I had a real panic moment yesterday and earlier today. I'm doing really well sticking to my diet, getting exercise and losing weight. So, what have I got to panic about, I hear you ask? Well, I'm stalling as I think of a way to say this, because I know it sounds so stupid.......... I've been panicking about the fact that it might all go pear-shaped, that I might fail. I suppose it's because I am getting close to the most amount of weight (four stones) I have ever lost, and once I get beyond that I'm in a place I've never been before. On so many occasions in the past I have done well, stuck to a diet, lost weight, done loads of exercise....... and then something has gone wrong and I've put it all back on again (and more). I regard this, the band, as my last chance saloon to make a massive change in my body and my life forever. That means there's a lot more riding on it, in a way, than there ever has before. I cannot fail. This cannot fail.
I suppose I have a fear that while I am jogging along really nicely now, I am somehow lulled into a false sense of security, because it can so easily go very wrong, very quickly. I keep on reminding my husband also not to be lulled into a false sense of security, but to keep asking me how it's going, look at what I'm eating, encourage me to go out walking and generally keep a close eye on me.
I don't think that watching that TV programme last night helped either (Extreme Slimmers - see yesterday's post) - it re-ignited a whole load of fears about what my body will look like when I've lost a lot more weight.
Anyway, for now, until anything else changes, I am going to keep on going on in the best way that I can. I have a support group meeting on Saturday and my first fill on Monday which will both help to encourage and reassure me. I need to keep just putting one foot in front of the other, take one day at a time - and all the other cliches! By taking one day at a time I will be taking my eyes off the future and taking a whole load of self-inflicted pressure off my shoulders.
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Theresa..... don't you panic.... my god 4 stone already and without even a fill!!!!! Trust me girl, this will work for you at this rate - if you can do this without even a fill, once you get your restriction right you will just waste away..... I lost about a 1 1/2 stone prior to the fill (all in pre op diet and first week post op), then stalled for about 5 weeks, once I got my fills going (have had 2) and got some restriction I started to drop again and now 6 months later I am at 5 1/2 stone down and still going strong. Even if you slip a bit (and I do all the time, KFC and pizza and cheese are my downfall) the restriction stops you from eating too much of a bad thing to make you put weight back on... so unless you hit the icecream/drink and chocolate you sound like you will be just fine to me. Still I do know how you feel, and I still get scared that its all going too well and the other shoe will drop soon!
ReplyDeleteLove your blog, hope to see more of you at ukgastricband.co.uk Love Kerry x
Hiya Kerry,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your wonderful, encouraging comments. You have done marvelous yourself - 5 and a half stone!! Wow!! Not sure I can begin to imagine myself 'wasting away' but it's a nice thought!!! I know I was probably being silly, and I'm feeling a lot better today, but I guess we all have those 'moments' when we wish we could see into the future.
KFC, pizza, alcohol and ice cream have never been problems for me (I'm a veggie too) - but chocolate..... ahh, well there's the thing.....!
See you at UKGB soon, Theresa