getting much more restriction in the evening and so decided to 'switch' her lunch and evening meal. She now has her main meal of the day at lunch time, and a smaller 'lunch' type snack in the evening. I am wondering whether I have this too - i.e. more restrition in the evening - though I don't yet have enough evidence to be certain. I guess I will have to monitor the situation for a while longer.
I have been very careful over the last couple of weeks to get the texture of my food right. It is important to avoid slider foods and focus on more crunchy, 'solid' foods. I have been cooking vegetables so that they are quite crunchy and chewy. I've also been doing the same with potatoes, cooking pasta al dente, and eating solid proteins such as chewy salmon and beans. I no longer add gravy to my main meals to avoid them becoming slider foods and try to make my meals with a more dry consistency. So, in this sense, I think I am obeying all the rules as necessary. I haven't yet felt any real restriction in the morning.
I have been thinking about whether I need to get another small fill. I guess my current thinking is that at the moment, most of the time I don't have enough restriction, but I do have the right amount on a rare occasions. If I get another small fill, this should mean that on rare occasions I have too much restriction, and get the right amount of restriction most of the time. I think I could cope with this. Having too much restriction on rare occasions could be overcome by using protein shakes instead of food. I've read about quite a few people who regularly don't eat breakfast because of restriction, but have a protein shake or other drinks instead. In fact, the handbook given me by my provider says exactly this: "People often say that their band feels more restricted in the morning" and "Many people don't feel like breakfast...... The general rule is that if you don't feel like eating, don't bother". Now, it may be that in my case, it is not breakfast that is the problem, but evening meal - but I can cope with that in exactly thre same way.
For now, I think I need to monitor the situation for a while longer and see what happens before making a decision about my next fill.
I have heard of lots of people who have more restriction in the morning, but only a few who had more in the evening. I remember hearing about one lady who was getting much more restriction in the evening and so decided to 'switch' her lunch and evening meal. She now has her main meal of the day at lunch time, and a smaller 'lunch' type snack in the evening. I am wondering whether I have this too - i.e. more restrition in the evening - though I don't yet have enough evidence to be certain. I guess I will have to monitor the situation for a while longer.
I have been very careful over the last couple of weeks to get the texture of my food right. It is important to avoid slider foods and focus on more crunchy, 'solid' foods. I have been cooking vegetables so that they are quite crunchy and chewy. I've also been doing the same with potatoes, cooking pasta al dente, and eating solid proteins such as chewy salmon and beans. I no longer add gravy to my main meals to avoid them becoming slider foods and try to make my meals with a more dry consistency. So, in this sense, I think I am obeying all the rules as necessary. I haven't yet felt any real restriction in the morning.
I have been thinking about whether I need to get another small fill. I guess my current thinking is that at the moment, most of the time I don't have enough restriction, but I do have the right amount on a rare occasions. If I get another small fill, this should mean that on rare occasions I have too much restriction, and get the right amount of restriction most of the time. I think I could cope with this. Having too much restriction on rare occasions could be overcome by using protein shakes instead of food. I've read about quite a few people who regularly don't eat breakfast because of restriction, but have a protein shake or other drinks instead. In fact, the handbook given me by my provider says exactly this: "People often say that their band feels more restricted in the morning" and "Many people don't feel like breakfast...... The general rule is that if you don't feel like eating, don't bother". Now, it may be that in my case, it is not breakfast that is the problem, but evening meal - but I can cope with that in exactly thre same way.
For now, I think I need to monitor the situation for a while longer and see what happens before making a decision about my next fill.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Life 'on hold' for 15 years
In Khaliah Ali's book (see earlier post), she talks about how she sometimes felt her life was on hold while she was overweight. That really struck home for me. For about fifteen years there have been numerous occasions when I have promised myself that I would do x, or y, "when I lose weight". It was as though losing weight was an inevitability - something that was just around the corner - it was just a matter of actually getting off the starting blocks. Of course, that corner was a long one that went on forever. The reality was that, that time, "when I lose weight" just never came. I think that perhaps the eventual realisation that it was never going to come was what finally convinced me to opt for gastric surgery.
I had a wardrobe full of clothes that I was going to wear "when I lost weight". Clothes that wouldn't even fit when I bought them, but that I was convinced I would be able to wear in a week or two, or a month or three! There have been so many things that I wanted to do too, "when I lost weight". I wanted to walk The Pennine Way, there were mountains I wanted to climb, I wanted to take up running again and get serious about playing badminton. I wanted to go walking with others and be able to keep up and I wanted NOT to hold my husband back when we went for walks together. I have been doing this for years, constantly asking him to slow down because I was so out of breath and unable to keep up the pace. Now he is getting older (he's quite a bit older than me) and I fear I have robbed him of those years together when we could have done more adventurous things but couldn't because of my lack of fitness.
It's a weird feeling when part of your brain lives in reality and part of it lives in some fantasy land. The reality-conscious brain knew I wasn't going to lose weight (i.e. permanently) and got totally and utterly depressed. The fantasy-land brain was always hopeful, perhaps even in denial, and did all the silly stuff of buying smaller clothes that wouldn't fit etc. There was even a sense of it being OK when I ate tonnes of chocolate - because I would lose the weight tomorrow. Fat chance.
I guess being a bandit means that I am no longer in denial - and that's a step forward I suppose. I am still very hopeful that I will lose all the weight that I want to and eventually reach my target weight. I am gradually becoming accustomed to the idea that I won't necessarily like the way my body looks when I get there but I will at least have no excuse for not getting fit and staying healthy any more. I am hopeful, at last, that I no longer have to live in that fantasy-land, that my age-old fantasy might actually become reality after all. I have lost 5.5 stones (78 pounds) but stilll have about 4 stones (56 pounds) to go. My target is still such a long way off but I am no longer going to live for tomorrow - I'm living for today.
I had a wardrobe full of clothes that I was going to wear "when I lost weight". Clothes that wouldn't even fit when I bought them, but that I was convinced I would be able to wear in a week or two, or a month or three! There have been so many things that I wanted to do too, "when I lost weight". I wanted to walk The Pennine Way, there were mountains I wanted to climb, I wanted to take up running again and get serious about playing badminton. I wanted to go walking with others and be able to keep up and I wanted NOT to hold my husband back when we went for walks together. I have been doing this for years, constantly asking him to slow down because I was so out of breath and unable to keep up the pace. Now he is getting older (he's quite a bit older than me) and I fear I have robbed him of those years together when we could have done more adventurous things but couldn't because of my lack of fitness.
It's a weird feeling when part of your brain lives in reality and part of it lives in some fantasy land. The reality-conscious brain knew I wasn't going to lose weight (i.e. permanently) and got totally and utterly depressed. The fantasy-land brain was always hopeful, perhaps even in denial, and did all the silly stuff of buying smaller clothes that wouldn't fit etc. There was even a sense of it being OK when I ate tonnes of chocolate - because I would lose the weight tomorrow. Fat chance.
I guess being a bandit means that I am no longer in denial - and that's a step forward I suppose. I am still very hopeful that I will lose all the weight that I want to and eventually reach my target weight. I am gradually becoming accustomed to the idea that I won't necessarily like the way my body looks when I get there but I will at least have no excuse for not getting fit and staying healthy any more. I am hopeful, at last, that I no longer have to live in that fantasy-land, that my age-old fantasy might actually become reality after all. I have lost 5.5 stones (78 pounds) but stilll have about 4 stones (56 pounds) to go. My target is still such a long way off but I am no longer going to live for tomorrow - I'm living for today.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Today's eating and activity
I thought it might be helpful to relate what I ate today - a typical working day (calories in brackets).
Breakfast: All Bran (40g) with soya milk and dried berries, 100ml orange juice (245).
Lunch: Salmon (100g), potatoes (100g), spinach and green beans (as per last night's dinner) (271).
Afternoon snack: Ribena, small banana and low fat fromage frais and a few mints (175).
Dinner: Wholewheat pasta (25g), cod in parsley sauce (boil-in-the-bag), butternut squash and leeks (241).
Dessert: Handful of red grapes and low fat fromage frais (125).
Total calories = 1057
Oddly enough, I was hungry for much of the day, until I ate the grapes and fromage frais this evening - which really filled me up!
I didn't do much walking at work today but did some stepping when I got home. Here's my total calories burnt and calorie 'savings' for the day:
Calories in = 1057
Calories burned = 690
Balance = 367
Total steps = 11,500
Basal metabolic rate = 1660
Calorie savings = 1660 - 367 = 1293
This is equivalent to about one third of a pound, so if I 'saved' this many calories every day I would lose about 2.5 pounds a week.
Breakfast: All Bran (40g) with soya milk and dried berries, 100ml orange juice (245).
Lunch: Salmon (100g), potatoes (100g), spinach and green beans (as per last night's dinner) (271).
Afternoon snack: Ribena, small banana and low fat fromage frais and a few mints (175).
Dinner: Wholewheat pasta (25g), cod in parsley sauce (boil-in-the-bag), butternut squash and leeks (241).
Dessert: Handful of red grapes and low fat fromage frais (125).
Total calories = 1057
Oddly enough, I was hungry for much of the day, until I ate the grapes and fromage frais this evening - which really filled me up!
I didn't do much walking at work today but did some stepping when I got home. Here's my total calories burnt and calorie 'savings' for the day:
Calories in = 1057
Calories burned = 690
Balance = 367
Total steps = 11,500
Basal metabolic rate = 1660
Calorie savings = 1660 - 367 = 1293
This is equivalent to about one third of a pound, so if I 'saved' this many calories every day I would lose about 2.5 pounds a week.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
A wardrobe overhaul
I spent a little time today sorting out my wardrobe. I now have two large piles of clothes, one for chucking in the bin, and the other for presenting to a charity shop. Honestly, some of the clothes I will be giving away have never been worn and still bear the original labels! So why did I buy them in the first place? Well, mainly out of desperation. When you are a size 24, going on 26, there isn't a great deal of choice in the shops. It takes a mountainous effort just to find something that fits, so I haven't had the luxury for about ten years of being able to buy clothes that I actually liked. The result is, that I would buy stuff - because it fit - then get it home and decide that I simply wouldn't, or couldn't, be seen dead in it, even if this meant continuing to wear my old, worn out clothes.
I also found quite a few items of clothing that I had never worn because they were too small..... I used to have a habit of buying things that nearly fit - in the hope that when I lost weight I would be able to wear them. In reality, I never did lose the weight - and they never got worn. Of course I have lost a lot of weight recently but so rapidly that I passed the point of being able to wear these clothes before I realised they were there!
I must confess that I baulked a little at getting rid of so many 'large' clothes. I haven't kept anything, except one pair of my largest trousers - so that when I'm thin I can have a laugh about how big I used to be.... In the back of my mind all the time though, I was thinking, what if I gain weight and need these clothes again? What if the band doesn't work and I go back to being a size 26? But you know what? I am done with that life - that's the old me and I don't want her back, ever. Period. Goodbye and good riddance.
I also found quite a few items of clothing that I had never worn because they were too small..... I used to have a habit of buying things that nearly fit - in the hope that when I lost weight I would be able to wear them. In reality, I never did lose the weight - and they never got worn. Of course I have lost a lot of weight recently but so rapidly that I passed the point of being able to wear these clothes before I realised they were there!
I must confess that I baulked a little at getting rid of so many 'large' clothes. I haven't kept anything, except one pair of my largest trousers - so that when I'm thin I can have a laugh about how big I used to be.... In the back of my mind all the time though, I was thinking, what if I gain weight and need these clothes again? What if the band doesn't work and I go back to being a size 26? But you know what? I am done with that life - that's the old me and I don't want her back, ever. Period. Goodbye and good riddance.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I'm no sinner.....
My husband said he heard a song on the radio today that went something like this: "I'm no saint, I'm no sinner, it's all cool, if I get thinner". As well as fitting in well with the title of yesterday's blog post, I also thought it sounded like an excellent anthem for all bandits!!I haven't been quite as much of a glutton as yesterday but have still eaten some 'forbidden fruits' today. This afternoon I ate a Danish pastry - and paid for it. I was enjoying it so much that I forgot my good habits and ate it too fast. Soon, I was experiencing the familiar feeling of indigestion and an intense burning in my upper chest (good job it didn't happen on the first aid course I had just finished or I might have had some well-meaning first aiders thinking I was having a heart attack!!). This then developed into the build-up of saliva in my mouth and I was back to some fairly serious 'saliva-pouring' that went on for ages.
I have never read anything about this phenomenon but I imagine it is the body's way of helping the blocked food to get down. By producing excessive amounts of saliva, it helps the food to turn to mush and go through the stoma into the stomach. However, until the blocked food starts moving, the excess saliva has only one way to go - and that is up! It seemed to go on for about 20 minutes - I think the longest period I have experienced this - and it left me feeling knackered!
Anyway, I have decided I am not a complete waste of space - I'm going swimming this evening and expect to burn off quite a few calories, including that darned Danish pastry!!!
Monday, April 6, 2009
I'm no saint
Right now I am feeling incredibly sick. Is this the effects of over-doing the exercise regime? Or is it an adverse reaction to too much healthy food? Answer - neither. It's because I have engaged, this evening, in a systematic binge, through two iced buns, a packet of Maltesers, a Twirl, a packet of chocolate buttons and two large glasses of Diet Coke. Proof that my fat gene is still very much alive and kicking. Why the self-sabotage? Who knows! The day I manage to understand the why's and wherefore's of my emotional psyche, the day I will deserve a Nobel Prize! I have a period (sorry guys!) and have generally been feeling a bit 'down' and tired all day. I have no idea whether this is related to the binge-behaviour or if it's just coincidence. I noticed that despite having a lunch that was identical to the evening meal I had yestersday (and that filled me up), I was still hungry all afternoon. I was hungry when I got home from work and had some soup but was still hungry and then ate a cheese toastie (really the the start of my binge evening).
Having thought only yesterday that maybe I have the right amount of restriction at long last - now I am wondering whether that is, indeed the case!! Who knows with this band - it seems to have a mind of its own. Having said that, the band is infinitely more reliable than my brain. Now I am off to bed to sleep off my huge, fat, stuffed stomach. Hopefully I've not done any lasting damage - and tomorrow's a new day.
Having thought only yesterday that maybe I have the right amount of restriction at long last - now I am wondering whether that is, indeed the case!! Who knows with this band - it seems to have a mind of its own. Having said that, the band is infinitely more reliable than my brain. Now I am off to bed to sleep off my huge, fat, stuffed stomach. Hopefully I've not done any lasting damage - and tomorrow's a new day.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Portion sizes
I have been working really hard at getting my portion sizes right - but I rarely get it right. Take the other day. I was preparing my evening meal and I took on a new determination to get my portion size right. So, first to the veg. I cut off a couple of cauliflower stalks, then thought, that doesn't look much so I'll add another one. Then I stopped myself, and said no, even though it looks like very little food, I am not going to have the third piece. I also cut off and chopped up what seemed to be a tiny piece of butternut squash. Then to pasta. Previously I have weighed out about 35 to 40g but this has always been too much. Determined to get my portion size right this time, I weighed out just 30g instead. Proud of myself up to this point, I turned to the main protein element of my meal, scallops. I don't have these very often because they're so expensive, but they are high in protein and low in fat so ideal for bandits. There were five left in the pack. I think if there had been twenty in the pack I would probably have selected four - but since there were only five, I didn't want to leave one on its own (it might get lonely!!) - so I had five.......
Anyway, I cooked it all - then came the acid test - to put it on my 7-inch side plate and see whether I had got the volume right for the first time. Well, basically, no, I hadn't. First of all, it wouldn't all fit on the plate (!) so I had to remove some (about half) of the butternut squash and cauliflower and put them in a dish in the microwave - for eating later or the next day. What I had left fit on the plate, just, and was approximately in the right proportions (one quarter scallops, one quarter pasta, one half veg). However, I couldn't eat it all - in fact I left half the pasta and a little of the veg. The next day I found the dish of 'overflow' veg that I had left in the microwave and chucked it in the bin.
So the result is, that despite a really strenuous and determined effort to get my portion size right, I made about twice as much pasta and veggies as I needed and could have easily done without the fifth scallop!! I was really trying, honest!
This evening I have been much more successful - it did all fit on the plate and I did manage to eat it all. The total calorific value was about 250. However, it was clearly still too much because I am absolutely stuffed - and I ate it more than an hour and a half ago. It's a long process this brain re-training, this change from thinking obese to thinking thin. My next plan is to prepare a meal in my normal way, and whatever I think is the 'right' amount, I am going to halve it!!! I'll see how that goes and let you know.
Anyway, I cooked it all - then came the acid test - to put it on my 7-inch side plate and see whether I had got the volume right for the first time. Well, basically, no, I hadn't. First of all, it wouldn't all fit on the plate (!) so I had to remove some (about half) of the butternut squash and cauliflower and put them in a dish in the microwave - for eating later or the next day. What I had left fit on the plate, just, and was approximately in the right proportions (one quarter scallops, one quarter pasta, one half veg). However, I couldn't eat it all - in fact I left half the pasta and a little of the veg. The next day I found the dish of 'overflow' veg that I had left in the microwave and chucked it in the bin.
So the result is, that despite a really strenuous and determined effort to get my portion size right, I made about twice as much pasta and veggies as I needed and could have easily done without the fifth scallop!! I was really trying, honest!
This evening I have been much more successful - it did all fit on the plate and I did manage to eat it all. The total calorific value was about 250. However, it was clearly still too much because I am absolutely stuffed - and I ate it more than an hour and a half ago. It's a long process this brain re-training, this change from thinking obese to thinking thin. My next plan is to prepare a meal in my normal way, and whatever I think is the 'right' amount, I am going to halve it!!! I'll see how that goes and let you know.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Tears from the Amazon
I received a parcel through the post from Amazon this morning, and within minutes of opening it, found tears streaming down my cheeks. What was it? A book I ordered called "Fighting Weight: How I Achieved Healthy Weight Loss with 'Banding', a New Procedure that Eliminates Hunger Forever" written by Khaliah Ali - daughter of the famous Mohammed. Why the tears? Well, I did what I always do when I get a new book, I scanned the inside covers, the back page and the contents list - to get a feel for what is in the book and how it is structured. I also had a sneak preview of the first couple of pages of the introduction.Just from this brief scan I had already got a glimpse of the physical and emotional trauma that this lady went through as a morbidly obese person (325 pounds) and it just rang very true, and so close to home. I could identify with everything she said. On the back page, for instance, she describes how she unexpectedly bumped into her father at a fund-raising event and saw the very sad, concerned look on his face when he looked at her. She talks about her sense of shame and loss of dignity and the way that no-one who hasn't experienced this can really understand. She also talks about the way that being overweight became part and parcel of every waking moment of her life. I know just how she felt.
In the introduction Khaliah begins by referring to the practicalities of being obese in America - how 20 million Americans "cannot pull an airplane seatbelt across their laps", can't run for a bus or train, have to engage in advance planning just to get into a bath and never sit on fragile garden furniture for fear of breaking it. This inevitably leads to a huge sense of shame, loss of dignity and vulnerability.
It was at about that point that my tear ducts started working overtime. I think it was to do with the enormous anticipation that I was going to read a book about a person, who I don't know, with whom I share so much. So many emotions, fears and frustrations. I am going to read about a lifetime that shares so much in common with my own, of the practicalities of obesity, the looks and stares, the shame and the sheer hopelessness of it all. And then, I am gong to read about someone who has already completed the journey that I am still on - about their success, the weight loss, the great triumph of beating this disease - and I anticipate it will be a sad, sometimes heartrending, informative, optimistic and eventually, triumphant journey.
I am going to set aside some serious time to read this book. I can't wait to start. As always, I will report back.....
Friday, April 3, 2009
Port Pain and Pilates
I had a half-hour Pilates session today - my first ever. I did it to a DVD with two colleagues of mine. We found a quiet room at work and locked ourselves in so no-one could walk in on us! It was hilarious! The woman delivering the DVD was very muscular and really made everything look like a piece of cake. She would tell us to get into a particular position and we were all laughing our heads off crawling around on the floor and trying to copy her!!
If you don't know much about Pilates (I had no idea what it was - I thought it was some sort of Japanese Tai Chi sort of thing!), it's basically a whole series of slow, stretching and strengthening exercises designed to tone muscle. Most of the exercises are done sitting or lying on the floor and by the end of the session I had sore pelvic bones! I've ordered an exercise mat to avoid this problem in the future. We've decided to sign up for an 8-week course run at our local sports centre - it starts after Easter and I'm already looking forward to it in a masochistic sort of way!
The woman on the DVD made it look easy but it is actually really hard! My two colleagues had already done a session yesterday as well and were both aching today - I guess I've got that to come...
Anyway, it didn't all go smoothly. One of the exercises involved lying down on my left side with my arm stretched out above my head. I then had to raise my right leg up and down and then make circles in the air with it. Now, when I did this on the other side (my right side), I had no problems. But when doing it on my left side, the side my port is on, I got quite nasty pain around my port. It felt as though if I tried to carry on I might do some serious damage (like strain the muscle or tear the tissue or something) - so I stopped. I have experienced very minor, occasional niggles from my port area on and off since I was banded in November. But I've never experienced pain like this before. I wondered if I would get any port pain when I started swimming again, but I haven't - it's been fine.
So, I'm left wondering what this is all about. Will it be like this forever? Was this just a one-off? Next time I try that particular move I expect I will be a little nervous. I have posted a question about this on the UKGastricBand forum and will let you know if I get any insightful responses. Failing that, I am going to ask about it when I next go to a support group meeting (that's about three weeks off) and see what my Doctor says. If I get any recurrence of pain (i.e. without doing Pilates), I may even give my nurse a call and see what she says.
If you don't know much about Pilates (I had no idea what it was - I thought it was some sort of Japanese Tai Chi sort of thing!), it's basically a whole series of slow, stretching and strengthening exercises designed to tone muscle. Most of the exercises are done sitting or lying on the floor and by the end of the session I had sore pelvic bones! I've ordered an exercise mat to avoid this problem in the future. We've decided to sign up for an 8-week course run at our local sports centre - it starts after Easter and I'm already looking forward to it in a masochistic sort of way!
The woman on the DVD made it look easy but it is actually really hard! My two colleagues had already done a session yesterday as well and were both aching today - I guess I've got that to come...
Anyway, it didn't all go smoothly. One of the exercises involved lying down on my left side with my arm stretched out above my head. I then had to raise my right leg up and down and then make circles in the air with it. Now, when I did this on the other side (my right side), I had no problems. But when doing it on my left side, the side my port is on, I got quite nasty pain around my port. It felt as though if I tried to carry on I might do some serious damage (like strain the muscle or tear the tissue or something) - so I stopped. I have experienced very minor, occasional niggles from my port area on and off since I was banded in November. But I've never experienced pain like this before. I wondered if I would get any port pain when I started swimming again, but I haven't - it's been fine.
So, I'm left wondering what this is all about. Will it be like this forever? Was this just a one-off? Next time I try that particular move I expect I will be a little nervous. I have posted a question about this on the UKGastricBand forum and will let you know if I get any insightful responses. Failing that, I am going to ask about it when I next go to a support group meeting (that's about three weeks off) and see what my Doctor says. If I get any recurrence of pain (i.e. without doing Pilates), I may even give my nurse a call and see what she says.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Protein boost
I've decided that I need to eat more protein. I'm taking a leaf out of the American's book and trying to boost my protein intake, partly just to make sure I get enough bone and muscle-supporting vitamins and minerals, but also because protein makes you feel full for longer compared with carbohydrate and veggies. Since my last fill I have had some restriction but it seems to be quite variable. I have noticed that I am often getting hungry early afternoon but not in the evening. So, I am going to boost the size of my lunches and include more protein, in the hope that I will be able to keep going till my evening meal without too much trouble.
I tried this strategy yesterday and today. Today, for example, I ate salmon with Philadelphia cheese on it, boiled potatoes and sprouts. This was incredibly filling and my 'full' feeling lasted from lunch time (about 12.30pm) till 8pm this evening when I ate my dinner! Yesterday, I ate vegetable chilli (packed with loads of protein-rich beans) and prawns (also high in protein). That also made me quite full until I had my evening meal.
I am going to continue to make a concerted effort to boost my protein intake and the size of my lunch over the next week or so and monitor how it goes. I am cautiously optimistic that with this sort of regime, I may have achieved a decent amount of restriction at long last.
I tried this strategy yesterday and today. Today, for example, I ate salmon with Philadelphia cheese on it, boiled potatoes and sprouts. This was incredibly filling and my 'full' feeling lasted from lunch time (about 12.30pm) till 8pm this evening when I ate my dinner! Yesterday, I ate vegetable chilli (packed with loads of protein-rich beans) and prawns (also high in protein). That also made me quite full until I had my evening meal.
I am going to continue to make a concerted effort to boost my protein intake and the size of my lunch over the next week or so and monitor how it goes. I am cautiously optimistic that with this sort of regime, I may have achieved a decent amount of restriction at long last.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Jane knows....
I told you I would let you know what happened with Jane - well, she now knows. Early afternoon today we went for a coffee to the cafe-bar across the road from where we work and sat in a quiet corner for a general chit-chat. In fact we both got cold drinks because it was a warm day. By the time I had finished my first orange juice with lemonade I still hadn't got the conversation going in the right direction. I wasn't about to give up on this though so I suggested seconds. As our drinks arrived I mulled over the volume of the glass and Jane asked why? "Well, I need to know how much of this I am drinking so I can count my calories", I responded. What a stroke of genius I though to myself, as I realised I had inadvertently got the conversation around to talking about diet, and weight, and.....!!
Well, as expected, Jane did ask about my 'diet'. I said that it wasn't actually a 'diet' as such, but that I was getting some help..... "You haven't got a gastric band, have you?" she blurted out, and "did you hear about that lady who died last week during surgery for a gastric band?". Well no, I hadn't heard, but I explained that most people who die during this sort of surgery are probably people who have other complicating medical conditions such as heart disease, diabetes etc - and simply don't survive the anaesthetic. Anyway, after swearing her to secrecy, I confirmed that her intuition had been correct, and that yes, I had a gastric band.
She didn't seem that interested in the details, gory and otherwise, though I was anxious to explain that I had done most of the work up till now, and that only recently has the wretched thing offered me any assistance! However, she was generous in her praise, saying "well done you" repeatedly. A few more things were said about clothes and dress sizes and then we moved off the topic onto other work-related things. [As an aside, why do we call them dress sizes - I haven't worn a dress since I was about ten!].
So that, was that. We finished our drinks and headed back to work. It remains to be seen whether Jane (a) tells anyone else, (b) nags me about what I am or am not eating (I don't think she will actually), (c) ever mentions it again..........
Well, as expected, Jane did ask about my 'diet'. I said that it wasn't actually a 'diet' as such, but that I was getting some help..... "You haven't got a gastric band, have you?" she blurted out, and "did you hear about that lady who died last week during surgery for a gastric band?". Well no, I hadn't heard, but I explained that most people who die during this sort of surgery are probably people who have other complicating medical conditions such as heart disease, diabetes etc - and simply don't survive the anaesthetic. Anyway, after swearing her to secrecy, I confirmed that her intuition had been correct, and that yes, I had a gastric band.
She didn't seem that interested in the details, gory and otherwise, though I was anxious to explain that I had done most of the work up till now, and that only recently has the wretched thing offered me any assistance! However, she was generous in her praise, saying "well done you" repeatedly. A few more things were said about clothes and dress sizes and then we moved off the topic onto other work-related things. [As an aside, why do we call them dress sizes - I haven't worn a dress since I was about ten!].
So that, was that. We finished our drinks and headed back to work. It remains to be seen whether Jane (a) tells anyone else, (b) nags me about what I am or am not eating (I don't think she will actually), (c) ever mentions it again..........
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