Twitter Trees!

I'm trying to get all modern (!) and have signed up to Twitter. My username is Theresa1511, so if you feel like sending me a tweet, look me up! I think I have it set up on my phone but I've not really got into twittering just yet - but I thought I'd give it a go. I'll see if I get any followers by posting short tweets of my blog posts. I did a search and found quite a few individuals and organisations on there (including Weight Watchers, bless 'em!) with relevance to gastric banding, weight loss, fitness, bariatric surgery etc. If I find out anything useful I'll post it here (or send a tweet!).

Oh, and 'Trees', in case you didn't know (in this post title), is my nickname.........

I'm NOT a dustbin!

I recall reading in more than one place that overweight people commonly treat their bodies like a dustbin. One area where this is particularly noticeable is in the habit of clearing up food off of dinner plates, including other people's leftovers. Certainly my own consultant has said "don't treat your body like a dustbin" on more than one occasion, when advising people about trying to get into the habit of leaving food on the plate.

Well yesterday, I kept having 'head hunger' pangs and at one point I showed just how much of a dustbin I can occasionally treat my body. My sister was staying, and went to the kitchen cupboard to get out a packet of biscuits. She fumbled them a little as she lifted them out and dropped two biscuits on the kitchen floor. Being helpful, I bent down to clear them up. One of the biscuits had broken into lots of pieces so I scooped them up into my hand and dropped them into the bin. The other biscuit, however, had stayed in one piece...... so I picked it up and promptly popped it into my mouth!!

Afterwards I laughed at myself and the silliness of feeding myself with rubbish food - even food that had been on the floor! I suppose there are some habits that will take a while to get out of (eating rubbish food, not eating off the floor!).

I'm shortie...

Many years ago - so long ago I cannot remember when - I got my height measured and I was five feet, seven and three-quarter inches. I've never bothered to get it re-measured. However, the other day I had a bone density test done through work. The lady who did the test asked if my height had changed at all (a possible indication of osteo-arthritis or osteoporosis) - and I said no. However, I kept thinking about this answer and later in the day decided that really I had guessed - since I hadn't been re-measured for many years! So, last night I got my other half to draw a pencil line on the wall (!) and measure my height... Imagine my shock horror when the tape measure said I was five feet six and a half inches!!!

Then I remembered the well known fact (see link above) that the average person's height diminishes by at least half an inch during the course of a normal day. This is because of compaction of the vertebrae causing shrinkage of the spine (due to gravity). So, we went through the height meauring process again this morning and my height came out at five feet, seven and three-eighths of an inch. This makes me three eighths of an inch shorter than I used to be, than I thought I was. Now, while this small amount of shortening does not make me a true 'shortie', and it is too little to indicate any problems such as osteoporosis etc, it does have an impact on my BMI - all previous calculations were done on the basis of me being five feet eight inches.

So, I've done all the calculations and updated my weight loss ticker and here's what has changed:
1. My original BMI was 43.6, not 42.4
2. To get to my target BMI of 22.5 I have to get to 10 stone 5 pounds, not 10 stone 7 pounds
3. To get to my minimum BMI target of 25 ('normal') I have to get to 11 stone 7 pounds, not 11 stone 9 pounds.

So all in all, not as disastrous as I'd feared - it only makes a difference of two pounds. Last night, thinking I was only five foot six and a half, I thought I was going to be looking at losing an extra stone or something - phew!!

Going on the run?

Once upon a time, there was a slim woman who was very fit, ran 5 to 10 miles a day, did triathlons and trained twice a day. Then one day, she woke up and twenty years had passed by. Now, she was fat and totally unfit and could just about manage to walk, never mind run! But that was before she was kissed by a prince and got a gastric band. Eight months later, she found she wasn't so fat anymore, she could walk quite fast - and her head was telling her she might be able to run again. But deep in her heart, she doubted whether she would be able to because of all the damage that her obese years had done to her knees and hips. So, she had to find the magic wizard and ask him if she could run again......

........the story hasn't ended yet because I haven't found the magic wizard! I don't know if I will be able to run again or indeed whether this story has a happy ending or not. But, in case you missed it, my mind is eager, I think even desperate for my body to run again - and I just don't know if I can. "Well why not just try!", I hear you cry, yes, I guess I should. The thing is though, last time I ran, I looked like a runner and I was twenty-something. Now, I just look like a middle-aged, overweight fuddy duddy trying to re-live her youth! Maybe I am! Basically I am very self conscious about my body and the thought of anyone seeing me struggling to jog along the street fills me with fear!

I think I will plot and plan ahead and try to get in my first attempt under cover of darkness!

You CAN have your cake and eat it!

Went on the Grand Tour of coffee shops with my sister in Manchester today. I have a few days leave and she is staying for a few days. We went into Manchester city centre and did some shopping, 'resting' a couple of times in coffee shops. At the first I drank a fruit tea, accompanied by a raspberry muffin. At the second I opted for a Diet Coke - and unfortunately I couldn't resist the temptation to eat another muffin! This hasn't worked out quite as badly as it might have done because as well as walking about 11,000 steps during the day, I also did a fairly hard workout on my stepper machine before we went out this morning. The result is, that at the end of the day, I will still have ratcheted up a net calorie deficit of about 800 calories. If I did this every day I'd lose 1.5 pounds a week.

While we were in town I had a look around for some more trousers. I searched all the major high street stores without much success. I didn't really find anything I liked the look of. I explained to my sister that for the first time in many years, I can actually choose what I want to buy. In the past there's never been any choice; I've simply had to buy what fit. So now that I am able to choose, I want to do just that. In reality I only found one pair of trousers that I liked, a size 18, and while they were OK round my muscly thighs but miles too big round my waist.

Then we decided to look in Millets for some outdoor style walking trousers, and initially, I had no success. However, I then had a look at the mens selection and tried on a few. I made two discoveries (apart from the fact that men seem to have much more choice than women). First, in mens clothes I am now a size 34" - when I've bought mens trousers in the past I've needed a size 44"!! Second, the mens trousers feel much more snug on me. The upper legs are bigger so fit my large thighs, but the waist also feels just right too!

So all in all, a very pleasant day out. I got loads of exercise, enjoyed TWO muffins, bought some perfect trousers, and will go to bed knowing that I've still lost weight today! Sometimes, you CAN have your cake and eat it!!

A body like my mum's

My new body is starting to take shape. I have noticed two similarities I share with my mum. She passed away in 1996 but one of my residing memories of her is that she was always on a diet. She was never more than a few pounds overweight but very frequently she would go on another diet to lose half a stone or so. Even a few pounds would make a noticeable difference to her physical appearance. And the thing was, that she always lost weight around her neck, shoulders and upper chest. Her waist was also quite small. The place where she always wanted to lose weight - around her thighs - was always the last place the weight came off.

What I have noticed is that my body seems to be going the same way as hers. If I look at myself in the mirror just from my upper chest upwards, I look quite slim now. However, I bought some new jeans the other day and found that my lower half is a bit weird! I say that because a size 16 fits me round the waist (which has shrunk quite noticeably), but is too tight round my upper legs. A size 18, on the other hand (which is what I ended up buying), fits me round my legs but is too loose round the waist. I decided my only option was to buy the bigger ones and put a few stitches in around the waist. I suppose I could wear a belt but I've never found them very comfortable.

I also bought a new bra and underwear and found I'd dropped a size in both of those too! I don't think it will too long now before I can fit into a 'normal' 36C!

Anyway mum, looks like I'll be following in your footsteps. I guess I'll always have some loose skin on my arms and inner thighs but as long as I get down to a normal body size at some point, I'll be happy!

Into the next stone...

A couple of days ago I made my first foray into the 12 stone's for about 20 years! My current weight is now 12 stone 13 pounds, and even though I am only one pound less than a few days ago, being able to say I am "twelve stone something" feels fantastic!

And there's more...... I updated my ticker just now and realised that I have only one pound to lose before I have lost 100 since I began my band journey!

It's this kind of milestone that cheers me up and helps me put bad mornings like yesterday behind me!

Back from the brink?

Today started out badly. After breakfast, which was fairly normal, I experienced the frustration of lots of things 'not working'. First, the wi-fi on the computer wouldn't work, even though it was working on my netbook and iPhone. Then after spending an age fiddling with various 'help' tools, that frankly, didn't help, I eventually got it working again. Then after five minutes of jubilation the whole computer seemingly quit! I tried to restart it but at the Windows icon it just froze. I played with the safe start mode and after another age, finally got it working enough to run a virus check. This revealed a low risk virus which took more time to resolve. Then it all froze again! By this time I had wasted most of the morning and was feeling ever so slightly stressed.

I got the computer working again only to discover that the printer wouldn't work. Then my new iPhone case arrived in the post and I couldn't get the blooming thing to fit my iPhone! By now it was lunchtime and I was in no mood to be 'good' and eat a nice healthy salad! Instead I started with a cheese sandwich. In a semi-rage I ate the first bit far too quickly and nearly had a 'band' moment. The first sandwich disappeared fairly quickly and I followed it up with two slices of marmalade on toast.

Of course, by this time I was feeling pretty miserable and that I'd let myself down. But back to the technical problems. By some fluke, my better half discovered that the pc problems were entirely caused by a faulty cable and/or USB connection on the printer! So, printer removed, old one re-attached and everything worked as it should do! Although this cheered me up a little I was still feling bruised from the morning's events. I made an excuse to pop out and post a letter and found myself buying forbidden fruits. A chunky Kitkat, Dairy Milk bar and packet of cashew nuts to be precise. All were eaten before I got back home.

This was about 4pm. Since then, I have cheered up a lot and have resolved to bring this bad day back from the brink of disastrous. I ate much more sensibly this evening and also went for a walk to burn of some of my excess calories. Having done some calculations, I think that by the end of the day I will have about broken even, in terms of calories in versus calories out.

This is the value of writing everything down - even the bad stuff. In the past, not really knowing how badly the day had gone (in terms of calorie intake), I would have just 'given up' on the day and blown it completely. However, by keeping a record, I was able to do the sums and see that it would only take a little effort, and not a miracle, to rescue the day from disaster.

I'm just about to tuck into a tasty Muller Light, satisfied that although I won't have lost any weight today, I've not gained any either. It's a shame I stil succumb to emotional eating like this, but lifetime habits can't be broken in an instant. In the meantime, it's all about developing good strategies to cope with my falibility.

Portion sizes

At the Healthier Weight support group meeting last weekend we discussed portion control. The discussion was not so much focussed on exact portion sizes or size 'rules' as such, more on general principes to help us with different situations. Here are some of the topics discussed:

1. If eating out in a restaurant and your meal is too large to finish - either leave it or ask for a doggie bag! I've taken my own 'doggie' bag a few times and taken food home for the cats!
2. When shopping, avoid buying multipacks and two-for-one offers. Having said that, this is OK if the items concerned are healthy!
3. Avoid going to buffets. This is because research has shown that when faced with lots of variety, we are much more likely to eat bigger meals. I've certainly been there - being tempted to try a bit of this and a bit of that, and before you know where you are you have a large plateful.
4. It's better to eat a too-large portion of salad than other high calorie food.
5. Remove the long gaps between meals. This is an important principle that I am dealing with at the moment. I'm re-reading Paul McKenna's book ("I Can Make You Thin") and one of his four rules is that if you are hungry - eat! I know this seems to go against the grain when we are all trying to lose weight, but actually it's not good to get hungry because we are more likely to eat a large meal to satisfy the hunger. It's much better to either eat healthy snacks in between meals, if necessary, or alternately, have a larger number of small meals. I occasionally split my lunch into two and have half at 'lunchtime' and the other half late afternoon.

My provider does give detailed advice on exactly how much food to consume at each meal. Generally, this equates to 4-6 tablespoonfuls, but this is quite difficult to judge. It's no easier trying to judge portions in terms of weights (e.g so many grammes etc). Personally, I try to judge my portion sizes in three different, but hopefully complementary, ways:

1. How full I feel. I am still not very good at this and have to think about it very carefully. My head would tell me I was hungry all the time if I let it (!) - but I have to try and learn to listen to my body and be more sensitive to messages being sent to my brain from my stomach. I guess after years of ignoring these signals I have to slowly re-learn this ability. Eating slowly helps.

2. Calorie counting. I keep a count of my calorie intake for every meal and I am getting quite good at judging what I should be eating. However, this is not the most reliable way of assessing portion size because it is possible to eat a very large meal of very low calorie foods and vice versa.

3. Eating all my main meals off a small (7-inch) side plate. This works well. It also helps when eating out because I can visualise how big a side plate would be and, therefore, how large my meal is in comparison.

So, I don't know how much this all helps me because I am constantly struggling with (a) distinguishing between stomach hunger and head hunger, and (b) dealing with hunger between meals. Although as I said, I am working on this problem quite hard at the moment and sticking to the 'if you're hungry - eat' rule - which seems to be working quite well for me.

Extra virgin olive oil

One of the topics that came up at the Support Group on Sunday (and I cannot remember what prompted it!), was the use of extra virgin olive oil (EVOO) for cooking. One of the ladies there, who I think may have some sort of medical or science background, said that EVOO should never be used for cooking purposes. She said this was because when it is heated it turns into a saturated fat. Now, I use EVOO all the time for cooking and have done for a number of years - so this was not only news to me, it was also a little alarming. So, I've looked it into a little on the Internet (click on the link above for one web site with some more information).

Now, I don't understand all the chemistry behind this (and there's a lot!) so I'll keep it as simple as my own brain can cope with! Basically, EVOO is an unrefined variety of olive oil - meaning that it has only been pressed from the original olives once. EVOO has very little saturated fat in and a high level of monounsaturated fats - from a healthy eating perspective, both these things are very good, and this makes it one of the best, healthiest oils to use with food. However, the unrefined nature of this oil also makes it one of the most fragile, both chemically and nutritonally. This means that when heated, it is more likely to alter, chemically-speaking, than other more refined oils.

Oils have what is known as a smoke point - the temperature at which the oil starts to vapourise. Because of its relatiely fragile nature, EVOO has a lower smoke point than most other oils. At its smoke point, EVOO (and other oils) may (a) produce saturated fats, (b) lose nutritional value, and (c) develop carcinogenic (cancer-forming) compounds. Now, the advice I have seen on the Internet is rather variable. Some web sites (mainly those trying to flog EVOO), seem to be saying it's fine to cook with EVOO - and it's just a myth that it develops saturated fats etc. These sites seem to suggest that for any damaging effects to occur from cooking with EVOO, you would have to cook at very high temperatures - such as those used in commercial cooking (e.g. deep fat frying where there is also repeated heating of the oil). They suggest temperatures up to about 400 deg F might be OK. However, there are other web sites that advise caution and suggest that EVOO is 'at risk' at temperatures as low as 200 deg F - temperatures much more likely to be encountered during normal domestic cooking. They suggest EVOO should only be used for 'cold' uses such as salads and dressings. Some say it's OK to use for 'normal' home cooking purposes such as making sauces - but not for the sort of temperatures that might be used in baking.

My fairly rapid Internet research clearly does not reveal any definitive answer - so, the choice is yours. Personally, I think I will cautiously finish off the bottle of EVOO I am currently using and from then on, use olive oil, rather than the extra virgin variety (everyone seems to be agreed that this is OK and has a much higher smoke point).

A word on fizzy drinks

Among the online bandits on various web sites I have seen a nmber of discussions about whether or not it's OK for bandits to have fizzy drinks. It would seem that there is a lot of variation in what different providers recommend. The topic was raised at the Healthier Weight support group meeting on Sunday. Our health educator / dietician said [paraphrasing], that as long as we can manage fizzy drinks and want to, there is no reason, as far as the band is concerned, why we should not. Some bandits have been told that the gas can stretch the pouch and others have even been told that the acid can corrode the band (though it would have to corrode through the wall of the stomach first). Our man said that HW do not believe there is any fundamental problem with having fizzy drinks and a band. Of course there are other reasons for not drinking the fizzies - like the fact that most of them attack your teeth and don't contain any nutrients etc. Personally, I find that I can no longer tolerate fizzy drink straight from a can or bottle - I have to pour them into a glass first to let some of the bubbles dissipate. But otherwise, no problems. So this may be another one of those toics where us bandits just have to agree to differ - and just abide by what our own provider says.

Our foray up Beinn Ghobhlach

On Friday last week we climbed the local peak of Beinn Ghobhlach. At its highest point, standing at 635m (total ascent 780m), it is not the highest mountain in these parts, but it is one of the most spectacular. The walk began with a relatively flat section along a loch-side path. On reaching a stream gully, however, we then had to strike directly uphill for a cool 300m (ascent). This bit was hard work but I couldn't help feeling much of the time as though I were floating on air - I felt so, so, well, fit!

At the top of this first steep section we reached a beautiful viewpoint overlooking two mountain lakes - a great spot for a short break. Soon after we set off up the second steep hike up to the main col at about 600m. This was basically a hard flog, straight up a steep mountain slope. I managed it with relative ease and reached the col feeling elated. I knew that never, in the past twenty years, would I have been able to manage such a climb with such strength (or perhaps even at all). I knew that had I even attempted it in the past there would have been a great deal more pain, sweat and misery. I think I realised at the col, as we sat down to eat some lunch, that I truly have turned a corner. My body is not, and never will be again, as it once was - that is the old me - and never to be re-visited.

A short further climb of about 35m got us up to the summit of Beinn Ghobhlach. The views from the top were absolutely stunning and well worth the hard work. After savouring the view and taking loads of photographs, we set off around the circular lip of the cirque, reaching a further three mini-summits along the way.

The climb down was very steep most of the way and involved some tricky scrambling through deep heather and bracken with hidden sandstone boulders beneath. Again, I couldn't help but reflect on the fact that my 'old' body - especially my knees - would have found this extremely painful. I just know that I would have really suffered had I attempted this descent in any of the past few years. In practice, although I'd be lying to say I wasn't a little tired by the time we got back to the car, I was actually in really good state. I could definitely have managed another tough walk the next day (except for the fact that our holiday had come to an end).

So all in all, this walk was something of a pivotal moment for me, revealing, in a fairly decisive way, my new, massively increased levels of fitness. Even as I sit here writing this I feel full of beans (not literally!) - as though I want to jump out of my chair and go for a run!!! You just never know! Amazing - I am starting to love my band.

If you are interested in seeking out this highland gem any time, click on the link above - this will take you to the Walk Highlands web site with detailed descriptions of this, and many other fabulous walks.

Back down south....

Hello everyone, I'm back! Sorry again to have abandoned my posting for much of the last week but our remote corner of the north west highlands of Scotland didn't have any sort of mobile signal - and so no Internet access. Anyway, I'm back now and have lots to report.

We had a really lovely week-long holiday. It wouldn't have suited everybody - but suited us down to the ground. We stayed in a converted traditional croft cottage on the outskirts of a tiny hamlet in a remote corner alongside Little Loch Broom. The nearest town of any size was Ullapool, about 35 miles away, but our nearby hamlet had a small shop for essentials. We spent the week, with our two cats (!), resting, reading and walking.

The omens at the start of the week were not good. The weather forecast couldn't have been much worse - rain was forecast for every day of or holiday and from Tuesday onwwards there was supposed to be particularly heavy rain. But this is one occasion when we are immensely grateful that the meterological forecasters got it hopelesly wrong!! Apart from a couple of hours of light drizzle on Sunday afternoon, we had NO rain at all! Every day was bright and mostly sunny - the result was that we were able to go out walking every day. I did a quick calculation towards the end of the week and found that my average daily number of steps for the preceding 7 days was 17,000!!! (that's equal to at least 1000 burned calories each day). This perhaps explains why I was able to eat so much while on holiday without gaining any weight!!

Most days I cooked - so although I ate larger portions than usual (my excuse was that there weren't any side plates - yes I know - lame eh?) I still managed to eat quite healthy food. We ate out twice, once in Ullapool and once at a hotel. In Ullapool I couldn't resist a favourite starter of mine - Cullen skink! For those who may not have come across this Scottish traditional dish, it's basically a fish soup, made with smoked haddock - and it's luverly. I can't remember what I ate for main course but I do remember not being able to even consider getting a dessert! At the hotel meal, I chose scallops for starter and a goat's cheese salad for main. Although the portions were moderate, I calculated the calorie content afterwards and found it to be quite low..... which is probably why I felt compelled to opt for a dessert on this occasion.... Yes, it was a particularly naughty dessert (raspberries, strawberries, meringue and loads of cream) - but I did share it with my better half (and it was quite small!). Anyway, as I told him, at least it contained some fresh fruit!!

Back home now I feel as rested after a holiday as I have done in ages - I usually feel completely knackered and need a couple of days rest before going back to work! In the coming days I'll tell you about our forays into the Torridon mountains and our climb up Beinn Ghobleach. Oh, and on a completely different tack I'll also tell you about the Healthier Weight support group meeting I went to today. Signing off now till tomorrow....

North of the border

Sorry I've not posted for a few days, the cottage we are staying at in the north west highlands of Scotland is in the middle of nowhere and has no mobile signal at all! I am posting this on my iPhone from a tea shop in Ullapool. Things are going well so far, even the weather has been better than expected. We have cooked for ourselves up till now but are eating out tonight and tomorrow. We have been walking every day and yesterday, on a beautiful walk in the Torridon area I clocked up 25,000 steps on my pedometer! Sorry this is a short one- I hope to be back in posting form in a few days. All the best, Theresa x

Out of control

Oh dear, I seem to be eating out of control again. I don't know what it is but I don't seem to be able to resist the urge to eat sweet, fatty, 'nice' things. I'm just hungry all the time - though I suspect a lot of it is head hunger rather than real hunger. What has happened to that goody two shoes who obeyed every rule and wrote everything down, ate everything off a small plate and generally got used to seeing the scales going down, down, down? She seems to have turned into this person who is intent on breaking every rule in the book, ignoring all the lessons learned from valuable experience and generally going bananas as far as food is concerned. I'm not entirely sure why this is happening. I could say it's partly down to insufficient restriction (still), it might be that 'time of month', it might simply be getting into bad habits because I've been doing a lot of eating out and sort-of holidaying lately. But a general malaise seems to have set in too.

We are off on our travels again today - heading up to Scotland for a week's walking - and there's no doubt I will get lots of exercise. If I was eating in a more controlled fashion, the calorie burning would inevitably mean good progress on my weight loss - but I am 'eating for England' at present so am staying static - even putting on a little weight. I can only hope that some time over the next few days my brain will sort itself out enough to get back on track and turn me into Miss goody two shoes again!

How to make beans on toast!

The bed and breakfast we stayed at in Llandudno was very nice and comfortable, but a bit old fashioned when it comes to food. Breakfast options wre very limited. Unlike a lot of more modern establishments that provide a selection of healthy cereals, fruits, yoghurts and so on, this one only offered full English breakfast - with all the fat, butter - and meat, of course, thrown in (I'm a vegetarian). So, I asked for the only thing I thought they could rustle up - beans on toast. You'd have thought beans on toast would be simple, wouldn't you? But they broke just about every rule for preparing this dish and the result was a breakfast that was largely inedible in the form it was presented. First, they used the cheapest, blandest, most wafer-thin, doughy white bread possible. Then they only toasted the bread very, very slightly (you could have charged them under the Trades Descriptions Act for calling it 'toast'!). Then they committed the ultimate sin for beans on toast lovers everywhere - they put the beans on the toast while the toast was still very hot. This had the effect of turning the slightly toasted, cheap white bread into a soggy mush. Exactly the kind of soggy mush that gastric bands do not like...... Oh, and they also used cheap beans. They were OK, but not as rich and tasty as Mr H's.

So, to make the perfect beans on toast for bandits, follow these instructions (or click on the link above for another view on this delicacy):

1. Use a thick slice of wholemeal bread.

2. Toast it so that each side of the bread is properly brown - not burnt, but undeniably toasted!

3. Wait till it cools a litte before pouring on......

4. Heinz beans.

Simple. Packed full of fibre and protein and a great kick start to the day. Ideal if accompanied by a glass of fresh orange juice and a low fat yoghurt!!

Eyes bigger than my belly

Yesterday evening, still on our mini-break in Llandudno, we ate out at Mamma Rosa's Italian restaurant. I chose bruschetta for starter, thinking that this would be a small piece of toasted bread with some cheese and tomato on top. In practice, it turned out to be two large chunks of bread with loads of topping. Fearful of not being able to eat any main course I persuaded my other half to eat one of the two chunks! It reminded me of a lady on the UKGastricband forum who said that her husband and dog were both gaining weight clearing up all her leftovers!

Anyway, I was 'good' when ordering my main course. I chose a pasta dish with pine nuts and pesto - but the menu said you could order a 'small' version if you wanted - so I did. The funny thing is though, when it arrived, I was a bit taken aback at just how small it was. I thought to myself that there was no way it was going to fill me up. About twenty minutes later, however, I was struggling to finish it all - I was completely stuffed! There was no way I was going to go for a dessert on this occasion! Then I did something I really struggle to do - I even left some on the plate!

Afterwards I thought about the fact that my eyes really are still bigger than my belly. In my head, that 'small' main course was still too small - I guess my head is still living in the past when it would, indeed, have been too small. It offers me some reassurance that I do have some restriction - even if I still have my doubts about whether it is enough. Whether my brain - my eyes - will ever catch up with my stomach is another question...

Should I be able to eat all this?

We are staying in Llandudno in North Wales for a couple of days break. We left late afternoon, arrived here about 6.30pm, booked in at a nice bed and breakfast and headed off into town to find some food. We spotted the restaurant that had a small queue outside and decided there must be something worth queueing for! Indeed, although the waitressing staff looked as though they needed a little cheering up(!), the ambience was lovely and the food delicious. After my meal out at Le Frog last week (the one that left me feeling naughty but nice - and absolutely stuffed), I thought I'd better come up with a different strategy for eating out tonight. In the event, I decided I was not going to even try to resist the apple and blackberry crumble for dessert (yes, I looked at the dessert menu first - do you notice a pattern emerging here?!). So, I went for a starter - for my starter - and another starter for my 'main'. For my official starter I had spicy fish cakes with a sweet chilli sauce. This is rapidly becoming a favourite starter of mine. This consisted of two small fish cakes about 5cm in diameter, the chilli sauce and a small salad garnish.

For my 'main' I had goat's cheese on tomato and basil bread with some tomatoes. The goat's cheese was about 1cm thick and 7cm in diameter and sat on a piece of bread with the same dimensions. This dish also had some rocket leaf garnish. For dessert, I had the said apple and blackberry crumble with a scoop of ice cream. The crumble was average size and had lots of fruit. I teased my husband (who had opted for the more calorie-rich chocolate fudge cake) that at least my dessert had some fresh fruit in it!

From my experience of counting calories over the past few months, I have estimated that my meal was about 1000 calories in total. Compared to how I would have eaten in the past, the total volume of the meal was quite small. However, I have a gastric band - and I'm left with the important question in my mind - should I be able to eat all of this? Although the meal has left me feeling pleasantly satisfied, I do not feel anything like 'really full'. Certainly, I will not want any more to eat this evening, but I could eat more if I tried! I suppose I am starting to wonder if I do actually have enough restriction from my band yet - even after eight adujstments! I rather think I might have to speak to my nurse and/or dietician in the next couple of weeks and see what they think...... in the meantime, I will have to just go on suffering and eating all this delicious food!!!

Naughty but nice!

We went out for a celebratory meal on Saturday night. Once I'd seen the dessert menu I made up my mind I was going to have chocolate fondant (a chocolate sauce-filled chocolate sponge) for pud - come what may! I chose a spicy fishcake for starter. It came with some sweet chilli sauce and a little salad - and was delicious. For main course I chose a goat's cheese pasta dish. This was offered in either 'starter' or 'main' size - and I asked for the small version. It was still quite big though, and I could only manage a little over half of it. I probably could have managed a little more but I was conscious of trying to leave space for my pud!

The pud arrived, the chocolate covered in shiny sauce, just asking to be eaten! I did my best but only managed two thirds of it. A short while later I felt totally stuffed. For the rest of the evening I remained so. Part of me felt guilty, but the other part of me was just lapping up the pure pleasure of eating an absolutely delicious three-course meal!

Goodness only knows how many calories I consumed but I guess I'll have to just do some extra exercise this week......

Shall I get a loud hailer?

I replied to a comment on my previous post by darling Kegs (Kerry) - and since I don't know if you see all the comments, I thought I'd repeat the general sense of my reply here.

But first a little background (all reported in previous posts): Initially, after getting banded, I took the decision not to tell anyone about it except my husband (he knew all about it beforehand of course). Then after a few weeks I found myself in a situation (Christmas) where I didn't have much choice but to tell my Dad and his partner - and once I'd done that it became awkward not to tell the rest of my family. Round about February time I told people in my church too because they had been so supportive about my weight loss - they are my closest friends and I wanted to be honest with them. Then there came a long gap, during which I didn't tell anyone else. A month or so ago I told a couple of ladies at work. I imagined they'd react with horror, with accusations of cheating or with constant nagging about what I eat. In reality, they've done nothing of the sort and have largely ignored what I told them - it's as though they have forgotten or I didn't tell them at all! Anyway, buoyed by these non-reactions I have recently told three other people at work and they've all reacted very supportively and sensibly.

And then there was the lady yesterday - and my conscience and all that. And Kegs has kinda challenged me to 'come out' - and it's got me thinking. The more time that passes, the closer I get to thinking I should "come out" - it just might make life easier! Seven months on from when I got banded, I now realise that one thing I forgot about was that once I lost a lot of weight - people would notice - I wouldn't be able to hide that fact any more! In fact at work, I really am getting constant reference to my weight loss - even from near strangers. However, I guess I just don't have enough faith in my own ability to stick with this thing and am scared of failing and people saying stuff. But then in my braver moments I think 'why should I give two hoots what anyone else thinks' - it's my body, my life, my band!!!

So for now, I say this: Give me a little more time - and a bit more success - my self-confidence and band-confidence will continue to grow. And then, you just never know - I might get myself a loud hailer and tell the lot of 'em!

Very uncomfortable

I bumped into a lady at work today who I don't really know - but I've seen her around. She is quite overweight, and asked me about my weight loss. I guess she has seen me around the building over the past few years that I've worked there and noticed I'd lost weight. She is another one of those people who was asking about my weight loss out of genuine interest, rather than just being polite. She asked how I'd lost the weight and I responded with the usual platitudes about healthy eating, smaller portions and lots of exercise. However, this was not sufficient - she really wanted to know a lot more details - presumably so she could try my 'diet' herself. She asked about whether I was eating carbohydrates and expressed surprise when I said I was. I said I didn't believe in 'fad' diets, just sensible, healthy eating - which is entirely true. She said she had tried some weird diet a couple of years ago and lost five stone - then put it all back on.

Anyway, the conversation went on a bit like this and I kept wondering whether or not to tell her about my band. However, I decide not to because (a) I don't really know her - I could have sworn her to silence but I'd have had no way of knowing whether she would honour that, and (b) we were talking in the middle of the corridor with lots of open office doors on either side - so anyone could have overheard. Later on, reflecting on the coversation, I found myself feeling very uncomfortable about the outcome. OK, I had not told any lies - just missed out a vital piece of truth! But on the other hand, I'd given her the impression that I'd lost all this weight just by 'being good' and eating healthily, exercising etc. That may well have made her be quite critical of her own, apparent inability to do the same. Furthermore, she was genuinely looking for information on how she could lose weight - and I didn't really tell her the truth about how I have done it. This doesn't feel right. What do I do?

I found out her name with a couple of discreet enquiries - so I have the option of tracking her down and telling her should I decide to. But should I? Yes - for all the reasons outlined above. But no - because I made up my mind a long time ago that I didn't want to tell everyone - just a few close, trusted family members and friends. I feel slightly peeved that several months ago no-one would have ever spoken to me openly about my weight - but now, my weight loss is fair game for anyone and everyone to talk about, ask about and discuss very openly - and here am I feeling guilty about not telling a complete stranger about something that's very private.

Conscience is a tough thing. I'll think about it..........

The world's best diet

Last night I watched the second and final part of a documentary about 'The World's Best Diet'. It featured five celebrities, each of whom were challenged to try a diet from another country for about six weeks. One went Japanese, including lots of sushi (raw fish) and vegetables. Apparently, only 3% of Japanese are obese, compared with 24% of Brits! They also eat three times more fish than us and eat loads of soy beans. Someone else (Darren Gough - the cricketer) went Italian - and enjoyed a Mediterranean diet rich in vegetables, fruit, oily fish and lean meat. The Los Angeles diet that Carol did was basically a very low arbohydate diet, combined with lots of exercise. Another went for a traditional (e.g. post-war) British diet - with meals typically consisting of meat, potatoes and two veg. The final person, Cheryl, went Indian- and ate various types of curry for six weeks. While she experienced a lot of wind (!) during the first few days - this calmed down after her sttomach had got used to it.

So, after sticking to their particular diet for six weeks, did the five celebrities lose any weight? Well yes, actually, some of them quite a bit:

Indian diet - 2 pounds.

British diet- 4 pounds (it might have been more but this guy cheated and ate snacks when he wasn't supposed to!). Most of the weight he lost was mostly down to reducing portion sizes.

Japanese diet - 9 pounds.

Mediterranean diet - 16 pounds (Darren also lost 2 inches off his waist). Darren's cholesterol levels went down by a significant amount - it just goes to show how much difference a few weeks of healthy eating can make. Darren commented that the Italian food he ate was easy to cook and also very tasty.

Los Angeles diet - 19 pounds (Carol lost 6 inches off her waist). However, despite the huge weight loss and loss of volume from her waist, Carol's cholestorol levels went UP! This is a consequence of the increased consumption of protein (especially through meat). Remember, this was the very low carbohydrate diet which is deemed unsustainable in the long term. Carol experienced severe fatigue during her diet and got very moody and irritiable - a fact verified by her family!

So, at the end of the programme, the 'moment of truth' arrived - and they revealed the Mediterranean diet to be the best. Click on the title link for more information about the Mediterranean diet.