Pigging out

I have been a bit of a pig today. I was doing fine until lunch time. A few of us at work went out for lunch to the local restaurant bar. I was sensible and chose a meal that I thought would be quite small, and soft - I am still supposed to be on mush after my fifth band adjustment. I chose salmon fish cakes which came with a little side salad. I didn't eat the salad because I thought that would be too 'hard', but I managed both the fishcakes. I ate them slowly and was the last one to finish, as usual! So that was fine, and up to this point, although I had had more to eat for lunch than usual, it was by no means an excessive amount of food.

But eating food that has any amount of fat in it, as opposed to the very low fat food I have been eating for so long, seems to have the effect of waking up the fat gene in me. It's as though my brain suddenly remembers fatty food again and craves it. After lunch, one of my colleagues took us back to her office where she proceeded to fish out doughnuts and cookies from her goodie bag! I ate half a doughnut (which was pretty awful, actually, and very doughy) and a very small piece of cookie - but I didn't need either. About three hours later I ate a yoghurt, then while on the way to an evening meeting, I pigged a whole packet of soft mints. Prior to today, the most soft mints I have had in any one day is three! For both the yoghurt and mints, it wasn't that I was hungry, I just fancied some food.....

When I got to the evening meeting they were serving tea, coffee - and biscuits. I ate two, having not ate any biscuits for months. Afer the evening meeting, I suggested to my husband that we get a take-away. I bought a prawn mushroom curry with rice for myself. In a half-hearted attempt to be 'good' again, I put half of it on a small side plate thinking I would just eat half and either chuck the rest away or put it in the fridge for another day. In the event, I couldn't resist the urge and ate it all.

So, although I have walked about 8500 steps today, which is quite good for a mid-week day, I have probably consumed about 1600 calories - double what I ate yesterday. So, I suppose it's not a complete disaster because that's still less calories than I need in a day to maintain weight, but it's a timely reminder that although my body and habits have changed a lot, my 'fat' brain has not. In my head, I'm still a fatty, and probably always will be. That's why I so desperately need this band to work for me. It's too early to tell after my last adustment whether I now have good restriction, because I've not eaten any really solid food yet. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed. My life depends upon it.