How am I going to 'do' Christmas?

OK, here’s the problem. My Dad, completely out of the blue – entirely unexpected, has invited all of the family to his for Christmas. This will be great - it will be lovely to get all the family together over Christmas because we haven’t done this in a while. My husband and I will probably spend four days and three nights staying with Dad – so there’ll be quite a few ‘eating opportunities’ (I mean meals really). The picture shows Christmas dinner for hubby from a couple of years ago - the meaty thing is actually a quail - so much smaller than it looks!

“So where’s the problem?” I hear you ask. Well, since 15th November (Band Day), I have been cleverly avoiding any possibility of eating ‘in public’. I have done all of my eating either at home or behind closed doors in my office at work. I’ve avoided the work canteen. I’ve surreptitiously hidden my communion bread in my pocket at church!! I even turned down a Christmas party invitation last weekend in case anyone noticed I wasn’t eating!

So, picture the scene. The whole family are sat down, about to tuck into their Christmas dinner. The plates are piled high, as is the custom in our family for Christmas dinner (if you don’t feel completely stuffed afterwards you haven’t enjoyed yourself enough!!). Theresa, on the other hand, is eating from a 7-inch side plate, adorned with some mashed swede, mashed roast potatoes and a tiny piece of soft cooked salmon (see – I had it all planned out!!). Judging from my current practice, I don’t think the size of the meal will be a problem for me because I’ve been jogging along eating small meals quite happily for a while now. However, members of my immediate family are likely to notice - in the past, I have regularly been one of the few to completely clean my plate. It hasn’t been unknown for me, after dinner, to immediately demand “OK, done that, now where’s the trifle?”. So, even accounting for the after-effects of a little pre-meal wine, I think my family will think my new eating habits a tad odd.

So, what do I say? I could go down the ‘I’m on a diet’ route but my family know me too well – they know that dieting has never before got in the way of a good Christmas nosh-up. I could perhaps try avoiding eating in front of them – but this is really not practical at Christmas without a lot of lies. I could try to come up with a whole series of other lies to cover up but I’d really rather not do that – I’d also be forcing my husband into a conspiracy which would not be a nice thing to do to him. I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that I’ll have no choice but to tell them the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Aaaaggghhhhh.

In an early post (‘I’m keeping mum’), I said that the reasons for NOT telling anyone I’d had gastric band surgery were (a) it means I don’t have to openly discuss things that are very private to me, (b) my family and friends might try to talk me out of it, and (c) there’s a lot of misconception about what gastric surgery is – some people think it is ‘cheating’. As far as Christmas is concerned, reason (b) is now superfluous – I’ve had it done and there’s no turning back now! I’m also less concerned about (c) with my family because I’ll have time to explain everything to them. However, I still have significant reservations about (a).

I’ve never found it easy talking about my weight. I can imagine myself addressing a support group at ‘Overeaters Anonymous’ and saying “my name is Theresa, and I’m an overeater”!! – and I cringe at the thought. I find it even more difficult talking to my Dad about it because he was always about as subtle as a bull in a china shop when it came to me dieting and losing weight – if I went on a diet, as soon as he saw me eat anything (even a raw carrot) his predictable retort was “I thought you were on a diet?”. I suppose the thing at the heart of all this is that I don’t want to feel vulnerable. I don’t want people constantly asking about the band, how it’s going, what I feel about it and other penetrating questions. I also think I would find it very difficult to tell them all together, not least because there will be a couple of ‘partners’ there who I would feel very embarrassed about talking to in this way.

I wish I could end this post with a definite decision – but I can’t yet. I still think I’ll have little option but to tell the family, but I haven’t begun to work out how I will do this or what I will say. If you have any advice for me or any comparable experiences to share I’d be very grateful for a posted comment. Thanks.