I bumped into a lady at work today who I don't really know - but I've seen her around. She is quite overweight, and asked me about my weight loss. I guess she has seen me around the building over the past few years that I've worked there and noticed I'd lost weight. She is another one of those people who was asking about my weight loss out of genuine interest, rather than just being polite. She asked how I'd lost the weight and I responded with the usual platitudes about healthy eating, smaller portions and lots of exercise. However, this was not sufficient - she really wanted to know a lot more details - presumably so she could try my 'diet' herself. She asked about whether I was eating carbohydrates and expressed surprise when I said I was. I said I didn't believe in 'fad' diets, just sensible, healthy eating - which is entirely true. She said she had tried some weird diet a couple of years ago and lost five stone - then put it all back on.
Anyway, the conversation went on a bit like this and I kept wondering whether or not to tell her about my band. However, I decide not to because (a) I don't really know her - I could have sworn her to silence but I'd have had no way of knowing whether she would honour that, and (b) we were talking in the middle of the corridor with lots of open office doors on either side - so anyone could have overheard. Later on, reflecting on the coversation, I found myself feeling very uncomfortable about the outcome. OK, I had not told any lies - just missed out a vital piece of truth! But on the other hand, I'd given her the impression that I'd lost all this weight just by 'being good' and eating healthily, exercising etc. That may well have made her be quite critical of her own, apparent inability to do the same. Furthermore, she was genuinely looking for information on how she could lose weight - and I didn't really tell her the truth about how I have done it. This doesn't feel right. What do I do?
I found out her name with a couple of discreet enquiries - so I have the option of tracking her down and telling her should I decide to. But should I? Yes - for all the reasons outlined above. But no - because I made up my mind a long time ago that I didn't want to tell everyone - just a few close, trusted family members and friends. I feel slightly peeved that several months ago no-one would have ever spoken to me openly about my weight - but now, my weight loss is fair game for anyone and everyone to talk about, ask about and discuss very openly - and here am I feeling guilty about not telling a complete stranger about something that's very private.
Conscience is a tough thing. I'll think about it..........
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I'm tempted to say - girl! just "come out" - be proud.... I think I told the world what I was going to do and constantly say "well I cheated - miracle of the knife etc " when people give me compliments - but everyone, everyone - is still beaming proud of me, even those I don't know - and they knows its not a quick/easy fix..... and cheating is easy.... so they know I am really putting in my side ---- They are talking about you anyway as you are changing so dramatically - and are probably aching to tell you how good you look and how happy they are for you but perhaps feel it taboo incase they made you feel bad as you clearly avoid the subject at all costs .....-I've had complete strangers stop me and its lovely that people care enough about you to bother - But flipside - I respect and understand where you are coming from too....works work - and I do find the only topic of conversation is weight now which does get a bit tiring..... Ohhh and your conscience is clear girl - the amount of people you are helping with this blog and the forum posts - you are a saint and doing far more than most, so don't you feel bad about it.... Loads of love Kegs x
ReplyDeleteHello Kegs,
ReplyDeleteThe more time passes, the closer I get to thinking I should "come out" - it just might make life easier! In the beginning I didn't want people to know because (a) I didn't want people to be nagging me or making judgements about what I do and don't eat, and (b) I thought people would say I was 'cheating' etc. Seven months on, I now realise that one thing I forgot about was that once I lost a lot of weight - people would notice - I wouldn't be able to hide that fact any more! I guess I just don't have enough faith in my own ability to stick with this thing and am scared of failing and people saying a, b or c. But then in my braver moments I think why should I give two hoots what anyone else thinks - it's my body, my life, my band!!!
Give me more time - a bit more csuccess, my confidence will continue to grow - and you just never know - I might get myself a loud hailer and tell the lot of 'em!
Thank you so much for your closing comment - you are so kind. All the best on your own journey,
Love Trees x x x