The 214 Challenge for 2010!!

As I hinted at yesterday, I have been thinking for a while that I'd like to take up a serious physical challenge in 2010. As well as helping with my physical fitness it might also contribute to my ongoing weight loss and give me a sense of real achievement. Just as climbers of Everest respond when asked why they do it - "because it's there", I suppose I want to do something - "because I can". Now. Before, I couldn't. Now I can - so I'm going to!!

I have always wanted to do something really serious like climb Kilimanjaro. I'm further convinced of this by the November efforts of the UK Children in Need celebrities who did it for charity. However, I don't think I would be fit enough in time so that will have to wait for 2011! So, by way of preparation for perhaps an even bigger challenge next year, I have given a great deal of thought over the past few weeks, to what challenge I might take on in 2010. There were two general activities in the running - walking (hiking) or swimming. After being inspired by Robson Green's recent exploits on ITV, I thought about going for some 'wild' swimming adventure. I've done some outdoor swimming in the past when I entered a triathlon in my early twenties. However, that kind of thing would take some very serious training - and time - which I don't have in abundance. So I decided to focus my thinking efforts more on hiking.

In the UK there are a number of long distance footpaths. Many years ago I made serious plans to do the Pennine Way. This is about 320 miles and takes about 19-20 days following the spine of hills and low mountains that passes from the Peak District National Park in the south (central England) to the edge of the Scottish border in the north. However, I gave up on this at the time because I simply cannot take three weeks off work! But in my searching, I came across the 214 Lakeland Challenge - and this is more exciting.

The 214 Lakeland Challenge (also referred to as the Wainwright Challange) involves climbing to the peak of the 214 summits in the English Lake District described by Alfred Wainwright (pictured) in his famous seven volume pictorial guides. The summits vary from about 500 to 1000m and traverse all regions of the Lake District. The challenge is to complete all of these climbs - in one year. Well, since I love the Lake District, it's within a couple of hours drive from here, and the challenge can be completed over a period of time not requiring a huge amount of time off work, this is what I've decided to do! Think of all the steps and burned calories!!!

I've already bought the seven-volume Wainwright guides together with another guide that groups the walks into sensible units that can be completed over 36 separate trips. We already have the 1:25,000 OS Explorer maps that I will need. All I need now, are a couple of fleece jumpers because I no longer own any that fit! Oh, and the courage to actually begin! I think that I will 'officially' begin tomorrow - January 1st and my aim will be to complete by December 31st 2010. Who knows - I may even time my final ascent for December 31st and have a mountain celebration of New Year's Eve!

Wish me luck - I may need it!

Kerry (Kegs) and Mahhi

Hiya both! Thanks for your comments added to my last but one post - I had problems replying directly to those comments so have added my response here as a new post. It's probably ideal anyway because my sentiments apply to anyone struggling with weight loss:

And a very happy christmas to you too, and a new year filled with weight loss and self control - and may all your portions be small ones!

All the best to you in 2010. I truly hope that this time next year, we'll all be skinny and waif-like!!

Theresa x x  

Seasons greetings

Hello again! Happy Christmas! We've just returned from a Christmas week spent on holiday in Tenerife. We booked it all at the last minute and were lucky to get anything. But in the event, we had a fantastic time. We only just managed to get out of Manchester airport a week ago because it was snowing heavily at the time. The day before there had been awful delays because of the weather, but we were very lucky and only had an hours delay. Arriving in Tenerife we were faced with 20-25 degrees C most of the time. The last couple of days have been even hotter. We stayed in a lovely apartment at Puerta de la Cruz on the north coast. Although we had full self catering facilities we ate out every evening.

Probably the fact that we only found (or even looked for!) the beach on the last morning says something about the kind of people we are! However, we hired a car for the week and got around and saw lots of the island. Every day we went for a decent walk - I clocked up at least 15,000 steps per day and 25,000 on one day. I'm defintely feeling fitter already. The island is dominated by the volcano, Mount Teide, which stands at an incredible 3717m. We didn't get up to the top (you can get from 2200 to near the top by cable car) because high winds prevented the cable car from running. However, we did lots of high level walks with absolutely stunning views of modern and ancient lava flows, volcanic cones and deep chasms.

Needless to say, I did not count my calories while on holiday, but did my best to keep my appetite under control. I ate relatively small amounts for breakfast and lunch but tended to eat more in the afternoon and evening. Every afternoon, for instance, we bought an ice cream as 'reward' for walking in the heat. Eating out every evening, I tried to choose small meals. I always chose two courses (usually a starter and main course). However, a couple of times I ate so little of my main course I asked for a 'doggy bag' to take the rest away with me. By the end of the week I had switched to two starters. However, on the last evening my first starter was so big (a tuna and bean salad) that I took that away in a doggy bag and ate it for lunch on the way home yesterday!!

So all in all, a really fabulous Christmas. I'm not sure I want to do this every year because it's nice to spend time with family and enjoy the traditional atmosphere, sights and sounds of Christmas. But it was nice to do do something different, restful and get back to exercising! I'm now thinking about truly getting back to some proper, regular exercise. I also have it in mind that I'm going to take on a major physical challenge in 2010 - but more of that tomorrow....

Pre-band fears part 4: Eating cold food

Before I got banded, I read stories about bandits eating meals and taking an age over it. The thing that struck me, was the number of bandits who said that they commonly ended up eating cold food because it took so long to eat a meal that it got cold. Now, I've always hated eating cold food. A meal, for me, has to be served up piping hot to be truly enjoyable. The only times I have sent food back in a restaurant is when it hasn't been hot enough. So you can imagine, I was rather perturbed at the possibility of never again eating a hot meal.

So has my fear been realised? Well there's no doubt that my food does frequently end up cold by the time I've finished it. When I've eaten out with other people I have always finshed ages after everyone else. At home, my husband has usually finished his meal before I'm even one quarter of the way through mine! So, is this eating of cold food the problem that I envisaged it would be? Well the first thing to say is that my provider recommends that if you haven't finished a meal after 30 minutes, you should stop eating and throw any remains away. In theory at least, therefore, a meal will only get as cold as it can get after 30 minutes. The second thing to note is that a half eaten, 'gone-cold' meal can always be heated up in the microwave if necessary. But I have to say that my initial fears have been completely unfounded for another, unexpected reason:

The fact is, now, I eat much more slowly than I used to. This means that I taste and savour the tastes and textures of every mouthful. In turn, this means that I enjoy my food much more than I used to - whether it is hot or cold! Whether or not my food is hot cold is no longer the 'big issue' it used to be. Now, I think much more about the way that I eat, what I at, how much eat and the wonderful tastes if my food. This pre-band fear has turned out to be a non-entity!

Some advice to a potential bandit

After a previous post, a reader posted some questions to help her decide whether to go ahead and have gastric band surgery. I posted my answer as a 'comment' but I know some of you may not read the comments section - so here it is:

I'm pleased that you find the blog useful and helpful. I will try to answer each of your queries - but do remember that (a) this is only based on my experience - the experiences of others may vary, and (b) I'm not a doctor (well, not a medical one anyway!)!.

Loose skin: Yes, I have loose skin and it was one of my greatest fears before I got the band. However, it is much less of a problem than the health problems, humiliation and lack of fitness that go with being obese. I will need to have a tummy tuck and am considering other cosmetic surgery too. However, you are only 22 years old and your skin will be much more elastic than mine (I'm 45 years old). That means it is more likely to 'spring' back into position after you have lost weight. Therefore, you should have a very good chance of not getting excess skin after weight loss. You can do lots of exercise and muscle toning activities,and there are also lotions you can apply to help keep your skin taut. I'm not sure how much these are effectve. The main factors are how overweight you are, your age, and how rapidly you lose weight. You are young, you're not as heavy as I was when I started out, and people don't tend to lose weight too rapidly with the band (compared with a bypass, for example).

Diet: In theory, it shouldn't be necessary to 'diet' with the band. It is not about following a special diet; more about healthy eating, good nutrition and portion control. However, I find that my willpower is so weak that I need to count calories and keep a rigorous food diary to keep me on the straight and narrow most of the time. Most of my meals are healthy and portion-controlled. I also tend to have healthy snacks most of the time. However, I also slip up on a regular basis - yesterday, for example, I managed to fit in two bars of chocolate and a mince pie....!

Multivitamins: I take a daily multivitamin - just a common off-the-shelf variety from Tesco. I use a chewable one. I can swallow small tablets but prefer the chewable ones anyway - they are much like eating a sweet! As a bandit, you should find that after the initial liquids only phase, you can eat a fairly normal diet - albeit with much smaller portions. Therefore, it is not usually necesary to take any other supplements as it is if you have a bypass. I don't use any effervescent tablets but I could if I needed to - I am still a regular drinker of Diet Coke. As long as you pour it into a glass to allow the worst of the gas bubbles to escape, and drink it slowly and carefully, - I've never had any real problem.

Thank you for your kind words. I do hope that your surgery goes well. Do make sure that you get a good aftercare package that includes follow-up appointments, fills and an emergency number just in case you need it. I've never needed to use the emergency number given me - but it's a great comfort knowing that there are people available should anything go wrong. I've just read about a lady who had her op done in Belgium and her surgeon os only over in the UK once a month. She urgently needs a de-fill but has to wait a month for it - I, and some other bandits have advised her to get a de-fill from somewhere else and not wait. So - make sure you get a good aftercare package included with your surgery!!

All the best, Trees x

Pre-band fears part 3: Being called a cheat!

I suppose it was the 'outing' of Fern Britton that did it - she was 'found out' with the gastric band and called a cheat in the British media. I suppose that in the early days of the band I didn't know enough about how it would work so I think a part of me believed that there was an element of cheating involved. Of course now I know different. I know from experience that if I want to, I can eat pretty much anything. I can eat all of the unhealthy foods that I used to be able to eat. I can eat chocolate in volume and binge on the stuff almost as easily as I used to. I know that other famous celebrities gave had their band removed because they gained weight eating loads of chocolate! I know from months of hard work that band success means careful calorie counting, rigorous maintenance of a food diary, tonnes of exercise and constantly making good, nutritional food choices. It means sticking to a whole heap of rules, like chewing everything to death, eating slowly, not getting distracted while eating, using small utensils, eating off a side plate, practising environmental control and balancing proteins, carbs and veggies. It also requires sticking to the hardest rule of all, which is not to drink for at least one hour after eating!!

Because I was uncertain about how the band was going to work, I was careful early on not to tell anyone except my husband, that I had a band. Over time, and as I've learned more about what is involved in making the band work for me, I've become more relaxed about telling people. I guess I feel more confident that I am not a cheat! I feel I can explain to people properly how the band works and I can justify my reasons for having one. Some would say why do I need to justify anything to anybody - but that's just the way I am!

About six weeks after getting banded I told my immediate family. Since then, I've told several close colleagues and friends. Even just today, I told my office mate (as he was stuffing his face with a muffin!). Whereas many months ago I couldn't really see myself telling anybody, now I firmly believe that I will probably eventually tell everybody! I think that basically I'm just a coward, and am scared of telling people in case it doesn't work. That's why I expect I will eventually 'out' to everyone only once I reach my target!! I said I was a coward!

So, as far as people calling me a cheat is concerned - I no longer have that fear. At the end of the day, it's my body, my money and my health. As is plainly clear for anyone who knows me to see, the band has done wonders for me and it clearly does work. If having something that only does 30% of the work is being a cheat - then I confess to being one. But I jest. I am not a cheat, I don't feel a cheat, and anyone who thinks I am one is plain and simple WRONG! There.

Pre-band fears part 2: Being sick

Before I got banded I'd read and heard so much about bandits being sick that it really began to worry me. I got the impression, from various forums and web sites, that vomiting was a normal everyday part of life being a bandit. I read stories about people throwing up while they were eating out - much to everyone's embarrassment. I'd also read about people who more or less threw up every time they ate. But then, to add to my confusion, I read advice and guidance from bariatric surgeons and doctors saying that being sick was not a normal everyday occurrence for bandits - or at least that it shouldn't be. So, I decided to plough on ahead with surgery anyway and deal with vomiting if, and when, the time came.

Over a year on, what has the reality been? Well (and I advise you to read this before you eat if you've got a weak stomach!), first, there are three different kinds of vomiting with the band:

1. The 'slime'
2. Regurgitation
3. Vomiting - proper

I'm going to break with tradition and deal with these in reverse order.

3. Vomiting: We've all done this, whether from over-eating or too much of the amber nectar! This is when we bring up partially or fully digested food from the stomach. For bandits - this means the main, lower stomach. In the normal run of things, this shouldn't ever happen to a bandit purely from eating too fast etc because the lower stomach has much greater capacity than the upper pouch. However, vomiting could result from a tummy bug or other illness. Proper vomiting is dangerous for bandits because 'it' has to come up through the stoma created by the band, past the pouch and into the oesophagus. If the band is quite tight, forcing partially digested food past at a great rate of knots can cause band slippage. This is why if you ever go to a country where tummy bugs are likely, always take a supply of anti-sickness medication with you. Personally, I have not vomited at all since having the band.

2. Regurgitation: This is bringing back undigested food from the upper pouch. This occurs if we eat too fast, too much, without chewing enough, and sometimes with particular types of food. It can also occur if you drink after eating. This is the type of 'vomiting' that most bandits are referring to. Regurgitation is unpleasant, to say the least, and if it happens too often, can begin to cause damage to the oesophagal wall. This is because of the acids that accompany food digestion which can attack the walls of the oesophagus, and also because of mechanical damage. It's best to avoid regurgitation! Although brought on by not sticking to the basic rules of eating slowly, chewing well and taking small mouthfuls - it is much more likely to happen if the band is too tight. So, if it's happening to you on a regular basis and you are sure you're sticking to the rules (and not drinking after eating) you should get your band checked out - it could be too tight. It is a misnomer to think that a 'too tight' band is a good thing because you will lose weight more quickly - you may also cause permanent damage to your oesophagus and there are a variety of other complications too, some of which require surgical intervention and the removal of the band. So it's not worth it. My personal experience is that since being banded I have regurgitated three times. The first time was when I got angry with my iPhone because it was misbehaving(!), and in my anger I scoffed down two thirds of an iced bun before I remembered I had a band.....! By then it was too late and I had a very unpleasant 20 minutes leant over the sink. The second and third times both happened at work while eating my lunch and working at the same time. In other words, I got distracted and ate too big a mouthful without chewing properly. Mia culpa.

1. The 'slime': This happens - a bit like regurgitation - when you eat too much without chewing properly. Food gets 'stuck' in the pouch, unable to get through the stoma because some less well chewed food is blocking the way. It can also happen if you drink after eating - the liquid can't get through the stoma because the food you ate, nicely sitting in the pouch and making you feel full, is blocking the way. So, the body produces what seems like tonnes of saliva to lubricate the oesophagus and pouch to try and remove the blockage. Usually, this does eventually work and you get a real sense of relief when the blockage clears. But meanwhile, your body is producing loads of this saliva and until the downwards blockage is cleared it has to go somewhere - upwards! The slime (as most bandits call it - I'm sure there's a correct technical term for it somewhere!) builds up gradually. You'll be eating something and start to feel an unusual heaviness around the breastbone (where the band is). Then you'll feel gurgling and things happening in your gullet, and then in your throat. Then you'll notice that your mouth is filling with saliva, and it's no good trying to swallow it because your mouth just fills up again. At the point when I notice the gurgling sensation, I know I've just got time to make it to the toilets at work - as long as no-one tries to stop me or talk to me on the way. Once, while rushing to the loo at work, my mouth full of saliva to bursting point, I passed a colleague in the corridor. Inevitably, he said "hello" and I just grunted. I often wonder what he thought.... Anyway, persaonally I went through two phases of doing lots of sliming - both were when my band was too tight and both times I ended up having an aspiration (de-fill). Since then, I still occasionally get the slime - but it's always when I've eaten too quickly, not chewed, or drunk after eating.

So, if you chew well, eat slowly, eat small portions, don't drink after eating and take anti-sickness tablets with you when you go abroad, you need never have any fear of vomiting with the band! On a more serious note, if you're already a bandit and regularly regurgitate or vomit, there's something wrong - either with your eating behaviour or with the band. Get it checked out. Vomiting, of any kind, is NOT a normal part of everyday life post gastric band surgery - and don't let anyone tell you that it is.

Pre-band fears part 1: Eating out

I promised a couple of weeks ago that I was going to post a few articles exploring some of the concerns I had before I got banded - and how those things have panned out. Funny, when I look back at those concerns, none of them were about the surgery itself, any medical issues or worries about complications etc. Here's some of the things that occupied my anxious thoughts at the time:

1. Eating out
2. Being sick
3. People calling me a cheat
4. Eating cold food
5. Not being able to eat enough when I need extra energy (like when on a long hike)

I might think of some more as I work through them. So, here's for the first one - eating out:

A couple of days before surgery I went through a 'cold feet' phase of asking myself was I really doing the right thing? I'd somehow got it into my head that never again, would I be able to eat out. I'd never be able to go out for a meal with my family again and I probably wouldn't even be able to join colleagues eating lunch in the staff canteen! I'm not sure exactly where I got these ideas from, perhaps from the consultant I saw who said I wouldn't be able to eat a 3-course meal again and I'd have to order a starter instead of a main course.

So what has the reality been? Well the first thing to say to any would-be bandits out there, is DON'T PANIC! You WILL be able to eat out! I don't eat out on a regular basis but have eaten out with friends and family groups on a number of occasions since being banded. I guess when I eat out I don't attempt to stick to all of the usual rules, but neither do I completely 'blow it' by stuffing myself silly. A happy medium then, is what I aim for. Typically, I would have a small starter (usually soup but no bread) to begin with. Soup goes down nice and easy so doesn't make me feel full. Then I usually choose a starter for my main course. I did try a main meal a couple of times but they were just too big. I felt bad at leaving so much food and attempted to eat more than was comfortable. So, a starter as a main course suits me fine. A typical starter would be Thai fish cakes, tuna salad, salmon. I tend to avoid 'mixed' food like curry, bolognaise etc because they have lots of unknown fats in the sauces. In the past, I ALWAYS had dessert. Nowadays, my brain wants dessert but my stomach doesn't! I also like to have a sweet taste in my mouth at the end of a meal. So, my solution has been to order a dessert to share with my husband. He's quite a fast eater and I'm so slow, so that he ends up eating 75% of it - which is fine!

So that's what I eat. Now what about the eating process itself? Well, I was never a particularly fast eater before, but now you can bet your last dollar that I will be the last to finish every course! This has been slightly embarrassing at times because people who don't know about my band obviously wonder why on earth I'm such a slow eater. However, I just pass it off with a comment like 'sorry I'm a slow eater' or 'sorry - I've been talking too much'. I also have to be doubly careful not to eat or swallow too big mouthfuls in case I end up getting hiccups, slime or worse. I don't suffer too much with any of these but am more likely to if distracted. Therefore, when I eat out I am particularly careful to focus on the eating process and avoid any mishaps.

I've seen a number of info-bites from bariatric surgeons and associates commenting on eating and drinking while eating out. Most have said that bandits should not try to stick rigidly to separating eating and drinking while out. In fact I again, try to go for a happy medium. On the one hand, it's usually impractical to avoid drinking when you're put for a meal. I generally try to swig down as much fluid as I can before the meal begins, and limit my intake afterwards. On the other hand, however, I have to be careful that drinking after I've eaten doesn't bring on an attack of the slime. If there's food sitting my pouch and I have a drink, one of two things can happen. Either the fluid washes the food through (no problem there then), or it gets blocked, turns the food into liquid mush which only has one way out - UP!! DefinItely to be avoided.

So is it possible to eat out when you have a band? Absolutely yes. However, if you have good restriction you won't be able to eat a normal three meals. You'll also have to eat slowly and be careful not to get distracted. In the weeks coming up to Christmas I have several celebratory meals coming up. I'm looking forward to them every bit as much as I would have before being banded. Looking back to my pre-band fears I realise they were largely unfounded. While what and how I eat are slightly different to what they once were, I can still go out and fully enjoy the company of family and friends. I guess that's it really - the emphasis is more on enjoyment and company and less on food. That's the band for you!

The goodness goes on...

Wow! Not sure what is happening. Two more excellent days where my eating has been totally under control, I've felt real restriction and nit been hungry or craved food at all! Today, for example, I had orange juice and Actimel drink followed by banana and a small cereal bar for breakfast (200 calories). For lunch I had a pre-prepared salmon (200 calories), bulgar wheat and vegetable snack pot. This evening I prepared two veggie sausages, boiled potato and sprouts (315 calories). So far I've eaten about 35% of it and I'm stuffed!

Having a better day - why?

I've had quite a good couple of days. On Sunday I set aside time to do some stepping, light weights training and stretching. I felt so much better afterwards and it gave me a mental lift. Yesterday was a very long, hard day at work but I somehow managed to largely stick to healthy eating. Today has been a bit more relaxed and I've eaten quite healthily today. I ate raspberries, Greek yoghurt and chopped banana for breakfast. It was midday before I was able to eat it and it was slow going. But it left me feeling quite full. For late lunch I ate a cheese sandwich with a tin of Weight Watchers mushroom soup. I got peckish early evening (nothing new there then!) and had a small cereal bar. Then this evening I ate a piece of fresh trout fillet, stuffed pasta and mixed veg (butternut squash, courgette and spinach). I bought the trout Monday, thinking it was salmon! Still, it tasted delish and was lower in fat than the salmon!

I guess today has been better for three reasons:

1. I worked at home so (a) wasn't tempted by the chocolate vending machine at work and (b) was able to take much more control over the timing of meals.
2. I was feeling a bit more positive after a weekend that included some exercise.
3. I started the day a bit later (10am instead of 5.30am) and so ate my evening meal later. I am writing this at 10.30pm, about to go to bed and feeling nicely full!

So can I carry any of this forward to give me continued success? Well I certainly can't work at home every day (chance would be a fine thing!). I could try to make sure I don't have any loose change so I can't use the vending machine. I could also eat my breakfast later in the day (I don't usually feel hungry in the morning anyway) - or split breakfast and have some a bit later. But I honestly think the thing most likely to work for me us making time to do some exercise, walk, go to the gym, swim etc. Because whenever I do physical activity I get a psychological boost and feel so much better physically. I am building up a renewed resolve to put exercise higher up my priority list.

Keep your fingers crossed for me please!

New breakfast plans

I went shopping this evening after work and stocked up on lots of healthy food. I'm going to try a different strategy for breakfast. During the week I normally take mixed All Bran and muesli to work with me. I don't particularly enjoy this breakfast but I suppose I think it's good for me. However, I've thought for a while that I need to have more protein early in the day. Anyway, my new experiment is to have fresh berries, low fat Greek style yoghurt and muesli. I'm going to take the ingredients to work (we have a kitchen with fridge etc) so that they're always available every day whenever I want them. Day one is tomorrow - watch this space.

Reward or punishment?

At the Healthier Weight support group last weekend, there was a long term bandit there who had some real gems to share with the rest of us. We had got into a discussion where several of us, me included, were sharing our experiences of resisting (or not!), chocolate and other goodies. Lots of people were saying how the distraction techniques that are often recommended don't work for us. Anyway, this lady was suggesting that many of us have, perhaps as children, been brought up to think of chocolate as a treat or reward. Therefore, when we feel a bit down, we are inclined to give ourselves a lift by turning to chocolate. She said that actually we need to change our mind set. To think back to the 'fat days', to the humiliation that we suffered as obese people, the awful practicalities of buying clothes, sitting in an airplane seat, huffing and puffing just getting up a flight of stairs etc. Then , capture all if those bad feelings and associate them with chocolate. Start to see chocolate as one of the root causes of all of that pain. Instead of thinking about it as a reward, begin to think of it as a punishment. She talked about a technique where you pinch together your thumb and finger whenever you think of those negative feelings and then do the same thing whenever you see or desire chocolate. This is similar to many of the behavioural techniques advocated by Paul McKenna.

Another tip from this very wise lady was to 'think thin'. In other words, try to imagine that you are thin when eating - and often this helps curb our excessive food cravings. I'm not sure about thinking thin, but I do find that thinking fit often works for me. When I'm doing well with my exercise regime, I feel good about myself - emotionally stronger and with better self esteem. I find, at these times, that I only crave good quality, healthy food - so it's a self-perpetuating thing.

Despite still working very long hours and being under a lot of pressure at work, I am trying very hard to find time to do some exercise. I know that if I succeed, even if a lot less often than a few months ago, it will have all sorts of positive knock-on effects. Also, in the light of the 'reward or punishment' technique described above, I'm going to read Paul McKenna's book again (I Can Make You Thin) and try put some of his techniques. I need to crack my chocaholic tendencies otherwise I will struggle with my weight for the rest of my life. That said, I'm talking about 'struggling' to lose the last 25lbs - not the kind if struggle I used to have - just day to day life for a 20-stoner - so it's not all bad! Not at all.

Many meetings in Manchester

Hello again! It's been nearly a week since I last posted - the longest it's ever been apart from when I've been on holiday. I've been working very long hours this past week and just too tired to post. I had a very interesting weekend. On Saturday, I travelled into Manchester for a meet-up with others I've 'met' through the UKGastricBand forum. It's been arranged for months and I'd been looking forward to it. Anyway, I arrived at the agreed location, but due to a series of unfortunate misunderstandings, some on my part, I didn't find the group! I was really gutted and decided to drown my sorrows in a pizza lunch! I ordered a really small, thin based veggie pizza and struggled to eat it all. In fact, I'd had enough by the time I got half way through - but I still have a 'fat' brain so pressed on till the end! I went to work for a few hours and then headed home to work some more!

As well as meeting the guys I've been chatting with online for so long, I was really looking forward to eating with some other bandits! I know it might sound daft, but I've never sat down and eaten with someone else who has a band. I'd love to just see some other bandits eat - how much, how quickly, what etc. Still, it was not to be - maybe another time.

On Sunday I headed back into Manchester for the regular Healthier Weight support group. I don't find the presentations as useful as I once did because I've heard them all before. But it's still good reinforcement. However, I really value the opportunity to discuss progress, problems, concerns and successes with other bandits. It's equally great to see long term bandits looking positively skinny, as it is being able to offer advice and encouragement to newbies. There is strong evidence that bandits who maintain contact with a support network gave more success than those who don't. So, come rain or shine, it is my intention to keep going fir the foreseeable future.

Metabolic rate and muscle mass

Heres my response to Yana who commented on my previous post - I tried to post it as a comment but had a temporary glitch. So here it us for everyone!

Hi Yana,

You are absolutely correct with your figures - as we lose weight we need less calories. However, muscle needs more calories per gramme to function than the equivalent weight in fat or other body tissues. This means that if, as you lose weight, you do a lot of exercise and build up muscle mass, your metabolic rate increases a little. Using your hypothetical numbers, if you lose weight from 300 to 200lbs and your metabolic rate drops from 3000 to 2000 - you then do loads of exercise over a period of months and increase muscle mass. Assuming your weight stays at 200lbs, your metabolic rate increases to, say, 2300 calories. If you still continue to consume the same amount of calories as you did before increasing muscle mass, then you will lose weight at a slightly faster rate. This was what I meant when I said I was using my calories more effectively - sorry it wasn't that clear but sometimes my head kind of tips out ideas onto the screen before they've been thought through properly!! Hope that helps!

Trees x

Why I've not gained weight

I recently responded to a post on the UKGastricBand forum to someone who was asking how to get the self control needed to overcome the desire to eat chocolate and other unhealthy things. I've copied some of my response below. Some of these things I have said on here before, but thinking about it helped me put into perspective exactly why I hadn't gained weight during some of the bad times I've experienced in recent months.

"I am a self-confessed emotional eater and complete chocaholic and yet I've lost nearly 8 stone (if I can do it - anyone can!!!). When things in life are going well, my desire to eat chocolate and other bad stuff just goes - and if anything, I crave good, nutritious, healthy foods. During these times I lose weight. However, when life is difficult, as it has been for me over the past 2-3 months (work pressures), I utterly crave chocolate. Over the past 2-3 months I have regularly (i.e. every 2-3 days) binged on chocolate. By that, I mean, I've gone out and bought 6-7 bars of chocolate and eaten my way through all of them in an evening. On top of that I've eaten cheese sandwiches (cheese comes second to chocolate in my head), muffins, iced buns and all sorts of other rubbish.

HOWEVER (this is the good bit) - during these times I have NOT GAINED any weight! This is because:

1. My metabolism has speeded up because I've lost weight so my body uses calories more effectively,
2. I do more exercise (though nothing like as much as I do when life is going well),
3. The portion sizes of my main meals is much smaller than it ever used to be - because of the band,
4. In between the bad days I have relatively good days where I have a negative calorie balance (i.e. I use more than I put in).

So, if you still find you can't keep off the chocolate (and incidentally, I never keep any in the house), it's not all doom and gloom - stick to good eating habits as much as you can and this should mean that at least you won't gain any more weight. On good days, and at good times in your life, you should be able to lose with the band - and keep it off during the bad times".

ONE YEAR TODAY!

It's my bandiversary today! One year ago I was recovering in hospital after my early morning surgery. In fact, at this precise time, I was sitting in the chair watching TV and trying to take my mind off the discomfort and general fuzziness that was my head. Reading back over my blog post the day after surgery, I am reminded that on the evening of my surgery I watched the X Factor before getting a nurse to help me back into bed for the night. Well nothing new there a year on then, because I'll be glued to it again this evening!

So how has the last year been? Well, on the plus side, I am 110 pounds lighter than I was a year ago, I am MUCH fitter and healthier, and can now fit into size 16 clothes. I still have 25 pounds to lose and a couple more clothes sizes to drop, but even if I don't lose another pound, I would still consider my band journey to be a success. On the minus side, it hasn't been easy. There have been some low points as well as highs and it has been a complete pain the bum having to keep a daily food diary! That said, it will be the last habit I break becuase it has been enormously valuable and I wouldn't have achieved what I have had I not kept it religously. I've had a long route to finding my sweet spot, including seven fills and two de-fills. I've spent 48 days of the last year on fluids and a further 48 on mush!

This blog was started on day one of my pre-op diet, on 10th Novemeber 2008. Since that time there have been more than 6,000 visits to the site and about 350 posts. I have communicated with hundreds of fellow bandits through the blog and through the UKGastricBand forum (and other similar sites) and feel I have made some firm friends, albeit virtually, for life. In fact I will be meeting up with a group of bandits in Manchester next weekend - we've never met before but have all shared the ups and downs of band-life on a regular basis and Im sooo looking forward to it.

My daily life isn't hugely different from what it was. I don't eat breakfast before I leave for work any more - I eat it later in the morning. I also don't eat in the staff canteen any more. I don't eat 'on the go' any more - my daily eating is carefully planned out, prepared in advance, weighed, measured and written down! The contents of the food cupboards in our house are different - there's no chocolate, very rarely any cheese in the fridge (except Rosemary Conley's low fat cheese sometimes), and no biscuits or cakes. I still eat out occasionally, but I'm always the last person to finish now. I can still eat anything. I very rarely take the lift at work and can now take the stairs up to my fourth floor office two at a time. I do a bit of jogging, visit the gym, swim and do lots of walking. I get much less sweaty than I used to!

My wardrobe is completely different. There is now nothing left in my wardrobe that I wore before getting banded. There are relatively few clothes in there because I don't want to buy too many before I reach my final target weight. What has surprised me is the fact that most of my shoes are now too big and my wedding ring now fits!

Looking back to the days before I had surgery, I know that I had a number of concerns - not least of which was 'would the band work?'. But there were other things too, like, would I still be able to eat out? I had visions that I would never again be able to go out for a meal with my family. Anyway, to celebrate my 'coming of age' today, I have decided to start a short series of posts (starting later this week) where I will explore some of these pre-op qualms and look at how they have panned out, how I have dealt with them, was I right to be anxious about x, y and z, or were they empty fears?

If you have any pre-op fears that you'd like me to focus on, please leave a comment and I'll do my best!

Putting things into perspective

I'm feeling positive today! I've been making healthy food choices for a few days and am experiencing good restriction. In fact I had a bit of a shock yesterday - it just struck me that this restriction, chewing, eating slowly and eating small meals is with me for life!!!! It's so easy to think in terms if the short run - focussing on a target weight, where I want to be next week, next month, six months time etc. But I had a realisation yesterday that actually, the band and all the habits and paraphernalia that come with it will feature with me for the rest of my life. It puts things into perspective when I have a few bad days - or even a bad month or two!

Today I ate a slice of cheesy beans on toast for breakfast and was really full afterwards. For lunch I ate half a pot of Innocent veggie curry. It was packed with veggies and low in fat. Lovely, but again, left me feeling really full. This evening, I prepared a fishcake, rice, green beans and courgettes. I got half way through it and had to put the rest aside for a couple of hours! I'm going to tuck into the rest right now! It's this kind of thing that makes me feel so optimistic about the future.

Some reassurance

As far as my healthy eating goes, I've had a fairly wretched few weeks. Just in the last week I've had about three or four fairly serious chocolate binges. HOWEVER, for any new or inexperienced bandits out there I can offer you some great reassurance. Despite my poor eating habits of late, largely down to work-related stress, I haven't gained an ounce!! I haven't even been doing much exercise at all but gave managed to keep my weight stable. I think it's partly because the band has controlled my portion sizes (apart from the chocolate!), and partly because I suspect my metabolism has speeded up with the muscle I've added over the last few months.

This is all very reassuring to me because it suggests that the long term outcome if my band will be favourable even if I'm not as 'good' as I should be. It has also really emphasised to me just how effective my band us when I make good food choices. I'm glad things are stable at the moment because my bandiversary is coming up in two days.....!

Diet pills?

Just watching Supersize versus Superskinny where they are looking at diet pills. Apparently there are more than 40 different types. In the UK, 50% of women have tried them! Some suppress your appetite while others make you feel full. They have a very wide range of ingredients. The lady in the programme tries some - she finds that one of them takes away her appetite when you try to eat. Another one actually turns your fat into poo! One lady explained how she seemed to spend several weeks on the loo - and how she had to be careful not to fart! There are lots of unlicensed pills available over the Internet. One of these is based on amphetamine - a fairly serious steroid! Madness! The downside of this drug is a fairly serious impact on bowel movements. It also leads to difficulty sleeping - you have to take them with caffeine, then take magnesium to counteract the drug to allow sleep.....

The presenter found that one day she only needed a banana, and the next day, just a cup of tea! Perhaps I should try some? Oh, hang on, they're just getting to the bit about diet pills causing heart attacks..... There is a particular problem with pills that are unlicensed and available over the Internet. Many over the counter pills are safe enough, but when they limit your food intake to one banana in a day, they will severely affect nutritional input and energy levels.

Oh well. I guess I'll have to stick to relying on my band!

Good veggies for restriction

Over the past weeks I've been keeping a mental note of what foods, and veggies in particular, make me feel full and work best with my band. I eat quite a wide range of vegetables and have noticed that while some slip down relatively easily, others rake a lot more chewing and leave me feeling full. The best ones include sprouts, mushrooms, spinach (raw or lightly steamed), chunky and lightly cooked broccoli and cauliflower. The vegetables that slip down more easily include onions, soft courgettes, aubergine (unless with skin on - then it can be quite tough), tomatoes, and anything that can be mashed - like butternut squash.

In terms of other foods, bearing in mind I don't eat meat, the main tricks to ensure foods don't slip down too easily are (a) don't overcook food - keep it crunchy and solid and chewy, (b) avoid washing food down by using gravy, sauces or accompaniments that are high in fat. This evening, for example, I couldn't eat all my dinner because it just filled me up. Here's what I had:

Wholegrain (brown) rice
Olive tofu
Mixed broccoli, shitake and oyster mushrooms, and courgettes

I added a little light soy sauce and loads of black pepper for extra flavour and a hint of moistness - otherwise this was a fairly dry meal.

Other good foods are lightly cooked unpeeled baby new potatoes, pasta al dente, any fish that isn't too oily and doesn't come in a sauce, quorn in most forms, various types of beans (e.g. adzuki, black-eye). Sometimes a meal just needs some moisture - a good way to get this without loading on lots of calories is to add some Philadelphia Extra Light (very low fat soft cheese).

Recipe: Olive tofu and pasta

Here's a favourite vegetarian 'recipe' of mine:

Olive tofu (available from The Eighth Day in Manchester and other specialist vegetarian shops), with spinach, mushroom-stuffed pasta and mixed shitake and chestnut mushrooms. I lightly boil the pasta and the rest is steamed in the microwave with plenty of black pepper and a splash of light soy. The edginess of the olives tastes wonderful against the subtle tastes of mushrooms and spinach. Mmmmm! The whole meal is about 350 calories and takes only 15 minutes to prepare. The meal is well balanced - you should end up with a side plate with 25% carbs (the pasta), 25% protein (tofu), and 50% veggies.

A funny ol' day

Yeah, it's been a funny old day. I've gradually developed a splitting headache and have variously been starving and stuffed. I've also had a slime episode and binged on chocolate! I discovered that it 'that time of month' which probably explains the headache, odd cravings and weird stomach feelings. I put the slime episode down to the fact that I was working at my computer while eating my lunch - a recipe for getting distracted and eating too much or too fast - or both.

Anyway, I'm home now, and feeling rather full after munching my way through several Kitkats on the way home. It wasn't helped by the fact that there was some sort of special offer on, and when I went to pay for my one Kitkat and bag of Maltesers, the guy behind the counter gave me another free Kitkat! I almost gave it away to a complete stranger as I left the garage forecourt - but I simply couldn't do it - so I ate it instead.

I think I'll just put today down to an odd one and not worry too much about it.

Back to the gym

I kept my resolve today (just) and trudged off to the gym after work. I did about half an hour of aerobic activity on the treadmill including some gentle jogging, and spent another half hour doing some light weights for upper and lower toning and strength. I asked my dietician at the last support group meeting, how soon should one begin doing weight training? I asked this because he had previously said people losing weight should do calorie burning activity initially and not lift weights - this us to avoid building up muscle too early on (it can counteract weight loss and may turn fat bulk into muscle bulk). Anyway, he reckoned that we should move onto some light weights work once we have lost about 75% of our excess weight. I'm a little past that point now (closer to 80%) so the time us definitely right for this kind of workout.

I didn't overdo it though because it's been a few weeks since I last went. Even so, I am expecting to be aching in the morning!

Time for re-commitment

Two weeks to go till my bandiversary! I'm struggling a bit the last couple of days to 'contain' my eating. I think it's partly because I have less structure to my time at the weekends and so am more tempted to graze and get bored. Also, it's because after my very stressful period at work, I haven't really got back into a regular exercise habit. I'm still working quite long hours which doesn't help, but I am determined to get back to the gym and swimming this week

A year ago I promised myself that for the first time in my life, I would make my health and diet and well-being my top priority in life - ahead of work! With my one year anniversary coming up soon it is timely to re-affirm this as a commitment in my life. At the end of the day, success with the band is largely down to exactly that - to what extent are we prepared to make it No. 1 priority? If it gets top spot then there's every chance of success.

I'm getting younger!

I reported a few months ago that my scales gave my metabolic age as 48 - three years older than I actually am, but two years younger than they had been reading ever since I got banded. Well, this morning I weighed myself again, and my metabolic age has dropped to 44 - a year younger than my real age!! That's fantastic - I'm delighted!

However, what I am even more pleased about is that my muscle mass is now classified as 5. I looked this up in the manual and it means 'Standard' - average muscle mass and average body fat!!! Whoopee!!

Blood pressure

Over the last couple of weeks I've experienced several temporary bouts of dizziness. It seems to occur if I'm bending down and then stand up too quickly. I checked my blood pressure the other day and it was only 99 over 51. This is classified as hypotension - i.e. too low. It's not dangerously low - my kit says to see a GP if the low blood pressure is accompanied by fainting. So I'm OK, just a bit curious as to why it has apparently fallen. It's never been high - even when I was 20 stone my blood pressure was always normal. I noticed when I first got the band that my blood pressure was low but this was down to dehydration. It can't be that now because I make sure I drink at least 2.5 litres per day. The only thing that's changed in the last two weeks is that I've got 'back on the wagon' and begun to lose weight again. Maybe it's just my body saying "Whoa! What's happening?!"

What I ate today

Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast: All Bran and muesli mixed, half a glass of orange juice and an Actimel drink.

Lunch: Half a piece of salmon, a slice of wholemeal bread with a thick layer of Philadelphia Extra Light, and some steamed mushrooms and red onion.

Afternoon snacks: Small pear and Alpen Light cereal bar.

Dinner: Other half a piece of salmon, mushroom-stuffed pasta, green beans and sprouts.

Dessert: Muller Light yoghurt.

Total calories for the day 1090.

I still eat all my meals off a small (7-inch) sideplate and use a cake fork. I usually eat in front of the TV but don't allow myself to get distracted. I chew everything really well and take small mouthfuls.

Back on track

I'm pretty sure I'm back on track now. I've managed to stick to healthy eating for several days now, and the scales have dropped by two pounds this morning! I'm now just seven pounds away from being a 'normal' weight! I'm so pleased about this - there is a realistic chance of reaching that interim target by Christmas. I posted a few days ago about the pros and cons of having another fill. I said at the time that I was fairly sure I am happy where I am. I can now say with certainty that I DEFINITELY AM!! There's no doubt about it, when I eat healthily I get enough food with about 1200 calories a day. I still get hungry mid-afternoon but as I said the other day, I simply get around this by having a selection of healthy snacks available.

Although I've been at a plateau fir a few weeks, things have started moving again. I really feel as though I have turned a corner in terms of understanding how to make the most of my band!

Snacking works for me

I've tried eating three meals per day but I find that smaller meals with healthy snacks in between works better for me. Today, for example, here's what I've eaten:

Breakfast: Mixed All Bran and Alpen muesli, half a glass of orange juice and Actimel drink.
Lunch: Low fat cheese and baked beans on one slice of wholemeal toast.
Snacks: Pear, low fat Alpen Light cereal bar, ricecake with Philadelphia cream cheese (extra light)
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice, mushrooms and green beans.
Snack: Sliced mango. I might have a small, low fat yoghurt before I go to bed.

I often get hungry between lunch and evening meal, so having some healthy snacks mid to late afternoon works well for me. Most dieticians advise against 'snacking' but I think this is to stop people eating biscuits, crisps and other high sugar, high fat foods.

Craving anonymity

I never imagined I'd have this problem.......not in a million years! Here goes. In the past, particularly when I was a child living at home, whenever I went on a diet I got loads of stick from my Dad. Every time I put anything near my mouth I got quizzed about whether I really should be eating that...? - you know the kind of thing. I truly hated that kind of intrusion. Despite being a regular blogger, I'm actually a relatively private person and like to just 'get on with things' without too much fuss - especially where my weight is concerned.

It's one of the main reasons why I didn't tell any of my family or friends about my band early on - because I feared people would poke their nose in and make comments about what I was eating, when I was eating, how much I was eating etc. However, time has moved on and I'm much more comfortable about telling selected people about my band now. All of my immediate family know and I have told quite a few people at work. Last night I told a lady in my swimming club and it was quite nice chatting to someone about it freely and openly. Having said that, I tend to tell people who I am unlikely to find myself eating with!

And that brings me to the point of this post. Up till now, all my life I am sure many people have known me or regarded me as 'the fat woman'. There was nowhere to hide because I was so fat - it was obvious. I got into bad habits of eating in secret - even eating away from my husband at times. I went to great lengths to avoid any situation where people might say anything about my weight or what I was eating. I felt, because of my size, that I was 'on show' all of the time and I craved the anonymity of being thin. So, having lost seven-and-a-half stones now, how has this aspect of my life changed?

Well, it's not good. I'm longer known as 'the fat woman'. Now I'm known as 'the woman who's lost loads of weight'! I can't go anywhere without someone commenting on it. People who I don't really even know comment on it. There are some people I know quite well who now never seem to have anything to say to me that doesn't, in some way, revolve around my weight. What's a bit scary is that some people even seem to think I've discovered the Holy Grail of weight loss and I can somehow solve all of their weight problems too!!

I must confess, if it wasn't already obvious, I'm getting a bit cheesed off with all of this attention. I want to go back into hiding. I want to erase people's memories of me being fat so they just accept me as I am, now. When will people stop seeing me as someone who is fat, thin, lost weight, gained weight, whatever, and start to see me just as a normal, everyday human being? When will people just forget about my weight and just treat me normally. Ask me how I am, or where I'm going on holiday, or what I'm doing for Christmas, or how work is going or what I did at the weekend. But please stop talking about my weight and please stop seeing me as a 'weight issue'.

Am a misery guts or what?!

Three courses

We've been out for a meal with friends this evening and I ate three courses! Then I read about someone for whom a two-slice sandwich lasts them all day - and I'm back to wondering again if I have enough restriction! I ate a small piece of quiche with salad for starter, salmon and veg for main and a pannacotta with blackberries for dessert (a bit like cheesecake with no biscuit base!). On the plus side, I had a lovely evening out and enjoyed some wonderful food. I didn't eat nearly as much as I would have done in the past and I am stuffed. We are going for a decent walk tomorrow so hopefully I can burn off some of the extra calories!

Back on the wagon

Well I think so anyway! I had a really good day yesterday - I could only manage half my evening meal at first although ate the other half later in the evening. All-told I managed just 950 calories all day - which for this stage in my band journey is excellent! Today it will be more like normal - about 12-1300 or so, but I went for a decent walk this afternoon so that's fine. I just need to get back to the gym for some exercise now that work presure is beginning to ease off.

Sorry this is a short post but I am dashing off to watch BBC's Question Time - one of the panel is a bit of a national hate figure (right wing, racist, bigoted and all that). There have been massive protests and I'm tuning in to watch him squirm!!!

Very tight this morning

Odd this band isn't it? I really struggled to drink a cup of tea this morning and then an hour later only got half way through my usual bowl of Oatso Simple porridge. I ate a very light lunch with some white fish and veg and potatoes left over from yesterdays' evening meal and was stuffed after a small portion. Now I know that this is how many bandits start their day, but it doesn't usually hapen this way for me. I'd be delighted if it stayed like this but I fear that within an hour or two I'll be back to my normal self and eating moderate portions again.

I've heard that stress can lead to tightening of the band, also mentrual periods, de-hydration and various other things. And I am a little stressed - but I have been for weeks and nothing about my band has changed before now. I can't really think of any obvious reason why it should have suddently tightened up like that but I guess I will just make the most of it and hopefully lose a pound or two in the process!!

Mushrooms are a girl's best friend....

I've started keeping a list of meals that really fill me up. I don't know what it is but I have an awful memory and no imagination whatsoever. If I don't write ideas down I completely forget the following week and get stuck for what to eat. My list is only about three meals long at the moment but I have noticed a recurring theme. Every time my meal includes mushrooms (which is quite often because I love 'em), that meal gets added to the list! They're quite solid and chewy and fibrou, very low fat and low calorie (a whole box of them is only about 20 calories). That makes them very filling and excellent for staying in my pouch. I make sure I get flavoursome mushroms such as shitaki or chestnut, and for added flavour I always pour on loads of coarse ground black pepper and a light splash of soy sauce.

We're going out for a meal this evening - for the first of two times this week (going out on Friday with friends too). I'm hoping to be reasonably sensible in my food choices but we'll see..... at the moment I'm feeling a little as though all the hard work I've been doing lately means that I 'deserve' something nice!!! Perhaps I can restrain myself enough to have just a starter and then share a dessert? Watch this space!

Burning calories

We went for a lovely walk on the western edge of the Pennines today - to a place called Winter Hill. It's basically where there is a telecommunications mast (about 200m high) on top of a hill. The mast provides all the digital network for this part of the north-west. Not so far away is Rivington Pike - part of the Victorian terraced gardens complex of Rivington House. We also walked over to 'The Tower' on top of Rivington Pike - pictured.

My other half and I went with my sister-in-law who is up from the south and staying for a few days. It's been a really lovely day, cool but bright and sunny, and we had lovely views across towards Bolton (including the Reebok stadium) and Wigan. I particularly enjoyed the walk because it is the first time I have got out and had a 'proper' walk for at least three weeks - which is about as long as I have gone since the early days of my band journey. We walked about 12,000 steps which will have burned upwards of 600 calories. So for the first time in a while, I am feeling quite saintly!!

As I suggested yesterday, I am really beginning to believe that I have turned a corner and starting to put the bad days behind me and re-focus on the prize. If I get back into my good habits there is a real chance I could be 'normal' by Christmas (BMI-wise) - now that is a very powerful incentive!!

Finding a twin and turning a corner

At last - I have found another bandit who is exactly the same as me!!!!! A lady posted on the UKGastricBand forum all about her typical eating and drinking during the day, and some stuff about her philosophy on the band and restriction - her experiences of PB'ing, regurgitating, iron fist and all that - and she's SOooooo similar to me - it's scary!!

Like me, she has hardly ever done all the nasty stuff like vomiting and regurgitating food. She doesn't get any pain. She can eat anything but in smaller portions and with a great deal of chewing. She also drinks a lot so she's fully hydrated. She has moderate restriction but finds it harder to eat in the morning until after she's had some drinks. Like me, she can eat chocolate and biscuits for England. The foods that she eats during the day are very similar to me - Oatso Simple for breakfast, or a small banana and Muller Light yoghurt. She has crispbreads and protein and salad for lunch and very similar evening meals too! She also loves Alpen Light cereal bars and doesn't hesitate to take a healthy snack if it's needed.

It brought tears to my eyes as I was reading her post because I am sure I've never encountered another bandit who shares so much in common with me. For months I've read stories and had face-to-face discussions with bandits who get loads of pain / iron fist, vomit / regurgitate and can only eat three peas before feeling full (!) and I've never had any of that - so I've always felt as though I just must be a bit weird!!!

But probably the best thing about her post was what she said about her philosphy on restriction and getting fills. She said: "On a bad day I eat chocolate/biscuits/cakes/sweets/lattes but no matter how tight my band I'd still manage them so why have it that tight and suffer even when I'm being good?". Wow - she is so right. For ages now, as you know if you're a regular reader, I've to'ed and fro'ed about whether I needed another fill. But the truth is this: On a good day when I make good, healthy food choices, my restriction is perfect. I can eat anything I like but in small portions and with a lot of chewing. On a bad day, when I make poor food choices and scoff chocolate, cakes, biscuits and such, the band has no effect. It doesn't stop me eating that stuff - I knew it wouldn't and I know it never will - no matter how tight my band is. So what would be the point in making myself suffer with over-tight restriction when I'm being good, to gain no advantage whatsoever when I'm not being good?!

Mentally at least, I feel as though I may have turned an important corner.

Tuna salad nicoise

I found a small gap in my busy schedule (about 50 minutes!) and went out for lunch with some colleagues today. We ate at a restaurant bar opposite my workplace - somewhere we've eaten many times before. They are notoriously slow at service so we pre-ordered our meals. This was a great relief to me because I literally only had 50 minutes to spare. I thought that if they were at all late in serving I wouldn't have time to eat mine! I ordered tuna salad nicoise, which is basically a seared tuna steak with mixed salad including green beans and half a boiled egg. It also comes with a few olives. It wasn't a large portion, but enough to keep me fully occupied for 45 miniutes solid. I finished eating at least 20 minutes after everybody else, but hey, I truly enjoyed my meal and tasted every morsel!! I had to - it needed really well chewing. I had to stop a few times to allow food to go down, but apart from one hiccup (I seem to be prone to hiccupping), there was never any real danger of me embarrassing myself! By the end of it I was somewhere between pleasantly satisfied and full (numbers 6 and 7 on Paul McKenna's Hunger Scale). An hour later, in a meeting, I drank two cups of coffee and tea and followed them up with a couple of biscuits. I don't know about anybody else, but I always feel a craving to have something sweet after eating a savoury meal?

Anyway, it's nearly home time now (shall I go to the gym??) and I'm doing my best to ensure that today is successful - in terms of how much I eat. So far so good - but evening is often my downfall. I did really well yesterday and feel as though I am beginning to get back on track. I also lost 0.4 of a pound this morning - which might not sound much but it's the first hint of me losing anything (apart from my head) for at least six weeks - so I'm very happy with it!!

Support groups aid weight loss

Yesterday, on the Healthier Weight news page, I came across an article which reports on a study conducted into the beneficial effects to bariatric surgery patients of attending support groups. Although I downloaded the whole report, I cannot find the link to the full document again - so the link above just goes to the publisher's web site where you can find a brief summary. The full reference, for the more academically-minded! is:

Orth, W. S., Madan, A. K., Taddeucci, R. J., Coday, M. and Tichansky, D. S. (2008). Support group meeting attendance is asociated with better weight loss. Obesity Surgery 18, 391-394.

The study looked at the post-surgery weight loss of 46 people who had undergone gastric bypass surgery. Half of this group regularly attended a support group and the other half did not. On average, people in the group who did attend a support group lost 42% of their BMI, compared with 32% among the non-attendees.

It seems that there was no practical difference between the two groups (the attendees did not live closer to the support group location, for example). But there were significant differences in attitude towards the value of aftercare services such as support groups. Not surprisingly, those who attended support groups thought they were very useful - particularly if the surgeon was able to be present, while the non-attendees didn't hold support groups in such high regard.

The range of topics discussed at support group meetings was quite varied and included adjusting after surgery, diet, exercise, dealing with plateaus, nutrition, cosmetic surgery, and medical problems. Patients listed some of the factors that would encourage attendance and these included holding the meetings at different times or locations, more or better structure, food samples, the physician being present, and being reminded about the meetings!

Although the authors acknowledged that the sample size was small (n=46), there was, nevertheless, significant evidence of enhanced weight loss among those attending support groups compared with those who do not. Therefore, the importance of participating in such aftercare should be stressed before surgery and further encouraged during post-surgery follow-up visits.

So there you go. I attend all of my suport group meetings so I don't need to worry any more about failure...........!!! If only it were that simple. Still, it surely helps.

SO much to remember!

I used to think banding was simple - it restricts your stomach, you can't eat as much, you feel full sooner and for longer. Oh if only it were that straight forward! Here are a few of the 'rules' I have to remind myself of daily:

1. Eat three small meals per day
2. Chew everything to death and eat small pieces
3. Don't drink after eating
4. Use small utensils and a side plate for meals
5. Practice environmental control
6. Keep reminding your husband to hide the baguette and biscuits
7. Take a bagful of food with you to work every day (breakfast cereal, milk, orange juice, Actimel, lunch, healthy snacks)
8. Write everything down - food, calories, drinks, exercise, steps.....
9. Make sure plenty of your meal is made up of protein to keep you feeling full for longer (it takes away the hunger)
10. Don't overcook the vegetables - the crunchier the better
11. Beware when eating fruit with skins or peels - eat extra slowly and not in front of everyone (hiccups can be violent)
12. Take healthy snacks to work - better than eating chocolate
13. Keep reminding your husband to add healthy things to the shopping list (fruit, yoghurt, cottage cheese) - and to remove things that are too tempting (biscuits and baguettes)
14. Drink, drink, and drink some more
15. If you think you're hungry, have a drink first - then eat if you still feel hungry after half an hour
16. Is it real hunger or just head hunger?
17. If you start thinking about chocolate, do something to distract yourself.... (MUCH easier said than done)
18. Keep reminding your husband not to bring you a cup of tea immediately after you've eaten
19. Worry about whether you've got the right level of restriction at least every five minutes......
20. Remember to cook a double portion of dinner so you can take half of it to work for lunch the next day
21. Cook meals that are nutritionally balanced
22. Take your daily multivitamin, and calcium tablets, oh, and lactulose occasionally......
23. Stop buying huge amounts of fod on the weekly shop - it will end up going mouldy
24. Get excited about strong restriction in the morning - and then get disapointed when it wears off in the aftrnoon
25. Find time to walk
26. Find time to go to the gym
27. ...or do anything else physical
28. Keep reminding your husband to put most of the bread in the freezer - I can't eat so much these days so it will go off if left in the bread bin
29. Refrain from getting annoyed when every other person you see asks you, in a loud voice, how much you weigh....

Oh I could go on! There are so many lessons to learn in living with the band but it's just impossible to keep them all in your head at the same time. So as fast as I remember one lesson, I forget the rest. Today, I went to work with what I thought was a lovely lunch (leftovers from last night - but nice, nonetheless). However, whereas last night I put quite a lot of low fat melted cheese on it - today I didn't. The result was a very bland meal with absolutely no fat in it, unappetising and completely lacking in protein. End result? One hungry lady mid-afternoon - looking for snacks and 'nice' things to eat.....

When will I ever learn?!!

Plodding on

Work is still a nightmare. I'm still working silly hours and it's still having an adverse effect on my eating and exercise. I know from past experience that when I don't exercise I don't feel fit - I feel fat - and that makes me feel low - so I eat to make myself feel better......... Oh dear, it sounds bloomin' silly even as I write it - but that's how my head is!

I bought a book to help me overcome emotional eating but I haven't found time to get past page one! I've browsed on the web looking for ideas and all I get are distraction techniques. This is the idea that when you feel like grabbing a bar of chocolate - for emotional reasons - do something to distract ourself. Activities include taking a hot bubble bath or going for a walk.

Well that's fine - but I haven't got time to go for a walk and a quik shower at 5.30am is about all I can manage - no way is there time to have a long soak!!! I tried putting some chocolate in the bread bin so I could have small amounts of it when I needed - that's beter than going out and buying six bars and scoffing the lot in my book. But I haven't been as restrained as I thought I might be.

I just read on the UKGastricBand forum about a lady who's got really good restriction at last - and I can still eat a lot more than her. Tonight, I'm thinking I should phone in the morning and book myself another fill. If you read my blog regularly though, you'l know that I may change my mind again tomorrow!! I really think I might go for it this time though - and settle for much tighter restriction than I have at present. It's got to be better than trying desperately to cling onto an ounce of willpower, hasn't it?

Quorny but true

Today I decided to go out and buy some Quorn-based products. I've been getting a little fed up with eating the same things over and over and I've also been feeling for a while that I don't quite get enough protein - that may partly explain why I still keep getting hungry. I browsed around the shelves in Tesco and found a surprising array of different Quorn-based foods. Some of them are coated in breadcrumbs, stuffed with cheese and all sorts - and are pretty high in calories. But there are also some other varieties that are much better. I was really surprised at just how low in fat Quorn products actually are. They are also loaded with protein - the peppered steaks are only 107 calories, have about 4g of fat and about 12g of protein! So, I returned home with a box of two peppered steaks, some fajita-like Quorn strips and some Quorn bites on skewers. The latter will be great for snacking on!!

Anyway, I had one of the peppered steasks for dinner this evening - along with a little boiled potato and some frozen mixed veg. Despite the fact that I got distracted while cooking and the steak was rather over-done (!), it still tasted really lovely. But what has cheered me up no end, and amazed, me, is just how filling the Quorn is. I had my dinner ages ago now and I'm still stuffed. I'll be experimenting with all sorts of Quorn products over the next few weeks and I'll let you know whether it turns out to be the Holy Grail that I'm thinking it is at the moment!

Breakfast choices

For ages now, I've been having cereal for breakfast. Mostly I have All Bran or a mixture of All Bran and fruit-rich muesli, and sometimes I have Oatso Simple porridge. However, on and off over the past few weeks, I've been having bread in some form. Sometimes a piece of toast, sometimes plain wholemeal bread with marmalade on. I must confess that I actually prefer the bread or toast to cereal. However, I suppose I think I should have cereal at least some of the time because (a) it means I get more milk, and therefore, more calcium, and (b) because the All Bran helps my digestion! On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that bread makes me feel fuller for longer - after all, cereal is very runny and probably goes straight through my band.

It just makes me think - it's been over 10 months since being banded and yet I'm still discovering what appear to be the basics of working with the band! I'm still trying out different things for lunch and evening meal and I've started compiling a list of meals that fill me up. Maybe I'm just a slow learner?!

A new chocolate experiment

After a few weeks of on and off chocolate bingeing, I've decided to take a chance and try a new experiment! But first, you have to understand my usual mental attitude to chocolate - particularly when I'm feeling stressed with work or something.

The first thing is that we never keep chocolate in the house. I'm fortunate that my other half doesn't particularly like the stuff - he'll eat it occasionally if it's offered to him while we're out on a walk or something, but I don't think I've ever known him actually choose to buy any himself! At a time like now when I get stressed, I find myself craving chocolate. I guess it's totally about comfort or some other emotional need, and the urge is extremely powerful. I do my best to resist but eventually give in - and that's when the problems begin.

The thing is, when I give in, this usually involves me putting on my coat and shoes, getting into the car and driving to the late night Co-op for some 'supplies'. I can hear myself even now, giving the usual euphemism to my husband - "I'm just popping out to the shop".... On the way there, I'll repeat to myself (in my head) over and over - I'm just going to get one or two bars of chocolate - that's all I need. But by the time I get there, it's been such a mammoth effort leaving the house in the dark, getting cold and driving etc that I start to think about running out - what if I eat a couple of bars and then I need more - I'll have to come out again? So I end up buying several bars of chocolate - typically about 6 or 7. Kit Kats, Dairy Milk, Maltesers - that kind of thing. And I also buy other things that catch my eye - like those lovely trifles ('one won't hurt - it'll boost my calcium intake'), or iced buns ('I deserve it'), or a small bag of cashew nuts ('well, the protein does you good....') - and all the excuses come out. Before I know it, I'm trudging home with a bag full of goodies. And what astounds me, even now, is that somehow, I still manage to get through most of this in the same evening. I daren't keep any of it, in fact, because then I know that I will be letting myself in for another binge day tomorrow - whereas in my twisted logic, if I eat it all today, I can start afresh tomorrow!! On a couple of occasions, I've actually thrown unopened bars of chocolate and other stuff in the bin - rather than keep it in the house for tomorrow!!

So, now to my new experiment. Yesterday I bought a five-pack of individual Dairy Milk bars and put them on the shelf in the kitchen. I moved them into the bread bin today because I was fed up with staring at them every time I went to make myself a cup of tea! Anyway, this is the plan: If I know I have some chocolate in the house that is under my control, I won't feel pressured or panicked into going out and buying loads of the stuff. I plan to 'treat' myself to a small quantity every evening. The bars are slightly smaller than the normal singles - they're 205 calores for the whole bar so I could easily consume half a bar each night without that putting too much of a dent in my calorie intake. My dietician (who is skinny as a rake) says he eats chocolate every day - so it shouldn't be wrong, in principle, for me to do the same. Don't get me wrong, this is not about me eating chocolate for the sake of it - after all, I've gone for months at a time since I got my band, without any at all. It's more about trying to find a way of dealing with these - these - well, they're a kind of panic-attack really - when I get all panicky and go out and buy loads as if I'm gong to die if I don't get some or run out. I know it sounds darft - it sounds completely ill0gical as I sit here typing it - but it's what happens and I can't control it by distracting myself or any of the other techniques people often suggest. So if I can do do something to remove the source of panic - then it just might work.

So far the chocolate has been sitting in my kitchen for two days. I ate half a bar last night and I'm planning to do the same this evening. I'll let you know how it goes......

Whoa what a week!

I'm back! I haven't actually been anywhere, just working 14 hours a day for the past couple of weeks. There's no immediate end in sight, but having worked most of Saturday I'm giving myself the evening off. So, hello again. I hope you've all had a good week. Mine hasn't been brilliant. Working such long hours my carefully thought-out eating and fitness plans gave gone awry. Typically, I've eaten breakfast at my usual time but not got lunch until late in the day. One day I ate breakfast at 7.30am and then didn't eat again until 4.30pm! To be honest, I wasn't even hungry then, because I'd been too busy to think about hunger and was running on pure adrenalin.

However, things have been much worse in the evenings. It's as though all the constraints of the day just go out the window and I just go bonkers! I've been bingeing on chocolate and all sorts of sweet things about every other day. It's played havoc with my digestive system and also with my head. It's made me really down - though I'm sure I'm down partly because of the stress of this period at work. Today has been better, so far. Rather oddly, I was stuffed after one piece of toast this morning, and then again after half a small tin of beans on toast at lunch. In fact, after lunch, I experienced mild 'iron fist' (pain around the band area - behind the breastbone) for the first time! This evening I'm sitting here stuffed again - this time from salmon, potatoes and veg. Oh well, I guess I just need to make the most of it!

Some days I've got loads of exercise from running around at work. But other days I've just sat at my computer all day and got very little exercise. The upshot of my relatively poor eating and exercising this last week is that I'm a pound or two up on what I was. I'm not fretting about that too much - I know I can give myself a bit of slack because of my work situation at present.

I bought a book called 'Breaking Free From Emotional Eating' by Geneen Roth. I haven't had time to read much yet (!) but am expecting great things from it. I'll report back on this as I learn new things.

Emotional eating

My roller coaster journey continues apace! Things are still really tough at work and I'm struggling on a daily basis to stick to healthy eating. As soon as I begin to struggle emotionally, I seem entirely incapable of resisting chocolate and other psychologically uplifting foods. What's worse is that I don't just get one bar of chocolate - I get two or three or more. Today I bought seven and so far I've chomped my way through five :-(

I'm mulling over a couple of things at present. First, was I right to gave a band rather than a bypass? People say the band is less suited to emotional and binge eaters but I wasn't aware of that at the time I made the decision. That said, the long term prospects for weight loss are better for bands than bypasses according to research on long term success rates. Second, do I need another fill or do I just need to get my head right? Sometimes I get quite good restriction but it disappears when I eat the wrong foods. On the other hand, I can still eat far more than many people.

I've a seriously hard week coming up and am not at all sure how I'm going to get through it without gaining half a stone. Watch this space!

Been a good girl so far

I've had a much better day so far today. I started out with an early morning visit to the gym. Once at work I had to hit the ground running and didn't gave time for anything more for breakfast other than a banana. Still, that and some drinks kept me going till lunchtime. I'm lucky in having a Sainsbury's close to where I work and so popped along there in search of some healthy food. They do some good healthy choices foods for lunch including a good range of low fat sandwiches, salads and pasta dishes. I opted for a low fat cheese salad sandwich and a low fat Greek yoghurt with crunchy bits and fresh fruit. I ate a Nutrigrain on the way home and have just finished my dinner. I had potatoes, mixed veg (broccoli, mushrooms and green beans) and a spicy vegetable bake.

I may have a yoghurt before going to bed but all in all unfeeling relatively saintly! Having said that, I have found it quite tough today. I've faced some very serious temptation from a half eaten packet of cashew nuts in the kitchen cupboard, from the chocolate vending machine at work and from my husband offering to go and buy a takeaway when I got home from work! Sometimes things are there to make our lives difficult! If I manage to 'keep a lid on it' until I go to bed I'll be very pleased with myself. Who knows, I may even start to losesome weight again?

Breakfast idea

When I was at the support group last weekend I had a nice chat with a lady about what she eats at different meals. I got some good ideas about what I could eat for breakfast to sometimes replace cereal. In particular, I like the idea of having natural yoghurt and mixed fruits. We've now bought some mixed frozen berries exactly for this purpose. I've been trying to eat a banana some mornings in addition to my cereal, because I find I get hungry mid-morning quite often. Having said that I find bananas quite difficult to get down and gave to take them very slowly. If I don't slow down I get these violent hiccups fir a few minutes!! Very embarrassing when you're eating at a desk next to a colleague!!

Breakfast at three.....

Just like yesterday, today was another mad day at work. So mad, in fact, that it was three in the afternoon before I got my breakfast!! And I started work at 7am having left the comfort of my bed at 5.30am. So it's not surprising that my eating continues to yoyo. I ate a Weight Watcher's ocean pie at 3pm and followed this up with a banana and a Muller Light yoghurt. At 6pm I went for a coffee with an equally overworked colleague and managed to stuff down a muffin. I was genuinely hungry at that point. Then on the way home at 8pm I ate a Kitkat! I'm sitting in my easy chair at home now, wondering whether I should eat anything else before going to bed. Although I'm not that hungry any more, my old head is telling me that I haven't had any 'proper' evening meal - and that I should eat something. I think I might compromise and have a piece of toast....

Comfort, craving or reward?

Whoosh, it's been a funny few days. I've been yo-yo-ing up and down - both on the scales and in terms of my calorie intake. Yesterday I only managed a paltry 900 calories, the day before was about 2,500 and today looks like being on course for about 1800!! Why so high? Well I'm going through a very tough time at work. I work at a University and the students have just arrived back in their thousands. It's nice for the place to have a bit of a buzz again but the amount of work I have to get through is horrendous. I've been working twelve and fourteen hour days for the past week or so - arriving home exhausted, resting a while and then going to bed. Then the next day it starts all over again!

The thing is, each day I start out really well - just as today. By 4pm this afternoon I'd had about 5-600 calories - which is good. But then when it gets to about 5 or 6pm and everyone else has gone home for the evening, I'm here on my own and know I'm going to be till at least 7 or 8pm, my resolve just goes. I got hungry about an hour ago and just had to 'pop out to the shop'....a euphemism, perhaps, for stuff my face with chocolate. It's not just that I need to satisfy my hunger - which every normal person would have to - it's also that I need to get that something else, that unknown 'x' factor out of my food. Maybe it's comfort? Maybe it's some sort of reward for working so hard? Maybe it's just a craving for sugar borne of letting myself get too tired? I don't know - but wherever the urge comes from it is is incredibly powerful. Nothing I do enables me to resist.

When I get home in an hour or so from now I'll have another small bite to eat, collapse in the chair for a while and then heave myself up the stairs to get some well-earned sleep. Today, I haven't even found any time to get some exercise - so I haven't exactly burned off many of the calories either. And before you say "ah, but what about burning off the calories during all those long working hours?" - yes, but the trouble is, I spend most of my day sitting on my butt!

I can simply console myself for now with the knowldege that this period of time is always very bad. Perhaps I shouldn't expect to be 'good' at this time of year - just good enough to maintain, rather than gain any weight. Then in a week or two when things calm down (they will, won't they?!), then maybe I'll be able to get firmly back on the wagon - rolling inexorably downhill towards the finale some time in January I hope (or is it February now?!).

Thanks for staying the course with me!

Thoughts on exercise

Went to the Healthier Weight support group meeting in Manchester today. The presentation was about the importance of exercise in the body energy balance. In essence, whether or not we lose weight is a function of total calories (energy) in minus total calories out. Since calories out is largely related to activity levels, the more exercise we do, the more likely it is that we will lose weight. Of course it is not so simple as that - it takes quite a lot of commitment, motivation and organisation on our part to make that exercise actually happen.

Personally, I have got into quite good habits when it comes to fitting little bits of walking into my daily routine. However, it's harder to find the time and energy to fit in 'bigger' bits of exercise like long hikes, going to the gym, swimming etc. One of the things that was clear from today's talk was that this kind of activity tends only to happen if it has a very regular place in our daily and weekly routine. This us where I struggle at the moment because my job us quite variable on a day to day basis. That means I start and finish work at different times so find it difficult to fit in visits to the gym etc on a regular basis.

This is where I find having daily and weekly targets on my pedometer helps. My daily target is 7000 steps and my weekly average target is 8,000 steps. I find it quite helpful to look at it during the day - if it says 5790, for instance, then I know I only gave to fit in an extra 1210 before bedtime! This evening I went for a walk-jog for 40 minutes or so - I quite enjoyed it but am tired now. Signing off to go to bed.

Dog bites more than it can chew

We went put for a nice walk in North Wales today to get some exercise. We chose a spot near Halkyn Hill near Mold. The area gas some large, modern quarries and also a rich heritage of ancient lead mines. As a consequence the area is cross-crossed with numerous footpaths over open moorland. It's really picturesque and covered with gorse bushes and many hillocks and hollows. There are also many scattered farmhouses.....

It was as we were passing one of those farms that two dogs came rushing out, barking madly. The larger one just barked a lot and then ran round us a couple of times with it's tail wagging. The other one, a really small dog resembling a corgi with longer legs, came straight at me like a bullet and bit my leg!! It took a few seconds for me to realise what had happened but then it started to hurt. By this time a lady had appeared and in a state of shock I yelled at her "your dog just bit me!". I pulled up my trouser leg to inspect the damage and there was a fairly impressive bruised red and purple area, together with a shallow gash where the skin was broken. However, I was lucky that I was wearing my gaiters over the top of my trousers as they had protected me from worse damage.

Anyway, after a bit of mutual shouting between me and the farmlady (the dog owner), she finally apologised and we went on our way. I was shaking. I must have walked past hundreds of farms with barking dogs but I don't think I will again, without a great deal of fear and trembling. Home now, and my leg is looking better. It's still slightly swollen and has a very red mark - but I think I'll live!! That darned dog hasn't done it's fellow canines any favours because next time I go walking in farm country I'll be prepared with a stick!

How do I get my head right?

The past couple of weeks I've been struggling somewhat. I don't seem to be able to get my head right. One day I'll be a real goody two shoes and eat healthily, get loads if exercise and go to bed feeling like a saint. The next day I'll start eating in the morning and seemingly will be unable to stop. I'll get little or no exercise, pig out on all sorts of bad stuff and go to bed feeling like a complete failure! I wouldn't mind so much if there was some sort of in between! I just go from one extreme to the other.

Things are really tough at work at the moment and I'm feeling a bit stressed, so I suppose that might be part of it. I'm also still not quite over the constipation I got last week (see 'Eggs is Eggs' post) - I'm therefore feeling a bit naff physically - and that might be part of it as well. The times when I feel best, psychologically speaking, are when I'm in full flow onthe treadmill at the gym, or swimming hard on a Tuesday night. The exercise gets the goodchemicals going in my brain and make ne feel good - so I naturally eat more healthily. I guess that's the difficulty with the band - you have to consciously decide to eat healthy food for it to work but when you're an emotional eater like me, that's easier said than done.

I said a few days ago that I was going to read my notes on emotional eating - but I've been so busy I haven't got around to that yet. It's starting to get more urgent.

Feedback from a WLS support group

Some time ago I became a member of WLS Info (Weight Loss Surgery Information). They are a registered charity in the UK and provide a web site with a wide range of resources, a helpline, events and a network of support groups across the country. The web site also has a range of forums which are heavily used - you can get advice on all sorts of gastric surgery, pre and post-op. At the moment, I go to a monthly support group run by my provider. It's really great - I can get very helpful advice and share experiences with fellow bandits. However, I thought I would go along to one of the WLS support groups to see what went on. I understood from the web site that they have lectures from experts in the field. And I suppose I was just curious too.

So, on Tuesday this week, I went along to the Liverpool group. It's based at a sports centre on a University campus where the main specialism is physical education! Getting to the centre I passed dozens of student joggers, and the centre itself was extremely busy. I couldn't help think that it was a pity the group was centred here - obese people having to fight their way through loads of very fit, young, sweaty bodies just to get to the room we'd been allocated! Anyway, I arrived. There were about fifty people there - so quite a big group - in every sense of the word!! In fact, when I went into the room, I sat down next to a lady who looked as lost as I felt. I asked her "is this the WLS support group?" (a very stupid question considering the clientele!!) and she replied - yes, but I think you're in the wrong place! This was a thinly veiled reference to my relative lack of size. I think this is the only time in my adult life that I have actually felt truly skinny!!

There was a long delay of about half an hour while a man and a woman tried to get some life from the audio-visual equipment - some sort of technical hitch. Eventually the man spoke and said that everyone who had had surgery three or more months ago should go into another room, and everyone else stay where they were. So with that, I got up and set off for the 'other' room with a bunch of other people. We went to the other room and there was another long delay while chairs and tables were re-arranged. The lady leading the session (she didn't introduce herself) asked if there were any issues people wanted to discuss, or any questions. To cut a long story short, for the next hour, everyone talked over everyone else. There was no order, no chairmanship, no structure, and a great deal of noise. A small number of people dominated the conversation and others (including me) didn't get a word in at all. Suffering hearing loss in one ear, I found it impossible to follow much of the conversation and found the noise level really uncomfortably loud. From what I did follow, I got the impression that most of the people there were bypassers rather than bandits - a lot of the discussion revolved around 'dumping' and vitamins. I was glad when it was announced that we were going back to join the main group.

After another long delay while fifty people queued up to get tea and coffee from a very slow machine, we finally got settled again. I had no idea what was about to happen, but expected something more structured - a presentation perhaps? But I was to be disappointed again. The lady who had 'led' our group asked everyone to say who they were, whether they'd had surgery, and how much weight they'd lost. We went round the group one at a time. It took quite a while and it was very tedious because the room was so big that no-one could hear anyone further than a couple of metres away from them. By the time we had finished this 'round', I had confirmed my suspicion - there was only ONE other bandit in the room!! The rest were either bypassers, or DSs (duodenal switch - not even sure what this is!).

Next, began another 'open' session just like the first that turned into a complete free-for-all with loads of conversations going on at the same time, nobody able to hear much at all, and most of us unable to take part. After twenty minutes of this (and with 40 minutes left to go), I quietly got up and left. The relief - to be out of the noise and into the still night air. All in all, I went along because I was curious, and I came away certain that I would never go again. Not only did I not learn a single thing, but I couldn't hear much and very little of it was relevant anyway! It was very poorly organised and totally unstructured. Now don't get me wrong, I know WLS are a charity and the two 'leaders' are probably volunteers. But this doesn't make it acceptable for me to waste time AND come away with a helluva headache and feeling quite stressed from the frustrating experience.

I'm a glutton for punishment (as well just a glutton!!) though - I may pop along to the Manchester group next month and see if it's any better! Meanwhile, while I cannot, hand on heart, recommend the support groups (well, not the Liverpool one anyway), the web site and all the other things the charity provides are still excellent. As I have often said on here - you live and learn.