I'm getting younger!

I reported a few months ago that my scales gave my metabolic age as 48 - three years older than I actually am, but two years younger than they had been reading ever since I got banded. Well, this morning I weighed myself again, and my metabolic age has dropped to 44 - a year younger than my real age!! That's fantastic - I'm delighted!

However, what I am even more pleased about is that my muscle mass is now classified as 5. I looked this up in the manual and it means 'Standard' - average muscle mass and average body fat!!! Whoopee!!

Blood pressure

Over the last couple of weeks I've experienced several temporary bouts of dizziness. It seems to occur if I'm bending down and then stand up too quickly. I checked my blood pressure the other day and it was only 99 over 51. This is classified as hypotension - i.e. too low. It's not dangerously low - my kit says to see a GP if the low blood pressure is accompanied by fainting. So I'm OK, just a bit curious as to why it has apparently fallen. It's never been high - even when I was 20 stone my blood pressure was always normal. I noticed when I first got the band that my blood pressure was low but this was down to dehydration. It can't be that now because I make sure I drink at least 2.5 litres per day. The only thing that's changed in the last two weeks is that I've got 'back on the wagon' and begun to lose weight again. Maybe it's just my body saying "Whoa! What's happening?!"

What I ate today

Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast: All Bran and muesli mixed, half a glass of orange juice and an Actimel drink.

Lunch: Half a piece of salmon, a slice of wholemeal bread with a thick layer of Philadelphia Extra Light, and some steamed mushrooms and red onion.

Afternoon snacks: Small pear and Alpen Light cereal bar.

Dinner: Other half a piece of salmon, mushroom-stuffed pasta, green beans and sprouts.

Dessert: Muller Light yoghurt.

Total calories for the day 1090.

I still eat all my meals off a small (7-inch) sideplate and use a cake fork. I usually eat in front of the TV but don't allow myself to get distracted. I chew everything really well and take small mouthfuls.

Back on track

I'm pretty sure I'm back on track now. I've managed to stick to healthy eating for several days now, and the scales have dropped by two pounds this morning! I'm now just seven pounds away from being a 'normal' weight! I'm so pleased about this - there is a realistic chance of reaching that interim target by Christmas. I posted a few days ago about the pros and cons of having another fill. I said at the time that I was fairly sure I am happy where I am. I can now say with certainty that I DEFINITELY AM!! There's no doubt about it, when I eat healthily I get enough food with about 1200 calories a day. I still get hungry mid-afternoon but as I said the other day, I simply get around this by having a selection of healthy snacks available.

Although I've been at a plateau fir a few weeks, things have started moving again. I really feel as though I have turned a corner in terms of understanding how to make the most of my band!

Snacking works for me

I've tried eating three meals per day but I find that smaller meals with healthy snacks in between works better for me. Today, for example, here's what I've eaten:

Breakfast: Mixed All Bran and Alpen muesli, half a glass of orange juice and Actimel drink.
Lunch: Low fat cheese and baked beans on one slice of wholemeal toast.
Snacks: Pear, low fat Alpen Light cereal bar, ricecake with Philadelphia cream cheese (extra light)
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice, mushrooms and green beans.
Snack: Sliced mango. I might have a small, low fat yoghurt before I go to bed.

I often get hungry between lunch and evening meal, so having some healthy snacks mid to late afternoon works well for me. Most dieticians advise against 'snacking' but I think this is to stop people eating biscuits, crisps and other high sugar, high fat foods.

Craving anonymity

I never imagined I'd have this problem.......not in a million years! Here goes. In the past, particularly when I was a child living at home, whenever I went on a diet I got loads of stick from my Dad. Every time I put anything near my mouth I got quizzed about whether I really should be eating that...? - you know the kind of thing. I truly hated that kind of intrusion. Despite being a regular blogger, I'm actually a relatively private person and like to just 'get on with things' without too much fuss - especially where my weight is concerned.

It's one of the main reasons why I didn't tell any of my family or friends about my band early on - because I feared people would poke their nose in and make comments about what I was eating, when I was eating, how much I was eating etc. However, time has moved on and I'm much more comfortable about telling selected people about my band now. All of my immediate family know and I have told quite a few people at work. Last night I told a lady in my swimming club and it was quite nice chatting to someone about it freely and openly. Having said that, I tend to tell people who I am unlikely to find myself eating with!

And that brings me to the point of this post. Up till now, all my life I am sure many people have known me or regarded me as 'the fat woman'. There was nowhere to hide because I was so fat - it was obvious. I got into bad habits of eating in secret - even eating away from my husband at times. I went to great lengths to avoid any situation where people might say anything about my weight or what I was eating. I felt, because of my size, that I was 'on show' all of the time and I craved the anonymity of being thin. So, having lost seven-and-a-half stones now, how has this aspect of my life changed?

Well, it's not good. I'm longer known as 'the fat woman'. Now I'm known as 'the woman who's lost loads of weight'! I can't go anywhere without someone commenting on it. People who I don't really even know comment on it. There are some people I know quite well who now never seem to have anything to say to me that doesn't, in some way, revolve around my weight. What's a bit scary is that some people even seem to think I've discovered the Holy Grail of weight loss and I can somehow solve all of their weight problems too!!

I must confess, if it wasn't already obvious, I'm getting a bit cheesed off with all of this attention. I want to go back into hiding. I want to erase people's memories of me being fat so they just accept me as I am, now. When will people stop seeing me as someone who is fat, thin, lost weight, gained weight, whatever, and start to see me just as a normal, everyday human being? When will people just forget about my weight and just treat me normally. Ask me how I am, or where I'm going on holiday, or what I'm doing for Christmas, or how work is going or what I did at the weekend. But please stop talking about my weight and please stop seeing me as a 'weight issue'.

Am a misery guts or what?!

Three courses

We've been out for a meal with friends this evening and I ate three courses! Then I read about someone for whom a two-slice sandwich lasts them all day - and I'm back to wondering again if I have enough restriction! I ate a small piece of quiche with salad for starter, salmon and veg for main and a pannacotta with blackberries for dessert (a bit like cheesecake with no biscuit base!). On the plus side, I had a lovely evening out and enjoyed some wonderful food. I didn't eat nearly as much as I would have done in the past and I am stuffed. We are going for a decent walk tomorrow so hopefully I can burn off some of the extra calories!

Back on the wagon

Well I think so anyway! I had a really good day yesterday - I could only manage half my evening meal at first although ate the other half later in the evening. All-told I managed just 950 calories all day - which for this stage in my band journey is excellent! Today it will be more like normal - about 12-1300 or so, but I went for a decent walk this afternoon so that's fine. I just need to get back to the gym for some exercise now that work presure is beginning to ease off.

Sorry this is a short post but I am dashing off to watch BBC's Question Time - one of the panel is a bit of a national hate figure (right wing, racist, bigoted and all that). There have been massive protests and I'm tuning in to watch him squirm!!!

Very tight this morning

Odd this band isn't it? I really struggled to drink a cup of tea this morning and then an hour later only got half way through my usual bowl of Oatso Simple porridge. I ate a very light lunch with some white fish and veg and potatoes left over from yesterdays' evening meal and was stuffed after a small portion. Now I know that this is how many bandits start their day, but it doesn't usually hapen this way for me. I'd be delighted if it stayed like this but I fear that within an hour or two I'll be back to my normal self and eating moderate portions again.

I've heard that stress can lead to tightening of the band, also mentrual periods, de-hydration and various other things. And I am a little stressed - but I have been for weeks and nothing about my band has changed before now. I can't really think of any obvious reason why it should have suddently tightened up like that but I guess I will just make the most of it and hopefully lose a pound or two in the process!!

Mushrooms are a girl's best friend....

I've started keeping a list of meals that really fill me up. I don't know what it is but I have an awful memory and no imagination whatsoever. If I don't write ideas down I completely forget the following week and get stuck for what to eat. My list is only about three meals long at the moment but I have noticed a recurring theme. Every time my meal includes mushrooms (which is quite often because I love 'em), that meal gets added to the list! They're quite solid and chewy and fibrou, very low fat and low calorie (a whole box of them is only about 20 calories). That makes them very filling and excellent for staying in my pouch. I make sure I get flavoursome mushroms such as shitaki or chestnut, and for added flavour I always pour on loads of coarse ground black pepper and a light splash of soy sauce.

We're going out for a meal this evening - for the first of two times this week (going out on Friday with friends too). I'm hoping to be reasonably sensible in my food choices but we'll see..... at the moment I'm feeling a little as though all the hard work I've been doing lately means that I 'deserve' something nice!!! Perhaps I can restrain myself enough to have just a starter and then share a dessert? Watch this space!

Burning calories

We went for a lovely walk on the western edge of the Pennines today - to a place called Winter Hill. It's basically where there is a telecommunications mast (about 200m high) on top of a hill. The mast provides all the digital network for this part of the north-west. Not so far away is Rivington Pike - part of the Victorian terraced gardens complex of Rivington House. We also walked over to 'The Tower' on top of Rivington Pike - pictured.

My other half and I went with my sister-in-law who is up from the south and staying for a few days. It's been a really lovely day, cool but bright and sunny, and we had lovely views across towards Bolton (including the Reebok stadium) and Wigan. I particularly enjoyed the walk because it is the first time I have got out and had a 'proper' walk for at least three weeks - which is about as long as I have gone since the early days of my band journey. We walked about 12,000 steps which will have burned upwards of 600 calories. So for the first time in a while, I am feeling quite saintly!!

As I suggested yesterday, I am really beginning to believe that I have turned a corner and starting to put the bad days behind me and re-focus on the prize. If I get back into my good habits there is a real chance I could be 'normal' by Christmas (BMI-wise) - now that is a very powerful incentive!!

Finding a twin and turning a corner

At last - I have found another bandit who is exactly the same as me!!!!! A lady posted on the UKGastricBand forum all about her typical eating and drinking during the day, and some stuff about her philosophy on the band and restriction - her experiences of PB'ing, regurgitating, iron fist and all that - and she's SOooooo similar to me - it's scary!!

Like me, she has hardly ever done all the nasty stuff like vomiting and regurgitating food. She doesn't get any pain. She can eat anything but in smaller portions and with a great deal of chewing. She also drinks a lot so she's fully hydrated. She has moderate restriction but finds it harder to eat in the morning until after she's had some drinks. Like me, she can eat chocolate and biscuits for England. The foods that she eats during the day are very similar to me - Oatso Simple for breakfast, or a small banana and Muller Light yoghurt. She has crispbreads and protein and salad for lunch and very similar evening meals too! She also loves Alpen Light cereal bars and doesn't hesitate to take a healthy snack if it's needed.

It brought tears to my eyes as I was reading her post because I am sure I've never encountered another bandit who shares so much in common with me. For months I've read stories and had face-to-face discussions with bandits who get loads of pain / iron fist, vomit / regurgitate and can only eat three peas before feeling full (!) and I've never had any of that - so I've always felt as though I just must be a bit weird!!!

But probably the best thing about her post was what she said about her philosphy on restriction and getting fills. She said: "On a bad day I eat chocolate/biscuits/cakes/sweets/lattes but no matter how tight my band I'd still manage them so why have it that tight and suffer even when I'm being good?". Wow - she is so right. For ages now, as you know if you're a regular reader, I've to'ed and fro'ed about whether I needed another fill. But the truth is this: On a good day when I make good, healthy food choices, my restriction is perfect. I can eat anything I like but in small portions and with a lot of chewing. On a bad day, when I make poor food choices and scoff chocolate, cakes, biscuits and such, the band has no effect. It doesn't stop me eating that stuff - I knew it wouldn't and I know it never will - no matter how tight my band is. So what would be the point in making myself suffer with over-tight restriction when I'm being good, to gain no advantage whatsoever when I'm not being good?!

Mentally at least, I feel as though I may have turned an important corner.

Tuna salad nicoise

I found a small gap in my busy schedule (about 50 minutes!) and went out for lunch with some colleagues today. We ate at a restaurant bar opposite my workplace - somewhere we've eaten many times before. They are notoriously slow at service so we pre-ordered our meals. This was a great relief to me because I literally only had 50 minutes to spare. I thought that if they were at all late in serving I wouldn't have time to eat mine! I ordered tuna salad nicoise, which is basically a seared tuna steak with mixed salad including green beans and half a boiled egg. It also comes with a few olives. It wasn't a large portion, but enough to keep me fully occupied for 45 miniutes solid. I finished eating at least 20 minutes after everybody else, but hey, I truly enjoyed my meal and tasted every morsel!! I had to - it needed really well chewing. I had to stop a few times to allow food to go down, but apart from one hiccup (I seem to be prone to hiccupping), there was never any real danger of me embarrassing myself! By the end of it I was somewhere between pleasantly satisfied and full (numbers 6 and 7 on Paul McKenna's Hunger Scale). An hour later, in a meeting, I drank two cups of coffee and tea and followed them up with a couple of biscuits. I don't know about anybody else, but I always feel a craving to have something sweet after eating a savoury meal?

Anyway, it's nearly home time now (shall I go to the gym??) and I'm doing my best to ensure that today is successful - in terms of how much I eat. So far so good - but evening is often my downfall. I did really well yesterday and feel as though I am beginning to get back on track. I also lost 0.4 of a pound this morning - which might not sound much but it's the first hint of me losing anything (apart from my head) for at least six weeks - so I'm very happy with it!!

Support groups aid weight loss

Yesterday, on the Healthier Weight news page, I came across an article which reports on a study conducted into the beneficial effects to bariatric surgery patients of attending support groups. Although I downloaded the whole report, I cannot find the link to the full document again - so the link above just goes to the publisher's web site where you can find a brief summary. The full reference, for the more academically-minded! is:

Orth, W. S., Madan, A. K., Taddeucci, R. J., Coday, M. and Tichansky, D. S. (2008). Support group meeting attendance is asociated with better weight loss. Obesity Surgery 18, 391-394.

The study looked at the post-surgery weight loss of 46 people who had undergone gastric bypass surgery. Half of this group regularly attended a support group and the other half did not. On average, people in the group who did attend a support group lost 42% of their BMI, compared with 32% among the non-attendees.

It seems that there was no practical difference between the two groups (the attendees did not live closer to the support group location, for example). But there were significant differences in attitude towards the value of aftercare services such as support groups. Not surprisingly, those who attended support groups thought they were very useful - particularly if the surgeon was able to be present, while the non-attendees didn't hold support groups in such high regard.

The range of topics discussed at support group meetings was quite varied and included adjusting after surgery, diet, exercise, dealing with plateaus, nutrition, cosmetic surgery, and medical problems. Patients listed some of the factors that would encourage attendance and these included holding the meetings at different times or locations, more or better structure, food samples, the physician being present, and being reminded about the meetings!

Although the authors acknowledged that the sample size was small (n=46), there was, nevertheless, significant evidence of enhanced weight loss among those attending support groups compared with those who do not. Therefore, the importance of participating in such aftercare should be stressed before surgery and further encouraged during post-surgery follow-up visits.

So there you go. I attend all of my suport group meetings so I don't need to worry any more about failure...........!!! If only it were that simple. Still, it surely helps.

SO much to remember!

I used to think banding was simple - it restricts your stomach, you can't eat as much, you feel full sooner and for longer. Oh if only it were that straight forward! Here are a few of the 'rules' I have to remind myself of daily:

1. Eat three small meals per day
2. Chew everything to death and eat small pieces
3. Don't drink after eating
4. Use small utensils and a side plate for meals
5. Practice environmental control
6. Keep reminding your husband to hide the baguette and biscuits
7. Take a bagful of food with you to work every day (breakfast cereal, milk, orange juice, Actimel, lunch, healthy snacks)
8. Write everything down - food, calories, drinks, exercise, steps.....
9. Make sure plenty of your meal is made up of protein to keep you feeling full for longer (it takes away the hunger)
10. Don't overcook the vegetables - the crunchier the better
11. Beware when eating fruit with skins or peels - eat extra slowly and not in front of everyone (hiccups can be violent)
12. Take healthy snacks to work - better than eating chocolate
13. Keep reminding your husband to add healthy things to the shopping list (fruit, yoghurt, cottage cheese) - and to remove things that are too tempting (biscuits and baguettes)
14. Drink, drink, and drink some more
15. If you think you're hungry, have a drink first - then eat if you still feel hungry after half an hour
16. Is it real hunger or just head hunger?
17. If you start thinking about chocolate, do something to distract yourself.... (MUCH easier said than done)
18. Keep reminding your husband not to bring you a cup of tea immediately after you've eaten
19. Worry about whether you've got the right level of restriction at least every five minutes......
20. Remember to cook a double portion of dinner so you can take half of it to work for lunch the next day
21. Cook meals that are nutritionally balanced
22. Take your daily multivitamin, and calcium tablets, oh, and lactulose occasionally......
23. Stop buying huge amounts of fod on the weekly shop - it will end up going mouldy
24. Get excited about strong restriction in the morning - and then get disapointed when it wears off in the aftrnoon
25. Find time to walk
26. Find time to go to the gym
27. ...or do anything else physical
28. Keep reminding your husband to put most of the bread in the freezer - I can't eat so much these days so it will go off if left in the bread bin
29. Refrain from getting annoyed when every other person you see asks you, in a loud voice, how much you weigh....

Oh I could go on! There are so many lessons to learn in living with the band but it's just impossible to keep them all in your head at the same time. So as fast as I remember one lesson, I forget the rest. Today, I went to work with what I thought was a lovely lunch (leftovers from last night - but nice, nonetheless). However, whereas last night I put quite a lot of low fat melted cheese on it - today I didn't. The result was a very bland meal with absolutely no fat in it, unappetising and completely lacking in protein. End result? One hungry lady mid-afternoon - looking for snacks and 'nice' things to eat.....

When will I ever learn?!!

Plodding on

Work is still a nightmare. I'm still working silly hours and it's still having an adverse effect on my eating and exercise. I know from past experience that when I don't exercise I don't feel fit - I feel fat - and that makes me feel low - so I eat to make myself feel better......... Oh dear, it sounds bloomin' silly even as I write it - but that's how my head is!

I bought a book to help me overcome emotional eating but I haven't found time to get past page one! I've browsed on the web looking for ideas and all I get are distraction techniques. This is the idea that when you feel like grabbing a bar of chocolate - for emotional reasons - do something to distract ourself. Activities include taking a hot bubble bath or going for a walk.

Well that's fine - but I haven't got time to go for a walk and a quik shower at 5.30am is about all I can manage - no way is there time to have a long soak!!! I tried putting some chocolate in the bread bin so I could have small amounts of it when I needed - that's beter than going out and buying six bars and scoffing the lot in my book. But I haven't been as restrained as I thought I might be.

I just read on the UKGastricBand forum about a lady who's got really good restriction at last - and I can still eat a lot more than her. Tonight, I'm thinking I should phone in the morning and book myself another fill. If you read my blog regularly though, you'l know that I may change my mind again tomorrow!! I really think I might go for it this time though - and settle for much tighter restriction than I have at present. It's got to be better than trying desperately to cling onto an ounce of willpower, hasn't it?

Quorny but true

Today I decided to go out and buy some Quorn-based products. I've been getting a little fed up with eating the same things over and over and I've also been feeling for a while that I don't quite get enough protein - that may partly explain why I still keep getting hungry. I browsed around the shelves in Tesco and found a surprising array of different Quorn-based foods. Some of them are coated in breadcrumbs, stuffed with cheese and all sorts - and are pretty high in calories. But there are also some other varieties that are much better. I was really surprised at just how low in fat Quorn products actually are. They are also loaded with protein - the peppered steaks are only 107 calories, have about 4g of fat and about 12g of protein! So, I returned home with a box of two peppered steaks, some fajita-like Quorn strips and some Quorn bites on skewers. The latter will be great for snacking on!!

Anyway, I had one of the peppered steasks for dinner this evening - along with a little boiled potato and some frozen mixed veg. Despite the fact that I got distracted while cooking and the steak was rather over-done (!), it still tasted really lovely. But what has cheered me up no end, and amazed, me, is just how filling the Quorn is. I had my dinner ages ago now and I'm still stuffed. I'll be experimenting with all sorts of Quorn products over the next few weeks and I'll let you know whether it turns out to be the Holy Grail that I'm thinking it is at the moment!

Breakfast choices

For ages now, I've been having cereal for breakfast. Mostly I have All Bran or a mixture of All Bran and fruit-rich muesli, and sometimes I have Oatso Simple porridge. However, on and off over the past few weeks, I've been having bread in some form. Sometimes a piece of toast, sometimes plain wholemeal bread with marmalade on. I must confess that I actually prefer the bread or toast to cereal. However, I suppose I think I should have cereal at least some of the time because (a) it means I get more milk, and therefore, more calcium, and (b) because the All Bran helps my digestion! On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that bread makes me feel fuller for longer - after all, cereal is very runny and probably goes straight through my band.

It just makes me think - it's been over 10 months since being banded and yet I'm still discovering what appear to be the basics of working with the band! I'm still trying out different things for lunch and evening meal and I've started compiling a list of meals that fill me up. Maybe I'm just a slow learner?!

A new chocolate experiment

After a few weeks of on and off chocolate bingeing, I've decided to take a chance and try a new experiment! But first, you have to understand my usual mental attitude to chocolate - particularly when I'm feeling stressed with work or something.

The first thing is that we never keep chocolate in the house. I'm fortunate that my other half doesn't particularly like the stuff - he'll eat it occasionally if it's offered to him while we're out on a walk or something, but I don't think I've ever known him actually choose to buy any himself! At a time like now when I get stressed, I find myself craving chocolate. I guess it's totally about comfort or some other emotional need, and the urge is extremely powerful. I do my best to resist but eventually give in - and that's when the problems begin.

The thing is, when I give in, this usually involves me putting on my coat and shoes, getting into the car and driving to the late night Co-op for some 'supplies'. I can hear myself even now, giving the usual euphemism to my husband - "I'm just popping out to the shop".... On the way there, I'll repeat to myself (in my head) over and over - I'm just going to get one or two bars of chocolate - that's all I need. But by the time I get there, it's been such a mammoth effort leaving the house in the dark, getting cold and driving etc that I start to think about running out - what if I eat a couple of bars and then I need more - I'll have to come out again? So I end up buying several bars of chocolate - typically about 6 or 7. Kit Kats, Dairy Milk, Maltesers - that kind of thing. And I also buy other things that catch my eye - like those lovely trifles ('one won't hurt - it'll boost my calcium intake'), or iced buns ('I deserve it'), or a small bag of cashew nuts ('well, the protein does you good....') - and all the excuses come out. Before I know it, I'm trudging home with a bag full of goodies. And what astounds me, even now, is that somehow, I still manage to get through most of this in the same evening. I daren't keep any of it, in fact, because then I know that I will be letting myself in for another binge day tomorrow - whereas in my twisted logic, if I eat it all today, I can start afresh tomorrow!! On a couple of occasions, I've actually thrown unopened bars of chocolate and other stuff in the bin - rather than keep it in the house for tomorrow!!

So, now to my new experiment. Yesterday I bought a five-pack of individual Dairy Milk bars and put them on the shelf in the kitchen. I moved them into the bread bin today because I was fed up with staring at them every time I went to make myself a cup of tea! Anyway, this is the plan: If I know I have some chocolate in the house that is under my control, I won't feel pressured or panicked into going out and buying loads of the stuff. I plan to 'treat' myself to a small quantity every evening. The bars are slightly smaller than the normal singles - they're 205 calores for the whole bar so I could easily consume half a bar each night without that putting too much of a dent in my calorie intake. My dietician (who is skinny as a rake) says he eats chocolate every day - so it shouldn't be wrong, in principle, for me to do the same. Don't get me wrong, this is not about me eating chocolate for the sake of it - after all, I've gone for months at a time since I got my band, without any at all. It's more about trying to find a way of dealing with these - these - well, they're a kind of panic-attack really - when I get all panicky and go out and buy loads as if I'm gong to die if I don't get some or run out. I know it sounds darft - it sounds completely ill0gical as I sit here typing it - but it's what happens and I can't control it by distracting myself or any of the other techniques people often suggest. So if I can do do something to remove the source of panic - then it just might work.

So far the chocolate has been sitting in my kitchen for two days. I ate half a bar last night and I'm planning to do the same this evening. I'll let you know how it goes......

Whoa what a week!

I'm back! I haven't actually been anywhere, just working 14 hours a day for the past couple of weeks. There's no immediate end in sight, but having worked most of Saturday I'm giving myself the evening off. So, hello again. I hope you've all had a good week. Mine hasn't been brilliant. Working such long hours my carefully thought-out eating and fitness plans gave gone awry. Typically, I've eaten breakfast at my usual time but not got lunch until late in the day. One day I ate breakfast at 7.30am and then didn't eat again until 4.30pm! To be honest, I wasn't even hungry then, because I'd been too busy to think about hunger and was running on pure adrenalin.

However, things have been much worse in the evenings. It's as though all the constraints of the day just go out the window and I just go bonkers! I've been bingeing on chocolate and all sorts of sweet things about every other day. It's played havoc with my digestive system and also with my head. It's made me really down - though I'm sure I'm down partly because of the stress of this period at work. Today has been better, so far. Rather oddly, I was stuffed after one piece of toast this morning, and then again after half a small tin of beans on toast at lunch. In fact, after lunch, I experienced mild 'iron fist' (pain around the band area - behind the breastbone) for the first time! This evening I'm sitting here stuffed again - this time from salmon, potatoes and veg. Oh well, I guess I just need to make the most of it!

Some days I've got loads of exercise from running around at work. But other days I've just sat at my computer all day and got very little exercise. The upshot of my relatively poor eating and exercising this last week is that I'm a pound or two up on what I was. I'm not fretting about that too much - I know I can give myself a bit of slack because of my work situation at present.

I bought a book called 'Breaking Free From Emotional Eating' by Geneen Roth. I haven't had time to read much yet (!) but am expecting great things from it. I'll report back on this as I learn new things.