Evans above

I'm off to the shops tomorrow morning to buy some new underwear - knickers, in particular (see earlier post on Underwear). Currently putting on my knickers in the morning brings recollections of hoisting up the sails on a sea-going dinghy! Although they fashionably reach high above the top of my trousers, they're a bit old and faded so they don't even look nice.

While I'm out I might even see what other goodies are available in the shops for me - I am actually wearing a size 20 pair of trousers for the first time in many years. Previously I have just about managed to squeeze into a 24. I've always been slightly smaller in size on the top (about 22 - now possibly 18-20). This means that some of the 'normal' shops (e.g. Marks and Spencer, BHS) actually become accessible to me now for the first time. For years I've had to suffer the indignity of shopping in Evans. For anyone unfamiliar with its gaudy, crude patternwear, Evans is where fat people go to buy clothes in England.

What is it about clothes designers that makes them imagine that people who are overweight somewhere along the way mislay the brain cells that enable sophistication, subtlety and refinement? They imagine overweight people to have developed a particular taste in the most horrific colour and pattern combinations known to Man. Patterns that would be more at home on the feathers of a peacock or the greater spotted pattern-snake?!

Anyhow, I guess you might detect that I am not a great fan of Evans. That said, in my desperate and unsuccessful searching, Evans has become the last resort of my clothes shopping over these past few years.

BUT NOT ANYMORE!

No more will I enter the doors to this primary colour and polyester paradise! From now on I will seek my fortune elsewhere!!