After a few weeks of on and off chocolate bingeing, I've decided to take a chance and try a new experiment! But first, you have to understand my usual mental attitude to chocolate - particularly when I'm feeling stressed with work or something.The first thing is that we never keep chocolate in the house. I'm fortunate that my other half doesn't particularly like the stuff - he'll eat it occasionally if it's offered to him while we're out on a walk or something, but I don't think I've ever known him actually choose to buy any himself! At a time like now when I get stressed, I find myself craving chocolate. I guess it's totally about comfort or some other emotional need, and the urge is extremely powerful. I do my best to resist but eventually give in - and that's when the problems begin.
The thing is, when I give in, this usually involves me putting on my coat and shoes, getting into the car and driving to the late night Co-op for some 'supplies'. I can hear myself even now, giving the usual euphemism to my husband - "I'm just popping out to the shop".... On the way there, I'll repeat to myself (in my head) over and over - I'm just going to get one or two bars of chocolate - that's all I need. But by the time I get there, it's been such a mammoth effort leaving the house in the dark, getting cold and driving etc that I start to think about running out - what if I eat a couple of bars and then I need more - I'll have to come out again? So I end up buying several bars of chocolate - typically about 6 or 7. Kit Kats, Dairy Milk, Maltesers - that kind of thing. And I also buy other things that catch my eye - like those lovely trifles ('one won't hurt - it'll boost my calcium intake'), or iced buns ('I deserve it'), or a small bag of cashew nuts ('well, the protein does you good....') - and all the excuses come out. Before I know it, I'm trudging home with a bag full of goodies. And what astounds me, even now, is that somehow, I still manage to get through most of this in the same evening. I daren't keep any of it, in fact, because then I know that I will be letting myself in for another binge day tomorrow - whereas in my twisted logic, if I eat it all today, I can start afresh tomorrow!! On a couple of occasions, I've actually thrown unopened bars of chocolate and other stuff in the bin - rather than keep it in the house for tomorrow!!
So, now to my new experiment. Yesterday I bought a five-pack of individual Dairy Milk bars and put them on the shelf in the kitchen. I moved them into the bread bin today because I was fed up with staring at them every time I went to make myself a cup of tea! Anyway, this is the plan: If I know I have some chocolate in the house that is under my control, I won't feel pressured or panicked into going out and buying loads of the stuff. I plan to 'treat' myself to a small quantity every evening. The bars are slightly smaller than the normal singles - they're 205 calores for the whole bar so I could easily consume half a bar each night without that putting too much of a dent in my calorie intake. My dietician (who is skinny as a rake) says he eats chocolate every day - so it shouldn't be wrong, in principle, for me to do the same. Don't get me wrong, this is not about me eating chocolate for the sake of it - after all, I've gone for months at a time since I got my band, without any at all. It's more about trying to find a way of dealing with these - these - well, they're a kind of panic-attack really - when I get all panicky and go out and buy loads as if I'm gong to die if I don't get some or run out. I know it sounds darft - it sounds completely ill0gical as I sit here typing it - but it's what happens and I can't control it by distracting myself or any of the other techniques people often suggest. So if I can do do something to remove the source of panic - then it just might work.
The thing is, when I give in, this usually involves me putting on my coat and shoes, getting into the car and driving to the late night Co-op for some 'supplies'. I can hear myself even now, giving the usual euphemism to my husband - "I'm just popping out to the shop".... On the way there, I'll repeat to myself (in my head) over and over - I'm just going to get one or two bars of chocolate - that's all I need. But by the time I get there, it's been such a mammoth effort leaving the house in the dark, getting cold and driving etc that I start to think about running out - what if I eat a couple of bars and then I need more - I'll have to come out again? So I end up buying several bars of chocolate - typically about 6 or 7. Kit Kats, Dairy Milk, Maltesers - that kind of thing. And I also buy other things that catch my eye - like those lovely trifles ('one won't hurt - it'll boost my calcium intake'), or iced buns ('I deserve it'), or a small bag of cashew nuts ('well, the protein does you good....') - and all the excuses come out. Before I know it, I'm trudging home with a bag full of goodies. And what astounds me, even now, is that somehow, I still manage to get through most of this in the same evening. I daren't keep any of it, in fact, because then I know that I will be letting myself in for another binge day tomorrow - whereas in my twisted logic, if I eat it all today, I can start afresh tomorrow!! On a couple of occasions, I've actually thrown unopened bars of chocolate and other stuff in the bin - rather than keep it in the house for tomorrow!!
So, now to my new experiment. Yesterday I bought a five-pack of individual Dairy Milk bars and put them on the shelf in the kitchen. I moved them into the bread bin today because I was fed up with staring at them every time I went to make myself a cup of tea! Anyway, this is the plan: If I know I have some chocolate in the house that is under my control, I won't feel pressured or panicked into going out and buying loads of the stuff. I plan to 'treat' myself to a small quantity every evening. The bars are slightly smaller than the normal singles - they're 205 calores for the whole bar so I could easily consume half a bar each night without that putting too much of a dent in my calorie intake. My dietician (who is skinny as a rake) says he eats chocolate every day - so it shouldn't be wrong, in principle, for me to do the same. Don't get me wrong, this is not about me eating chocolate for the sake of it - after all, I've gone for months at a time since I got my band, without any at all. It's more about trying to find a way of dealing with these - these - well, they're a kind of panic-attack really - when I get all panicky and go out and buy loads as if I'm gong to die if I don't get some or run out. I know it sounds darft - it sounds completely ill0gical as I sit here typing it - but it's what happens and I can't control it by distracting myself or any of the other techniques people often suggest. So if I can do do something to remove the source of panic - then it just might work.
So far the chocolate has been sitting in my kitchen for two days. I ate half a bar last night and I'm planning to do the same this evening. I'll let you know how it goes......
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