Surgery

0550h: Woken by the alarm. Had my last food and drink at 10pm last night – can’t even have a sip of water this morning.

0630h: We leave home for Alexandra Hospital, Manchester.

0720h: Arrive at reception and book in. Five minutes later a porter comes and takes me to my room (and carries my bag!). He carefully shows me how to operate the TV remote, the nurse call button, the light switches and the bed. As he leaves, I have a sudden panic that I should have given him a tip, but then I remember, this is a hospital, not my holiday hotel room!

0740h: A junior nurse comes and takes my blood pressure, pulse and temperature (something I was to experience on a multitude of occasions during the next 24 hours). She takes me down the corridor to some weighing scales and I clock in at 120kg (18 stone 12 pounds). She leaves me with a gown and anti-embolism stockings to put on.

0750h: Dr Ashton (the Healthier Weight consultant) and Dr Favretti, my surgeon, come and say hello. They tell me I am second on the ‘the list’ and that I will be having surgery at 0930h. ‘Good, I think’ – ‘let’s get this over’. I had been hoping that I wouldn’t have to wait half the day in my room – too much time to think and worry! Dr Favretti examines my tummy area and mutters reassuring things.

0800h: My own senior nurse arrives. She is extremely friendly and reassuring. She asks loads of questions about my medical history and tells me what’s going to happen. She asks me to put the gown and stockings on.

0810h: Before I get that far, a male nurse arrives and says he’s come to ‘take some blood’. My husband told me later how he had to stop himself making a joke about Dracula…… The nurse takes his blood and gives me an injection in the left of my tummy to thin the blood. ‘There’ll just be a little scratch’ he says. It stung quite a bit, but nothing to write home about, I suppose.

0820h: I try the gown and find it has been modelled on a ‘normal’ sized person and doesn’t fit. Neither do the disposable knickers.

0830h: My nurse returns with a urine sample pot and takes away my too-small gown. She brings back a much more suitable sized gown and knickers and I set about explaining the ties at the back to my husband.

0850h: Hubby gets bored waiting and picks up the patients and visitors menu by the side of the TV. Unthinking, he starts a conversation about al the wonderful food items on the menu. He at last notices my dagger-eyed expression and realises his faux-pas!

0900h: The Healthier Weight bariatric nurse comes to see me and asks more questions. She explains a little bit more about what is going to happen.

0915h: A porter arrives to walk me down to theatre and I say goodbye to my husband at the lift. In a waiting area outside theatre, another nurse asks me more questions and takes my blood pressure etc again.

0925h: I am taken into a room immediately outside the theatre and invited to lie down. A consultant anaesthetist inserts a canula (needle) in my hand while the nurse is taking my observations again. He explains that the pre-med will make me feel as though I have had ‘a few drinks’. I wait, and then suddenly, without warning, my whole body feels woozy – right down to my toes. I’ve never drunk enough alcohol to feel like this before! He and the nurse are chatting away to me, talking about all sorts of non-consequential things……..

1115h: I’m awake. It’s over. I’m a bandit.