Since my last post in November things have changed somewhat. We moved house in December, Christmas was upon us, and then I went on a field trip to Spain with a group of students. Although I'd eaten a fair bit over Christmas - who doesn't! - something happened on that field trip..... I just struggled to eat the food they provided. Granted, there was a lot of stodgy, high carb food (ideal for teenage boys on fieldwork, but not great for a bandit!), but do you know what, I could hardly be bothered to eat! I came back half a stone lighter after one week away, and the trend has continued ever since. Slowly, but steadily I have continued to lose weight without really trying. It's as though my brain has finally caught up with my body. I need to explain that don't I?! All my life my body has screamed out 'you're not hungry, you're full, you don't need to eat any more'. But my brain - I'm guessing the emotional bit - has argued back 'yes I do NEED this food'.
For the past six months I just haven't been that bothered about food, for the first time in my life. In fact, also for the first time in my life, I have experienced actually being hungry on quite a few occasions! I'm getting great restriction and there is no way I need another fill, my band is working just fine as it is. In fact, I think that for the first time in the 4.5 years that me and Mr Band have been awkward housemates, we are finally starting to get along.
I've more or less given up eating bread all together and I really struggle with stodgy stuff like rice, pasta and potatoes - unless it's either (a) quite late in the day, or (b) has lots of sauce or fatty stuff with it. I rarely eat anything solid before about 2pm (I have a protein shake for breakfast and often have soup for lunch). However, I find I can eat quite a bit in the evening.
My only real challenge now is to try to swap the odd biscuits and cakes for fruit or something a bit healthier. But I've decided not to beat myself up about it too much, after all, I'm losing weight slowly (about 31 pounds since Christmas) and not having to work too hard at it!
Showing posts with label Fill. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fill. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Horrid fill experience
Two weeks ago I had my first fill after having my band completely emptied before that. As I anticipated, my fill was 5ml, the same as it was the first time around - four years ago! However, my fill experience was not the same as previous fills at all. This was the first time I had been seen by this nurse. She said she had worked there for 18 months but I hadn't seen her before. She prodded, pushed, kneaded and pulled, and eventually stuck the needle in. Then she did some more prodding and pushing, pulled the needle out, and went through the process all over again. It wasn't what I would call painful, but most uncomfortable. She said a couple of times that it was difficult because the needle was "right on the edge". This worried me because last time I had been here at the clinic I got chatting to a lady who had had to have surgery to replace her port because it has somehow sprung a leak. She suspected the last nurse to give her a fill because it had been a difficult experience. I was starting to worry that putting the needle in right on the edge might cause a leak in my port too, and I'd end up having more surgery - at my expense of course.
Anyway, I gritted my teeth and thought of England, as they say! When I got home I did as I always do, and pulled off the plaster. I had expected to see one of those tiny round plasters, but instead it was quite a large one. This surprised me because none of the previous nurses had ever needed to use a large plaster, and also because it should have said clearly on my records that I am allergic to Elastoplast.....!
Later that day, the area where the needle had gone in was bright red and itching like mad. This was true for an area about 5cm (2inches) in diameter. It stayed extremely itchy for the next five or six days and was so bad at times I had to take a strong antihistamine to relieve the itching and swelling. The redness faded into a huge multi-coloured bruise and eventually the itching receded. The area is now finally back to normal after two weeks.
I've made another appointment for my next fill and am going to see the same nurse again. This wasn't by choice, but she's the only one available at the moment. When I booked my appointment I explained to the practice manager my concerns and she advised me to speak to the nurse on the day and tell her what happened. I'll certainly do that! Apparently the top man of the practice will be on duty that day, so I can ask for him to do the fill if the nurse starts to have any problems like last time. Not looking forward to it though!
Since my last fill I have felt a little restriction but nowhere near enough. I am eating like a horse to be honest and my portion sizes have definitely increased. I've also found that I'm eating a lot more carbs instead of focusing on proteins as I was doing previously. Hopefully the next fill will get me back on track...... Wish me luck!
Anyway, I gritted my teeth and thought of England, as they say! When I got home I did as I always do, and pulled off the plaster. I had expected to see one of those tiny round plasters, but instead it was quite a large one. This surprised me because none of the previous nurses had ever needed to use a large plaster, and also because it should have said clearly on my records that I am allergic to Elastoplast.....!
Later that day, the area where the needle had gone in was bright red and itching like mad. This was true for an area about 5cm (2inches) in diameter. It stayed extremely itchy for the next five or six days and was so bad at times I had to take a strong antihistamine to relieve the itching and swelling. The redness faded into a huge multi-coloured bruise and eventually the itching receded. The area is now finally back to normal after two weeks.
I've made another appointment for my next fill and am going to see the same nurse again. This wasn't by choice, but she's the only one available at the moment. When I booked my appointment I explained to the practice manager my concerns and she advised me to speak to the nurse on the day and tell her what happened. I'll certainly do that! Apparently the top man of the practice will be on duty that day, so I can ask for him to do the fill if the nurse starts to have any problems like last time. Not looking forward to it though!
Since my last fill I have felt a little restriction but nowhere near enough. I am eating like a horse to be honest and my portion sizes have definitely increased. I've also found that I'm eating a lot more carbs instead of focusing on proteins as I was doing previously. Hopefully the next fill will get me back on track...... Wish me luck!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Patience - an important lesson
I thought I'd give you a little insight into how things have been for me in the last year. A year ago I had a small fill, taking my total band fill up to about 7.7ml. This gave me a really nice level of restriction and for the first time in a while, I felt that my band could really help me to control my eating. However, the thorn in this theory was my binge-eating, primarily chocolate focused. At that time I was eating at least six or seven bars of chocolate per day, often eight bars, plus some other cakes and trifles. I estimate that I was consuming 1500-2000 calories per day through chocolate, ON TOP of a normal diet of about the same. It doesn't need a mathematician to work out that I was consuming nearly twice the calories that I actually needed. No wonder I was steadily gaining weight. I tried all kinds of things to cut down on the chocolate but nothing worked.
I have always subscribed to the view that a diet should be sustainable, otherwise it won't work. By the same token, I have always believed that since 'normal' people can eat a little chocolate, so should I be able to. And so my efforts over the years have been to cut down on chocolate consumption, rather than to cut it out all together. But I finally saw sense on May 25th this year, when I took the decision to completely cut out chocolate from my diet. Since that time I have very, very slowly begun to take back control over my diet and begun to lose weight again.
I thought I'd quote an anonymous comment on an earlier post (from 2010): "I too am a chocoholic and I have successfully lost weight in the past only to pile it back on (I was 5.5st lighter 2 years ago). I have come to the conclusion that I cannot eat any chocolate - total abstinence is the only way forward (I have managed to give up chocolate for years in the past and I always become complacent: "a little won't hurt....." - the trouble is I cannot eat just a "little". - Well there's at least a little comfort in knowing I'm not the only one!!
A year ago, I weighed 17 stone and 4 lbs, and now I'm exactly a stone less. So it's taken me six months to lose a stone, but maybe this is another lesson that I have learned from the last four years of being a bandit - patience, patience, patience - you can never have too much! Don't rush things, it's a marathon not a sprint. It is better to take six years to lose all the weight I want to, and to keep it off by developing good habits, than to lose it all in a year and put much of it back on again (which is effectively what happened to me).
Next time, more about the acid problem over the last year.... Bet you can't wait!!
I have always subscribed to the view that a diet should be sustainable, otherwise it won't work. By the same token, I have always believed that since 'normal' people can eat a little chocolate, so should I be able to. And so my efforts over the years have been to cut down on chocolate consumption, rather than to cut it out all together. But I finally saw sense on May 25th this year, when I took the decision to completely cut out chocolate from my diet. Since that time I have very, very slowly begun to take back control over my diet and begun to lose weight again.
I thought I'd quote an anonymous comment on an earlier post (from 2010): "I too am a chocoholic and I have successfully lost weight in the past only to pile it back on (I was 5.5st lighter 2 years ago). I have come to the conclusion that I cannot eat any chocolate - total abstinence is the only way forward (I have managed to give up chocolate for years in the past and I always become complacent: "a little won't hurt....." - the trouble is I cannot eat just a "little". - Well there's at least a little comfort in knowing I'm not the only one!!
A year ago, I weighed 17 stone and 4 lbs, and now I'm exactly a stone less. So it's taken me six months to lose a stone, but maybe this is another lesson that I have learned from the last four years of being a bandit - patience, patience, patience - you can never have too much! Don't rush things, it's a marathon not a sprint. It is better to take six years to lose all the weight I want to, and to keep it off by developing good habits, than to lose it all in a year and put much of it back on again (which is effectively what happened to me).
Next time, more about the acid problem over the last year.... Bet you can't wait!!
Friday, December 18, 2009
Some advice to a potential bandit
After a previous post, a reader posted some questions to help her decide whether to go ahead and have gastric band surgery. I posted my answer as a 'comment' but I know some of you may not read the comments section - so here it is:
I'm pleased that you find the blog useful and helpful. I will try to answer each of your queries - but do remember that (a) this is only based on my experience - the experiences of others may vary, and (b) I'm not a doctor (well, not a medical one anyway!)!.
Loose skin: Yes, I have loose skin and it was one of my greatest fears before I got the band. However, it is much less of a problem than the health problems, humiliation and lack of fitness that go with being obese. I will need to have a tummy tuck and am considering other cosmetic surgery too. However, you are only 22 years old and your skin will be much more elastic than mine (I'm 45 years old). That means it is more likely to 'spring' back into position after you have lost weight. Therefore, you should have a very good chance of not getting excess skin after weight loss. You can do lots of exercise and muscle toning activities,and there are also lotions you can apply to help keep your skin taut. I'm not sure how much these are effectve. The main factors are how overweight you are, your age, and how rapidly you lose weight. You are young, you're not as heavy as I was when I started out, and people don't tend to lose weight too rapidly with the band (compared with a bypass, for example).
Diet: In theory, it shouldn't be necessary to 'diet' with the band. It is not about following a special diet; more about healthy eating, good nutrition and portion control. However, I find that my willpower is so weak that I need to count calories and keep a rigorous food diary to keep me on the straight and narrow most of the time. Most of my meals are healthy and portion-controlled. I also tend to have healthy snacks most of the time. However, I also slip up on a regular basis - yesterday, for example, I managed to fit in two bars of chocolate and a mince pie....!
Multivitamins: I take a daily multivitamin - just a common off-the-shelf variety from Tesco. I use a chewable one. I can swallow small tablets but prefer the chewable ones anyway - they are much like eating a sweet! As a bandit, you should find that after the initial liquids only phase, you can eat a fairly normal diet - albeit with much smaller portions. Therefore, it is not usually necesary to take any other supplements as it is if you have a bypass. I don't use any effervescent tablets but I could if I needed to - I am still a regular drinker of Diet Coke. As long as you pour it into a glass to allow the worst of the gas bubbles to escape, and drink it slowly and carefully, - I've never had any real problem.
Thank you for your kind words. I do hope that your surgery goes well. Do make sure that you get a good aftercare package that includes follow-up appointments, fills and an emergency number just in case you need it. I've never needed to use the emergency number given me - but it's a great comfort knowing that there are people available should anything go wrong. I've just read about a lady who had her op done in Belgium and her surgeon os only over in the UK once a month. She urgently needs a de-fill but has to wait a month for it - I, and some other bandits have advised her to get a de-fill from somewhere else and not wait. So - make sure you get a good aftercare package included with your surgery!!
All the best, Trees x
I'm pleased that you find the blog useful and helpful. I will try to answer each of your queries - but do remember that (a) this is only based on my experience - the experiences of others may vary, and (b) I'm not a doctor (well, not a medical one anyway!)!.
Loose skin: Yes, I have loose skin and it was one of my greatest fears before I got the band. However, it is much less of a problem than the health problems, humiliation and lack of fitness that go with being obese. I will need to have a tummy tuck and am considering other cosmetic surgery too. However, you are only 22 years old and your skin will be much more elastic than mine (I'm 45 years old). That means it is more likely to 'spring' back into position after you have lost weight. Therefore, you should have a very good chance of not getting excess skin after weight loss. You can do lots of exercise and muscle toning activities,and there are also lotions you can apply to help keep your skin taut. I'm not sure how much these are effectve. The main factors are how overweight you are, your age, and how rapidly you lose weight. You are young, you're not as heavy as I was when I started out, and people don't tend to lose weight too rapidly with the band (compared with a bypass, for example).
Diet: In theory, it shouldn't be necessary to 'diet' with the band. It is not about following a special diet; more about healthy eating, good nutrition and portion control. However, I find that my willpower is so weak that I need to count calories and keep a rigorous food diary to keep me on the straight and narrow most of the time. Most of my meals are healthy and portion-controlled. I also tend to have healthy snacks most of the time. However, I also slip up on a regular basis - yesterday, for example, I managed to fit in two bars of chocolate and a mince pie....!
Multivitamins: I take a daily multivitamin - just a common off-the-shelf variety from Tesco. I use a chewable one. I can swallow small tablets but prefer the chewable ones anyway - they are much like eating a sweet! As a bandit, you should find that after the initial liquids only phase, you can eat a fairly normal diet - albeit with much smaller portions. Therefore, it is not usually necesary to take any other supplements as it is if you have a bypass. I don't use any effervescent tablets but I could if I needed to - I am still a regular drinker of Diet Coke. As long as you pour it into a glass to allow the worst of the gas bubbles to escape, and drink it slowly and carefully, - I've never had any real problem.
Thank you for your kind words. I do hope that your surgery goes well. Do make sure that you get a good aftercare package that includes follow-up appointments, fills and an emergency number just in case you need it. I've never needed to use the emergency number given me - but it's a great comfort knowing that there are people available should anything go wrong. I've just read about a lady who had her op done in Belgium and her surgeon os only over in the UK once a month. She urgently needs a de-fill but has to wait a month for it - I, and some other bandits have advised her to get a de-fill from somewhere else and not wait. So - make sure you get a good aftercare package included with your surgery!!
All the best, Trees x
Friday, October 16, 2009
Finding a twin and turning a corner
At last - I have found another bandit who is exactly the same as me!!!!! A lady posted on the UKGastricBand forum all about her typical eating and drinking during the day, and some stuff about her philosophy on the band and restriction - her experiences of PB'ing, regurgitating, iron fist and all that - and she's SOooooo similar to me - it's scary!!
Like me, she has hardly ever done all the nasty stuff like vomiting and regurgitating food. She doesn't get any pain. She can eat anything but in smaller portions and with a great deal of chewing. She also drinks a lot so she's fully hydrated. She has moderate restriction but finds it harder to eat in the morning until after she's had some drinks. Like me, she can eat chocolate and biscuits for England. The foods that she eats during the day are very similar to me - Oatso Simple for breakfast, or a small banana and Muller Light yoghurt. She has crispbreads and protein and salad for lunch and very similar evening meals too! She also loves Alpen Light cereal bars and doesn't hesitate to take a healthy snack if it's needed.
It brought tears to my eyes as I was reading her post because I am sure I've never encountered another bandit who shares so much in common with me. For months I've read stories and had face-to-face discussions with bandits who get loads of pain / iron fist, vomit / regurgitate and can only eat three peas before feeling full (!) and I've never had any of that - so I've always felt as though I just must be a bit weird!!!
But probably the best thing about her post was what she said about her philosphy on restriction and getting fills. She said: "On a bad day I eat chocolate/biscuits/cakes/sweets/lattes but no matter how tight my band I'd still manage them so why have it that tight and suffer even when I'm being good?". Wow - she is so right. For ages now, as you know if you're a regular reader, I've to'ed and fro'ed about whether I needed another fill. But the truth is this: On a good day when I make good, healthy food choices, my restriction is perfect. I can eat anything I like but in small portions and with a lot of chewing. On a bad day, when I make poor food choices and scoff chocolate, cakes, biscuits and such, the band has no effect. It doesn't stop me eating that stuff - I knew it wouldn't and I know it never will - no matter how tight my band is. So what would be the point in making myself suffer with over-tight restriction when I'm being good, to gain no advantage whatsoever when I'm not being good?!
Mentally at least, I feel as though I may have turned an important corner.
Like me, she has hardly ever done all the nasty stuff like vomiting and regurgitating food. She doesn't get any pain. She can eat anything but in smaller portions and with a great deal of chewing. She also drinks a lot so she's fully hydrated. She has moderate restriction but finds it harder to eat in the morning until after she's had some drinks. Like me, she can eat chocolate and biscuits for England. The foods that she eats during the day are very similar to me - Oatso Simple for breakfast, or a small banana and Muller Light yoghurt. She has crispbreads and protein and salad for lunch and very similar evening meals too! She also loves Alpen Light cereal bars and doesn't hesitate to take a healthy snack if it's needed.
It brought tears to my eyes as I was reading her post because I am sure I've never encountered another bandit who shares so much in common with me. For months I've read stories and had face-to-face discussions with bandits who get loads of pain / iron fist, vomit / regurgitate and can only eat three peas before feeling full (!) and I've never had any of that - so I've always felt as though I just must be a bit weird!!!
But probably the best thing about her post was what she said about her philosphy on restriction and getting fills. She said: "On a bad day I eat chocolate/biscuits/cakes/sweets/lattes but no matter how tight my band I'd still manage them so why have it that tight and suffer even when I'm being good?". Wow - she is so right. For ages now, as you know if you're a regular reader, I've to'ed and fro'ed about whether I needed another fill. But the truth is this: On a good day when I make good, healthy food choices, my restriction is perfect. I can eat anything I like but in small portions and with a lot of chewing. On a bad day, when I make poor food choices and scoff chocolate, cakes, biscuits and such, the band has no effect. It doesn't stop me eating that stuff - I knew it wouldn't and I know it never will - no matter how tight my band is. So what would be the point in making myself suffer with over-tight restriction when I'm being good, to gain no advantage whatsoever when I'm not being good?!
Mentally at least, I feel as though I may have turned an important corner.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
SO much to remember!
I used to think banding was simple - it restricts your stomach, you can't eat as much, you feel full sooner and for longer. Oh if only it were that straight forward! Here are a few of the 'rules' I have to remind myself of daily:
- Eat three small meals per day
- Chew everything to death and eat small pieces
- Don't drink after eating
- Use small utensils and a side plate for meals
- Practice environmental control
- Keep reminding your husband to hide the baguette and biscuits
- Take a bagful of food with you to work every day (breakfast cereal, milk, orange juice, Actimel, lunch, healthy snacks)
- Write everything down - food, calories, drinks, exercise, steps.....
- Make sure plenty of your meal is made up of protein to keep you feeling full for longer (it takes away the hunger)
- Don't overcook the vegetables - the crunchier the better
- Beware when eating fruit with skins or peels - eat extra slowly and not in front of everyone (hiccups can be violent)
- Take healthy snacks to work - better than eating chocolate
- Keep reminding your husband to add healthy things to the shopping list (fruit, yoghurt, cottage cheese) - and to remove things that are too tempting (biscuits and baguettes)
- Drink, drink, and drink some more
- If you think you're hungry, have a drink first - then eat if you still feel hungry after half an hour
- Is it real hunger or just head hunger?
- If you start thinking about chocolate, do something to distract yourself.... (MUCH easier said than done)
- Keep reminding your husband not to bring you a cup of tea immediately after you've eaten
- Worry about whether you've got the right level of restriction at least every five minutes......
- Remember to cook a double portion of dinner so you can take half of it to work for lunch the next day
- Cook meals that are nutritionally balanced
- Take your daily multivitamin, and calcium tablets, oh, and lactulose occasionally......
- Stop buying huge amounts of fod on the weekly shop - it will end up going mouldy
- Get excited about strong restriction in the morning - and then get disapointed when it wears off in the aftrnoon
- Find time to walk
- Find time to go to the gym
- ...or do anything else physical
- Keep reminding your husband to put most of the bread in the freezer - I can't eat so much these days so it will go off if left in the bread bin
- Refrain from getting annoyed when every other person you see asks you, in a loud voice, how much you weigh....
Oh I could go on! There are so many lessons to learn in living with the band but it's just impossible to keep them all in your head at the same time. So as fast as I remember one lesson, I forget the rest. Today, I went to work with what I thought was a lovely lunch (leftovers from last night - but nice, nonetheless). However, whereas last night I put quite a lot of low fat melted cheese on it - today I didn't. The result was a very bland meal with absolutely no fat in it, unappetising and completely lacking in protein. End result? One hungry lady mid-afternoon - looking for snacks and 'nice' things to eat.....
When will I ever learn?!!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
A mincing experience
Last night I cooked up some soya mince with brown rice and some mixed frozen vegetables. It seemed like a balanced meal, with the mince being low in fat but rich in protein. I've had the mince many times before but not since my last fill. While the mince was cooking I'd added a little original Bisto gravy to provide a little flavour. I tucked into my meal - but only got as far as about three small forkfuls. I was just really struggling to get it down. It wasn't that it had made me full - I was still hungry! But I couldn't manage any more so put it to one side.
About an hour later I thought I'd have another go. Then I had a brainwave! I made up some vegetable gravy from Bisto gravy granules (I don't normally use this because it is relatively fatty). I poured this on top of the heated up meal and added some melted cheese. For good measure I added loads of black pepper and a little salt. I tucked in again - this time it went down much more easily! It was also much nicer! I finished the whole lot and was nicely full by the end.
It just goes to prove that drier textured food is more difficult to get down than food that is more fatty. On this occasion though, I appear to have begun by getting the balance wrong and making it too dry. You live and learn!
About an hour later I thought I'd have another go. Then I had a brainwave! I made up some vegetable gravy from Bisto gravy granules (I don't normally use this because it is relatively fatty). I poured this on top of the heated up meal and added some melted cheese. For good measure I added loads of black pepper and a little salt. I tucked in again - this time it went down much more easily! It was also much nicer! I finished the whole lot and was nicely full by the end.
It just goes to prove that drier textured food is more difficult to get down than food that is more fatty. On this occasion though, I appear to have begun by getting the balance wrong and making it too dry. You live and learn!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Changing my mind?
I don't know - yesterday I posted in a more positive vein about the success, or otherwise, of my latest fill. I'm already doubting the wisdom of my optimism! Earlier today I asked for advice from the readers of the UKGastricBand forum. I don't normally do this, but I tought I would post the same basic text here in case any of my blog readers can offer any insight and post a comment.
I need some advice on whether I need another fill or not. It's been just over a week since my NINTH fill and I've been eating solids for most of that time. I have 7.7ml in a 10ml band. My sequence of fills has been:
Well I can still eat more than all of them. Although I generally stick to about 1200 calories a day - I have to work quite hard at this. If I ate entirely guided by my hunger I could easily manage quite a bit more than that. A typical evening meal is four baby new potatoes, half a side plate of veggies and a 'normal' sized piece of salmon. This leaves me feeling pleasantly satisified or even full - but within a couple of hours I'm getting hunger pangs again. I think they really are hunger pangs, rather than 'head hunger'.
Don't get me wrong, I am losing weight - but I feel I am having to work so hard at resisting the hunger - which is what I got the band for. I'd love to be able to relax and just eat when I'm hnugry and know that that amount would keep me losing weight.
I don't want to be so tight that I take an hour to eat an apple, say (!) - but does this level of restriction seem right to you? Am I being fussy? Do I need another fill or is this risking going through the de-fill cycle all over again?
I need some advice on whether I need another fill or not. It's been just over a week since my NINTH fill and I've been eating solids for most of that time. I have 7.7ml in a 10ml band. My sequence of fills has been:
- Op 15th November, first fill ten weeks later.
- 5ml under x-ray, followed by 1.5ml then 1ml. This took me to 7.5ml which was too tight (slime, indigestion).
- Had de-fill of 0.5ml, then later top-ups of 0.3ml and 0.4ml - taking me to 7.7ml. That was way too tight (acid reflux, couldn't drink properly, slime, constant indigestion etc).
- Had second de-fill of 0.5ml, then later top-ups of 0.3ml and 0.2ml - taking me right back to 7.7ml which is where I am now!
Well I can still eat more than all of them. Although I generally stick to about 1200 calories a day - I have to work quite hard at this. If I ate entirely guided by my hunger I could easily manage quite a bit more than that. A typical evening meal is four baby new potatoes, half a side plate of veggies and a 'normal' sized piece of salmon. This leaves me feeling pleasantly satisified or even full - but within a couple of hours I'm getting hunger pangs again. I think they really are hunger pangs, rather than 'head hunger'.
Don't get me wrong, I am losing weight - but I feel I am having to work so hard at resisting the hunger - which is what I got the band for. I'd love to be able to relax and just eat when I'm hnugry and know that that amount would keep me losing weight.
I don't want to be so tight that I take an hour to eat an apple, say (!) - but does this level of restriction seem right to you? Am I being fussy? Do I need another fill or is this risking going through the de-fill cycle all over again?
Sunday, August 30, 2009
To be too tight, or not to be?
Although a few days ago I was a little pessimistic about the success of my latest band fill, I am progressively getting more optimistic. I think the difference it has made is very small, and subtle, but I do think it may have made a vital difference. I have given a lot of thought to something a lady said on the UKGastricBand forum the other day. She was explaining to someone what the so-called 'sweet spot' was, and she said, rightly I think, that it is different things to different people. In theory, of course, it is simply the level of restriction that is not too much that you get the awful side effects of regurgitation, heartburn, indigestion and acid reflux, but tight enough that you get a feeling of fullness and lose weight steadily. However, this is a somewhat simplistic view that omits the perceptions, objectives and coping strategies of inviduals. When you begin to delve into this and explore how different bandits perceive the sweet spot, it is clear that some people prefer to be very tight, even if they do get the side effects, because they cannot 'trust' themselves to live with the band being any looser. On the other hand, some prefer to be a little loose so that they can continue to enjoy eating out and living a fairly 'normal' life.
So where am I with this? Well first, I feel I should point out that I might change my mind about this next week!! At the moment (!), I feel that I do not want my band to be very tight. I've heard all sorts of horror stories about side effects, but even if you get away without them, there is always the fact that it could take an hour to eat a small meal or half an hour to drink a glass of water. I've had a little experience of living like this when I was too tight a few months ago and it is no way to live - well not for me anyway. I like the fact that I can still eat out with friends and although I am the last to finish my meal (even if I've had much less than them!), I'm not SO slow that it's awkward or embarrassing.
I think that having a sweet spot that is slightly on the loose side does have its downside. For instance, I could eat larger portions than I am doing - it takes quite a lot of willpower to resist the temptation sometimes. But this can be overcome to some extent by religiously sticking to eating the 'right; kins of foods - especially dry textured, crunchy salad vetetables, fish, lightly cooked potatoes, pasta and rice, and so on.
At the last support group meeting I went to, the consultant said that when bandits get to their goal weight, he feels that it's nice if they can have a very small aspiration - say 0.2ml or so. Since he said that I've actually had 0.2ml put in my band. It occurs to me now, that if I had that amount taken out again when I reach my goal weight, I think I would be at exactly the right level to stick at for the rest of my life!! In other words, I could quite happily exist at that level of restriction but manage to eat more than I am doing at present (i.e. enough to maintain weight rather than continue losing). So I suppose that's another good reson for sticking at the level of restriction I have now - it won't be such a big change when I get to goal weight. I am, in effect, already starting to 'train' myself for the big post-goal weight world awaiting me out there!!!
So where am I with this? Well first, I feel I should point out that I might change my mind about this next week!! At the moment (!), I feel that I do not want my band to be very tight. I've heard all sorts of horror stories about side effects, but even if you get away without them, there is always the fact that it could take an hour to eat a small meal or half an hour to drink a glass of water. I've had a little experience of living like this when I was too tight a few months ago and it is no way to live - well not for me anyway. I like the fact that I can still eat out with friends and although I am the last to finish my meal (even if I've had much less than them!), I'm not SO slow that it's awkward or embarrassing.
I think that having a sweet spot that is slightly on the loose side does have its downside. For instance, I could eat larger portions than I am doing - it takes quite a lot of willpower to resist the temptation sometimes. But this can be overcome to some extent by religiously sticking to eating the 'right; kins of foods - especially dry textured, crunchy salad vetetables, fish, lightly cooked potatoes, pasta and rice, and so on.
At the last support group meeting I went to, the consultant said that when bandits get to their goal weight, he feels that it's nice if they can have a very small aspiration - say 0.2ml or so. Since he said that I've actually had 0.2ml put in my band. It occurs to me now, that if I had that amount taken out again when I reach my goal weight, I think I would be at exactly the right level to stick at for the rest of my life!! In other words, I could quite happily exist at that level of restriction but manage to eat more than I am doing at present (i.e. enough to maintain weight rather than continue losing). So I suppose that's another good reson for sticking at the level of restriction I have now - it won't be such a big change when I get to goal weight. I am, in effect, already starting to 'train' myself for the big post-goal weight world awaiting me out there!!!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Un-learning the past
I've been thinking today about all of the eating habits that I have developed over a lifetime, and how I need to start to 'un-learn' some of them. For instance, we all learn from a young age that it is 'normal' to have breakfast first thing in the morning, that lunch is taken at around midday and that evening meal is at x o' clock. (I put 'x' o' clock because people get into their own habits about evening meal time. Because of my work patterns we have eaten evening meal at around 8pm for years - but I know this is considered quite late by most people.). I suppose I have also got into the habit of believing that a meal is of a certain size, and includes some starch, protein and veggies.
Since my last fill, however, I am trying to undo some of these basic beliefs, habits and traditions. Take last night, for example. I'd had my evening meal and was sitting up late-ish watching a film. I got hungry and thought about what I could eat. In the past I would have made up a huge cheese sandwich or a toastie or eaten some chocolate (if there was any left!). Last night, however, I looked at my food diary for the day to see if there were any food groups under-represented and saw that I hadn't really had much protein during the day. So my late-night snack? I ended up with a scrambled egg and melted cheese!! It wasn't just delicious, but also very filling.
[As an aside - I have recently discovered Rosemary Conley's mature low fat cheddar cheese - it's only 189 calories per 100g - which is only a little bit more than Philadelphia Light!!! - and it's luvverly!!].
Then as another example, I have been trying really hard to eat when I am hungry and not just eat when it is 'the right time'. This means that on the one hand I have found myself snacking on yoghurt mid-morning, but I've also sometimes had lunch at 3pm and several days have split my evening meal into two and had half at about 6pm and the other half at 9pm! Odd those this may all sound, it really does seem to be working. The result is, of course, that I am never hungry - because as soon as I am, I eat! Of course I have to stick to eating healthy foods but I don't really find this a problem most of the time.
Since my last fill, however, I am trying to undo some of these basic beliefs, habits and traditions. Take last night, for example. I'd had my evening meal and was sitting up late-ish watching a film. I got hungry and thought about what I could eat. In the past I would have made up a huge cheese sandwich or a toastie or eaten some chocolate (if there was any left!). Last night, however, I looked at my food diary for the day to see if there were any food groups under-represented and saw that I hadn't really had much protein during the day. So my late-night snack? I ended up with a scrambled egg and melted cheese!! It wasn't just delicious, but also very filling.
[As an aside - I have recently discovered Rosemary Conley's mature low fat cheddar cheese - it's only 189 calories per 100g - which is only a little bit more than Philadelphia Light!!! - and it's luvverly!!].
Then as another example, I have been trying really hard to eat when I am hungry and not just eat when it is 'the right time'. This means that on the one hand I have found myself snacking on yoghurt mid-morning, but I've also sometimes had lunch at 3pm and several days have split my evening meal into two and had half at about 6pm and the other half at 9pm! Odd those this may all sound, it really does seem to be working. The result is, of course, that I am never hungry - because as soon as I am, I eat! Of course I have to stick to eating healthy foods but I don't really find this a problem most of the time.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Post-fill progress report
Well, it's been three days now since my ninth fill of 0.2ml and things are going OK. I am far from convinced that this fill has made any real difference but am keeping an open mind as I begin to experiment with 'harder' foods. Today I ate Ryvita crispbread, cottage cheese and tuna for lunch together with crunchy salad vegetables (yellow pepper, cucumber, tomato, spinach and onion). This all went down without any problems, though I did feel quite full afterwards. After I had eaten about three or four mouthfuls I had to pause for ten minutes or so before I could continue. But once I re-started, I was able to continue to the end.
I am starting a new experiment today that I haven't mentioned before. I have decided that I rely too much on calorie counting to dictate how much I eat. From today I have decided to give my kitchen weighing scales a holiday! Having been weighing all my food for the past nine months I already have a pretty good idea of portion sizes and calories. So, from now on I am going to try to judge how much to eat from a combination of (a) how full I am after eating, and (b) using my side plate and small utensils.
This will mean that I'll have to try to be more disciplined about stopping eating when I am full. This is something I haven't really had to do before now because I have simply ploughed on beyond the 'full' point, knowing that the calorie count was OK. But now I will have to re-learn how to judge the 'stop eating' point based on the above. I am doing this because I'm conscious of the fact that although the end of the tunnel is still a long way off (more than two stones), I can start to see it shining in the distance. I need to adopt eating habits that are sustainable in the long run - and weighing everything is not something I want to have to do for the rest of my life!
Having said all of that, I am going to adopt a compromise position for a few weeks. I am certainly going to continue to keep my daily food and exercise diary. I'll write down what I eat and how much I eat - but no weighing, and no calories. However, at the end of the day (just before I go to bed - so it can't influence what I eat during the day), I will make an estimate of how many calories I have consumed. This is so that I can continue to make an estimate of my daily calorie deficit (based on calories burned during exercise).
One of the things we discussed at the Healthier Weight support group last weekend was the importance of keeping a food diary - and I have no plans to stop doing this valuable exercise in the near future. I'm just tweaking the way that I record in order to begin to adopt habits that hopefully, will be sustainable in the long run.
I am starting a new experiment today that I haven't mentioned before. I have decided that I rely too much on calorie counting to dictate how much I eat. From today I have decided to give my kitchen weighing scales a holiday! Having been weighing all my food for the past nine months I already have a pretty good idea of portion sizes and calories. So, from now on I am going to try to judge how much to eat from a combination of (a) how full I am after eating, and (b) using my side plate and small utensils.
This will mean that I'll have to try to be more disciplined about stopping eating when I am full. This is something I haven't really had to do before now because I have simply ploughed on beyond the 'full' point, knowing that the calorie count was OK. But now I will have to re-learn how to judge the 'stop eating' point based on the above. I am doing this because I'm conscious of the fact that although the end of the tunnel is still a long way off (more than two stones), I can start to see it shining in the distance. I need to adopt eating habits that are sustainable in the long run - and weighing everything is not something I want to have to do for the rest of my life!
Having said all of that, I am going to adopt a compromise position for a few weeks. I am certainly going to continue to keep my daily food and exercise diary. I'll write down what I eat and how much I eat - but no weighing, and no calories. However, at the end of the day (just before I go to bed - so it can't influence what I eat during the day), I will make an estimate of how many calories I have consumed. This is so that I can continue to make an estimate of my daily calorie deficit (based on calories burned during exercise).
One of the things we discussed at the Healthier Weight support group last weekend was the importance of keeping a food diary - and I have no plans to stop doing this valuable exercise in the near future. I'm just tweaking the way that I record in order to begin to adopt habits that hopefully, will be sustainable in the long run.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Come in number nine....
I had my ninth band adjustment today (0.2ml) and am hoping and praying it will be my last (apart from any long term MOT adjustments). I've been so close twice before but never quite found my sweet spot. I've had a couple of drinks already and satisfied myself that I can get liquids down ok. Then I tried a Weight Watchers low fat yoghurt. I finished it, just, but it's left me totally stuffed! Hopefully this is a sign of things to come.
I know that some newer bandits might be a little off-put at the thought of having so many fills - especially if you don't gave an inclusive aftercare package as I do. However, it might also reassure those who've struggled to find their sweet spot that (a) you're not abnormal, and (b) it's still possible to lose weight even while you're waiting to find that elusive sweet spot.
I'll keep you informed of my progress but wish me luck!
I know that some newer bandits might be a little off-put at the thought of having so many fills - especially if you don't gave an inclusive aftercare package as I do. However, it might also reassure those who've struggled to find their sweet spot that (a) you're not abnormal, and (b) it's still possible to lose weight even while you're waiting to find that elusive sweet spot.
I'll keep you informed of my progress but wish me luck!
Monday, August 17, 2009
I don't understand - but I like it
What is happening to me? When we were away on holiday last week I was eating quite large food portions. I didn't gain any weight because we burned loads of calories walking. As soon as we returned I resolved to get back to smaller portions and healthy eating. This past week something very odd has been happening. I've been gradually eating less and less and getting less and less hungry. This has come to a bit of a head today. Here's what I've eaten (calories in brackets):
Breakfast: Two small pieces of bread topped with warm tuna and melted cheese. Also orange juice and an Actimel drink. (300)
Lunch: Mixed salad vegetables with adzuki beans and a scoop of cottage cheese. (125)
Evening meal: Salmon, rice and frozen mixed veg. (230)
Other: Ben and Jerry's ice cream tub (at cinema). (230)
Now, dinner was actually 460 calories but because we went to the cinema quite early, I decided to split dinner in half. I ate half before we went with the intention of eating the rest when we got back. While at the cinema I had a B and J ice cream. Anyway, when I got back, I got the rest of my dinner out of the fridge and smelt it - mmmm, lovely! I picked at a couple of bits and ate them - a tiny piece of salmon and a bit of green bean. I knew immediately that there was no way I was going to be able to eat it all. I felt absolutely stuffed! An hour on, I'm still feeling stuffed to the point of nausea....?! My total calorie count for the day will only be about 900 - it hasn't been that low for months!
I reported a similar experience to this on August 10th. All this last week I have been experimenting with splitting either my lunch or dinner in two - thus having four meals per day. I've also been eating whenever I've been hungry - healthy snacks like fruit or yoghurt. And at the same time I seem to be experiencing real restriction for the first time. I am seriously considering cancelling (or at very least, postponing) the fill I have booked on August 23rd.
As ever, I'll keep you posted - but I am feeling quite optimistic about my restriction at last.
Breakfast: Two small pieces of bread topped with warm tuna and melted cheese. Also orange juice and an Actimel drink. (300)
Lunch: Mixed salad vegetables with adzuki beans and a scoop of cottage cheese. (125)
Evening meal: Salmon, rice and frozen mixed veg. (230)
Other: Ben and Jerry's ice cream tub (at cinema). (230)
Now, dinner was actually 460 calories but because we went to the cinema quite early, I decided to split dinner in half. I ate half before we went with the intention of eating the rest when we got back. While at the cinema I had a B and J ice cream. Anyway, when I got back, I got the rest of my dinner out of the fridge and smelt it - mmmm, lovely! I picked at a couple of bits and ate them - a tiny piece of salmon and a bit of green bean. I knew immediately that there was no way I was going to be able to eat it all. I felt absolutely stuffed! An hour on, I'm still feeling stuffed to the point of nausea....?! My total calorie count for the day will only be about 900 - it hasn't been that low for months!
I reported a similar experience to this on August 10th. All this last week I have been experimenting with splitting either my lunch or dinner in two - thus having four meals per day. I've also been eating whenever I've been hungry - healthy snacks like fruit or yoghurt. And at the same time I seem to be experiencing real restriction for the first time. I am seriously considering cancelling (or at very least, postponing) the fill I have booked on August 23rd.
As ever, I'll keep you posted - but I am feeling quite optimistic about my restriction at last.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Another fill?
I think I've lost count of how many fills I have had now - a lot! Anyway, since my last - at the end of June, my experiences have been mixed. Some of the time I have really struggled to keep up with good eating habits - and I know this is partly because there have been a few too many meals out, holidays and visitors etc. At other times, particularly when I've had the chance to get into a routine and had some structure to my days, I've done better. However, even during those 'better' times, I still don't think I am experiencing the same level of restriction as other bandits seem to. I can't help wondering now, whether around the time of my first de-fill I wasn't perhaps a bit too hasty in getting an aspiration. I think perhaps I panicked a bit and got de-filled too quickly - perhaps if I had persevered a bit longer it might have worked out OK?
The same cannot be said to be true after my second de-fill - on that occasion I really was struggling to get fluids down and the excessive restriction was adversely impacting on my life. The thing is though, if I get another small fill now (I am thinking of about 0.2ml), this will take me back to exactly the same total fill that I had when I needed my second de-fill.
I'm on my second holiday from today so my eating this next week will be far fom routine or structured. However, when I get back, I will have one week before my provisional fill appointment to decide whether to go for this small top-up or not. Currently I'm thinking I will - I just keep eating at the moment and I'm not losing weight. But time will tell.
The same cannot be said to be true after my second de-fill - on that occasion I really was struggling to get fluids down and the excessive restriction was adversely impacting on my life. The thing is though, if I get another small fill now (I am thinking of about 0.2ml), this will take me back to exactly the same total fill that I had when I needed my second de-fill.
I'm on my second holiday from today so my eating this next week will be far fom routine or structured. However, when I get back, I will have one week before my provisional fill appointment to decide whether to go for this small top-up or not. Currently I'm thinking I will - I just keep eating at the moment and I'm not losing weight. But time will tell.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Strange hybrid food
I was supposed to be on fluids still today, moving onto mush this evening. However, with all being fine with my post-fill eating, I jumped the gun a bit and went onto mush yesterday. I had some scrambled egg, baked beans and mashed potato. Today I have had a strange mixture of food and I've no idea if I have had a 'balanced' diet or not! The day started with a protein-rich strawberry shake, and a glass of orange juice. I got hungry quite soon after so had a low fat creamed rice. For lunch I ate a Weight To Go smoked haddock and potato meal - all very soft but it stank the office out!! By late afternoon I was hungry again and had a Weight Watchers soup to keep me going. However, within an hour I was starving again and succumbed to a bar of Dairy Milk chocolate on the way home! For evening meal I had some Tesco vegetarian cottage pie - I've had this before and it's delicious. I had some very soft-cooked marrow with it too. Later in the evening I ate a Muller Light yoghurt and some strawberries picked from the garden. In total today, I have consumed about 1200 calories - not too bad considering that includes the Dairy Milk. However, I'm going to bed very soon otherwise I will start snacking some more - I'm still hungry (or is that head hunger? how do you tell the difference?).
I seem to have got into a habit of eating around 1200 calories a day these days. It means the weight comes off a little more slowly but I simply can't manage less than that. I'm trying to get as much exercise as I can to counteract the extra calories but that's not always easy to fit into a busy working day either. It's far too early to say whether this latest fill has done the trick. However, I am ever so slightly concerned that I seem to be able to eat all kinds of soft food without any problems whatsoever. Everything goes down easily, and relatively quickly. I've not had any hint of pain, and have ony experiened very minor 'fullness' (yesterday after eating WW ocean pie). As I say, it's too early to say how it's going to go yet - but I am still keeping my fingers crossed.
I seem to have got into a habit of eating around 1200 calories a day these days. It means the weight comes off a little more slowly but I simply can't manage less than that. I'm trying to get as much exercise as I can to counteract the extra calories but that's not always easy to fit into a busy working day either. It's far too early to say whether this latest fill has done the trick. However, I am ever so slightly concerned that I seem to be able to eat all kinds of soft food without any problems whatsoever. Everything goes down easily, and relatively quickly. I've not had any hint of pain, and have ony experiened very minor 'fullness' (yesterday after eating WW ocean pie). As I say, it's too early to say how it's going to go yet - but I am still keeping my fingers crossed.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Band adjustment number eight
I went to the Healthier Weight clinic in Manchester today for my eighth band adjustment. I had 0.3ml put in. This takes me back to 7.5ml - where I was a full four months ago! Oddly enough, when I was there the first time round it was far too tight. That began two cycles of saline out, saline back in, back out again and back in again!! I truly believe (and hope!) that I have the right amount of fill this time. Clearly 7.7ml was too much - but 7.3ml was not enough. Hopefully, at 7.5ml I am now at that ideal, in-between point.
Here's a reminder of my fill history so far:
Surgery 15th november 2008
1. Fill no. 1 - 19th january 2009 (5ml: total = 5.0ml)
2. Fill no. 2 - 15th February (1.5ml: total = 6.5ml)
3. Fill no. 3 - 26th February (1ml: total = 7.5ml)
4. De-fill no. 1 - 4th March 0.5ml: total = 7.0ml)
5. Fill no. 4 - 22nd March (0.3ml: total = 7.3ml)
6. Fill no. 5 - 7th May (0.4ml: total = 7.7ml)
7. De-fill no. 2 - 28th May (0.5ml: total = 7.2ml)
8. Fill no. 6 - 21st June (0.3ml: total = 7.5ml)
When I left the clinic I told the nurse that, in the nicest possible way, I hoped I wouldn't see her again for some time!! Since getting home I have drunk a 0.5l bottle of Ribena and some sieved mushroom soup. So far these have gone down well an without any problems. I'll keep you informed as I progress onto pureed foods later in the week.
Here's a reminder of my fill history so far:
Surgery 15th november 2008
1. Fill no. 1 - 19th january 2009 (5ml: total = 5.0ml)
2. Fill no. 2 - 15th February (1.5ml: total = 6.5ml)
3. Fill no. 3 - 26th February (1ml: total = 7.5ml)
4. De-fill no. 1 - 4th March 0.5ml: total = 7.0ml)
5. Fill no. 4 - 22nd March (0.3ml: total = 7.3ml)
6. Fill no. 5 - 7th May (0.4ml: total = 7.7ml)
7. De-fill no. 2 - 28th May (0.5ml: total = 7.2ml)
8. Fill no. 6 - 21st June (0.3ml: total = 7.5ml)
When I left the clinic I told the nurse that, in the nicest possible way, I hoped I wouldn't see her again for some time!! Since getting home I have drunk a 0.5l bottle of Ribena and some sieved mushroom soup. So far these have gone down well an without any problems. I'll keep you informed as I progress onto pureed foods later in the week.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Self sabotage
Oh dear.....! For anyone who hasn't got a band but is thinking about it - here's a warning. The band may fix your stomach, but it doesn't fix your head! I've had a whole day of the dreaded 'head hunger'. I was doing OK until early afternoon. After yesterday's KitKat silliness I took extra precautions and took some healthy snacks to work with me - a Muller Light yoghurt, an Alpen Light cereal bar and a banana. That lot ought to have kept me going, but alas, it was not to be. Having eaten my healthy lunch of salmon, brown rice and green beans, I proceeded to scoff my way through the cereal bar and banana. An hour or so later and I was 'head hungry again'. If you're not familiar with this term, it simply refers to those occasions when we think we are hungry but we're not. We are not actually suffering from the physical hunger that comes from not eating enough - this is characterised by rumbling in the tummy and a sense of 'weakness' or light-headedness. No, head hunger is when we crave food to satisfy our psychological needs rather than physical needs.
Still head hungry, and not getting any satisfaction from my healthy snacks, I went to the vending machine and bought two bars of chocolate and a packet of crisps. I can hardly believe that I visited the darned machine again a couple of hours later and got another choccie bar and more crisps. Arriving home from work, I gorged on a large chunk of baguette and then started on cooking the dinner. My dinner (mash, veggie sausages and mixed veg) was probably the most healthy thing I had eaten since lunchtime. But it didn't stop there. I folllowed that up with a Muller Light, then more baguette and then a packet of mints. To be honest, sitting here now, feeling like a complete pig, I could still easily eat more chocolate - if I had any.
So what's this all about [Alfie]? If you've been following my blog for a while you'll know that I have had the occasional 'blow out', but mainly, I'm quite a good girl! I generally behave myself where food is concerned and stick to all the 'rules' given me by my band provider. So is this a physical problem - simply down to lack of restriction since my last de-fill? Or is it entirely psychological? Certainly it's not 'that time of month' (!), I am not under any particular stress at work and things are fine at home and in my family.
I remember as a kid my mum saying a nursery rhyme. I can't recall all of it, but I know one bit went something like this: "when she was good she was very, very good, but when she was bad she was horrid!". And that's a fair description of how I think my head works. Basically there's a vicious cycle going on. My restriction is pretty poor at the minute (though only three days now to my fill - and counting). As a result it is more of a struggle to keep hunger at bay and eat the right foods. So I occasionally go off track a little and that disappoints me. Being disappointed in myself I feel lousy - and so I eat a bit more - comfort food, you understand. Then I think, 'well I've blown it for today so I might as well blow it proper and eat all the 'nice' things that I can't usually eat' - and on the cycle goes.
Writing it all down this does spell out to me just how silly it all is. If I could just find a way to satisfy my head hunger through some means other than food - I'd have this thing beaten for life. However, I want to finish on a positive note. Well, two actually. The first is this. Despite having had several binges and bad days over the past three weeks or so since my de-fill, I have not gained any weight. I have actually lost a pound or two. This gives me great hope for the future - that even if it all goes competely belly-up (not a good metaphore under the circumstances!) - I won't end up back at square one. The second thing is that I have my fill in a few days and this should have two positive outcomes. One is that I'll be forced to go onto fluids and mush for a total of six days. That will get me back into some better discipline and I'll amost certainly lose an extra pound or two. The other is that I should have much better restriction so will be back on the road to thinness!
Be careful out there.
Still head hungry, and not getting any satisfaction from my healthy snacks, I went to the vending machine and bought two bars of chocolate and a packet of crisps. I can hardly believe that I visited the darned machine again a couple of hours later and got another choccie bar and more crisps. Arriving home from work, I gorged on a large chunk of baguette and then started on cooking the dinner. My dinner (mash, veggie sausages and mixed veg) was probably the most healthy thing I had eaten since lunchtime. But it didn't stop there. I folllowed that up with a Muller Light, then more baguette and then a packet of mints. To be honest, sitting here now, feeling like a complete pig, I could still easily eat more chocolate - if I had any.
So what's this all about [Alfie]? If you've been following my blog for a while you'll know that I have had the occasional 'blow out', but mainly, I'm quite a good girl! I generally behave myself where food is concerned and stick to all the 'rules' given me by my band provider. So is this a physical problem - simply down to lack of restriction since my last de-fill? Or is it entirely psychological? Certainly it's not 'that time of month' (!), I am not under any particular stress at work and things are fine at home and in my family.
I remember as a kid my mum saying a nursery rhyme. I can't recall all of it, but I know one bit went something like this: "when she was good she was very, very good, but when she was bad she was horrid!". And that's a fair description of how I think my head works. Basically there's a vicious cycle going on. My restriction is pretty poor at the minute (though only three days now to my fill - and counting). As a result it is more of a struggle to keep hunger at bay and eat the right foods. So I occasionally go off track a little and that disappoints me. Being disappointed in myself I feel lousy - and so I eat a bit more - comfort food, you understand. Then I think, 'well I've blown it for today so I might as well blow it proper and eat all the 'nice' things that I can't usually eat' - and on the cycle goes.
Writing it all down this does spell out to me just how silly it all is. If I could just find a way to satisfy my head hunger through some means other than food - I'd have this thing beaten for life. However, I want to finish on a positive note. Well, two actually. The first is this. Despite having had several binges and bad days over the past three weeks or so since my de-fill, I have not gained any weight. I have actually lost a pound or two. This gives me great hope for the future - that even if it all goes competely belly-up (not a good metaphore under the circumstances!) - I won't end up back at square one. The second thing is that I have my fill in a few days and this should have two positive outcomes. One is that I'll be forced to go onto fluids and mush for a total of six days. That will get me back into some better discipline and I'll amost certainly lose an extra pound or two. The other is that I should have much better restriction so will be back on the road to thinness!
Be careful out there.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Drinking harder than eating - EUREKA!
On My 22nd, a couple of weeks after my last fill, I posted ("Saliva, tightness, choking and all that jazz") about the weird experience I was having of being able to get food down, but struggling with liquids. I had asked a number of people about this and although I found a few others who had experienced the same, nobody could explain the phenomenon. Logic suggests that liquids should go down much more easily than solid foods - but t'was not the case..... Anyway, today I happened upon a web site called http://www.fillprovider.net/. It has been set up by an anaesthetist Dr. Kai Rabenstein who, on one morning per week, runs a clinic (in the south east of England) providing fills for gastric band patients(at £75 a time). He started the clinic after his wife had a gastric band fitted. The web site includes some really interesting advice and guidance - interesting because it is particularly frank and honest. For example, he says:
"I think it needs to be spelled out clearly that, certainly for the initial weight loss period, perfect restriction sometimes means being so tight that you experience some regurgitation of food, drink and saliva - known as "productive burps" (PBs). Patients who are horrified by this prospect and the consequent need to develop strategies to hide PBs from others in a social context ....... are unlikely to find success with AGB [adjustable gastric band] implantation and should probably choose a different WLS [weight loss surgery] strategy".
I don't know about you, but I find this approach refreshingly honest. So, back to the drinking and eating thing. Dr Rabenstein says:
"Because the oesophagus (the gullet) and the stomach itself are designed by nature to actively advance food "down the line" through a wave of muscular contraction (called peristalsis), patients with AGBs may find that with tight restriction they can still swallow food (which is solid and therefore will be gripped and propelled beyond the band by the peristaltic movement) but not liquid (which is too "elastic" for peristalsis to get a grip on). That means that in case of temporary severe restriction, the need for an emergency defill can sometimes be avoided by eating sodden solid food or semi-solids."
So I wasn't going mad after all!!
"I think it needs to be spelled out clearly that, certainly for the initial weight loss period, perfect restriction sometimes means being so tight that you experience some regurgitation of food, drink and saliva - known as "productive burps" (PBs). Patients who are horrified by this prospect and the consequent need to develop strategies to hide PBs from others in a social context ....... are unlikely to find success with AGB [adjustable gastric band] implantation and should probably choose a different WLS [weight loss surgery] strategy".
I don't know about you, but I find this approach refreshingly honest. So, back to the drinking and eating thing. Dr Rabenstein says:
"Because the oesophagus (the gullet) and the stomach itself are designed by nature to actively advance food "down the line" through a wave of muscular contraction (called peristalsis), patients with AGBs may find that with tight restriction they can still swallow food (which is solid and therefore will be gripped and propelled beyond the band by the peristaltic movement) but not liquid (which is too "elastic" for peristalsis to get a grip on). That means that in case of temporary severe restriction, the need for an emergency defill can sometimes be avoided by eating sodden solid food or semi-solids."
So I wasn't going mad after all!!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Tired, tired, tired....
I went for a walk in the Pennines today (at Widdop Reservoir, near Burnley,pictured). I think I covered about 15km on rough ground with a few ups and downs but no major climbs. The walk took about four hours in total, including stops, and I have arrived back home feeling really tired. Now, I know it's been a really hot day with a deeply intense blue sky, but I don't think I should feel as tired as I do. In fact, I was feeling quite tired right at the start of the walk and have been moving along somewhat sluggishly all day.I suppose one possible reason for this is related to what I have been eating the past couple of days - after all, energy out is largely controlled by energy in. Yesterday and the day before I only managed about 800 calories a day, mainly because I find it difficult to consume more than that when on fluids. I have, in the past, supplemented the calories from fluid intake by sucking on chocolate - but I thought I'd try to avoid it on this occasion. However, I have a theory that my lethargy may also be related to having the de-fill. Although the fill / de-fill procedure is largely painless and only takes a few minutes, I think that it actually takes more out of me than I think.
Today, I ate Oatso Simple porridge for breakfast. For lunch I ate some Tesco vegetarian cottage pie and a yoghurt. This evening I had my favourite meal, salmon, soft-cooked broccoli and mash. I am still supposed to be on fluids but have moved onto mush a day early - I don't think it's as essential to be strict after a de-fill, as opposed to a fill - because foods sould have got easier, not more difficult. I am sat here feeling quite full but oddly still tired and craving something sweet and packed with sugar. If only I had some chocolate.....
Friday, May 22, 2009
Saliva, tightness, choking and all that jazz
I got some really good advice yesterday from the UKGastricBand forum. One piece of advice was to take Gaviscon for the heartburn. My husband very kindly went out and bought some Gaviscon liquid today while I have been at work - so I haven't tried it yet. However, I have heard about Gaviscon and believe they have a very good reputation. I don't intend taking it in the long term - just long enough to get me over this current bout of extreme tightness and associated acid.
Another nugget of information I got was from a lady who herself has experienced this odd thing of finding it easier to get solid food down than liquid. I was so relieved to find someone else who had experienced this because I really was starting to think I was going mad!! I guess it's possible that solid food kind of 'pushes' its way through the stoma of the pouch into my main stomach, whereas liquid may just 'sit around' and temporarily block the stoma. I have certainly felt something that can only be described as a 'suction' effect sometimes - this may be when the liquid makes it to the other side (of the stoma) so to speak!
I am aware that stress, emotions, 'that time of the month' and other things can be a reason for the band suddently getting very tight. A man at the Healthier Weight support group told us about a time when he was experiencing huge stress at work. He found that over the course of a week, he went from having 'normal' restriction to a point where he couldn't even swallow his own saliva! And in his case, he had not just had a fill as I have, but had been banded a couple of years before - so this really was completely out of the blue. He had to get an emergency aspiration.
I don't think I am anywhere near that point - but I did have a bit of a fright this morning. I woke up in the early hours half choking. I rushed into the bathroom and had to spit out some saliva. I remembered this man's story and wondered if I was experiencing the same thing. I slowly drank through a cup of hot water and reassured myself that all was OK - I could at least get liquid down. In hindsight, this morning's experience was almost certainly related to the fact that I went swimming last night - swimming late in the evening always makes me very snotty next morning - so I suspect I was simply 'choking' on a bit of snot / saliva in the back of my throat (sorry if this is all a bit too graphic - hope you're not eating while you read this!!!).
There is a hint that my band restriction may not be quite as ridiculously tight today, although having said that, I have so far eaten very little (haven't really felt the need!). I haven't had quite so much pain and fluids are going down slightly quicker (I can drink 0.5 litres in about one hour, as opposed to two!!!).
I will persevere and be patient and see what tomorrow brings.....
Another nugget of information I got was from a lady who herself has experienced this odd thing of finding it easier to get solid food down than liquid. I was so relieved to find someone else who had experienced this because I really was starting to think I was going mad!! I guess it's possible that solid food kind of 'pushes' its way through the stoma of the pouch into my main stomach, whereas liquid may just 'sit around' and temporarily block the stoma. I have certainly felt something that can only be described as a 'suction' effect sometimes - this may be when the liquid makes it to the other side (of the stoma) so to speak!
I am aware that stress, emotions, 'that time of the month' and other things can be a reason for the band suddently getting very tight. A man at the Healthier Weight support group told us about a time when he was experiencing huge stress at work. He found that over the course of a week, he went from having 'normal' restriction to a point where he couldn't even swallow his own saliva! And in his case, he had not just had a fill as I have, but had been banded a couple of years before - so this really was completely out of the blue. He had to get an emergency aspiration.
I don't think I am anywhere near that point - but I did have a bit of a fright this morning. I woke up in the early hours half choking. I rushed into the bathroom and had to spit out some saliva. I remembered this man's story and wondered if I was experiencing the same thing. I slowly drank through a cup of hot water and reassured myself that all was OK - I could at least get liquid down. In hindsight, this morning's experience was almost certainly related to the fact that I went swimming last night - swimming late in the evening always makes me very snotty next morning - so I suspect I was simply 'choking' on a bit of snot / saliva in the back of my throat (sorry if this is all a bit too graphic - hope you're not eating while you read this!!!).
There is a hint that my band restriction may not be quite as ridiculously tight today, although having said that, I have so far eaten very little (haven't really felt the need!). I haven't had quite so much pain and fluids are going down slightly quicker (I can drink 0.5 litres in about one hour, as opposed to two!!!).
I will persevere and be patient and see what tomorrow brings.....
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